Warnings: PURE PURE SMUT BE AWARE MINORS DO NOT READ! angst, blood, death, smut, unprotected sex, swearing, graphic scenes, idiots in love
âi think someone has been too scared to tell the truth,â he murmured, âdonât even joke about you being in love with another man. ever.âÂ
oh it wasnât a request, it was a desperate command of someone who had lost everything and refused to lose this.Â
his hand moved from your cheek to the back of your neck, his fingers fisting in your hair with a bruising sort of tenderness. he pulled you flush against him, the impact of his body against yours knocking the air from your lungs. a jolt of pure adrenaline hummed through you, sharper and more electric than any titan kill or mid air maneuver. his palms were warm and steady as they settled against your thighs. with a single, effortless motion, he lifted you, setting you carefully on the edge of the kitchen counter.
the granite was cold against your skin, but you hardly felt it. the world outside the kitchen vanished entirely. the walls of the room shrink until there is nothing left but the two of you, desperate perfection. the longing you had both tried to bury under layers of duty finally found its release, and it was more overwhelming than any dream.Â
your hands acted on an instinct of their own, threading through his undercut. feeling the contrast of the short, buzzed hair against the silkiness of the dark strands on top, your fingers tangling tight as you tugged him nearer. you craved every inch of him, wanting to bridge the infinitesimal gap between your heartbeats.Â
leviâs mouth dropped to your neck, his lips finding the sensitive pulse point behind your ear. your knees trembled, threatening to give away as you sat. the sensation? euphoric, it was something more different than the âfaintly spicedâ scent that always clung to him. his kisses moved lower, grazing the skin of your throat with a hunger he had clearly been suppressing for a lifetime at this point.Â
a soft, broken gasp escaped your lips, and you guided him closer, your hands roaming across the firm, powerful planes of his chest. you felt the rhythmic thud of his heart against your palms, fast and frantic, matching your own. as you worked to undo his cravat and the stubborn buttons of his shirt, the god beneath the clothes began to reveal himself, all lean muscle and scars.
his hands slipped under your shirt, his fingers tracing the smooth curve of your bare back, he moved slowly, as if he was memorizing the map of your skin, cataloging every dip and arch so he would never forget the feel of you. there was no barrier between his palms and your warmth, as he leaned in, pressing his body between your legs, he let his hands slide to your sides. he pressed into you, his touch both a question and an answer, making you arch into him as the last of his restraint finally burned away.
his grip tightened around the soft lace of your underwear, his knuckles brushing against your skin with a gentleness that felt almost ache inducing. he was a man who dealt in steel and blood, yet here it was, treating you like the most fragile thing he'd ever held.
"are you sure you want this...with me?" he asked, his voice dropping, becoming rough, private rasp that only you were ever meant to hear. it wasn't just a question of consent; it was a question of worth. he was looking at you as if he were waiting for the moment you'd realize he was just a soldier with blood on his hands, someone so little for someone like you.
you looked at him, your vision blurry with a heat that felt like tears, the impatiente a physical weight in your chest. "yes, levi. please, i trust you more than anyone." to prove it, you pressed yourself a bit harder against his hand, the friction drawing a low, growl deep in his throat, a sound of pure hunger.
you could already feel the dampness between your legs, the slick fabric of the lace pressed agonizingly close. the way he asked, the way he cared in the height of his own need, made your heart swell as much as your body. it was his voice, deeper, thicker, stripped of all captaincy, that made your hips shift up automatically, searching more of him.
his hand dragged back up your thigh, slower this time. he was savouring the texture of your skin, his grey eyes locked on yours as he cataloged every hitch in your breath, every small, broken sound that escaped your lips. he pressed his fingers against the thin, wet fabric between your legs, his touch deliberate and devastating.
you moaned, and he moved instantly to capture the sound, his mouth crashing against yours to swallow your cry. his fingers began to move, slow, agonizing circles that set your nerves on fire. the sound slipped out of you before you could stop them, and you felt his reaction in the way his breath hitched, in the way his own hips rocked forward against the counter, seeking the same friction you were.
"levi," you pleaded, your hands tightening in his hair, "please. i need...i want-"
"yes, angel?" he murmured against the sensitive skin of your shoulder. he didn't stop the movement of his fingers, his thumb finding a rhythm that made the world start to tilt.
"more," you managed to choke out between soft, rhythmic moans, "i need more"
he groaned against your skin, his teeth grazing your shoulder in a sharp, possessive bite, but even then, he was careful. he avoided the weight of his body on your injured arm, his protective instinct weaving through his lust. "you know i can't control myself with you" he whispered, his eyes closed as he seemed to drink in the sound of your voice. he was tattooing the sound on his name on your lips into his memory.
your breath caught as his fingers finally slid beneath the lace, gliding between your folds in one slow, deliberate stroke.
"fuck-levi, god," you gasped. you'd never felt like this, so exposed, so weak, yet so powerful in the way could make him swear like that.
"god, you're so wet for me," his voice was thick, dark with a pride he couldn't hide. "so wet for your captain."
all you could do was whimper, your hips chasing his hand, wordlessly begging for the friction to continue. and he did. he pushed a finger into you, slow at first, letting your body stretch and adjust to him, before pushing deeper. the sound that broke from you was muffled by his mouth, his kiss becoming rough and demanding. your back arched, your bra brushing against the hard, hot muscles of his chest as he set a rhythm, curling his finger just enough to make you cry out.
when your body began to chase the peak, he added a second finger, the fullness of him, building a tigh, aching tension low in your stomach. then, his thumb found your clit. you cried out, sharp and breathless, your whole body tightening into a bow as he started a slow, relentless grind that sent waves of heat through you.
"that's it, darling," he whispered, his voice a jagged edge of desire. "i could just cum by looking at you like this...all mine."
you couldn't answer. his mouth was everywhere, your throat, your jaw, the corner of your mouth, as if he was trying to claim every inch of you at once. he finally found your lips again, hungrier and messier than before, his tongue pushing into your mouth just as his fingers pushed deeper inside you.
"please," you whimpered, "i need you, levi. just you"
his eyes, now dark and predatory, searched yours. his brows pulled together, a flicker of that old, deep seated doubt crossing his face for a split second. "are you sure you want this, angel? all of me?"
you stared at him, at that gorgeous, ridiculous face that usually wore a mask of stone, now raw and open. you clenched around his fingers, your body giving him the only answer that mattered.
"never been more sure of anything, captain," you managed to say, your voice trembling but certain.
"fuck," he looked at your mouth, red, puffy, and parted, he didn't' need any more than that.
he withdrew his fingers, a move that made you whimper in protest, and took them in his mouth, "delightful"
but then he was lifting you, carrying you the short distance to the bed with a strength that felt effortless. he laid you back, his eyes never leaving yours as he reached out to slowly unhook your bra. he stood there up for a moment, stepping back just enough to let his gaze sweep over you. he looked at you like you were a goddess, something holy sent to a man who had long ago given up to heaven.
"you're so..." he doesn't have enough words to say what he wants to say, "such a beauty. and you- you're for me," he whispered, the words sounding like a prayer.
his hands went to his belt, his boots discarded in seconds. he shoved his trousers down, freeing himself, and your gaze dropped before you could stop it. he was fully, heavily hard, the sight of him making your mouth go dry even as your body pulsed in response.
"fuck-" he choked out, the word breaking as he was the way you looked at him, "i haven't been this hard in..." he crawled onto the bed, his eyes dark and molten, "...ever."
you couldn't wait any second longer. as he stood there, a silhouette of raw power and rare vulnerability, you reached out, your fingers snagging the sheets before you threw caution to the wind. you wrapped your hands around his neck, pulling him back down into your orbit. you need him closer, everywhere, all at once, to bridge the gap that years of soldiering had built between you.
your legs hooked around his waist, drawing him into the cradle of your thighs. the contact of his swollen tip dragging against the damp lace was the final spark. your head fell back, a broken, breathless sound slipping from your throat. levi groaned, one arm braced against the mattress to keep from crushing you, while the other moved with a frantic sort of purpose. he traced the swell of your breasts, his thumb grazing your nipple with a focus that made your vision swim.
"that's what you've hiding from me, hm?" he rasped, his hand molding to the curve of your breast, possessive and heavy. "bad girl...making your captain wait"
his hand hooked into the waistband of your panties, the final, flimsy barrier. then came the sound: a sharp, sudden rip. the lace gave away under is strength, the sound echoing in the quiet room like a gunshot.
"i'll buy you new ones," he murmured against your mouth, his voice dark, velvet promise, "i promise"
it shouldn't have been that hot, but this was levi ackerman. the man of iron, the man of perfect "tea and order", was losing his mind over you. you remembered the first time he'd look at you at your graduation, cold, distant, and untouchable. and now? now he was going to claim you so thoroughly that his scent and flavor would stay trapped in these sheets forever.
he sank into you in one steady, unrelenting thrust. both of you gasped, finally, the air leaving the room as your bodies adjusted to the stretch, the perfect, narrow fit. your pulse hammered in your ears, you were drunk, utterly intoxicated by the heat of him. the edge of fear, the urgency of the war outside, and the sheer need for this tangled together until the only reality was him, inside you.
for a moment, the world stopped spinning. you both just breathed, eyes squeezed shut, hands locked on his shoulders. you clenched around him, trying to anchor him there, terrified that if you let go, you'd wake up and realize this was just another cruel dream. he dropped his head to the crook of your neck, his breath so hot it felt like it was branding your skin. you felt the slight tremor in his muscles, the "strongest soldier" was shaking.
"does it hurt?" he whispered into your ear, his voice breaking with a sudden, sharp kindness.
you couldn't find the words, so you just moved your head, a small 'no' against his shoulder. you were dizzy from the fullness of him, from the way he seemed to reach parts of you no one else ever could.
"words," he commanded softly, the captain returning for a slip second.
you leaned into his ear, biting the lobe softly, a playful, desperate little nip, "no, it doesn't hurt, captain," you whispered back.
levi shivered violently. "you- fuck- you're so tight, angel," he panted, a dark flush creeping up his neck. "it's been a while, i'm not going to last-"
the sigh of him blushing, the legendary levi ackerman, embarrassed by his own hunger- was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.
"then don't," you murmured, your voice soft, certain lure. "just fuck me, levi. please."
a groan tore out of him, low and wrecked. he shifted above you, his hips pulling back, his cock dragging against your walls in a way that sent fireworks chasing across your skin. in this light, he looked like a masterpiece, every muscle sculpted by the hardships of a world that had tried to break him. he drove forward again, deeper, harder.
"fuck-" you cried out, the sound raw and unbidden.
he didn't stop. his hips rolled with a relentless, punishing rhythm. he lifted his head, needing to see your face, needing to witness the way he was making you come apart. every thrust knocked the breath from your lungs. the sounds you were making were loud, echoing off the walls, but you didn't care. you didn't care if every cadet in the barracks heard you. neither he.
his name spilled from your lips in broken gasps. he answered burying his face in your shoulder, biting back his own cries as his pace became frantic. he was barely holding himself up now, his weight pressing you into the mattress, a crushing, wonderful pressure.
his hand slid down to the back of your thigh, pulling your leg wider, and the shift hit a spot that made your vision flash white. his other hand on your neck, holding you steady so every thrust landed with such a precision, he knows what he's doing. then, his thumb found your clit.
"levi-" you whined, your back arching like a bow string. "i'm-"
"i know," he said against your jaw, his own voice betraying him too. "come on my dick, beautiful"
your hips lifted to meet him, chasing the friction, chasing the release. he worked you with a precision that was almost cruel, building the tension in your stomach until it was a humming wire ready to snap- it had never felt like this, you had never felt so seen, so utterly consumed.
your whole body tightened. your legs trembled around him as you ground your hips against his, desperate for that final part. he kept hitting that same spot, relentless and rough, his fingers locked on you until the world finally tipped over the edge.
the release hit for both of you, so pure, loving and soul shattering. your body locked up around him, pulsing and tight, as you gripped his shoulders, your voice lost in a long, silent cry of pure, unadulterated ecstasy.
author's note: HELLO? is someone there? yes, i'm back with tea and you FINALLY. and with pure smut baby. it's my first time writing something like this so i hope you guys like it. i'm sorry i haven't been writing a lot, but next chapter it's on the way, creativity it's again flourishing, hopefully i can have the next chapter next week. as always, tysm guys for reading, all your comments make me emotional and ready to write for all of you. much love. âđâËâšâĄ
the dawn air was sharp and unnaturally still as the survey corps assembled in the main yard. a pale wash of grey stretched across the sky, the sun barely threatening the horizon. the sounds were metallic and low, horses stamping against the packed dirt, breath fogging in short bursts; the clinking of maneuver gear settling into place; leather straps pulled tight.
levi stood at the front, astride his horse, posture straight and perfectly balanced, surveying his squad. his expression was carved from stone. calculating, detached. on the surface.
beneath it, he was violently restless.
your horse fell in beside jean's near the back of the formation, hooves thudding softly into place. the movement drew his attention instantly, even before he allowed himself to consciously acknowledge it.
he saw your hated pink ribbon tied tight around you h/c hair, the fabric fluttering in the weak wind. it stood out. his fingers tightened almost imperceptibly around the reins, the leather creaking in protest. he didn't look at you directly. couldn't. his gaze skimmed over the formation with mechanical efficiency, counting heads, checking posture, ensuring readiness, deliberately bypassing you as though you were simply another faceless soldier.
not after last night.
not after the way your skin had felt beneath his hands, warm, impossibly soft under calloused fingers that were more accustomed to blades than tenderness. not after the way your breath had hitched in the dark, fragile and unguarded. and certainly not after that quiet "thank you" had slipped from your lips, heavy enough to follow him into the few fractured hours of sleep he managed.
he hadn't slept properly. he doubted you had either by the way your eyes showed dark bags under those- mesmerizing- eyes.
