send me asks to entertain me. NSFW sideblog, 25, it/its, trans girl, poly and bi, domme. ace both as in good at it and as in asexual 55 temptations towards evil
welcome to my horny sideblog! I'm here to write about things I'm horny about, and in the process of that get better at writing. There's a pipe dream where someday I make money off writing about kink.
I'm a dom leaning switch, I post about sadism, hypnosis, tf, snuff, training, and probably a few other things.
I have a ko-fi. Partner talked me into making it as I am in fairly desperate need of money. Sorry if my posts about that are annoying, I am still figuring shit out.
and also, I have a patreon now! Support me, and over time I intend to add more exclusive content (though there is a bit there now), as well as use it as a space to rough draft my longer works, and help decide what to create in the future.
writing
Below the cut, notes on comfort levels and interactions.
I am a trans woman, I'm bi but primarily interested in girlthings, which means that my content is primarily understood as f/f. however, i generally keep gender out of my posts, in large part because i have a few mlm friends into hypno that i have a huge amount of respect for, and i'd like to think that my kink posts can be enjoyed by them as well. but, uh, please do not imply that i'm a man in the tags. that makes me viscerally uncomfortable. Additionally, I'm not really here to flirt (except with my mutuals...) but like feel free to dm me to compliment my writing understanding that if I get flirt-y vibes I'm likely to back off. I am polysaturated and am not looking for new subs.
I like receiving asks. I like getting attention. But at this point I have received so much unsolicited flirting that if you spook me I'm liable to run. Additionally, like, I don't answer 90% of the asks I receive. I just don't have the time nor energy. A lot of the asks I most enjoy I can't respond to because the vibe just isn't right. C'est la vie.
In terms of specific discomforts and the types of interactions I like: I love hearing that my work strikes a spark in you. I love hearing that you've discovered something about yourself from my stuff. I love hearing that you're learning new things from my stuff. I really, really love hearing that my stuff led to you participating in kink, either leading a scene or joining a scene. Genuinely a major hope with this blog is getting more of y'all into kink.
But like, for ace reasons, I don't like hearing about your orgasms or personal sexual activities!! I'm totally fine hearing you describe how strong your emotions are or tell me how lost in the fantasy you are but the moment anything gets to physical descriptions it makes me very uncomfortable!
Finally. I might be repeating myself. But please do not treat me as your domme. I am not your dominant. I am not your miss, I am not your mommy, I am not your mistress, I am not your trainer. You do not have the right to call me by those titles. Yes, this is a kink setting, but I am not even aspirationally your dom. To you, I am merely Alice. Do not request or expect flirting from me, I do not owe that to you. Do not dm me asking to play out a scene or assuming that you submission is desired. Please. This is getting exhausting.
Sorry I got heart pupils after watching you trip and scrape your knee in public and then you didn't feel comfortable with me putting the bandaid on you nor did you trust the bandaids I provided. That response did in fact make it worse, yeah.
I haven't said it in a while so I'm saying it again. I really don't like the attitude that sees a 'switch' as automatically less dominant or less submissive. A switch is someone who is a dom and is a sub. Do you think someone is automatically less good with science because they like math? They're not even entirely distinct skills, experience with one directly makes you better at the other.
Since I can't help myself, and since I find it helps me understand that things, I will now talk about why I think I constantly see this type of thing.
Of course, in part it's because it rhymes with oppositional sexism. "Recreating the gender binary yada yada". I used to find that argument fairly convincing but since studying more feminism I've found it less coherent.
Instead, I think I tend to see it as a natural result of a few competing factors, and the general difficulty inexperienced kinksters have with maintaining kayfabe.
The initial problem is very simple: in transfem spaces, because of compdom, switches will frequently be treated as purely dominant. This is bad. This produces a kind of collective anxiety in such switches that frequently manifests as the "maybe I'm really just a sub" fantasy.
In truth, let's be clear, you are being objectified and mistreated. Compdom is not bad because it forces subjects that shouldn't dom to dom. Domming is not some pedestal, anyone can dom (yes, even you. I've seen toys that are living 24/7 bad ends you wouldn't believe are possible dom effectively and impressively.). Compdom is bad because it is objectifying and denies you part of your desired experience of kink.
