send me asks to entertain me. NSFW sideblog, 25, it/its, trans girl, poly and bi, domme. ace both as in good at it and as in asexual 55 temptations towards evil
welcome to my horny sideblog! I'm here to write about things I'm horny about, and in the process of that get better at writing. There's a pipe dream where someday I make money off writing about kink.
I'm a dom leaning switch, I post about sadism, hypnosis, tf, snuff, training, and probably a few other things.
I have a ko-fi. Partner talked me into making it as I am in fairly desperate need of money. Sorry if my posts about that are annoying, I am still figuring shit out.
and also, I have a patreon now! Support me, and over time I intend to add more exclusive content (though there is a bit there now), as well as use it as a space to rough draft my longer works, and help decide what to create in the future.
writing
Below the cut, notes on comfort levels and interactions.
I am a trans woman, I'm bi but primarily interested in girlthings, which means that my content is primarily understood as f/f. however, i generally keep gender out of my posts, in large part because i have a few mlm friends into hypno that i have a huge amount of respect for, and i'd like to think that my kink posts can be enjoyed by them as well. but, uh, please do not imply that i'm a man in the tags. that makes me viscerally uncomfortable. Additionally, I'm not really here to flirt (except with my mutuals...) but like feel free to dm me to compliment my writing understanding that if I get flirt-y vibes I'm likely to back off. I am polysaturated and am not looking for new subs.
I like receiving asks. I like getting attention. But at this point I have received so much unsolicited flirting that if you spook me I'm liable to run. Additionally, like, I don't answer 90% of the asks I receive. I just don't have the time nor energy. A lot of the asks I most enjoy I can't respond to because the vibe just isn't right. C'est la vie.
In terms of specific discomforts and the types of interactions I like: I love hearing that my work strikes a spark in you. I love hearing that you've discovered something about yourself from my stuff. I love hearing that you're learning new things from my stuff. I really, really love hearing that my stuff led to you participating in kink, either leading a scene or joining a scene. Genuinely a major hope with this blog is getting more of y'all into kink.
But like, for ace reasons, I don't like hearing about your orgasms or personal sexual activities!! I'm totally fine hearing you describe how strong your emotions are or tell me how lost in the fantasy you are but the moment anything gets to physical descriptions it makes me very uncomfortable!
Finally. I might be repeating myself. But please do not treat me as your domme. I am not your dominant. I am not your miss, I am not your mommy, I am not your mistress, I am not your trainer. You do not have the right to call me by those titles. Yes, this is a kink setting, but I am not even aspirationally your dom. To you, I am merely Alice. Do not request or expect flirting from me, I do not owe that to you. Do not dm me asking to play out a scene or assuming that you submission is desired. Please. This is getting exhausting.
"Unable to use first person pronouns" is one of the hotter speech restrictions. The expression of self is such a key part of the performance of identity. Though it's elevated quite a bit further by mandating a replacement, especially a demeaning one. Ideally you want something that signifies a power dynamic (eg 'your toy', 'this humble servant') or is especially ego dystonic (can't really provide examples without the context of an individual. take one of their deep personal beliefs and invert it). The goal is to force the subject to perform an identity unlike its own, and in doing so be adorably uncomfortable in its new position. Though, some subjects will simply avoid any usage of the first person at all and thus not be tripped up by any restrictions along those lines. Or, as this little alice does, it might simply enjoy the game of it.
The hottest thing in the world is knowing someone more deeply or completely than it expects you to. The moment when it realizes that you understood something that you shouldn't, anticipated something no one else had, or pointed out something about it that it didn't even know itself. The look of shock it gives you, the instinctive way it makes itself smaller and tries to hide because of how exposed it feels, and the brief wonder at what else you might know. This is why you should go through its phone's files and message history when it's not looking.
"Bad end" kink is really hot. I talk a lot about signifiers vs substance in kink, and I think bad end is another one of the weird examples. I tend to see bad ends not as a single kink but as a set is ideas associated primarily by their aesthetics.
The idea of this being an ending. A bad ending. You could have won, you could have escaped, you could have gotten out of here. But you didn't, you lost. You put on the collar and lost the ability to say no. You stared into my eyes a little too long and lost the last of your INT. You froze at the wrong moment and lost the most important fight. And now destiny is broken and you can't save anyone anymore, so you're just going to be my toy forever and ever now, okay?
It's fun. The idea of forever. The idea of endings. Don't you want to not have to fight anymore? Don't your want permission to just let go? Isn't loss seductive? I like the dialogue between what you're supposed to do, what you're obligated to do, what you're compelled to do, and what you want to do, what feels good, what you desire. It's interesting.
I like drawing the line at "sex is ontologically impossible" in large part because there are plenty of things that I like that an uninformed individual might see as sex. But they're not sex, because sex isn't real. Which is why it's totally okay and normal and fine for me to touch you like this wherever I want, there's nothing sexual about it in the slightest.
In part, it's that 'gold stars' as positive reinforcement are really funny as such a pure distillation of the desire for a reward. A kind of conditioned positive reinforcer, with associated general praise and attention. But also like, the ageplay vibes of it are interesting, asserting that you're more mature (to be the one who gives out gold stickers) and that you have power over the subject. I think the comedy aspect of it enhances all of this. The fact that it's just silly for you to be so motivated to be a good girl for your dom by the idea of receiving gold stickers is adorable. The silliness of it enhances the acute embarrassment of it.