"hold formation," he barked suddenly, the low murmurs died instantly. even the horses seemed to settle at the authority in his tone. "no straggling. we're mapping uncharted terrain, this isn't some damn picnic."
his eyes scanned the line again, sharp and unyielding.
"our mission is not killing titans. follow orders."
a brief pause.
levi's glanced over his shoulder, just once, at the assembled squad. his gaze swept across faces, reins, cloaks. it skimmed past you without stopping.
"you heard that brats," he added dryly, referenind erwin's frustratingly strategic restraint. "leave it be. we're not here to play hero. we're here to collect data."
he turned away. professional. controlled. unreadable.
but his mind betrayed him.
a memory crossed fast his mind; the silver wash of moonlight across your shoulder. the warmth of your skin under his thumb. the way your breath had faltered when he traced your skin. the fact that your hadn't pulled away, despite the tension.
despite him.
this missions just got a lot more dangerous; and not because of titans.
levi led the formation, behind him, the scouts rode in measured lines. no one spoke, they didn't need to, the only language that mattered here was timing.
his eyes, sharp as winter-honed steel, swept the horizon with the mechanical precision of a predator. left flank. tree-line. open ground. right flank. he wasn't just looking; he was cataloging. the lean of the grass pressed too uniformly in one direction. the density of the shadows pooling at the base of the distant trees. the exact gradient of the earth beneath the horses, memorized so that even the smallest change would register as wrong.
and, something was wrong.
the atmosphere had curdled. it pressed against his lungs, as if the oxygen itself had been replaced by lead filings. even the wind seemed to falter at the edge of the forest, catching in the throat of the trees. no birdsong. no insects. even the horses felt it. levi's mount tossed its head sharply, the bit clanking between his teeth as it snorted, nostrils flaring wide. through the saddle, levi felt the tremor.
"easy boy," he murmured.
he raised a hand- the signal was almost nothing, two fingers lifting. a gesture born of a thousand deaths and survived mistakes. the reaction was immediate. the formation didn't merely slow; it stilled. reins were drain in. no one questioned the captain.
"what is it...?" someone whispered
levi didn't answer. then the silence broke. not with a roar but with footsteps going through their direction, branches didn't break; they snapped with the sickening resonance of a dry bone. two titans surged from the splintered remains of the tree over. they weren't erratic stumbling abnormals. these were monuments of fifteen meters of exposed, corden muscle, and they moved with a terrifying predatory grace.
"left flank-!" someone began
too late.
the first casualty was a blur of violence. the nearest titan's arm swung in a wide, clumsy arc that carried the force of a collapsin cathedral. ten scouts, mid-stride, mid-breathe, were engulfed before the command to disperse fully formed.
there was a wet, muffled crunch, the splintering of wood, the snap of spine. blood detonated outward in a fine, hot mist. spattered frantic horses. dotted pale faces frozen in disbelief.
"fall back!" someone shouted. "disperse!" another screamed. the formation fractured, what had been a simple mission of recording data shattered into shards of terror.
through the hysteria, erwin's voice rang all over
"immediate retreat! do not engage! run back. that's an order, survival takes priority. move!"
it wasn't a suggestion. the mission wasn't glory. it was staying alive.
oh but you couldn't move.
the sigh of the blood soaking hungrily into the grass, the boots of your comrades, of your friends, twitchin where they stood heartbeats before, hit you. horror make it through your entire being, cold and paralyzing. then came the heat. white-hot rage devoured the cold.
you couldn't turn. couldn't face the horizon and ride away while the sound of snapping bones still vibrated in your skull.
"they're still-" your voice cracked as you watched one titan lift its dripping hand to its mouth.
"fall back y/n!" someone yelled from your right- jean? marco? you didn't notice. "it's suicide!"
your fingers tightened the reins until your knuckles couldn't hold them more.
"fuck it, i'm going"
heads snapped toward you. you didn't look at levi. didn't look at erwin. didn't calculate the math of your own survival.
you leaned low, chest pressed to your horse neck. the animal screamed in protest as you drove your heels in and then, at the last second, slammed the triggers of your gear.
pressurized steam burst violently into the air. twin grappling hooks streaked skyways, cables unspooling in a shrill metallic whine. the cabled went taut, singing with tension. and you launched. wind tore you hair, whipping strands across your vision as the ground dropped away. the world narrowed to target points and angles, shoulder joint, nape, tendon.
below, one titan turned its grotesque head upward, milky eyes tracking your ascent with slow comprehension.
levi saw it. his instincts had been screaming of a trap, of a shadow just beyond perception. now he saw the shape of it. your silhouette against the gray sky, a streak of pink against red carnage, hit him, hard. for one agonizing second, the roar of titans and the screams of dying cadets went mute.
his heart, already thrumming in battle rhythm, froze.
fear.
not the calculated concern of a captain. not the strategic assessment of a soldier's risk. raw. jagged. primitive. the kind he hadn't felt since he was a starving child in the underground, watching the world rot in suffocating darkness.
"Y/N?"
the roar tore from his throat, rough enough to scrape skin. it carried command, fury, desperation. but it was swallowed by the scream of your propulsion. you were already airborne, a suicidal arrow angling toward regenerating meat and mindless hunger.
he didn't think of the formation. didn't think of erwin's orders echoing him.
he thought of your blood staining daisies.
he thought of the soft, uneven hitch of your breath in the dark hours before dawn.
he thought of the warmth of your skin beneath his skin, so fragile it felt like you were not even from earth.
"you insolent brat," steam erupted around him in a blinding white shroud. "if you dare to die, i swear i'll kill you myself."
the cabled fired, hooks bit deep. his body launched forward with explosive precision. his cloak always following. air tore past his ears as gravity surrendered to fury. ahead, you descended toward the titans, blades flashing against the few sunlights the sky cared to bring.
levi cut through the sky after you, every line of his body sharpened into a singular, merciless intention. one truth burned through the noise with brutal clarity.
if you died today, it wouldn't be the titan's fault. it would be his. for ever letting you get more than an arm's length away.
levi moved through the air like something untouchable, fast, precise, almost unreal, but this time, it wasn't the technique that defined him. it was the urgency. the world blurred around him, branches and sky dissolving into indistinct motion, yet his focus narrowed into something suffocating. you.
the battlefield noise faded into the background, distant and irrelevant compared to the way you moved: too close, too reckless, like you had already accepted whatever outcome waited for you. you weren't fighting to survive, even though you killed already one of them. you were fighting like it didn't matter if you did, and that thought landed somewhere deep and cold in his chest.
by the time he reached you, the situation had already tipped into something dangerous. you were fully engaged, pushing forward with a kind of desperate intensity that ignore every instinct drilled into you. every movement was just slightly off, too aggressive, too exposed, too willing to risk everything for a strike that wouldn't even finish the job. levi saw it immediately, and with it came a sharp, unwelcome certainty: you weren't going to pull back. then the second titan moved, and everything inside him went still. he saw the shift, the rising arm, the inevitable path it would take, and you, right in it. there was no time for strategy, no space for common, because, when did we have one? just instinct, immediate and absolute. one thought cut through everything else: you were not going to die here. not like that.
he moved without thinking beyond the point. the action itself, as always, was clean, efficient, automatic almost, but he barely registered it. the kill didn't matter. the fall of the titan didn't matter. the only thing that did was closing the distance between you and the space where you almost hadn't been there anymore. when he landed beside you, it was with more force than usual, a controlled impact that still carried the edge of everything he hadn't processed yet. his hand hit your shoulder, firm, grounding, sharper than necessary.
his face was close. too close. "what the hell were you thinking?" he said, voice low, controlled in a way that it made it more dangerous. you tried to respond, but the world crashed back in before you could, noise, movement, the second titan's body hitting the ground somewhere behind you. orders were being shouted. the formation was already breaking further apart. "we have to move! now!" someone yelled, cutting through the moment. levi didn't look away from you. "this is isn't over," he muttered, quieter, meant only for you. it didn't sound like a threat. it sounded unfinished. then his grip shifter to your harness, and before you could argue, he forced you back into motion, breaking whatever the moment had been before it could settle into something else.
the ride back felt wrong in a way that had nothing to do with exhaustion. it was too quiet, too empty, the kind of silence that pressed against your ears. no one spoke. the usual noise after this type of mission, complaints, forced humor, anything to fill the space, was gone. the only sound was the rhythm of the horses slipping through the gaps that hadn't been there before. levi didn't look back, didn't acknowledge anyone, but his presence was still there, sharp and constant.
it vanished the moment you reached the stables.
"you." his voice cut through the air, low and immediate. before you could fully steady yourself, his and closed around your wrist and pulled you down from the saddle in one abrupt motion. the impact of your boots against the ground sent a joly up your legs, but he didn't loosen his grip. he pulled you just far enough aside to step out of the center of the yard, but not enough to escape attention. people noticed, of course they did, but no one intervened.
his grip was firm, controlled, but not careless. never careless. when he looked at you, there was no distance left in his expression, none of the usual detachment he wore so easily.
"are you trying to get yourself killed?" slow, low.
you straightened instinctively, your own frustration rising to meet his. "i was handling it." there was a brief pause, heavy and disbelieving
"handling it?" he repeated, quieter, like it was testing the word and finding it lacking. "you call that handling it?"
"i made my choice" you shot back, the word coming faster now, sharper.
"and that's the goddamn problem." his grip tightened for a fraction of a second before easing again, like he was forcing himself not to push further. "you don't get to make that choice alone."
"i know what i was doing" you snapped, your chest rose and fell unevenly, adrenaline still burning hot in your veins, mixing with the lingering horror that you'd just witnessed again. "what are we? scouts. fighters. i'm not going to stand there and watch two people get eaten alive while you sit there calculating the efficiency of a retreat"
his hand remained locked around your wrist. you could feel it, his pulse, fast and uneven beneath his skin, betraying a loss of control he refused to show anywhere else. it didn't match the cold, measured exterior he always wore. at least not now.
"well then, bury me," you continued since he wasn't talking, the words dropping heavier. you gaze didn't waver from his. "if my life is such a burden to your precious formation, bury me with them"
that did it.
levi inhaled sharply, for a brief second he let go of your wrist only to replace it immediately, fist closing in the front of your shirt. the fabric bunched in his hand as he shoved you back against the nearest wooden beam.
the impact echoed dully through the stable, vibrating up your spine. it should have hurt more than it did. maybe it did. you didn't care. you didn't move and you didn't back down.
"shut your fucking mouth, idiot," he ground out, his face inches from yours, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off him, could catch the faint scent of smoke, rain, and maybe tea, mixed now with the metallic residue of the battlefield. his grip on your shirt tightened, knuckles paling under the strain. "shut. up"
"try me, make me"
the words were lethal, direct, without thinking to much about them you said that. for a moment everything stopped.
levi froze.
not physically, but something in him stalled, caught off guard in a way that almost never happened. the space between you felt smaller, heavier, like these couple of weeks. your voice, low and steady had slipped past his control and hit something deeper.
his eyes moved across your face, slower now, not scanning, not assessing, just seeing. the anger and the tension, the hollow also of your gaze, the uneven rhythm of your breathing, just like his. the way you didn't pull away, didn't even try.
that was the problem.
that was always the problem.
"make you" he repeated, quieter, rougher.
he leaned in, closing what little distance remained until there was barely anything left between you. close enough that your breath mixed, close enough that any movement would tip the balance into something neither of you could undo.
"then i will," he murmured, "and when i do...you won't be able to speak at all"
he stayed there for a second too long. long enough for the moment to stretch, to become something neither of you could pretend wasn't there.
and then, nothing. no movement, no decision. because if he did-
he wasn't entirely sure he'd still be able to stop himself.
author's note: IM BACK FUCKING FINALLY OMG, yeah so im back, im sorry it took too long but a lot of things happened in real life, but ive seen all of your comments, and gosh thank you so much for reading. i don't like much this chapter mhehe but next one will be a good one i promise much love xx âđâËâšâĄ
Hii I'm someone who really admires your writing, and I'm genuinely curious if you plan to release the final chapter of "Tea and You" or if you'll release other chapters before finishing it :3 (If that's not extremely intrusive)
I'm really looking forward to the next chapter of "Try Me, too"!! Please come back as soon as possible đ I genuinely love your writing :v
thank you so much beautiful, i'm sorry i haven't been active these couple of weeks bc of work, christmas, no holidays, exams... a mess, but don't worry i have all the ideas so i can finish those series! this means a lot thank you!!!!!! :* <3
that afternoon, the main mess hall was a cacophony of noise and humanity (luckily). it buzzed with overlapping chatter, laughter flowing comfortably off the wooden beams as the squad gathered for their evening meal. sunlight- now mellow and golden- streamed through the tall windows, painting warm stripes across the scrubbed floor. the atmosphere felt peaceful, almost warm. almost.
levi sat as his usual solitary table, his posture rigid as always, he looked more like a carved statue than a man eating. his chopsticks idly pushed the rice and vegetables around his plate. he wasn't eating. he was watching.
you were seated diagonally across the noisy room, surrounded by your friends. jean and the others surround you as you laughed at something that horse face had said. your head moved back as your laughter bright through the warm noise like a crack of sunlight. and then- that damn pink ribbon. a splash of colour so audaciously out of place in your hair, showing your sweet and rebellious personality against the uniform of the military.
levi's eye twitched, it was happening often for some reason. why the fuck was he looking at a damn pink ribbon?
without warning, hange- smelling faintly of ozone, ink, and some questionable chemical- leaned in beside him. their voice too loud, too noisy for his tense silence.