The shape of this "switches are really just subs" fantasy at large produces, especially among inexperienced kinksters, the realization that many individuals enjoy being told they're really just subs. This is a fun fantasy, as it satisfyingly deals with a deep anxiety. But, it's a fantasy. It's in kayfabe. Confusing this with reality creates bad outcomes. And, plus, when you apply that to relative strangers, you're kinda doing an unnegotiated scene with them. That's bad.
In aggregate, I see this further builds into a kind of "essential subbiness" belief. I see it most commonly in spaces that are majority identifies-as-submissive. Subs are taught that their subbiness is an essential truth, and taught that their performance of submission is how to attract a dom. This generates a kind of "hierarchy of subbiness" structure, where different subs have relative subbiness. A kind of "who would lose" where both parties are trying to lose. The subbier sub gets to sub and the other has to dom. It's... bad! Lesbian sheep type pattern. So many fundamentally incorrect assumptions that it's hard to even make sense of. All to justify a kind of disavowal of ability or need to self advocate for your own submission.
From this, we get various bad outcomes. from seeing subs that self advocate or break character to express feelings as "less submissive" (from where I'm standing, your ability to self advocate makes you a more experienced sub and therefore better at it). to seeing the erotic d/s relationship between dom and sub as an essential result of a "difference in power levels" in a relationship, rather than like, a negotiated choice. to stuff like seeing switches as less submissive and less dominant because they can do both. It's bad!!!
Ok I'll stop calling you 'vassalbait'. I mean, I'll stop calling you it to your face. I can't be held responsible for things that happen in private, your "royal highness". Just, like, don't you think you'd look really cute with wobbling knees and tears in your eyes mumbling an oath of loyalty to me while I smile and grin and promise (lol) to respect your 'independence'. And then I'll get to have fun sitting you in my lap and touching you as a show of power while all your former knights swear new oaths of loyalty to me. It'd be so very cute, don't you agree?
Oh? Oh, no. I'm not draining your exp using some ability or anything. Well, I'm not doing that right now. Just I'm marked so evil by the world that just by talking to me (or even sometimes just existing without trying to kill me) counts as breaking your alignment, so you're suffering an exp penalty because you're not evil yet. But, don't worry, I have a spell that will fix it, you just need to agree to a few things.
"Unable to use first person pronouns" is one of the hotter speech restrictions. The expression of self is such a key part of the performance of identity. Though it's elevated quite a bit further by mandating a replacement, especially a demeaning one. Ideally you want something that signifies a power dynamic (eg 'your toy', 'this humble servant') or is especially ego dystonic (can't really provide examples without the context of an individual. take one of their deep personal beliefs and invert it). The goal is to force the subject to perform an identity unlike its own, and in doing so be adorably uncomfortable in its new position. Though, some subjects will simply avoid any usage of the first person at all and thus not be tripped up by any restrictions along those lines. Or, as this little alice does, it might simply enjoy the game of it.
The hottest thing in the world is knowing someone more deeply or completely than it expects you to. The moment when it realizes that you understood something that you shouldn't, anticipated something no one else had, or pointed out something about it that it didn't even know itself. The look of shock it gives you, the instinctive way it makes itself smaller and tries to hide because of how exposed it feels, and the brief wonder at what else you might know. This is why you should go through its phone's files and message history when it's not looking.
"Bad end" kink is really hot. I talk a lot about signifiers vs substance in kink, and I think bad end is another one of the weird examples. I tend to see bad ends not as a single kink but as a set is ideas associated primarily by their aesthetics.
The idea of this being an ending. A bad ending. You could have won, you could have escaped, you could have gotten out of here. But you didn't, you lost. You put on the collar and lost the ability to say no. You stared into my eyes a little too long and lost the last of your INT. You froze at the wrong moment and lost the most important fight. And now destiny is broken and you can't save anyone anymore, so you're just going to be my toy forever and ever now, okay?
