Asexual Advice

An asexual positivity and advice blog – everyone is welcome, a-spectrum or not. Ace/aro inclusionist, but I don't post discourse. (In asks, the words "sex" and "sexual attraction" are fine, but please don't describe/specify sex acts.)

[aceadvice]

Inactivity

Hey everyone. I’m the owner of this blog, and I’m sorry for recent inactivity! Unfortunately, this will continue indefinitely due to my academic pursuits. I’ve also lately started calling myself bisexual, since it’s a label that people actually recognize, and also due to its ability to describe my attraction to people somewhat better. I still think of myself as a-spectrum, but maybe not asexual – not really sure. Anyway, thank you for all your questions over the couple years I’ve run this blog – hard to believe it’s been this long. I’ll still try to keep this blog as best I can, but if you have more questions, I’d advise you to direct them to blogs that are active, such as @fuckyeahasexual or @grace-and-ace. Thank you for your understanding!

[aceadvice]

Also @phoenixtcm, who is ace and a sweet friend!

[aceadvice]

Inactivity

Hey everyone. I’m the owner of this blog, and I’m sorry for recent inactivity! Unfortunately, this will continue indefinitely due to my academic pursuits. I’ve also lately started calling myself bisexual, since it’s a label that people actually recognize, and also due to its ability to describe my attraction to people somewhat better. I still think of myself as a-spectrum, but maybe not asexual – not really sure. Anyway, thank you for all your questions over the couple years I’ve run this blog – hard to believe it’s been this long. I’ll still try to keep this blog as best I can, but if you have more questions, I’d advise you to direct them to blogs that are active, such as @fuckyeahasexual or @grace-and-ace. Thank you for your understanding!

[aceadvice]

Inactivity

Hey everyone. I’m the owner of this blog, and I’m sorry for recent inactivity! Unfortunately, this will continue indefinitely due to my academic pursuits. I’ve also lately started calling myself bisexual, since it’s a label that people actually recognize, and also due to its ability to describe my attraction to people somewhat better. I still think of myself as a-spectrum, but maybe not asexual – not really sure. Anyway, thank you for all your questions over the couple years I’ve run this blog – hard to believe it’s been this long. I’ll still try to keep this blog as best I can, but if you have more questions, I’d advise you to direct them to blogs that are active, such as @fuckyeahasexual or @grace-and-ace. Thank you for your understanding!

[grace-and-ace]

Best of luck with your identity, and education!

[aceadvice]

Thank you so much!

[aceadvice]

Inactivity

Hey everyone. I'm the owner of this blog, and I'm sorry for recent inactivity! Unfortunately, this will continue indefinitely due to my academic pursuits. I've also lately started calling myself bisexual, since it's a label that people actually recognize, and also due to its ability to describe my attraction to people somewhat better. I still think of myself as a-spectrum, but maybe not asexual – not really sure. Anyway, thank you for all your questions over the couple years I've run this blog – hard to believe it's been this long. I'll still try to keep this blog as best I can, but if you have more questions, I'd advise you to direct them to blogs that are active, such as @fuckyeahasexual or @grace-and-ace. Thank you for your understanding!

[officialfionanovafanclub]

Me: *sees a wholesome gay rights post* nice

Some random: Except aces!! Aces are not welcome and—

Me:

[fernlets-deactivated20190714]

support aces of colour who are struggling to reclaim their sexuality while being actively fetishized, hypersexualized, and/or desexualized based on their race and intersections of neuro-atypicality, physical disability, etc.

[fernlets-deactivated20190714]

i’m op of this post (i’ve since changed my url) and the amount of bloggers who have reblogged this and tagged it with some variation of “thank you” shows you how important it is to recognize people of colour who are on the ace spectrum

[aceadvice]

If I consider people to be pleasing to the eye but not attractive would I be considered an asexual?

Sure, it's very possible!

[aceadvice]

Hey there! I'm 18 and I recently started dating my first boyfriend. Though I was terrified, I told him I was ace and he didn't mind at all and promised to respect my boundaries. He knows not to expect anything sexual of me, but my parents are worried about us spending so much time together because they don't know I'm ace. I feel like I should tell them so they stop worrying about me and I can have more freedom, but I'm afraid they'll think I'm making it up for convenience. Advice?