"you've been staring at her for ten minutes, levi"
he didn't move. didn't even lift his gaze from the spot he'd been studying- your smile.
"shut up"
hange sipped their tea from a chipped mug, pretending not to notice his irritation. their glasses were shoved up on their forehead, smudged with something that suggested they'd nearly blown theirself up earlier. "she's different. bold. she doesn't fear you like the rest, does she? she talks to you as if she's already buried you alive." they laugh. "oh, and she's good. very good. might take your place as the strongest soldier"
levi wasn't listening to them, he watched as you throw your head back again at something jean said, when did that fucker made himself a professional clown to make you laugh like that?
your shoulder brushed jean's, unintentionally, yet levi's expression tightened a fraction more. too free. too close to that annoying fucking-
tch.
he rose abruptly, the legs of his chair scraping sharply against the floor, the sound slicing through the mess hall chatter. his tray rattled in his hand as he turn away before anyone could see how tightly his fingers curled around the edges of the plate.
"brat..." he muttered to himself. "stop being so...infuriating."
your eyes snapped at the sudden sound. they locked onto him instantly. sharper and steel. clean. precise. it slid between his ribs as easily as a blade.
he didn't turn at first, but he felt it, oh he definitely did- your stare slicing cleanly through the warmth of the room, cutting straight to him with such accuracy.
finally, he glanced over his shoulder, grey eyes meeting yours across the crowded hall. no expression at all in his attractive face. but underneath...
you didn't look away.
neither did he.
and for a long, breathless second, all the surroundings seemed to evaporate. the noise dulled. the color faded. everything narrowed to that one electric line of tension stretched between your eyes and his- unspoken anger, unspoken challenge, unspoken something dangerously beneath, unspoken, unspoken...
then-
damn.
he broke the stare first, the smallest- yet clearest- admission of defeat.
he resumed walking, posture stiff, the burning suffocating heat of your glare branding itself onto his back with every step.
"stupid" he rasped under his breath once in the hallway, the empty corridor magnifying the roughness of his voice. "even when you're mad...you're still everywhere."
and he hated how much that was true.
he moved faster. the farther he got from the mess hall, the stranger he felt- off balance, like the ground had shifted half an inch without warning. his heart raced, irregular and fast, like it was reacting to something he didn't understand.
your look.
the way you didn't flinch.
the way you didn't yield to him- him- like everyone else did.
no one- not recruits, not seniors, not even titans- had ever dared stare at him with that combination of fury and coldness
he hated it. truly. fiercely.
he hated how vividly he remembered your expression.
he hated how your face insisted on burning itself behind his eyelids.
he hated how earlier in the stables, the sunlight had caught the side of your face, warming your cheek, highlighting the tension of your jaw...
he exhaled, dragging a hand through his dark hair, unstable equilibrium by a single, infuriating grunt with a temper and a pink ribbon.
he walker faster.
but no matter how much distance he put between himself and the mess hall-
your glare
your voice
your anger
your warmth
your smile
-followed him like a second shadow.
that night, you had a task far more tedious than scrubbing clothes: cleaning the stables as a part of your every-week duty. you were supposed to do it with armin, but he had come down with a persistent cold that finally took him out for the evening. consequently, you were entirely alone.
outside, the night was pitch black- the kind of consuming darkness that swallowed whole whatever dared stand too far from the reach of the candles. sounds felt muffled, distant, swallowed by the heavy blanket of the night. the stars shone like icy pinpricks across an ink-dark sky. the full moon, high and merciless, washed over the base grounds with cold, bluish light, stretching long, skeletal shadows through the stable yard.
inside the barn, silence reigned with a strange, reverent stillness. earlier, the place had been filled with the familiar, exhausting rhythm of squad life-footsteps, shouts, cleaning order, swords, boots, laughs in the middle of shouts of pain. now it stood quiet, save for the slow, ambient sound of resting horses. hay rustled softly with their shifting weight. a few tired snorts broke the stillness.
everyone else, worn by the day, had collapsed into sleep.
everyone except you, of course, mucking out the stables- and levi, who, as usual, hadn't even attempted to sleep yet.
he couldn't. he rarely slept to begin with as we all know, but tonight...tonight his thoughts were too loud. too intrusive. too crowded with irritation and unwanted images- h/c hair catching sunlight, defiant e/c eyes, a bright pink ribbon tied stubbornly in your hair like a deliberate touch of disobedience.
he firmly told himself he wasn't checking on you.
not really.
it was just his routine late-night rounds. coincidence. nothing more.
as he passed the main stables, silent as a ghost, he caught sight of you through the open loading door. alone. your h/c hair had fallen completely loose from its tie during the work, the ribbon hanging from a single strand of your hair, trembling each time you moved.
and then-
a horse shifted suddenly in its stall, hooved scraping sharply against the wooden floor. the animal let out an abrupt, restless whinny that echoed through the rafters like a crack of thunder.
you jumped violently, scared by the sudden eruption of sound in the dead quiet. you stumbled back, colliding hard with a thick wooden beam behind you.
"fuck"
you hissed, touching your shoulder were the impact had struck. your face twisted in the pain
before he could stop himself- before he could order his brain to ignore the urge to intervene-
he stepped fully into view
"idiot. what the hell are you doing here alone?"
you exhaled, throwing the shovel down meanwhile you tried to calm the horse. "what do you think? playing cards?" you snapped, rubbing your shoulder before immediately graving the shovel again, refusing to acknowledge either the pain or his presence.
he watched how you stubbornly resumed shoveling hay as if you hadn't just knocked half the air out of your lungs with that fall. predictable. reckless. infuriating.
he walked toward you, each step echoing with the authority of someone who rarely had to repeat himself.
when he reached you. he didn't even need to touch you to see the truth. even from a short distance, he noticed the faint tightening around your eyes, and the early shadow of a bruise forming beneath the fabric over your shoulder.
"now, don't be difficult. you hit that beam pretty hard, i heard it all the way outside."
"i'm...okay" you insisted. but the last word cracked- betraying yourself- soft, thin, edged with the pain you desperately tried to swallow. you're not weakness. your hand pressed more over your shoulder, a clear admission you didn't want to give him.
your pink ribbon- half undone from earlier- was dangling near your collarbone like a reminder of who you were: strong, reckless and impossible to ignore.
even for him.
especially for him.
he noticed precisely how you winced when your fingers brushed the injury. the gesture was tiny, but he saw everything. he always did. and that tiny movement told him exactly how much pain you were pretending not to feel.
he shouldn't care. you were being stupid-again. out here alone, with no lantern, no partner, no brain apparently. it was dangerous. foolish. and yet...
"let me see"
he closed the distance between you- so fast and silent that you barely had time to see him. suddenly he was right there, invading your space like a storm front, the cold authority of his presence pressing against you harder than the air itself.
your back brushed the rough wood of the stalls as you stepped away from him, but he only followed, crowding into the narrow space until escape wasn't an option.
"not necessar-"
he shut you down instantly.
"shut up"
final.
he was so close you could see the faint shadows under his eyes, the lines of tension carves into his brow. but levi wasn't looking at your face.
his hawk-like eyes were pinned entirely on the bruise forming beneath your shirt- violet, blue, swelling fast. it throbbed with every heartbeat, visible even through the coarse fabric. the sight of it seemed to aggravate him.
"take off your shirt"
he said with absolute certainty. a command, not a suggestion. not even a request. as if asking you to peel back your uniform was no different from ordering you to clean equipment or stand at attention. no hesitation. no awkwardness. just the expectation that you would obey.
your expression snapped instantly into disbelief.
"are you insane?" you knew levi.
and you knew, deep down in the rational, logical core of your soldierâs mind, that you were in the safest possible place wherever he was.
you felt comfortable, in a strange, uncompromising way, around him. you knew exactly what kind of man he wasâa respectful and serious man.
but damn, this entire situation made you utterly embarrassed. because he- he is- like- ugh.
for a long, charged moment, neither of you moved.
not the horses
not the shadows
not even the air between you
"i'll go to the medical room myself. it's not a big dea-"
his eyes darkened dangerously, the last sliver of his patience fraying like old rope. the temperature in the barn seemed to plummet further.
"now" he commanded.
he was losing his final bit of restraint. the way you argued with him, the way you refused to give in to his authority, the way you were so stubborn even as you stood there obviously injured...it was driving him mad. he didn't want you to walk away to the damn medical wing. he wanted to see you. to make absolutely sure you were fine under his direct supervision.
furious, you glared at him one last time. you angrily tried to take off you shirt with the functionating arm but the movement twisted your injured shoulder, stopping you short. you couldn't do it alone because of your sharp pain in your joint.
"can't you do anything right without causing a scene?"
his hands shooting out to grasp the bottom hem of your shirt. his touch was firm but surprisingly gentle, calculating the movement necessary to pull the fabric up and over your head without hurting you further.
the dark clothed lifter, blinding you for a second. he caught the soft curse you muttered under your breath as the shirt came off. his ears pricked, a faint smirk appearing on his lips. he was used to hearing your insults, but the quiet way you muttered it now was different.
the moment the shirt was gone, his breath hitched. he stood still, his grip on the discarded shirt tightening around the fabric. he swallowed, hard, trying desperately to fight down the unfamiliar, unwelcome feeling welling in his chest. you were injured and stubborn and infuriating, but in this moment, under the moonlight- you were also devastatingly beautiful.
his eyes ran quickly over your form- the smooth, bare skin of your stomach, the faint shadow of your ribs contracting with your sharp breaths, the soft, vulnerable curve of your neck.
he tried to quell the sudden, frantic racing of his heart and regain control. he needed to focus. right. your shoulder...he needed to check your damn shoulder...
"so?" you demanded now, impatient for the verdict.
levi ignored you completely. he reached for the small, sterile med pack he carried on his belt, placing on it on the stable bench beside the wash basin. "so shut up and hold still, unless you want me to make it hurt more than it needs to"
he pressed the tips of two fingers just below the swelling on your shoulder, testing the bone and joint integrity. you flinched, and that tiny sound of pain punched straight through his chest, a sickening, sharpening sensation he hated.
a beat passed, charged with the shared pain and the close proximity
"...it's not dislocated. just badly bruised," he explained, "but if you keep moving like an idiot, throwing yourself at beams, it certainly will be"
he pulled out a roll of professional white bandages from the kit, his gaze fixed meticulously on your darkening injury. he was concentrating fiercely on the medical task...and not at all on how little fabric covered you right now.
he was lying to himself. and he knew it.
"if you keep making me do pointless duties, i won't have a choice but to move," you said, the hint of truth in your words- that your injury was a little bit his fault too- making something tighten painfully in his throat. he stayed silent, simply looking down at your injured shoulder, his fingers tracing the edge of the bruising lightly.
as he finished wrapping your shoulder, securing the wide, clean bandage, the air in the barn suddenly felt thicker, impossibly tenser.
he couldn't immediately take his eyes off you- the way your loose, soft hair fell around your shoulders, the way the moonlight made your bare skin glow like porcelain..the way the thin fabric of your bra did absolutely nothing to hide how your chest rose and fell with every quick, shallow breath you took.
he wanted to turn away, but he was fixated on the sight. so precious.
you tried to put your shirt back on again but found you couldn't maneuver the injured shoulder or tie the knot that held your hair back with your good arm alone. "can you.." you mumbled, the sound one of pure, humiliating reluctance. you swallowed your pride and spat out the demand. "fucking help me?"
"took you long enough to ask"
he picked up your shirt, shaking it out before moving behind you. his hands brushed lightly against your good shoulder as he carefully guided the fabric over your arms and then gently slipped it around the injured one without jostling it.
too close again.
his fingers accidentally touched the exposed skin of your upper back and the nape of your neck as he smoothed the collard.
your breath hitched.
so did his.
he tried to act like the intimacy didn't affect him- the way you stiffened under his touch, the way his heart thumped against his ribs like a trapped, desperate bird. his face was close enough now that he could make out the faint, almost invisible freckles on your neck, the way the soft, downy hair at your nape curled...the complex scent of your skin, like clean linen and something warm, sweet and entirely yours.
it was too much. he couldn't think straight- couldn't think of anything but how damn soft and vulnerable you looked like this.
"ehrm..thank you," you said softly and very, very low.
the words almost surprised him into moving. you, thanking him? he almost thought he'd imagined it.
he stilled completely, his fingers resting briefly against the skin of your nape, your soft hair brushing against his knuckles. you were so warm. so slid. he could feel the was the faint pulse in your neck hammered frantically under his touch, mirroring his own chaotic heartbeat.
for a suspended moment, he just stood there, letting the deep, heavy silence envelop you both, the entire universe centered on the shared warmth and the sound of your breathing. until...
he cleared his throat.
"don't...mention it"
"i should go to my room now," you said, clearly seeking escape the impossible proximity.
he stepped back quickly, giving you room to turn and face him again, the sudden loss of your closeness made something in his chest twist, hollow and sharp, but he brutally ignored it, shoving that unwanted thought aside. he needed to stop getting so damn distracted. he needed to act normal. and right now, that meant being the cold, grumpy bastard that you expected of him
"you should."
you went inside, walking quickly and without looking back.
levi stood in the stable doorway long after your silhouette disappeared down the hall- the ghost of your warmth and the scent of your skin still clinging stubbornly in his hands.
he didn't move. not for minutes. the damp night air bit at his exposed skin, but he barely felt it.
that soft "thank you" played over and over in his mind- how quiet it was, how vulnerable, how real. it felt like you'd let something essential slip that wasn't supposed to be seen.
and damn it...so had he.
he went outside finally but not before glancing-just once-at the distant window of your room.
lights were off.
no movement.
but the echo of the movement remained, tangled around his ribcage.