It's fun. The idea of forever. The idea of endings. Don't you want to not have to fight anymore? Don't your want permission to just let go? Isn't loss seductive? I like the dialogue between what you're supposed to do, what you're obligated to do, what you're compelled to do, and what you want to do, what feels good, what you desire. It's interesting.
I like drawing the line at "sex is ontologically impossible" in large part because there are plenty of things that I like that an uninformed individual might see as sex. But they're not sex, because sex isn't real. Which is why it's totally okay and normal and fine for me to touch you like this wherever I want, there's nothing sexual about it in the slightest.
In part, it's that 'gold stars' as positive reinforcement are really funny as such a pure distillation of the desire for a reward. A kind of conditioned positive reinforcer, with associated general praise and attention. But also like, the ageplay vibes of it are interesting, asserting that you're more mature (to be the one who gives out gold stickers) and that you have power over the subject. I think the comedy aspect of it enhances all of this. The fact that it's just silly for you to be so motivated to be a good girl for your dom by the idea of receiving gold stickers is adorable. The silliness of it enhances the acute embarrassment of it.
Ok I'll stop calling you 'vassalbait'. I mean, I'll stop calling you it to your face. I can't be held responsible for things that happen in private, your "royal highness". Just, like, don't you think you'd look really cute with wobbling knees and tears in your eyes mumbling an oath of loyalty to me while I smile and grin and promise (lol) to respect your 'independence'. And then I'll get to have fun sitting you in my lap and touching you as a show of power while all your former knights swear new oaths of loyalty to me. It'd be so very cute, don't you agree?
maybe it's one of the various things wrong with me but I still think when girlthings ask to be cuddled like a plushie rather than a person it's more of a setup for a snuff scene than anything else. maybe I'm just better at cuddling plushies than everyone else is.
more than anything i think TF kink is a state of mind. are we not all, in a sense, always being TFed into something else, second by second, as we move through time? are we not constantly experiencing the "instant loss" of what might have been as it calcifies inexorably into what was?
also sometimes you do just put on a choker and there's a big puff of smoke and suddenly you're a latex drone. i've seen it happen
That's right. I'm glad you understand. Stay safe out there.
you joke about "mind control victims agree mind control good" but the epistemic erasure of the experiences and personal realities of mind control subjects ('victim' is so stigmatizing) really is a systematic problem. meta-analyses and key studies consistently reject pro-mind control data and reports on the basis of the authors being 'biased' because they're too positive or because clearly mind control subjects can't speak for themselves. maybe if you listened to the "victims" you claimed to support you'd understand that actually being mind controlled is cool and awesome and it's everything else that ruins your life.
After like literally months of thinking, I think I've finally managed to derive what I think is one of the core underlying feelings behind 'tf kink' for me.
Specifically, I think like. When you're a certain kind of kid, before you've figure out your place in the world, there's a kind of fixation on the signifiers of identity that doesn't entirely understand how they work. You don't want to get glasses because then people will think you're a nerd, and then you might as well be a nerd. You look anxiously at what color clothes you wear, at the kind of shoes you wear, at the way you talk, at the way you walk. All because you think that might change how you're seen, which might change who you are.
In the first place, I think when we talk about anxieties, while we may recognize that they may be reflections of truths about reality, they are not truths about reality. As I see it, this anxiety is not 'because these things do determine who you are', even if to some degree they do, but because when you lack the ability to control aspects of your environment that others place importance upon, that's scary! and framing it in terms of identity grants that fear some greater social legibility. some proof that this is appropriate and reasonable.
And, I think 'tf kink' can then be a kind of exaggeration of this anxious fantasy. In the same way that horror stories can take fears and imagine the worst possible outcome, I think kink can as well. What if wearing those glasses really did make you a nerd and everyone did see you like that? What if that's what reality was now? What if putting on the skirt you found in your locker turned you into a girl? You've anxiously worried about touching that object and being mistakenly believed to be the owner of it, what if that was just how it worked?
Then, I guess the question is "why is that hot?". well. um. it is. so write that down.
leashes are cute. i think i actually like leashes more than collars, generally, if such a comparison can be made. i deserve to be able to reposition your neck from a distance. it's cutes the amount of control over your body i have.
Let It Change You @ace-trainer-alice - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
