i miss ur writing,,, can i have smut ES soundwavee ? Ofc with a bit of angst if you want bcs thats ur style aughh. Was torn between ES and Cyberverse tho
Thanks for the ask! It coated me some, but I finally got it done with the right song, bc damn, it does go down with ES Soundwave and his while mess
Please have in mind that this is down right toxic relationship, violence, slight mention of smut, and could be considered to have bond-trapping (????) to some point
It was never going to be easy, he isn't one for fluffy, tender loving, at least, not now, or maybe never if you're the one involved, it is easier than not to find yourself on cold mattresses, in a hideout made by chance or nature, he is never there at the end, or just not when you are still awake, he doesn't stay but does leave marks over you to make you wait for him. It's strange, the grip he has, with time, put on you.
He was pretty, he is, there is no denying of such, but what you welcomed with open arms without a care in the world for what would come next, well, even when you still come over when he at least pins your phone with his cryptic messages, at first those were words, bring spare parts, catch some data for him by gossip, go fetch this and that, but his messages started to be written in cybertronian or something like that once you both fell in the same path of degeneration, desperation, and momentary bliss, you know no cybertronian glyph in existence, but maybe the most accurate transduction would be his actual location that needs decoding and takes you time to understand with what little you get of it in the internet, thanking silently to conspiracy involved blogs; more than once you arrived, late, painfully so, and Soundwave, under his mask, was most likely showing his denta at you if the growl he made lead you by any means before dragging you inside his new hideout and grope your body above your clothes, never showing his faceplate, but pulling you with controlled force by the hips to make you meet every one of his thrusts, desperately so that his armor was moving, chattering, hot to the touch, every time he took distance was a break that soon wanted his closeness back, making you twist and hold him back, reprimanded by a snarl and a painfully blissful press of his claws, dragging you down under him, tugging you with him, it was messy but you tried to cover it all up by how great it was, cover up the dirt, the rotten smell of the place, the tangled and dirty mattresses that gets worse everytime you come over and find him.
Because a mattress is better than being fucked over the floor.
Leverage it to clarify the parts of the messages that remain unclear to you.
Everything falls into a routine, takes time, takes incredible amounts of patience, and feigned ignorance when he presses his covered faceplate against your cheek right after it in what almost feels like loving tenderness, it is easier because you no longer try to reciprocate the gesture even when he cages you with his body until he has enough of pouring his misleading actions, your confusion has reached any limits possible, only accepting what is coming when you find him going on about his day as if he wasn't the one hurrying to interface with you in the first place, as if he wasn't the one trying to start physical and even intimate contact.
You come by late, Soundwave catches you, and he holds you or puts you where he can see you, sometimes, after he fucked you, he tends to stay holding your body to his if you feign sleep, he does strange sounds, like those of an old radio while it records, over and over, all night long if necessary, becoming a lull, and you end up sleeping for real.
You come by with what he wanted, those times, he hardly touches you, Soundwave works on something, not sure what, he just takes your backpack or whatever thing you have and goes to another place, leaving you out, watching Frenzy and Laserbeak drink their energon, tried too hard to ignore you standing there, it would almost feel comical, watching them squirm at the whole situation, but the awkwardness is too heavy, “so…”, Frenzy tries, she always does, “tools and sealant, am I right?”, she always fails, miserably, and Laserbeak smacks his own faceplate and beak with his wing.
You don't come by? Only once has that happened, and never to be again, Soundwave came, and he broke the ceiling of the building, only to see you there, eating, for once not getting his message because “batteries die, even in the worst moments”, from which he had none mercy, he didn't frag you that day, but he didn't go out of his new hideout for two weeks, neither did you, until you smelled too much, when oil and dirt started to cling to your head like a vice, and when you just couldn't keep surviving on hard, uncooked ramen.
Police has been called too many times, much more since the day you returned like that, Soundwave hasn't done something similar since then, and now, somehow, he knows when your cellphone has battery at all times.
It’s maddening, but the bliss of supposed normalcy is something that makes you consider and do a double view of your situation when, as only sick luck would do, someone helps you to stand up after a little accident, it isn't even something heavy or flirtatious, just a passerby, someone trying to help by collecting the screws out of the plastic container opened by the fall and the stray pieces of wood, but you feel it, you can almost see it.