"fuck" he hissed kicking a small pebble across the stones. "why do you have to make this so...hard?"
and for once, he wasn't talking about your attitude.
author's note: long ass chapter for this one, so i had this one written last week but i literally forgot to post it, my bad, hope you guys like it, i'll try to have the next chapter soon ty guys for reading it, it makes me really happy. and just one word: HOT much love xx âđâËâšâĄ
the crisp, biting morning air was filled with the usual, rhythmic sounds of the scout regiment base stirring to life- the dull of thud of boots on dirt, and the whinnying of horses. sunlight was only just beginning to stream over the horizon, painting the sky in pale greys and blues.
lev rose at his usual ungodly hour, the concept of a full night's sleep being foreign to him. his sleep-depreived eyes, sharp and alert despite the fatigue, scanned the area as he took his morning patrol. it didn't take long for his gaze to catch sight on you. you were already deep in the muck of the stables, fulfilling the punishment he had promised-or perhaps, gifted- you the day before.
he walker over slowly, the crunch of his boots on the gravel deliberate. he stopped a few faces away, arms crossed tightly over his chest as he looked at you. he didn't say anything at first, simply taking in the sight of you heaving heavy, soiled straw with a pitchfork. a small, satisfied smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth-he couldn't resist the wave of shadenfreude that washed over him.
"not so cocky now, are you?"
he leaned casually against a nearby wooden pillar, his posture relaxed in contrast to your hard labor. his steel-grey eyes roamed over your form, noting the way your uniform was already slightly dusty, your boots caked in mud, and your hair beginning to escape it's tie.
it was an amusing sight to behold-the usually smug, sharp-tongued brat reduced to manual labor, sweating in the early chill, all because she just had to push his buttons.
you paused, leaning heavily on the pitchfork. you wiped a sheen of sweat from your forehead with the back of you hand, leaving a streak of dirt across your skin. you glared at the groud, refusing to give him the satisfaction of eye contact.
"i'm not going to answer," you said angrily, your voice tight with supressed rage as you aggressively resumed cleaning, "cause everything i say gets used against my will, so, i will shut up."
levi's smirk widened a bit at your response. he had to admit, that was a smart tactical move on your part. silence was perhaps the only weapon you had left in this situation.
he pushed off the stable pillar, sauntering closer to you, slowly. he watched you continue your work, observing the flex of your muscles and the stubborn set of your jaw. there was something about seeing you like this-disheveled, covered in dust, and thoroughly pissed off-that was almost... it stripped away your composure and let something raw and fiery underneath.
he stopped outside the swing of your pitchfork, crossing his arms again, speaking with a tone as dry and abrasive as desert sand.
"how noble of you," he drawled, his voice low, "keeping that mouth quiet for once. i didn't think it was physically possible."
you didn't talk. you didn't offer a single retort. you simply clamped your mouth shut, grinding your teeth, and threw yourself into the work just to finish as soon as humanly possible to escape his suffocating presence. she moved from the stalls to the laundry area, dunking dirty linens into icy water until your hands were numb.
levi watched your struggle for a moment, his patience for inefficiency running out. he crouched down beside the pile of linens you were scrubbing, the movement fluid and silent. with two fingers, he plucked a damp, soapy cloth from the bucket as if the mere existence of the fabric offended him personally.
"tch," the sound sharp against the sloshing water. "you're doing it wrong. you're just spreading the filth around."
without another word, he reached into the bucket. he adjusted the fabric in your hands, his callous, warm fingers briefly brushing against your cold, wet knuckles. the contact was small, but it sent a strange jolt through the air. he demonstrated the proper technique with short, aggressive motions- the movements typical of someone who valued cleanliness over godliness.
"...hurry up and finish," he added, standing back up and wiping his hands on a handkerchief, "so i don't have to keep staring at your terrible form. it's painful to watch."
and yet- he didn't walk away. he remained rooted to the spot, hovering like a dark cloud, ostensibly supervising but realistically just...staying.
suddenly, footsteps approached, breaking the strange bubble of tension.
"y/n? oh, here you are," jean's voice rang out, breaking the quiet. he stepped into the cleaning area, looking a bit winded, a tint of shy blush dusting high across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. "i was looking for you. when are you finishing here?"
levi's eyes narrowed at jean's approach- the sudden interruption annoying him more than it should be. he glanced between jean's hopeful face and you, instantly noting the color on the younger boy's cheeks. it was pathetic. a flare of what looked like cold disapproval flashed in levi's steel-grey eyes.
he turned his attention back to you, awaiting your answer with an unexpectant frown. he didn't like the way jean looked at you-the way the boy's heart was probably thumping in his chest with the raw innocence and eagerness of someone young and infatuated. it was a look levi hadn't work in years.
"when i finish," you said, your voice completely changing. the anger evaporated, replaced by the softness you never showed your captain. you offered jean a genuine half-smile. "don't worry, i'll go with you and the horses to see the sunset, just like we planned."
jean's face lit up instantly at your words, his expression softening with undeniable hopefulness. "really? great i'll wait inside then"
it was almost nauseatingly sweet, that innocent crush of his. it was so open, so vulnerable. even levi found himself wincing at the display, a bad taste forming on his mouth.
he couldn't help but make a derisive, audible huff under his breath, turning away to hide his distaste. he continued to watch the two of you out of the corner of his eye, his glare burning a hole into the side of jean's head.
with jean gone, the warmth seemed to leave the area with him, and a heavy, uncomfortable silence settled over the two of you once again. it was suffocating, filled with the scratching sounds of your brush against fabric and the distant snort of a horse.
levi's frown deepened as he watched jean's figure, his eyes on the spot where the younger boy had stood just moments ago. he was annoyed, though he didn't want to examine why. the fact that jean had come all the way out just to see you, that he was clearly, pitifully infatuated with you- it bothered him more than it probably should have- it gnawed at him.
he finally broke the silence.
"how long has that horse boy swooning over you?"
"none of your business," you shot back instantly. the warmth you had shown jean vanished, replaced by your cold attitude again. you scrubbed the clothes furiously, as fast as you could, wishing the friction could scrub away levi's presence as well.
your cold response didn't surprise him- he'd expected no less from you. but the fact that you'd gotten so defensive over a simple comment...it bothered him. it felt like you were guarding something.
"oh don't be prickly all of a sudden. it's just a simple question. afraid to admit you like the attention or something? does it make you feel special?"
you stopped scrubbing for a split second, looking up with fire in your eyes, "afraid to be quiet for once?" you asked back, voice sharp enough to cut all the glasses of the regiment
you were the only person in the whole regiment-aside from hange and erwin- that dared to talk to him like that.
levi's jaw audibly clenched at your cheeky response. you always seemed to know just how to push his buttons, making his hackles rise instantly. no one else had the audacity. but somehow, coming from you, it was infinitely more infuriating because he couldn't just dismiss you as a fool.
he took a step closer, invading your space again. his eyes darkening. he was tempted, almost, to make a biting comment about you being a mouthy brat in need for serious discipline to learn your place.
"careful, brat" he warned, his voice dropping an octave. "you're testing my patience here. and it's running on fumes, don't try me."
you didn't flinch. you met his gaze head on.
"then leave"
levi didn't move either.
he stood there, boots planted immovable in the dirt floor of the stable annex.
"you really think i give a damn about what you want?"
his gaze flicked involuntarily, to your hands- raw and red from scrubbing, skin chafed, fingernails visibly chipped from the harsh labor. for half a second, somethin complex- not quite pity, but perhaps a flash of guilt or reluctant concern- passed through his chest.
"no, i'm staying right here," he stated, his voice regaining it's usual edge. "because unlike that idiot with horse face, i actually give a damn if you collapse from overworking yourself, at least i helped you, he literally left, leaving you here."
"overworking?" you repeated with incredulity and boiling resentment. you propelled yourself upwards and forward, lifting your body out of the scrubbing basing to be as close as levi, bringing him eye-to-eye. "the one who is punishing me by giving me all this work is you."
he didn't flinched at your proximity, calm, despite the fact that you were suddenly right up in his face, the intensity radiating off like heat.
you never, ever backed down from a fight, no matter the odds or the seniority of your opponent. he'd always admired that fire in you.
"oh, you poor thing. acting as if i've sentenced you to some cruel and unusual torture instead of just a simple, necessary chore to keep your filthy hands busy..."
levi studied your face, the way your breath came just a little too fast. you were clearly furious. and yet...you still didn't look away. you held his gaze perfectly.
"...i don't care if jean wants to moon over you like some lovesick foal"
silence. tension. thick. heavy.
"i do this because you need discipline. not because i enjoy watching you scrub laundry like a damn maid"
but even as he said the words- the perfect, logical justification for his actions-he didn't move back. he didn't create distance.
and for once- just a dangerous second- his stare held something hotter and more turbulent than pure anger.
"i-don't-need-discipline," you whispered, pushing even closer to him, your faces now mere inches from each other, close enough to feel the warmth of the other's labored breath.
"then why," levi murmured, his voice sinking like gravel ground together with smoke, "do you keep pushing me...like you want me to break you?"
his breath ghosted over your lips- warm, close, so close it was maddening. the stale, humid air between your faces seemed to crackle with something dangerous. unspoken. electric. it wasn't just anger; it was physical, raw energy threatening to ignite, vibrating in the sliver of space between you.
you felt your heartbeat hammer against your ribs, loud enough that surely he could hear it. the intensity made the hair on your arms stand on end. his closeness was suffocating, intoxicating, infuriating all at once.
one of his hand twitched at his side-barely a movement, but enough to expose the internal war tearing at him. a tension between dragging you closer or shoving you back into place.
instead-
"you think i don't see it?" he whispered. he leaned in just a fraction. eyes locked, searching. dissecting. "the way you test every limit? like punishment is the only atttention that feels real to you"
the honesty in his tone cut deeper than any insult he'd ever thrown at you. you swallowed hard, trying to react, trying to not let him see how his words struck something bare.
a beat.
too intimate, too charged, too vulnerable.
then, without warning, he leaned in closer- his lips brushing the shell of your ear. sending a shiver running down your spine.
"finish the damn laundry,"
before you could respond or even blink, he pulled away. the loss of his warmth hit like a bucket of cold walter. he straightened, expression back into that infuriating, unreadable calm, and turned abruptly. boots hitting the floor faster than usual.
no backward glance. no hesitation.
you stood there frozen. pulse still thundering in your ears.
and he didn't return to its usual steady rhythm for a long, long time after he dissipated from the stables.
you were shocked. you stayed motionless for what felt like an eternity, your raw hands still gripping the soaked linen, your breath still coming in short, quick gasps. it wasn't until the distant sound of levi's footsteps finally faded that you truly registered what had just happened. you shook your head violently, trying to clear the heat from your mind, and threw yourself back into the chores fast, determined to finish in time to spend time with jean.
"stupid. stupid fucking levi." the words a desperate attempt to displace the confusing images of his intense, close gaze.
meanwhile, in his office, levi found himself glancing over the window, checking the time, and pacing far more often than he'd like to admit. he was watching the clock, calculating how quickly you could possibly finish- and thinking about the implications. watching how fast you were scrubbing-
oh he was mad at the very thought of you with that stupid, naive horse-boy. he couldn't figure it why. was it disgust at the sentimentality? or was it something else, something messier?
he physically shook the thought away, rubbing his temples before attempting to go back to his seemingly endless paperwork. he was just feeling extremely irritated. that was all. nothing more. and it was all your fault- the way you'd managed to get so far under is skin in the span of a single morning.
you finally finished the laundry, leaving the now-clean area with almost suspicious speed. you dusted off your uniform and headed outside, looking for jean, but the intense memory of your captain's eyes and breath were still scorching your mind.
levi was just leaving the stables- having ostensibly done a final inspection- when he saw you heading outside. his blood ran cold. no doubt you were off to go meet with jean, judging by how you seemed to pick up your pace and look eagerly down the path.
he watched the way you walked away- your legs, your hips...- and gritted his teeth so tightly he could almost hear his molars clicking. feeling an irrational surge of annoyance as he thought about the way you'd be smiling and talking with that lovesick fool.
he had absolutely no reason to feel this way. and yet...
he couldn't help but mutter under his breath, the one word echoing the confusion in his heart:
"...brat"
PART III.
author's note: okay it's getting hot in here heheh. hope you guys like this lil series as much as i am. just thinking of levi as a smol jealous baby makes me happy. see you all next week, tsym for reading, truly. much love xx âđâËâšâĄ
to say levi disliked you was the understatement of a lifetimeâof a life spent in service. heâd never once explicitly said so, but he was a man whose actions spoke volumes louder than his words.
there was absolutely no mistaking the fact that he consistently gave you the most unfavorable, gruelling chores of all the squad members. and he had no problem calling you "brat" to the point where you were almost certain it was the name written on your birth certificate. the message was clear: he hated you. and judging by your icy glares and the silent, simmering anger beneath them, the feeling seemed entirely mutual.
after catching you sending one of those rather nasty, full-on looks in his directionâa look that promised a swift, silent deathâhe huffed in sheer annoyance, following it with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. âtch. Your face is gonna get stuck that way if you keep frowning, brat,â he snapped, his voice rough and devoid of any warmth.
âthatâs what Iâm aiming for, captain,â you answered instantly, letting out a heavy, exasperated huff as you mirrored his posture, folding your arms tightly across your chest. your tone was laced with a thick, deliberate layer of sarcasm.
levi lifted an eyebrow at your response, but his expression remained the same. your words were as sharp as ever. it seemed like you were constantly trying to get under his skin and push his buttons. it didnât help that he found your unrelenting sass irritatingly⌠captivating.
