send me asks to entertain me. NSFW sideblog, 25, it/its, trans girl, poly and bi, domme. ace both as in good at it and as in asexual 55 temptations towards evil
welcome to my horny sideblog! I'm here to write about things I'm horny about, and in the process of that get better at writing. There's a pipe dream where someday I make money off writing about kink.
I'm a dom leaning switch, I post about sadism, hypnosis, tf, snuff, training, and probably a few other things.
I have a ko-fi. Partner talked me into making it as I am in fairly desperate need of money. Sorry if my posts about that are annoying, I am still figuring shit out.
and also, I have a patreon now! Support me, and over time I intend to add more exclusive content (though there is a bit there now), as well as use it as a space to rough draft my longer works, and help decide what to create in the future.
writing
Below the cut, notes on comfort levels and interactions.
I am a trans woman, I'm bi but primarily interested in girlthings, which means that my content is primarily understood as f/f. however, i generally keep gender out of my posts, in large part because i have a few mlm friends into hypno that i have a huge amount of respect for, and i'd like to think that my kink posts can be enjoyed by them as well. but, uh, please do not imply that i'm a man in the tags. that makes me viscerally uncomfortable. Additionally, I'm not really here to flirt (except with my mutuals...) but like feel free to dm me to compliment my writing understanding that if I get flirt-y vibes I'm likely to back off. I am polysaturated and am not looking for new subs.
I like receiving asks. I like getting attention. But at this point I have received so much unsolicited flirting that if you spook me I'm liable to run. Additionally, like, I don't answer 90% of the asks I receive. I just don't have the time nor energy. A lot of the asks I most enjoy I can't respond to because the vibe just isn't right. C'est la vie.
In terms of specific discomforts and the types of interactions I like: I love hearing that my work strikes a spark in you. I love hearing that you've discovered something about yourself from my stuff. I love hearing that you're learning new things from my stuff. I really, really love hearing that my stuff led to you participating in kink, either leading a scene or joining a scene. Genuinely a major hope with this blog is getting more of y'all into kink.
But like, for ace reasons, I don't like hearing about your orgasms or personal sexual activities!! I'm totally fine hearing you describe how strong your emotions are or tell me how lost in the fantasy you are but the moment anything gets to physical descriptions it makes me very uncomfortable!
Finally. I might be repeating myself. But please do not treat me as your domme. I am not your dominant. I am not your miss, I am not your mommy, I am not your mistress, I am not your trainer. You do not have the right to call me by those titles. Yes, this is a kink setting, but I am not even aspirationally your dom. To you, I am merely Alice. Do not request or expect flirting from me, I do not owe that to you. Do not dm me asking to play out a scene or assuming that you submission is desired. Please. This is getting exhausting.
I'd like to say something like "if desperate squirming and repeatedly asking me to stop wasn't supposed to be a good thing, why do you look so cute beneath me like this", but in truth the fact that you don't like it is part of why I find it cute, so it's a bit circular.
sadistgirl cutely blushing and looking away and stumbling over its words as it asks if it can press on the pretty purple bruise on your thigh it noticed earlier because it really wants to listen to the noises you'll make.
On the other hand, it is really, really cute when someone who clearly doesn't know how to emote "properly" is forced to "smile". Ends of mouth pulled upward with no idea of how far to go or what angle to hold. Lips pull inward or outward awkwardly. Eyes distort confused or twisted unsure of the shape to make. We really should be talking more about how it's possible to smile badly.
On the other hand, it really is so adorable when a sub has a really low pain tolerance. Well. Really any 'too low tolerance' for any activity it would otherwise desire. Like, as a sadist, I'm not really in it for your pleasure per se, I'm in it for all the noises and sounds you make. I'm in it for all the little ways you react. I'm here to feed on everything I can take from you.
So, like. If all I need to do to make you feel uncomfortably overwhelmed by your proximity to me in that way you desire. To feel like you don't have enough space to breathe and you desperately need to escape. If all is takes is something as simple as to loosely wrap my fingers around your wrist. As long as you enjoy it enough to let me do it, I expect we'll need a bit of aftercare. Then I'm going to have so much fun doing that.
Watching all the beautiful expressions you show me as you struggle with this slightest intimacy. Watching you shiver and quiver and force a smile and scratch at your wrist. Watching your mind struggle to suppress fight or flight and loving every noise and motion you make. Because it's you, and because you're mine. Really, I could just eat you up.
I don't really tend to see my sadism as very cruel. It comes from the same place as wanting to see you happy, or wanting to see you laugh. Wanting to see you cry, wanting to see you scream, wanting to see you break. They're all just feelings, and I want all of you. I'd cut your chest open to see more of you if I could still have you after, but ah well. Much of the sadistic component is just wanting to see and cause stronger emotions. A hands-on experience discovering what noises your lungs are capable of making. Is that really so unusual?
Sorry I got heart pupils after watching you trip and scrape your knee in public and then you didn't feel comfortable with me putting the bandaid on you nor did you trust the bandaids I provided. That response did in fact make it worse, yeah.
I haven't said it in a while so I'm saying it again. I really don't like the attitude that sees a 'switch' as automatically less dominant or less submissive. A switch is someone who is a dom and is a sub. Do you think someone is automatically less good with science because they like math? They're not even entirely distinct skills, experience with one directly makes you better at the other.
Since I can't help myself, and since I find it helps me understand that things, I will now talk about why I think I constantly see this type of thing.