Somehow, you already dread the sensation upon your shoulders. You aren't the only one, entering his last hideout because he hadn't changed it, there are no new messages to his new location, you only come here when that happens, and you dread the interaction even more when Frenzy and Laserbeak don't even want to to look at you or say a bad joke, not because they are mad or anything, more like they are seeing someone already dead, Ravage is the only one at least acknowledging what is happening or what is to come as all you can see of her is her tail dangling from a very high perch, very out of reach, but before you can ask while going near her you can hear it, you can hear him, and you can already imagine the mess to come because a working table comes flying from the now open door followed by a deranged war cry. Your expression of utter horror may be what makes the bird admit super fast: “Well, you see, we came by you-know-who” as if that is enough explanation, and maybe it is, it isn't the first time and it sure it isn't the last to come by, but there have been two other occasions before and it wasn't as bad as this one, “and we saw you with the other human so”.
The other human, “Who?” they can't answer you, Frenzy screams like it is a slasher movie and maybe she is right, Soundwave’s servo caught you faster than ever, “Take it easy!” their words almost caught up, and you almost end up blind by the sheer light of his visor above, growling, your backpack is hurting your body by how hard he is holding you, head spinning by the force of the assault, and you aren't sure if that crack that came is from something on your backpack or a rib finally giving up on you, again.
Aha, you think to yourself, it's another one of those times, it's your final thought before the oxygen is gone and you end up motionless on his still gripping servo.
He can't handle any idea of betrayal, be it you talking to someone, looking too much at someone, or just existing around other humans for far too long. He doesn't want to say why, in reality, he never says much, the cassettes, after the fourth time they had to dump you on a hospital’s door, finally said something about it.
“He has problems”, Laserbeak said.
“Trust problems”, Frenzy continued, but that's it.
That's their whole explanation.
“You fragging him didn't make things easier”
That was the whole explanation they gave you after Soundwave broke your arm in three different places, because they saw you talking with the neighbor, and Soundwave made them tell him.
Now, back again in the same hospital that accepts you mangled without explanation, with an ‘oops’ for the ninth time, they want you to say who broke two ribs, they call the police again, domestic violence they call it.
He isn't even you boyfriend to call it that, but maybe they can add “your hookup” into the deal.
Worst yet? When these things happen there is no new message, nothing of him, and it is almost a catch of breath, you can wake at the hour you want, you can take more delivery works and so on, it's not much, but they help, the thing of not being tangled in a schedule problems.
Yet, it is always there, the pull, you know he is still there, still in the last place he almost killed you, again, because he acts like that and you don't understand, you don't get it, what is it? He doesn't call you back yet he stays in the last place you saw him, they could find him, find him, and the cassettes, and even the one he has locked in some kind of healing tube.
And as clockwork, there is Soundwave, on his berth, curled as he could, looking directly at the wall, servos clenching and getting loose, spark almost silent, he should have killed you this time, end this for good, it's the same as any other time.
But, how is he going to do that? He should do it, because if you’re still out there, breathing, walking, living, then, there is a high chance you will replace him, if he kills you, then that's it, you won't betray him, never have the chance, he will be free, but then, he won't have you again, his spark slows, he shouldn't have, he shouldn't have bonded with you, it was a mistake, one stupidly done, he shouldn't have, yet you dragged him, you tried to have something, affection, warmth, what was it? He isn't sure, but you offered, you did, and he wanted some, at least something, anything, a nightmare of his own making, one that makes both dependent.
More like you only feel an ache, nothing but a distant pull, while he fights with his own deviancy, he wants to always have you here, always where he can feel you and see you. He hates you for this, why try to give? Why do you want him to give such to you when he has nothing of it? He has had enough of all this, if you dare to appear again, Soundwave will end you, that's it, his spark has been broken and damaged too many times already, one more won't kill him, he will end everything and that's final.
Yet, when the door to his berth opens and your form is shadowed by the lights outside, all words die on his glossa and his wounded spark can't even make him move, he can hear your slight wheezing, he can scan you and see the broken, healing bones slightly touching the lungs, a servo softly pushes you more into this cage of his making with a plethora of ‘I’m sorry’s before the door slams shut again, Soundwave can't even move, he wants to end you, his spark won't let him, he wants to tell you to go away yet all he gets out is a growl that lacks real danger, he sounds wounded.
He is, by his own hand, damned, and yet here you come anyway. It's the normal reaction of any cybertronian that can feel and see the damage they have done to their bonded.
A bond that can't feel what used to be affection directed toward him, even when you sigh, dragging yourself to his side, taking a place right where he can easily reach and end you, is that what you want, too? You want him to end this? You only lay there, exhausted, of him, of this thing you have to still learn from him, maybe believing that this hell is your own, not knowing what he did to you because he doesn't have the words to say anything but spill venom at anyone. So, all Soundwave can do, once again, is to collect the sound of your breathing, your heartbeat, the dying bond in between, and the slightly stronger pull of his spark with you in his reach.
If you end up gone for whatever reason, be it him, other humans, this government, or Megatron, at least he will have this for himself, and no one will take it away from him.