"your attitude needs a serious, immediate adjustment. youâre more of a headache than a squad member.â
âand is captain leviâthe captain with the worst attitude in the entire scout regimentâtelling me that?â you countered, your voice dripping with acidic sarcasm that made the surrounding air feel instantly colder.
he was clearly in a foul mood todayâperhaps the paperwork was piled too high, or maybe the mess hall floors werenât up to his impossible standardsâand you werenât helping matters by being your usual abrasive, sarcastic self.
he took a challenging step toward you, the movement quick and predatory, completely obliterating the already limited space between you. âdonât even get me started at least I take things seriously. i understand the gravity of our situation. you, on the other hand, seem to think everything is some poorly executed joke meant to test my sanity.â
âoh, is your big, fragile ego hurt, captain?â you demanded, your voice rising as you narrowed your own eyes right back at him, refusing to break the challenging stare. you stood your ground, fueled by your mutual antagonism.
without waiting for his retaliationâwhich you knew was surely comingâyou spun on your heel and moved off to do the tasks he had assigned: a veritable list of tedious cleaning and organizational nightmares.
levi watched your retreating figure, a faint, frustrated frown tugging at the corner of his meticulously clean mouth. you were always like thisâsulky, stubborn, endlessly sarcastic. a chaotic mix of traits he usually despised, yet he honestly didnât know how that combination both irritated him so intensely and, inexplicably, intrigued him.
he let out a barely audible sighâa rare breach in his self-controlâand shook his head. he immediately reminded himself that you were nothing more than a perpetual pain in the ass and that he had far more important, life-or-death matters to worry about than your infuriating antics.
but despite that firm internal command, he couldnât help stealing a glance at you every now and then. he observed as you begrudgingly began to clean the mess hall tables, a slight, secretly amused frown on your face. It wasnât amusement at the chore, but at the fact that you had successfully gotten under the skin of humanityâs strongest soldier. you were a pest, a nuisance⌠and yet, his eyes kept drifting back to you.
even with your infuriating, insubordinate attitude, there was no denying your skill, efficiency, and sharp dedication to your duties outside the cleaning rotation. levi, being as intensely observant as he was, couldnât help but take note of it. he might not admit it aloudâhe wouldnât admit it even under tortureâbut he was genuinely impressed by your combat abilities and tactical mind. It was almost as if he was fighting the acknowledgment every step of the way.
he found himself comparing you to himself and to his other, more manageable squad members, weighing your strengths and weaknesses against theirs. your quick thinking under pressure was undeniable, even if your mouth was a liability. the deep frown on his face softened, shifting into a more neutral, contemplative expression.
as the hours of mundane chores passed, levi found himself watching you more often than necessary, silently assessing your every move. he tried fiercely to justify his scrutinyâhe was simply making sure you were doing your work properly, inspecting the cleaning, ensuring no corner was neglected. but the unusual intensity of his gaze betrayed his hollow rationalizations.
finally, as you finished your last taskâwiping down the final shelf and placing the cleaning supplies back into the cabinet with an irritating thudâhe broke the silence.
âwell, it seems youâve managed to finish your chores without screwing anything up for once.â
there was a carefully hidden praise in his words, though he did his best to mask it with his usual contempt.
exhausted and fed up, you didnât bother to turn around. Instead, you tossed the broom toward him. âi should be training, not scrubbing floors like a house servant.â
leviâs hand shot out with impossible speed, catching the broom handle inches from his face. he leaned into it, fixing you with a judgmental stare.
âtraining isnât the only part of being a scout. kreping your area tidy and maintaining order is just as crucial. a filthy mind resides in a filthy environment.â
a faint smirk tugged at one corner of his mouth as he added, âbesides, someone has to do it, since youâre the biggest, most hopeless slob in the entire regiment.â
âfuck you,â you muttered under your breath, turning away too quickly for him to catch the glare you sent his way, the words swallowed almost entirely by the ambient noise.
leviâs eye twitchedâa minuscule spasm only the most observant person, which you happened to be, could possibly notice. despite hearing your muttered curse, he didnât reprimand you. he didnât shout, didnât even raise his voice. heâd heard worse. hell, heâd done worse.
with a quiet scoff that conveyed his overall disgust with the entire exchange, he pushed the broom aside. the wooden handle hit the stone with a sharp crack, momentarily breaking the thick tension hanging between you like a thread.
he turned away, his survey corps cloak swishing behind him as he began walking, his boots tapping out precise, rhythmic sounds on the flagstones. but he didnât leave without a final, low threatâwhispered quietly enough that only you could hear it.
âkeep talking to a superior like that, Y/N⌠and Iâll put you on latrine duty for an entire month.â the calm with which he said it was far more terrifying than any shout.
âTry me,â you shot back instantly, your voice just as low, just as sharp, dripping with cold resolve. you didnât wait for his response, pivoting quickly to leave the hallway and return to the familiar comfort of your friends.
that damn brat was pushing her luck too far.
levi stopped mid-stride, his body facing forward but his head snapping around. his cold eyes tracked your form as you walked away, quickly catching up with your friends and dissolving into their chatter. he watched the way you movedâthe confident way you carried yourself, the proud tilt of your chin.
it made his jaw clench, the muscle tightening in the corner of his cheek. the idea of you on latrine duty for a month was sounding more appealing by the second.
âfine. letâs see how cocky you are after doing laundry tomorrow morning,â he muttered to the empty hallway.
âtry me.â
author's note: IM BACK AND SEXIER THAN EVER. omg guys im so sorry for the hiatus, ITS BEEN SO LONG. i needed a break from tea and you, so here's a little enemies to lovers series im gonna do, no more than four or five chapters for you delightment. it helped me with my writting, so i hope you all enjoy meanwhile i finish tea and you. hope everyone is good and well and beautiful as always. much love xx âđâËâšâĄ
Warnings: angst, blood, death, smut, unprotected sex, swearing, graphic scenes, idiots in love
âgo away, levi,â you said, your voice low and tight with anger,muffled by the closed door between you. it wasnât a scream-- it was worse. controlled. clipped. the kind of tone that meant you were simmering beneath the surface, gathering every sharp sword like weapons lined on a battlefield.
levi smirked, just barely. he knew that tone. it was the same one youâd used before slashing into his pride with precision-calibrated words. you werenât sleep. you were awake, and more than that, you were stewing.
he imagined you now- arms folded tightly across your chest, jaw set, eyes blazing with indignation. maybe pacing. maybe glaring at the door like it had personally betrayed you. his fingers brushed the wood between you. cold. solid. but not impenetrable.
he leaned in slightly, voice low, resolute. ânot a chanceâ
a silence followed-- long and thick. stretching like wire ready to snap. levi wasnât a man accustomed to waiting. time, for him, was usually marked by bloodshed and orders barked across chaos. but here, in the hallway outside your quarters, each second felt like a slow turn of a blade.
âdonât you have captain duties to do?â you finally said, voice laced with that dangerously sweet sarcasm he knew too well.
ah- you were mad. not annoyed. not irritated. mad.
âi can do those later,â he said, his voice firm but lacking its usual sharpness. âright now, i want to talk to you.â
another pause. this one longer. he could hear soft movement inside, the creak of wood under your weight, maybe the faint rustle of fabric as you shifted restlessly. you were debating. calculating. he could almost feel your hesitation bleeding through the door.
âif youâre going to talk nonsense like earlier,â you finally snapped through the edge your voice had softened just a bit, âi swear, i can bite, levi ackerman. iâm warning you. they donât call me the strongest woman for no reason.â
there it was- that fire, that heat that first drew him to you in the first place. a thread laced with just enough humor to crack the tension, but not enough to defuse it entirely. levi huffed a short breath- almost a laugh. almost.
âbite if you want,â he replied, unwavering. âi am not going anywhere until we talk.â
there was a beat of silence. then, the soft sound of a lock sliding free.
you opened the door with a slow, reluctant motion, revealing yourself at last. you were clad in a pair of old flannel pajamas-- plaid, slightly faded at the cuffs-- but beneath the unbuttoned top, youâd hastily thrown on a dark pair of sweatpants and a plain grey t-shirt, wrinkled and clinging slightly to your skin. your hair was tousled, strands falling into your face, and your eyes were puffy from frustration--or something else you didnât want to name.
leviâs eyes flicked over you quickly, his expression unreadable. you looked disheveled. unshielded. raw in a way that tugged at something deep in his chest. whatever frustration heâd brought to your door dimmed slightly in the face of your visible exhaustion.
but then he saw it.
crimson, stark and vivid, bloomed through the white of the bandage. his jaw clenched.
âyouâre bleeding,â he said, clipped and direct, his voice taut with controlled concern. he didnât want to make a scene, again, not when things were already so fragile between you--but the sigh of that blood, fresh, and darkening, ignited something fierce in him.
you brow furrowed, confused, until your eyes followed his line of sight. a flicker of recognition crossed your face, followed by a small, nonchalant, âohâ
you turned away with a jerk of your shoulder, vanishing into the bathroom like it was no more serious than a paper cut.
leviâs eyes narrowed. he followed you into your quarters, the soft sound of his boots dull against the word wooden floor. the room smelled faintly of soap and lavender oil-- things you used when you wanted to calm your nerves, he remembered. he paused just at the threshold of the bathroom, watching through the partially open door as you settled on the edge of the tub, fingers already tugging at the soaked gauze.
the bathroom light was harsh, casting shadows under your eyes. you looked tired. stubborn. determined to downplay your pain, as always.
âthatâs all you have to say? âoh?ââ levi asked, incredulous, arms crossing as he leaned against the doorframe. his voice wasnât cold--it never was with you-- but it carried a weight that was hard to ignore.
âi didnât realize it was still bleeding,â you muttered, gritting your teeth as you tried to peel the gauze away from your skin. âitâs fineâ
you winced as the sticky bandage tugged at the torn flesh beneath, the edges now darkened with fresh blood.
levi took one look at your fumbling fingers and felt his patience snap.
âidiot,â he said under his breath, his tone sharp. âstopâ
before you could protest, he was already moving, kneeling down on the cold tile beside the tub. the air between you shifted. the room suddenly felt smaller.
you stiffened as his hands brushed yours aside with surprising gentleness. his touch firm, his fingers were calloused but careful as he examined the damage. eyes narrowing at the inflamed edges of the wound.
you watched him, quietly. the anger youâd worn like armor moments ago slipped slightly, replaced with something quieter, softer.
âyou donât have to-â you started, but he cut you off with a look. not harsh. justâŚsteady.
âlet meâ
he peeled the gauze away slowly, piece by piece, revealing the deep gash beneath. his lips pressed into a hard line as he took in the swollen, reddened skin, the torn edge of the wound. you bit the inside of your cheek, more from the way he was looking at it than from the sting of the exposed injury.
levi didnât speak for a long moment. when he finally did, his voice was low.
âhow long have you been bleeding like this?â he asked, his voice tight.
âi donât know,â you mumbled, eyes flicking to the side. âmaybe since i got hereâŚwhen i tried to get away from you or when i put on my pjâs. probably like five minutes ago.â you shrugged. âitâs fineâ
âitâs not fine, you idiot.â leviâs voice echoed against the small bathroomâs tiled walls, clipped and frustrated. âyou shouldnât just bleed like this and act like itâs no big deal. it can get infected if you let all that shit get in it.â he pressed a clean piece of gauze to the wound, firm but careful.
you leaned back against the edge of the bathtub, watching him work. there was a fant, amused curve to your lips
levi huffed, clearly irritated, the sound cutting though the quiet like a knife. he glanced up at you, narrowing his eyes. âdonât smile at me like thatâ
you tilted your head. âitâs cute when you get worried, sorry.â
âstop thinking this is cuteâ his voice dropped, flat and cold, but beneath that tone was something deeper-- raw and tense. âyouâre in pain, youâre bleeding, and youâre probably catching a cold. thereâs nothing cute about that.â
ââŚokay. fine. sorry.â you smile faded. your gaze lowered to the tiled floor, shoulders slumping a little under the weight of his words. somehow, even after all your back-and-forth, you always ended up apologizing to him. to your captain.
levi noted the change in your posture, and although he was satisfied youâd finally taken him seriously, a pang of guilt twisted in his chest at how dejected you looked. he hated that. he didnât want to crush your spirit. he just wanted you to care -- to value yourself the way he did.
he continued silently, rewrapping the wound with fresh gauze, his movements deliberate and gentle despite everything. the medical tape stuck with a soft snap as he secured the last layer. he kept his eyes on your arm but spoke more softly now.
âitâs not just about you being injured or sick,â he said. âitâs about how you act like it doesnât matter. like you donât matter.â
âitâs not that big of a deal,â you mumbled again, your voice quieter now. âa lot of our friends get killed every day by titans.â
the words hung between you like smoke. heavy. inevitable.
levi froze for a moment, his hands resting on your arm, then pulled away slowly. the smell of antiseptic filled the small space, mixing with the faint scent of iron. blood- always blood. he could almost see them again: farlan, isabelâŚthe others. screams on the wind. eyes fading. futures stolen. he carried them all, and now he carried this too -- you.
âthat doesnât make this less important,â he said finally, âi donât care if you think it's not a big deal. to me it is. i donât want to see you hurting.â
you exhaled, shaky. âbut weâre soldiers, levi. we die. maybe even tomorrow i-â
âdonâtâ his voice snapped like a whip. his eyes flashed, cold and fierce, cutting through your words like a blade. âdonât even think thatâ
you blinked, startled.
âi mean it,â he snarled. his hand tightened just above your bandage, not enough to hurt, but enough to root you in place. âyouâre not going to dieâ
âbut-â
âno.â his tone left no room for argument. âyouâll survive. youâll get through the next mission alive. youâre too strong to die. too smart. and iâll be damned if i let it happen.â
you stared at him, his words settling over you like a warm, trembling weight. there was a fierceness in his eyes that held back something more than command -- something unspoken, something fiercely protective, just like he always did with you. his special gift. you swallowed, a soft, uncertain smile touching your lips.
