Rage and Reverence

Just the thoughts of a 30 year old woman. I've been told I'm too smart for my own good. I've been told I pay too much attention. I've been told that I care too much. I've been told that I'm confrontational and threatening and intimidating.

[thelesbianoracle]

Very first world problems i know: But as a chronic illness girly, sometimes I have to order groceries to be delivered.

And my problem is this - why the fuck am I spending so much time marking specific substitutions etc if these stupid fuckin men (cause its always a fuckin man) don't even bother to do the substitutions correctly and instead message you 100 times asking about substituting things or just refunding half the order anyway???

I know there's a literacy problem that's only gotten and getting worse but like goddamn yall... to send a picture of the item clearly on the shelf and then argue with me about "its not here" open your fucking eyeballs bro

Like it would be more physically exhausting and detrimental to my health for me to go to the store myself right now, but the sheer mental agony of dealing with these fucking idiots is almost worse.

I'm not your mother or your seeing eye dog dude get it the fuck together and be the big boy you supposedly are and just do the task that you're being paid to fucking do.

[accursedexistenceadjourned]

Disassociating because I'm overwhelmingly and unbearably sad and my joints ache and my tummy hurts but then disassociating takes a level of active awareness that makes me more tired which makes head hurt and then amplifies everything else 😭🤮🥴🫩

[accursedexistenceadjourned]

God when he decides to pretend to care I forget what a fucking coward he is....

"Im not avoiding the house"

Right you just had so many things to do driving around all weekend and going to 3 different movie theaters and spending like 3 and half hours in Goodwill...

And its like you think I havent seen you literally do a 2 block square to avoid running into me. You think I don't know that you'll hold your pee so you don't see me in the hallway...

God how could I let such a pathetic weasel do this to me

[accursedexistenceadjourned]

God you know i know that I'm difficult but I don't understand why that fact alone means I have to be alone and suffering... like please just fucking kill me if it's going to be this way forever. Honestly I can't fucking take it anymore. Either I disassociate constantly until I don't have the energy to even do that anymore and then have a breakdown, or I'm just fucking heartbroken and miserable and unbearably sad and angry and so fucking tired all the god damn time..

Nothing is worth this

[accursedexistenceadjourned]

You know it's really fucking cruel and unfair that you knew from the beginning that I had nothing and no one, that I didn't have anywhere else to go or anyone else i could turn to at all, froends family or otherwise - and you convinced me to rely on you and let my guard down and let you into my life and let you tale care of me with all of my health issues and circumstances.... and now you want to go back to your life on the other side of the country without me like we never met and we never even happened. Like you didn't cause so much damage.

And it's really fucking cruel that you dont even care at all..

And i hope that one day someone does to you what you did to me. I hope that one day some fucking breaks you. I hope that one day you truly understand why I fucking hate you.

[accursedexistenceadjourned]

Well fuck guess who just got diagnosed with ME/CFS bitches???

Unfortunately... it's me.

Okay then....

[thelesbianoracle]

It was "inch worm" yall....

Sorry.

My brain sometimes doesnt work. Especially if I don't take the adhd meds that make it work....

Did I completely exhaust myself spending multiple hours jumping between Google and resale sites and reddit anyway cause the tired angry frustration at my brain not working made the hyper focus like super intense?

Yeap...

Goodnight.

It will probably happen again.

[accursedexistenceadjourned]

Oof yeap ahh, ya know it happens uh and we move on and will most definitely not remember this until it happens again probs

[thelesbianoracle]

Okay yall,

I need a favor. From anyone. I'm so serious, at this point I feel like im going crazy okay:

Does anyone remember a soecific crayon (or if you know the whole set that's even better!) - from like the 80s or 90s that was an almost neon yellow green okay. Now hold up, before yall start naming lemon yellow or ultra green or screamin' green and so on and so forth.... i could be wrong, but I SWEAR, on whatever god(s) you believe in, that it was a crayon specifically named "Glow Worm".

I thought it was Crayola, but I cannot find specifically "Glow Worm". But I can't find any photos at all. It's not on the Wikipedia page that lists all the colors...

So it coud another brand. It could have been a special promotional tie in. It could have gotten renamed.

Or I could be fucking crazy, maybe, but I don't think so.

Now im broke as hell circling the drain as it is tbh. But again I swear I will be so grateful and I will find a way to thank you properly, if someone could please just help me find this one freakin crayon!