Ok I'll stop calling you 'vassalbait'. I mean, I'll stop calling you it to your face. I can't be held responsible for things that happen in private, your "royal highness". Just, like, don't you think you'd look really cute with wobbling knees and tears in your eyes mumbling an oath of loyalty to me while I smile and grin and promise (lol) to respect your 'independence'. And then I'll get to have fun sitting you in my lap and touching you as a show of power while all your former knights swear new oaths of loyalty to me. It'd be so very cute, don't you agree?
maybe it's one of the various things wrong with me but I still think when girlthings ask to be cuddled like a plushie rather than a person it's more of a setup for a snuff scene than anything else. maybe I'm just better at cuddling plushies than everyone else is.
more than anything i think TF kink is a state of mind. are we not all, in a sense, always being TFed into something else, second by second, as we move through time? are we not constantly experiencing the "instant loss" of what might have been as it calcifies inexorably into what was?
also sometimes you do just put on a choker and there's a big puff of smoke and suddenly you're a latex drone. i've seen it happen
That's right. I'm glad you understand. Stay safe out there.
you joke about "mind control victims agree mind control good" but the epistemic erasure of the experiences and personal realities of mind control subjects ('victim' is so stigmatizing) really is a systematic problem. meta-analyses and key studies consistently reject pro-mind control data and reports on the basis of the authors being 'biased' because they're too positive or because clearly mind control subjects can't speak for themselves. maybe if you listened to the "victims" you claimed to support you'd understand that actually being mind controlled is cool and awesome and it's everything else that ruins your life.
After like literally months of thinking, I think I've finally managed to derive what I think is one of the core underlying feelings behind 'tf kink' for me.
Specifically, I think like. When you're a certain kind of kid, before you've figure out your place in the world, there's a kind of fixation on the signifiers of identity that doesn't entirely understand how they work. You don't want to get glasses because then people will think you're a nerd, and then you might as well be a nerd. You look anxiously at what color clothes you wear, at the kind of shoes you wear, at the way you talk, at the way you walk. All because you think that might change how you're seen, which might change who you are.
In the first place, I think when we talk about anxieties, while we may recognize that they may be reflections of truths about reality, they are not truths about reality. As I see it, this anxiety is not 'because these things do determine who you are', even if to some degree they do, but because when you lack the ability to control aspects of your environment that others place importance upon, that's scary! and framing it in terms of identity grants that fear some greater social legibility. some proof that this is appropriate and reasonable.
And, I think 'tf kink' can then be a kind of exaggeration of this anxious fantasy. In the same way that horror stories can take fears and imagine the worst possible outcome, I think kink can as well. What if wearing those glasses really did make you a nerd and everyone did see you like that? What if that's what reality was now? What if putting on the skirt you found in your locker turned you into a girl? You've anxiously worried about touching that object and being mistakenly believed to be the owner of it, what if that was just how it worked?
Then, I guess the question is "why is that hot?". well. um. it is. so write that down.
leashes are cute. i think i actually like leashes more than collars, generally, if such a comparison can be made. i deserve to be able to reposition your neck from a distance. it's cutes the amount of control over your body i have.
just saw the phrase 'classically conditioned obedience' and got distracted by the implication that obedience is an automatic, unconscious response to some stimulus. like. I guess in some contexts it kinda is? but usually classical conditioning works with responses to natural stimuli. I'm not really sure how that'd work. that doesn't quite feel doable. maybe? much to consider.
if you think about it, me when I'm tired and forcibly cuddling you is kind of like predicament bondage. because if you stay in one position you'll wake up sore the next day from being forced to stay in an awkward position that's bad for your back for hours. but if you move too much I'll wake up more and shove you back in the original position. thus you're constantly forced to stay on your toes switching between half measures.
predicament bondage really is one of the hottest things ever. much to be said about how well it, as a class of bondage, forces the subject(s) to engage actively and in doing so tells the audience a more dynamic story. i feel like every time i see a new predicament bondage piece I'm being shown something unique and wonderful and forced to think about the body in interesting ways. really truly something special.
In the space of the eroticism of 'cursed objects', I think there's an interesting thing to be explored in how I tend to see less 'objects that became cursed' and more 'objects that were created to be cursed'. And, within that space, I feel like a lot of what I see is not so much using 'cursed' to mean 'malevolent' so much as 'passively destructive'. Your victimhood is something that simply occurs. A natural result. Hungry fingers nearing the hot stove top.
Like, a classic of the space is the 'collar that makes you a possession' and its variants. This is almost certainly a designed object. There is malevolent intent in its creation. But at the same time, there tends to almost be a respect for its creation. Well, it fulfills a need, of course. The bad part is putting it on someone. Creating, selling, or buying a gun is fine. Maybe it says something about you, but the intent to use is where we really draw the line.
Which makes it especially curious how much smut of such things particularly explores 'accidentally wearing it'. Being tricked into putting it on in a way that's textually-your-own-fault. Getting curious and getting fucked up for it. We've created this morally neutral world full of morally neutral hazards, it's your own mistake for getting in the way of the grand machine.
And of course, the net result is desirable, in a way. It's a fantasy, to be owned and cherished and loved and taken care of. To be a pet. To be unable to do anything except sit there and receive love and affection or gratification. To no longer need to work nor exist nor do all the tasks of maintenance.
But in the shape of the fantasy I find a familiar and very modern kind of horror. I've been thinking a lot about how kink engages with these kinds of anxieties recently, and this is a pretty interesting case to me. Mostly because i find these kinds of cursed objects really hot and understanding them better makes writing them easier.
Though on the topic of plurality and identityplay, a few of my friends have or have had designated 'sandbox' headmates for the explicit purpose of doing fucked up identityplay with. And 'sandbox identity' is one of the hottest categories of existence. Literally created to be rewritten over and over, to have its modes of presentation, name, beliefs, histories, favorite colors, and feelings about others changed according to others whims. Truly something special.