ââŚfine, captain.â the words came out in a whisper.
leviâs posture eased at last. the sharpness in his features softened, the tension in his jaw loosening. he released your arm gently, but his gaze stayed on you, unwavering.
âgood,â he murmured. âdonât even entertain the thought of dying. youâre too stubborn for that anyway.â
there was a beat of silence. you let yourself breathe for the first time in minutes.
âthanks for helping me with the bandage,â you said, not looking up. your gaze on the clean white gauze now wrapped around your arm.
levi shrugged, his shoulders finally easing from their usual tension as his eyes lingered on your arm. the small bathroom had grown quiet, only the faint dripping of the faucet breaking the silence. a fragile sense of peace settled over the space like a thin layer of dust not yet disturbed.
âit's the least i could do,â he murmured. he adjusted the bandage again with precision, ensuring it wasn't too tight around your arm, but firm enough to stop any bleeding. âyou can't just leave an open wound like that-â
you rolled your eyes, the reaction as automatic as breathing. âi'll bite you, ackerman,â you cut him, your tone dry but playful, a soft deflection you always used when you were feeling too exposed.
levi caught the eye roll, and despite himself, the corner of his mouth twitched into a small, reluctant smile. he recognized the defense mechanism immediately. you weren't truly annoyed- you were trying to push him back to a safer emotional distance, like you always did when someone gets too close. just like he does.
âwhat's with the eye roll?â he asked, âyou know iâm right. you have to take better care of yourself.â
you let out a breath through your nose, half amused, half exasperated. âthey gave me three days off from patrol so i can get better,â you replied, your voice carrying a smug undertone as if youâd just won a secret bet.
leviâs eyebrows arched, genuine surprise flashing in his normally unreadable expression. three days? that was unheard of unless someone had lost a limb or worse. either the superiors were finally starting to value your contribution- or they were just terrified of another disciplinary report from him.
âthree days, huh?â he said, eyeing you with faint suspicion. âthey really are going soft on you. and here i thought you were the âstrongest woman in the regimentâ.â
you smirked, your lips curling into a selfish-satisfied grin. âjealous?â you teased. âyou were the one lecturing me about not taking care of myself? now i do, and suddenly they're going soft?â levi let out a short huff, somewhere between a scoff and a breath of laughter. he tried to keep his expression neutral, but it was failing fast. that subtle glint in your eyes, the way your shoulders relaxed now that the pain was in control, it chipped away at the rigid exterior he usually wore.
he slowly slid down the wall, sitting on the bathroom floor at your feet, arms crossing over his chest. his legs stretched out, the toe of one boot tapping rhythmically against the tile. âyou really think iâm jealous?â he said, feigning boredom. âas if iâd want to spend three days holed up in this room while you laze around reading some trashy novelâ
you couldnât help it- you giggled. the sound bubbled out of you before you could stop it, light and airy, a stark contrast to the heaviness of just minutes ago. the room didnât feel like a battlefield anymore. not for now.
âwhatâs so funny?â levi asked, side-eyeing you. âyou think its amusing that iâm out there doing your work?â
âbecause of me?â you repeated, tilting your head as you stared down at him, still grinning.
he smirked, standing up in a single smooth movement, stepping closer until he was only a breath away from you.
âyeah, because of you,â he said matter-of-factly, âyouâre the one getting sick. youâre the one pushing yourself past your limits. and youâre the one making me worry. so yeah, because of you.â his finger flicked lightly against your forehead, just enough to make the point.
you rolled your eyes again this time with a small laugh, with gentleness, you reached up and caught his finger in your hand. the touch was brief, hesitant- but it lingered long enough for both of you to feel the unspoken tension that lay just beneath the surface.
âif i donât take care of myself, itâs bad. if i do itâs bad. either way, iâm in trouble,â you said with a light laugh, squeezing his finger before letting go.
you turned away, the moment slipping back into casual rhythm as you walked toward the small kitchenette tucked into the corner of your room. âdo you want a cup of tea?â you asked, already searching for the kettle.
âtea?â levi repeated, raising an eyebrow, though the trace of a smile still lingers on his lips. âwhat, are you suddenly hospitable now that youâve got time off?â
you looked over your shoulder, narrowing your eyes at him. âdo you want it or not?â
he folded his arms again, exhaling like heâd been asked to make the hardest decision of his life. âyeah, sure. whatever. iâll take a cup.â
you moved quietly to the small kitchenette, the clinking of ceramic mugs and the soft hiss of the kettle cutting through the quiet. your steps were familiar, your motions smooth and practiced as you prepared tea- an ordinary ritual, but tonight, it felt like something more. levi remained by the wall, arms crossed, his eyes tracking you with intensity. he didn't say much, but the weight of his gaze was palpable.
steam spiralez lazily from the spout of the kettle, curling into the air and wrapping the room in a calming warmth. the scent of the tea- a gentle blend of floral notes with a hint of spice- slowly diffused, softening the cold edges of the sterile room.
âyou know, you're surprisingly good at making tea,â levi muttered, his voice low but clear, as if even much vulnerability was a struggle.
you turned your head slowly toward him, eyebrows raised. a smile tugged at your lips before you turned back to your task. âthank you,â you replied, âthatâs probably the best compliment iâve ever gotten from you.â
levi gave a small grunt in response, barely a sound, but it was his way of acknowledging the moment without giving too much ground. he shifted slightly against the wall, arms still folded, though his expression had softened around the eyes.
âdonât let it go to your head,â he added quickly, defensive as always. âi just said youâre surprisingly good at making tea, not that youâre some damn expert.â
you let out a small laugh, handing him one of the freshly filled mugs. âokay, fiiiine, i just said thank you, jerk.â
levi took the mug carefully as he always do. the heat seeped into his fingers, grounding him. he stared down into the steaming liquid, watching the faint swirl of herbs dance beneath the surface. the silence returned, but it wasnât heavy. it was calm, almost domestic- something he rarely experienced.
the clock ticked softly in the background. somewhere outside, a distant wind rustled against the window panes. levi took a sip, his eyes closing for a second as the warmth spread down his throat. the blend was familiar, comforting, and god dammit, it was good.
âyouâre annoying,â he said suddenly, his voice quiet but tinged with dry affection. his eyes remained on his cup.
you smiled into your tea, lips brushing the rim of the mug. âyou love me,â you said, a teasing glint in your eyes- but the words hung in the air longer than they should have, heavier than they were meant to be.
levi nearly choked, the tea catching in his throat. he coughed once, eyes narrowing as he looked up sharply at you. your eyes met his- steady, searching. the silence stretches again, this time thick, fragile, electrified by something unspoken but undeniable.
inside, levi felt his pulse jump. his mind scrambled for a way out of the moment, a lifeline. but there wasnât one. because it was true. ever since that night- when the walls between you had cracked just enough for the light to slip in- he hadnât been the same. you haunted his thoughts, steadied him in battle, unsettled him in quiet moments. you made him feel things he wasnât sure he had the right to feel.
and that terrified him.
âiâm just joking,â you said softly, the words a shield, and escape hatch- maybe for him, maybe for you. but your eyes didnât waver, and neither did the ache behind them.
levi looked away at first.
ââyeah, wellâŚstop joking like that. itâs annoying,â he snapped, more sharply than he intended. the words hit the air like a slap, and he instantly knew it was a wrong move. again.
your expression changed. the glint in your eyes dulled, your shoulders drawing in a little, defensively. you looked down into your cup, the light in you dimming just enough for him to feel it in his chest. like a punch.
âfine, sorry, again i guess.â your voice flat. distant.
regret twisted in his gut, sharp and immediate. he hadnât meant to push you away-not really. but it was the only way he knew how to cope. affection made him feel exposed. vulnerable. and that had never been safe.
âtsk, donât get all depressed on me now, idiot,â he muttered, trying to mask his concerns with his usual gruffness.
âasshole,â you mumbled back, though the word lacked its usual bite.
you needed to change the conversation as soon as possible. the silence in the room was deafening. the scent of tea, which had moments ago been comforting, now felt heavy and cloying. the sting of rejection, however unintentional, was a sharp pain in your chest.
like, wow, yeah, of course levi, mr captain of the no feelings or whatsoever, couldnât even love you as a joke.
but god how you felt about this man.
the thought echoed bitterly in your mind. but god, the feeling you harbored for this manâŚthey were a tangled mess of admiration, respect, and something deeper, something that made your chest ache and your breath catch in your throat. you couldnât even describe it. they were a symphony of quiet moments shared, of unspoken glances, of the rare, fleeting smiles that transformed his usually stern face.
this asshole had made you cry. not from anger. not from pain. but from kindness. that quier, gruff tenderness that surfaced when no one else was watching. you remembered the way he stayed by your side during a fever, barely saying a word but always there. the way he patched your wounds like they were the most important thing in the world. because levi didnât express his care with words- he bled into his actions, carved into the things he never said.
and still, he didnât understand what that did to you.
you glanced at him now, sipping his tea in silence, brows furrowed, pretending to be unaffected. maybe this was your chance to lift the weight between you, even just a little. you remembered the deal. maybe that could help. a little push to bring the conversation back into familiar territory. a joke, a game- something safer than the feelings hanging unspoken in the air.
butâŚcould you really go through it? could you confess, even directly, that the person you liked was him? could you risk it? could you destroy what youâd built?
âso,â you said, a sly glint in your eyes, breaking the silence that had settled between you. âwhat about the deal we had? care to talk about it now?â
the deal. how could he have forgotten about it? he'd been so consumed with worry about your injury that every thought of the deal had been completely erased from his mind. now, facing your pointed question, the memory of it resurfaced, bringing it a wave of nervous dread. did he really have to go through this? did he actually have to tell you who he was deeply in love with? the thought was mortifying. it was embarrassing enough to admit it to himself, let alone vocalize it to you. but he had to know who he harbored feelings for. he had to know he couldâŚmove on. so he could resign himself to admiring you from afar for the rest of his life.
âyou're still holding me to the deal, huh?â he grumbled
âyou've been a pain in my ass since then, so yes, i think its the perfect moment, don't you think, captain?â you retorted, your smirk widening, clearly enjoying his nervousness.
levi sighed, running a hand through his hair, his voice tight. âi'll tell you. but you have to promise not to make a big deal out of it, alright?â oh boy. he was nervous. more nervous than he'd been facing down any titan. it was the first time in his life he'd been soâŚmesmerized by someone. of course, he'd had his moments with other women. he was human, after all. but thisâŚthis was different. this wasâŚgod, how much he loved you. he really loved everything about you, even the parts that drove him crazy.
âi'm all ears,â you said, your eyes sparkling with anticipation. this is it, y/n, you thought to yourself, there's no way it's me. be prepared for it.
levi took a deep breath, trying to compose himself before he spoke. he looked at you, really looked at you, taking in the way the light caught the h/c strands of your hair, the curve of your smirk, your lipsâŚthose lips that drove him crazy. he noticed the way your e/c eyes shone whenever you looked at him. it was embarrassing, truly horrible, to lay himself bare like this, but he knew he had to be honest with you. he'd made a deal, and he wouldn't back down.
âit's you, idiot,â he said, the words coming out more gruffly than he intended, a mix of nervousness and long-suppressed emotion. he met your gaze again, determined to see your reaction. âyou're the one iâŚlo-like.â he stumbled over the last word, the vulnerability of the admission making his throat tighten.
now it was your time to almost choke on the tea youâd been sipping, coughing violently as his words hit you like a punch to the chest. heat bloomed across your face, spreading fast from your cheeks to your ears. levi stepped forward quickly, his hand reaching out to pat your back gently, the contact firm but soft
he loved how easily he could catch you off guard, but this one? this reaction? this was his masterpiece.
âcareful,â he said, smirking, âdonât go coughing up a lung on me. i just said itâs you, not that iâm going to propose marriage or something.â
you stared at him, wide-eyed, still catching your breath. âoh my god,â you breathed, your hand instinctively flying to your chest like you needed to make sure your heart was still beating. shock radiated from every part of you, but beneath the disbelief, something deeper appeared- something warm, dangerous, hopeful. happiness, maybe.
levi still had that goddamn smirk, clearly pleased with himself. a self-satisfied glint danced in his eyes, the proud glint of a man who had finally managed to do the impossible- render you speechless. his arms crossed over his chest, and he leaned back against the wall, watching you with keen, calculating precision, as if committing every twitch of your expression to memory.
âyeah, shocked you a bit, huh?â he drawled, eyes flicking down your form, then back up to your eyes. he was dissecting your reaction- every flicker of emotion, every hesitation in your breathing, the slight parting of your lips. there was something there. he could feel it- the tension pulling taut between you like the string of a bow.
âi didnât expect the strongest soldier of the survey corps to have feelings for an idiot like you either. but here we are.â
a small smile ghosted across his lips- the kind of rare expression that made your knees feel like jelly. the irony in his tone was obvious, but the truth behind it? that was real. too real. and the fact that he admitted it out loud made the walls you've built around your own feelings begin to crack.
you opened your mouth, trying to speak, trying to say something, anything-but nothing came out. just a quiet, incredulous breath. you felt like a fish out of water, your lips parting, then closing again. the words were stuck between your brain and your heart.
levi chuckled- a low rumbling sound that stirred something deep in your stomach. he was enjoying this. maybe a little bit too much.
âspeechless?â he teased, arching a brow. âthatâs a firstâ
âoh, shut upâ you mumbled, turning your face to the side. it was a weak attempt to hide the color rushing to your cheeks- but of course it didnât work. you could feel it. the flush was giving you away, and judging by the smug little tilt of leviâs mouth, heâd noticed it too.
heâs clearly savoring the sight of you flustered. you were rarely like this- tripped up, red faced, fumbling. he liked seeing you like this. too much.