If you feel safe telling them, go ahead. If you’re not sure if they’d be cool with it, try making up some other excuse – not interested in sex yet, waiting for a committed long-term relationship, waiting for marriage, he’s waiting for marriage/committed relationship, you’re not at that point in your relationship yet, or something else. You could also opt to not make an excuse and make most of your dates at your house in a place where they can see you, or going out somewhere. Best of luck :)

[isjust-another-lez-fem]

This is a shoutout to girls with no interest in sex. The girls who reclaimed their sexuality. The girls who want other girls to have all the sex they want, but don’t give a shit about having sex. This is a shoutout to the girls who looked at all the sex they could have and said “naw man. Im’ma just read.” You don’t get celebrated a whole lot, but you’re doing a hell of a lot to reclaim your body from the patriarchy too. And that’s fucking tight. You rule the world.

[frootpouch]

Prideful Plant Puns!!!

I’ve been working on these since pride month, and I feel bad they weren’t finished in time but I’m so happy with how they turned out! These basically happened because I called my best friend a lesbean-sprout and she loved it so much I decided to draw the first one, and things kinda,,, escalated. 

I really hope you guys love them as much as I do!

They’re all available on my redbubble!!

Please don’t repost/steal!

[aceadvice]

Anon who sent me an NSFW ask today (7/9/17) – please send me another ask that isn't anonymous and i will reply to that. I don't publish any NSFW asks, and must be able to reply privately for me to answer it.

[aceadvice]

I’m so here for aces and aros talking about their attractions. I love hearing aces say “they’re so attractive” and aros saying “I’m in love,” and knowing that these statements don’t invalidate their orientations one bit. I’m talking about graysexuals and demisexuals and anyone on the spectrum, but also about aces and aros who just love the way someone looks or want to be friends. You all are so cool and your attractions are great.

[nicname]

[superdodirty]

it ok to not be ready

[acceptanceineveryshade]

Please spread this shit like wildfire. People go on and sit through the whole experience and they’re uncomfortable because they just want to please their partner and they don’t tell them that they want to stop because they are not ready. It’s okay not to be ready. 

[aceadvice]

It’s ok to not be ready for sex; it’s ok to never be ready for sex. It’s also ok to not be comfortable with sex even if you’ve had sex lots of times before! Consent from all participants is key, the first time and every time.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear bi kids, asexual kids, nonbinary kids and aromantic kids,  

You are the ones i see most frequently getting excluded from the lgbt+ community or treated as a “watered-down” version of lgbt+.

Some people in the lgbt+ community will make flowery nice-sounding excuses on why they sadly sadly can’t respect your idenity. 

“You are valid!! But you just don’t belong in the lgbt+ community.” 

“It’s okay to identify as that but please don’t use up resources for real lgbt+ people who need them more than you.” 

“I support you but you’re only lgbt+ if you (do or do not do this). But of course you’re still valid, just not one of us :) “ 

Of course those sweet sentences are, in fact, not sweet at all. They put you in the awful situation where you feel like you are not straight enough for the straights but not lgbt+ enough for the lgbt+ community. 

It’s a way to exclude you, to belittle and disrespect you, wrapped up thinly as “support” - and you don’t need to listen to it. 

The lgbt+ community is beautifully diverse and there’s space enough for you! You are welcome here. 

Please remember that people who say such things do not represent the whole lgbt+ community. All the lgbt+ people who support you outnumber the ones who only support people who are exactly like themselves. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom 

[aceadvice]

Hey it's the ace who was worried about my datemate leaving me, he's totally okay with it! We talked about it and worked out a good boundary where I initiate a kiss if I'm comfortable. I'm really thankful for the advice!

Oh, that's great! I'm thrilled for you both. Thank you for telling me! :)

[aceadvice]

Hi, original asker here. I don't think it's based on reciprocity but I am attracted to the infatuation the person expresses. I agree with your idea that it might be because of the equality that two men share rather than the male/female imbalance. But I don't get the same feeling when I watch two girls. Maybe it's a longing for someone to direct those feelings for me?

Right, I was thinking that it might be related to the fact that you're attracted to men – you can place yourself in the spot of either guy in the relationship and feel desired by and attracted to the other. Since you're not attracted to women, it wouldn't work with them.