Of course, in part it's because it rhymes with oppositional sexism. "Recreating the gender binary yada yada". I used to find that argument fairly convincing but since studying more feminism I've found it less coherent.
Instead, I think I tend to see it as a natural result of a few competing factors, and the general difficulty inexperienced kinksters have with maintaining kayfabe.
The initial problem is very simple: in transfem spaces, because of compdom, switches will frequently be treated as purely dominant. This is bad. This produces a kind of collective anxiety in such switches that frequently manifests as the "maybe I'm really just a sub" fantasy.
In truth, let's be clear, you are being objectified and mistreated. Compdom is not bad because it forces subjects that shouldn't dom to dom. Domming is not some pedestal, anyone can dom (yes, even you. I've seen toys that are living 24/7 bad ends you wouldn't believe are possible dom effectively and impressively.). Compdom is bad because it is objectifying and denies you part of your desired experience of kink.
The shape of this "switches are really just subs" fantasy at large produces, especially among inexperienced kinksters, the realization that many individuals enjoy being told they're really just subs. This is a fun fantasy, as it satisfyingly deals with a deep anxiety. But, it's a fantasy. It's in kayfabe. Confusing this with reality creates bad outcomes. And, plus, when you apply that to relative strangers, you're kinda doing an unnegotiated scene with them. That's bad.
In aggregate, I see this further builds into a kind of "essential subbiness" belief. I see it most commonly in spaces that are majority identifies-as-submissive. Subs are taught that their subbiness is an essential truth, and taught that their performance of submission is how to attract a dom. This generates a kind of "hierarchy of subbiness" structure, where different subs have relative subbiness. A kind of "who would lose" where both parties are trying to lose. The subbier sub gets to sub and the other has to dom. It's... bad! Lesbian sheep type pattern. So many fundamentally incorrect assumptions that it's hard to even make sense of. All to justify a kind of disavowal of ability or need to self advocate for your own submission.
From this, we get various bad outcomes. from seeing subs that self advocate or break character to express feelings as "less submissive" (from where I'm standing, your ability to self advocate makes you a more experienced sub and therefore better at it). to seeing the erotic d/s relationship between dom and sub as an essential result of a "difference in power levels" in a relationship, rather than like, a negotiated choice. to stuff like seeing switches as less submissive and less dominant because they can do both. It's bad!!!
Ok I'll stop calling you 'vassalbait'. I mean, I'll stop calling you it to your face. I can't be held responsible for things that happen in private, your "royal highness". Just, like, don't you think you'd look really cute with wobbling knees and tears in your eyes mumbling an oath of loyalty to me while I smile and grin and promise (lol) to respect your 'independence'. And then I'll get to have fun sitting you in my lap and touching you as a show of power while all your former knights swear new oaths of loyalty to me. It'd be so very cute, don't you agree?
Oh? Oh, no. I'm not draining your exp using some ability or anything. Well, I'm not doing that right now. Just I'm marked so evil by the world that just by talking to me (or even sometimes just existing without trying to kill me) counts as breaking your alignment, so you're suffering an exp penalty because you're not evil yet. But, don't worry, I have a spell that will fix it, you just need to agree to a few things.
"Unable to use first person pronouns" is one of the hotter speech restrictions. The expression of self is such a key part of the performance of identity. Though it's elevated quite a bit further by mandating a replacement, especially a demeaning one. Ideally you want something that signifies a power dynamic (eg 'your toy', 'this humble servant') or is especially ego dystonic (can't really provide examples without the context of an individual. take one of their deep personal beliefs and invert it). The goal is to force the subject to perform an identity unlike its own, and in doing so be adorably uncomfortable in its new position. Though, some subjects will simply avoid any usage of the first person at all and thus not be tripped up by any restrictions along those lines. Or, as this little alice does, it might simply enjoy the game of it.
The hottest thing in the world is knowing someone more deeply or completely than it expects you to. The moment when it realizes that you understood something that you shouldn't, anticipated something no one else had, or pointed out something about it that it didn't even know itself. The look of shock it gives you, the instinctive way it makes itself smaller and tries to hide because of how exposed it feels, and the brief wonder at what else you might know. This is why you should go through its phone's files and message history when it's not looking.
"Bad end" kink is really hot. I talk a lot about signifiers vs substance in kink, and I think bad end is another one of the weird examples. I tend to see bad ends not as a single kink but as a set is ideas associated primarily by their aesthetics.
The idea of this being an ending. A bad ending. You could have won, you could have escaped, you could have gotten out of here. But you didn't, you lost. You put on the collar and lost the ability to say no. You stared into my eyes a little too long and lost the last of your INT. You froze at the wrong moment and lost the most important fight. And now destiny is broken and you can't save anyone anymore, so you're just going to be my toy forever and ever now, okay?
It's fun. The idea of forever. The idea of endings. Don't you want to not have to fight anymore? Don't your want permission to just let go? Isn't loss seductive? I like the dialogue between what you're supposed to do, what you're obligated to do, what you're compelled to do, and what you want to do, what feels good, what you desire. It's interesting.
I like drawing the line at "sex is ontologically impossible" in large part because there are plenty of things that I like that an uninformed individual might see as sex. But they're not sex, because sex isn't real. Which is why it's totally okay and normal and fine for me to touch you like this wherever I want, there's nothing sexual about it in the slightest.
Let It Change You @ace-trainer-alice - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