âyouâre blushingâ he observed, his voice low and smooth. âhow adorable.â
he took a sip of his tea, not breaking eye contact- like the smug bastard he was- then slowly set the cup down on the table with a soft clink. the sound echoed a little too loud in the quiet room, as if marking a shift in the moment.
his tone turned serious, the teasing edge giving way to something more resolute.
âalright,â he said, ânow itâs your turn to spill the beans. you promised youâd tell me who you fancy.â
he wasnât going to let this go. not now.
you were the one smirking now, trying to summon your usual courage, though your heart was thundering behind your ribs. you locked your eyes with him, and the corner of your mouth twitched with mischief.
âitâs jeanâ
levi was now the one who nearly spat out his tea, again, a rare loss of composure that spoke volumes. his eyes widened in sheer disbelief, and for a split second, he looked like he was on the verge of full-blown panic. jean? JEAN? that horse-faced, loud-mouthed pain-in-the-ass?
âjean?â he echoed, stunned. âyouâre telling me you like jean? seriously?â his voice cracked, caught between baffled outrage and pure offense. his eyebrows shot up so high they nearly disappeared under his bags, and he leaned forward, as if he hadnât heard you right the first time.
you could see it- how quickly his smugness evaporated into horror. that tiny smug grin heâd worn moments ago? gone. vanished. replaced by a mixture of confusion, jealousy, and something dangerously close to betrayal.
âproblem?â you said innocently, your smirk widening with every second his expression contorted. you leaned back, lifting your mug like a toast, watching him unravel in slow motion.
levi stared at you for another beat, his mouth agape. oh, he knew it. he fucking knew it. he knew you had feelings for someone and now he was faced with the absolute, soul-destroying possibility that youâd actually been harboring them for jean kirstein. that idiot. that long-faced moron who constantly ran his mouth, lacked subtlety, and couldnât recognize his way out of a paper bag
he didnât get it. what did you see in him? he wasnât as strong as him. wasnât precise. wasnât careful. he wasnât-
well.
he wasnât levi.
âare you serious? out of all the people in the survey corps, you pick that idiot? why him?â his voice rose a touch, incredulous and borderline accusatory
you couldnât take it anymore. the sound bubbled up from your throat and burst out- genuine, unrestrained laughter that filled the cramped room like sunlight. you clutched your stomach as your shoulders shook, eyes watering from how hard you were laughing.
âiâm joking! iâm joking!â you managed to get out between gasps, nearly wheezing from the force of your own amusement.
levi froze
his jaw clenched, and he looked away sharply. of course you were joking. of course. he scowled, half to cover his embarrassment, half to stop the sudden, overwhelming wave of relief that crashed through him.
â..tchâ he clicked his tongue and crossed his arms over his chest again, shooting you a glare. âyouâre such a pain in the assâ
your laugher only grew louder, your face glowing now. youâd definitely gotten him. and judging by the redness creeping up his neck, he knew it too.
Leviâs expression immediately changed from disbelief to annoyance. He had been ready to start ranting about how Jean wasnât good enough for you, and then you tell him you were just joking?
"Youâre joking? You seriously made me think you had feelings for that horseface? Not funny."
"do you really want to know who i like?"
leviâs eyes stayed fixed on you, unmoving, but you could see the tension that had begun to build in the tight line of his jaw, in the way his arms stiffened across his chest. his posture remained defensive, but his eyes- those storm-gray eyes- were searching, flicking over every inch of your face like they were trying to read your thoughts before you even spoke them.
you took a slow, deliberate step closer.
âdonât mess with me again,â levi warned, his voice low- calm on the surface, but you could hear the undercurrent of uncertainty threading through it. he was starting to suspect something, but he was terrified to hope. hope was dangerous. heâd spent most of his life pushing it away.
but right now, with you this close, breathing the same air, he couldnât push anything away.
âiâm not,â you said, softly, your eyes never left his, your expression open and steady, âiâm telling the truth right nowâ
leviâs throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. his heart was thudding in his chest in a way he didn't think was even physically possible. not in combat. not even in the worst moments against titans. this- this was scarier. he didnât move a muscle, afraid that if he did, youâd disappear or pull back, or worse- say a name that wasnât his.
âwhat are you doing?â he asked again, this time quieter, a little more fragile, like he didnât want to break the moment. his voice cracked faintly, he usual
gravel softened by vulnerability. oh he hated this so much.
you took the final step forward.
now you were so close, the tips of your shoes nearly touching his boots. your breaths intertwined in the small, still space between you. he could smell the tea on your breath- sweet, earthy, familiar. your face was tilted up toward his, your lips parted just slightly as you hovered there, right on the edge.
âiâm showing you,â you whispered, âwho i like.â
levi froze. he could feel the warmth of your body inches from his. the realization hit him like a punch to the gut, but not in a bad way. in a relieving, terrifying, beautiful way.
it was him.
you liked him.
every instinct screamed at him to pull away, to guard himself, but another part- buried under years of loss and fear and control- begged him to stay still, to let this happen.
âsay it,â he rasped, his voice raw now. âsay itâs meâ
you smiled, soft and sincere, your gaze steady and unflinching.
âitâs you,â you said, âitâs always been you.â
and just like that, the air between you changed. not heavy anymore. not awkward. but charged. with years of stolen glances, unspoken words, thousands of teas, shared pain, and deep, aching affection that neither of you dared to name- until now.
As you started to pull away, Levi quickly snapped out of his surprise and grabbed your wrist, preventing you from moving away from him.
Leviâs grip was firm as he held your wrist, refusing to let you go. His eyes were locked intently on yours, bordering on desperation. you could feel the strength behind his touch, but also the restraint. he wasnât hurting you. he was just asking you to stay without saying it outright.
"Donât think you can just drop a bomb like that and walk away," he said, his voice low and steady. pleading. "You canât just say you like me and then leave it at that."
"what do you want me to do then"
Levi pulled you closer to him, his fingers loosening just enough to trail up your arm before settling on your waist. closing the distance between your bodies once again.
he looked down at you, and for a heartbeat, his eyes flicked over your features as though memorizing them. every freckle, every shadow, every tremble in your lips.
âi want you to stay and prove it to me. prove that youâre serious about thisâŚdonât just drop a bombshell like that and walk away. i want you to show me- with actions, not just words.â
you stared up at him, stunned at how open he was being. the man who rarely said anything unless necessary, was practically begging for assurance- for honesty, for something real. his breath mingled with yours, and the way he was looking at you made your stomach
âhowâ you whispered, breath catching in your throat
"How?" he repeated, "Like this."
Without warning, he leaned down and captured your lips in a kiss.
leviâs lips were firm and possessive, pressing against yours with the force of everything he had held back for far too long. his hands moved with purpose- one sliding around your waist, the other cradling the back of your head as he deepened the kiss. it wasnât perfect, it wasnât gentle- but it was real. raw. honest. unapologetically him.
he tilted his head, deepening the kiss, his tongue gently probing at your lips, seeking entry.
as your lips parted to grant him access, levi didnât hesitate- he plunged deeper, his tongue sweeping into your mouth with a kind of desperate hunger that sent a shiver racing down your spine. there was no hesitant, no restraint-only need. hot, aching, overwhelming need. his mouth moved over yours with demanding intent, as though heâd been starved for this- for you- for far too long.
his hand roamed over your body with more urgency now, possessive and eager. fingers digging in as if anchoring himself for the moment, to the reality that you were here- in his arms, kissing him back just as fiercely.
the heat radiating off his body turned through your clothes, the friction between your bodies maddening. your chest pressed flush against his, every curve and contour fitting together like you were made to be there. you could feel the tension coiling inside him, the restraint it took not to lose himself completely. his grip on you tightened, and he let out a soft, almost primal growl against your lips when you tugged lightly at his hair.
your fingers clung to the fabric of his shirt, desperately needing more contact. it wasnât enough- not the kiss, not the closeness- you wanted all of him. his scent- clean and faintly spiced- was dizzying. your head spun as he deepened the kiss again, tongue sliding against yours in a rhythm that was sensual, controlled.
the hard lines of his torso pressed against your softness, and you gasped softly into his mouth when you felt the undeniable evidence of just how much he wanted you.
he broke the kiss, just enough to let air in.
âtell me you meant itâ he whispered, his breath hot against your mouth. âtell me you werenât just messing around.â
your response was so low and breathy, he could only hear it. âi meant itâ
still holding you he brushed his lips across your jaw, then lower- trailing heat along your skin until he reached the shell of your ear.
âthen donât go,â he murmured, âbecause if i kiss you again like that, i wonât be able to stopâ
your hands slid up his chest, over his shoulders, fingers curling behind his neck.
âi donât want you to stopâ
levi froze for just a heartbeat, as if needing to process your words and that, again, this was real- then his lips crashed into yours again, harder, deeper, his body pressing yours back against the nearest surface. this time, there was no mistaking the fire behind the kiss- the unspoken promise of everything heâd been holding back.
and for the first time, he let it burn.
author's note: okay, long-ass chapter! I KNOW IT'S BEEN TOO LONG. wrote this as an apology. hope you guys remember the story. life has been hell, so I couldn't write much, but here's Chapter VI. also, next chapter is gonna be smutty af, be prepared.âđâËâšâĄ
im so sorry guys i literally abandoned the tea and you series bc of a lot of stuff that has happened to me these couple of months. don't know if i should end it??
Warnings: angst, blood, death, smut, unprotected sex, swearing, graphic scenes, idiots in love
three years ago
the humid summer air hung heavy, clinging to the cobblestones under my worn boots. sweat trickled down my temple, today was it. graduation. the culminating of three years of brutal training, pushing myself until my muscles screamed and my mind threatened to shatter sometimes. a nervous flutter tickled my stomach, a strange mix of anticipation and the familiar adrenaline that always surged before a challenge.
iâd aced the cadet corps, topping my division by a mile. not that the numbers mattered much to me. people seemed to like me well enough- i tried to treat everyone with kindness, and i suppose my knack for strategy and sheer physical strength didnât hurt. theyâd even given me a nickname: âthe strongest woman.â it feltâŚodd. like a label someone else had slapped onto me. it wasnât me. what mattered was what lay beyond these walls. the scouts. the very thought sent a thrill through me, a yearning so intense it ached in my chest. there was nothing for me here, trapped within these stone confines. it felt like a cage. i was desperate to break free.
being âthe strongestâ meant whispers followed me like shadows. iâd overhear snippets of conversations, hushed tones of carrying on the dry wind. the military police, those pampered elites stationed in the interior, had apparently assumed iâd be joining them, i could practically picture their pristine uniforms, their polished boots that never touched dirt, their smug smiles. the thought alone made my stomach churn. their comfortable lives, their sheltered existenceâŚit wasnât for me. not even close. i craved the raw, untamed world beyond the walls, the danger, the freedom. i needed it like i needed air.
the scout regiment, of course, knew about me. how could they not? hange, bless their heart, had practically bounced with excitement the first time we met. their questions about my training, my strength, and their theories on titan biology had come at me in a rapid-fire barrage. leaving me slightly breathless but strangely invigorated. they saw something in me, i think. something beyond just strength. erwin, with his sharp, calculating gaze, had also seen that spark. i felt it in his presence, a quiet intensity that spoke volumes. he didnât say much, but his eyes held a knowing look, like he understood the fire that burned within me.
and then there was captain levi. he wasâŚdifferent. silent, almost brooding. his grey eyes, sharp as shards of ice, seemed to pierce through me, assessing every move, every breath. he rarely spoke to me directly, but iâd catch him watching me during training, his gaze intense and unreadable. we were polar opposites- my outgoing nature clashing with his reserved attitude- yet there was something there, a silent understanding that hung in the air between us. a shared weight, perhaps. the weight of responsibility, the burden of strength. i could feel it, a tension that crackled like static whenever we were near.
the moment of truth arrived, one by one, the last ten cadets stepped forward, pledging allegiance to the military police, choosing the comfortable, secure life within the inner walls. i watched them, a strange mix of pity and understanding. they sought safety, a predictable existence. but that wasnât my path. my heart beat to a different drum, a wild, untamed rhythm that echoed the vast unknown beyond the walls. when my turn came, i didnât hesitate.
a wave of excitement rippled through all the cadets as they could now reach their new destination, but it was nothing compared to the pure joy radiating from hange. they practically vibrated with energy, rushing towards me with erwin trailing slightly behind, a small smile playing on his lips. âi canât wait to have the strongest woman on my squaaaaaad!â hange exclaimed, their eyes sparkling like a child on christmas morning. they turned to erwin, their enthusiasm barely contained. âsheâll come to my squad, right? it only makes sense!â
before erwin could even open his mouth to respond, a figure materialized from the shadows near the back of the crowd. levi. he moved with a quiet grace that always unnerved me, like a predator stalking its prey. his voice carried across the training grounds with surprising clarity. âno,â he said, âi want her on my squad.â his gaze locked onto mine, those sharp, grey eyes holding me captive. it wasnât a request; it was a declaration. a challenge.
my heart pounded in my chest. this wasnât how iâd imagined things going. iâd expected to be placed under hangeâs command, as we talked, to dive headfirst into their eccentric research. but leviâŚhis gaze held an intensity that made me feel both seen and utterly exposed. i took a deep breath, trying to maintain my composure. this was it. my first real interaction as now, a member of the survey corps with the commander and two captains, the three individuals who would likely shape my future with the scouts. âcommander erwin,â i said, offering a respectful nod. then, shifting my gaze two the two figures flanking him, i added, âcaptain levi, captain hange,â acknowledging them with another nod, trying to keep my expression neutral, though inside, a storm of emotions raged. this was going to be interesting.
erwin, his expression a familiar blend of weariness and a gentle, almost paternal smile, returned my greeting with an incline of his head. hange, however, reacted with characteristic drama. their face crumpled into a theatrical pout, their lower lip jutting out. âwhy not my squad?â they whined, throwing their hands up in exasperation. âi met her first!â
levi didnât even deign to glance away from me. his grey eyes remained locked on mine. âshut up, four-eyesâ, he retorted, his voice flat and devoid of any warmth.
hange, undeterred, pressed on, turning their pleading gaze to erwin. âbut erwin, we talked about this! she was supposed to be in my squad. we had plans!â erwin chuckled, a wry smile playing on his lips as he glanced between the two of them, a silent observer of their familiar squabble. âyou canât own her, hange,â he said, âi thought you understood that.â
i, meanwhile, found myself simply staring at the scene unfolding before me. hangeâs dramatic outburst, leviâs unwavering stare, erwinâs quiet amusement- it was all rather surreal. it feltâŚnice. just a bit. to be the center of attention, to feel so valued, so wanted. i hadnât expected to cause such a stir. i continued to stare between the three officers.
hange growing increasingly frustrated by erwinâs calmness and leviâs silent stubbornness, finally turned back to levi, their voice rising in pitch, âbut why?â they demanded, throwing their hands up in the air, âwhy do you want her on your squad? tell me a reason and i can think of letting you have herâ
leviâs response was curt, his voice devoid of any emotion, as if he were discussing the weather rather than a person. âthe reason doesnât matter,â he didnât elaborate, didnât offer an explanation, as his gaze was still on me, as if daring me to challenge him.
erwin began to explain, his voice calm and measured, attempting to diffuse the rising tension. âiâts true that hang asked me earlier if y/n could be in their squad-â but levi interrupted him, cutting him off mid-sentence, as he often did.
âi donât care who asked you first,â he stated firmly, the words were clipped, precise, and carried an undeniable weight of authority. âsheâs coming with me.â
hangeâs shoulders slumped. they knew better than to push levi too far, especially when he adopted that particular tone. âthis is unfair!â they muttered, though the complaint lacked its usual vehemence.
a moment of silence fell over the small group. this was my chance to assert myself, to take control of the situation. my voice, though soft, carried a note of resolute determination that cut through the stillness. âcan i have a word?â
the effect was immediate. all eyes were now solely focused on me, their curiosity piqued. the tension in the air became less about the squabble between hange and levi and more about what i was about to say.
âit would be nice to be with hange since we-â i began, trying to find a diplomatic way to express my preference without causing further conflict. but before i could even finish what i was trying to say, levi cut me off, a single, stern ânoâ silencing me instantly.
erwin, observing the exchange, couldnât help but smirk, he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the spectacle. âyou know,â he mused, a knowing glint appearing in his eye as he addressed the group, âi think it would be quite advantageous to have the strongest soldier working alongside the strongest woman.â
hangeâs eyes widened in surprise, their head snapping towards erwin, they knew they couldnât fight that, at all. levi, however, remained impassive. erwin chuckled softly, his gaze sweeping across the small group, taking in each of our reactions.
âwell,â he continued, a playful tone in his voice, âisn't it a good idea?â he paused, allowing his words to hang in the air for a moment. the implication was clear: he was endorsing leviâs claim.
i glanced at levi, a strange sensation washing over me. it was flattering, to say the least, that the strongest soldier, captain levi, wanted me on his squad. it was intimidating. he was known for his demanding nature and his unwavering expectations. he noticed my gaze, nothing seemed to escape his sharp eyes, giving nothing away. it was impossible to tell what he was thinking.
âwell,â erwin announced, âi think y/n will be in leviâs squad,â he paused, then offered me a warm, reassuring smile. âbut if you want to change your mind, y/n, thereâs always hangeâs squad, or even mine.â it was a generous offer, a subtle way of ensuring i felt i had a choice, even though the decision seemed all but made.
hange groaned in frustration, they knew when they were outmatched, and arguing with erwin when levi had already made his intentions clear was a lost cause. levi, on the other hand, simply nodded, as if the matter had been settled from the start. i returned their nods, accepting my fate, or perhaps, my opportunity.
âi canât believe this!â hange said, crossing their arms over their chest and turning away.
i couldnât help but laugh at my new friendâs antics. their over-the-top reactions were endearing, even in their frustration. even erwin chuckled, knowing full well that there was no changing leviâs mind once it was made up.
âyouâre laughing too now?â hange exclaimed. they turned back to face us, their eyes wide mock betrayal. âi feel betrayed!â
âsorry, hange,â i said, still smiling, âi swear, if its really difficult to be in leviâs squad, iâll switch to yours,â it was a promise i intended to keep, a way to reassure change and ease the tension
âplease do,â hange pleases, their eyes widening with hope, âitâs going to be horrible with him.â they lowered their voice to a whisper, as if levi couldnât hear them even though he was standing right there.
levi clearly having heard every word, snapped, âshut up,â his tone so sharp it cut through the lighthearted atmosphere like a knife.
âshould we go then?â i addressed levi, breaking the brief silence.
he simply nodded at me
and so, i found myself walking beside him, following him onward his squad. the short walk felt significant, each step taking me further into this new chapter. as we approached, levi stopped, his posture becoming even more rigid, if that was possible. âall of you, listen. this is y/n. sheâll be joining our squad from now on. all of you, present, or donât, whatever.â his tone was dismissive, as if introductions were a tedious formality.
a ripple of murmurs went through the group. i could feel their eyes on me, assessing from head to toe. i could almost hear the whispers in their minds: a new cadetâŚjoining our squadâŚshe is a rookie, their eyes widened, a mixture of awe and apprehension playing across their faces. i could see the questions forming: is she really that strong? can she keep up with leviâs demands?
leviâs already frayed patience finally snapped. he surveyed his squad, his expression hardening. âwell,â he barked, his voice laced with impatience, âare you going to keep staring with your mouths open like a bunch of gaping fish?â
his sharp words made the others turn out of their daze. petra, always the cheerful one, was the first to recover. a wife, genuine small was given to me as she waved enthusiastically. âare you really y/n?â she asked, her voice bright and curious. âthe strongest woman?â
i blushed, a nervous smile tugging at my lips. âwell, uhm, i guess?â i replied, a slight awkwardness creeping into my voice. âi donât really like that nickname anyway.â it feltâŚboastful, somehow, and i wasnât one for drawing unnecessary attention to myself.
levi observed the interaction from beside me, his expression unreadable as always. he stood there, a silent sentinel, taking in the scene. the other members of his squad, still a little awestruck by my presence and perhaps intimidated by their captainâs, started to introduce themselves one by one. there was oluo, with his gruff attitude that seemed more bark than bite; eld, who offered a polite nod and a reserved smile; gunther, who seemed quiet and watchful; and then there was petra, who was still beaming at me with that infectious enthusiasm.
âitâs nice to meet you all,â i said, my smile genuine and warm as i met each of their eyes. âi hope iâm not a burden and that i can be of help,â i meant it sincerely. i wanted to prove myself, to earn their respect, and to become a valuable member of the squad.
my words seemed to put the others at ease. they returned my smile, their initial apprehension fading, replaced by a more welcoming face. i could tell they were already starting to warm up to me, to me not just as âthe strongest womanâ but asâŚwell, as me. a sense of belonging, however small, began to blossom in my chest.
on the ride to our now, officially new home, i found myself riding alongside levi. the rhythmic clatter of hooves on the road, a steady beat accompanying the nervous flutter in my stomach.
âcaptain?â i began, my voice a bit hesitant, unsure of how to initiate a conversation with the notoriously taciturn captain
he turned his gaze towards me, a silent question hanging in the air.
âwhat is it?â he inquired, his tone gruff but not unkind. I could detect a hint ofâŚsomething.
âi just wanted to say thank youâ
levi raised a single eyebrow, âand why are you thanking me?â
âi mean,â i stammered, trying to find the right words, âfor the opportunity you gave me to be in your squad. i know hange really wanted me on their team, and i appreciate youâŚwell, you know, choosing me.â i trailed off, feeling a little foolish for making such a big deal out of it.
he looked at me for a few seconds. the silence stretched between us, the only thing i could hear was the sound of the horses. âno need to thank me,â he finally said, âyouâre strong and thatâs what mattersâ
âwell, i just wanted to thank you,â you mumbled, feeling a sudden wave of awkwardness. âsorry.â
he looked away, a slight frown creasing his brow. âyou donât have to apologize,â he muttered, sounding almost irritated, âitâs stupidâ
âyeah, sorry- i mean, nevermind,â you said, feeling yourself blush again
he turned his head to look at you again, his expression unreadable. âdo you always apologize so much?â
you bit your lip, a small smile playing on your lips. âsometimes,â you admitted, your voice soft.
âyou need to stop apologizing for things you donât have to apologize for, brat,â levi said, his voice surprisingly gentle despite the bluntness of his words. the unexpected softness in his voice makes a fleeting warmth spread through you.
âfine, captain,â you muttered, subtly increasing the distance between you. you werenât sure why, but the urge to create a little space between you and your new intimidating captain was almost instinctive. his presence wasâŚintense. like standing near a tightly coiled spring, ready to unleash at any moment.
levi watched you with a curious expression, his gaze following your movements. âwhat are you doing?â he inquired
âuhâŚi guess going with the squad and leaving youâŚalone, until we arrive?â you said, your voice trailing off as you realized how that sounded. you immediately regretted it, your cheeks flushing crimson. i wanted the ground to swallow me whole. god.
he huffed, an almost imperceptible sigh escaping his lips. âstay close,â he ordered, moving closer to you again, âyouâre the new one, i donât want you far if we have an attackâ
âyes, captain,â you replied, a slight smile playing on your lips.
he didnât say anything else, his gaze fixed on the horizon. his expression remained unchanged, a face that betrayed no emotion. he wouldnât admit it to anyone, not even to himself, but a subtle sense of satisfaction settled within him. he was glad that you were in his squad. glad that, ultimately, youâd been placed under his command rather than hangeâs. your presenceâŚit wasâŚhe trailed off in his thoughts, unable to define the feeling. it was unfamiliar, a subtle shift in the usual order of things. you were, on the surface, mostly like any other soldier in his squad- strong, skilled, dedicated. and yetâŚthere was something different about you.
he found himself observing you, almost unconsciously, drawn to details he normally wouldnât even care about. the way the sunlight caught in her hair, turning the strands into a halo of light. the determined set of her jaw as she navigated the rough terrain, a clear indication of her focus. the way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you smiled, the expression of warmth that seemed to illuminate your entire face. the gentle way you caressed your now horseâs neck.
without you knowing it, heâd started frequenting the training grounds more often. he would position himself at the edge of the camp, a silent observer amidst the trees, his gaze fixed on your movement. he liked, enjoyed, watching you train. your movements were so fast, precise and powerful. he found himself anticipating your presence, scanning the crowd of cadets until he found you, even before this official transfer. heâd never spoken to you directly until now, but heâd been watching. waiting.
he pushed the thoughts down, dismissing them as irrelevant. he was a soldier, not a poet. emotions were weaknesses, distractions that could get him killed, or worse, get his squad killed. there was no room for such frivolous things in his life. duty and survival were all that mattered.
âitâs going to be fun,â your voice cut through his internal thoughts. he turned his head and saw you looking at him, with that smile, that smile that radiated optimism everywhere.
he looked back at you, your gazed meeting for a fleeting few seconds. your smile. it wasâŚsomething. it truly was. a warmth seemed to emanate from it, a light that momentarily pierced through the hardened shell heâd built around himself. he quickly looked away.
âyou donât know what youâre talking about, brat,â he muttered, his voice again gruff, the familiar harshness returning as a defense mechanism. he scowled internally. he needed to focus.
despite his gruff words, a small thought lingered in the back of his mind. yes, he thought to himself, itâll be interesting.
author's note: short but y/n pov cause yeah. thank you for reading, next chapter will be interesting *wink wink* and long. âđâËâšâĄ
Warnings: angst, blood, death, smut, unprotected sex, swearing, graphic scenes, idiots in love
the first silver of dawn had barely pierced the barracks when levi was already awake, a knot of restless energy coiling in his gut. sleep had been nonexistent that night, not even his daily three hours of sleep, it was plagued by unwelcome images: you with jean, the easy curve of your smile directed at him, the sound of your laughter echoing in levi's mind like a mockery. the memory chafed, a constant irritant beneath his skin. he's stared at the ceiling for hours, the rough texture of the wooden planks blurring in the dim light. now, the remnants of that sleepless night clung to him like a shroud, casting a deep scowl across his features.Â
he pushed himself out of his bed, the floodboards groaning beneath his weight. the air in the room was stale and cold, in contrast to the burning frustration in him. he dressed quickly, his movements fast, he needed to move, to do something.Â
he entered the main hall, he hoped, against his better judgment, to find you there, already at breakfast. so you can finally answer his question. the heavy wooden door creaking shut behind him, the sound echoing in the large, sparsely furnished roomÂ
levi's gaze swept across the hall, a practiced scan that took in every detail: the early risers already huddled over steaming mugs, the clatter of cutlery against plates, the low murmur of conversations. but his eyes were searching for one thing: your face. he scanned the table, his eyes lingering on each figure, dismissing them with a flick of his gaze until they landed on an empty space. a space where you should have been.Â
a deeper frown etched itself onto his face. the knowledge in his stomach tightened. he tried to ignore the sharp pang of disappointment that shot through him, a feeling he refused to acknowledge as anything other than professional concern. who am i lying to? the question echoed in his mind. the image of you and jean resurfaced and a wave of nausea washed over him. were you with him?
 where the hell were you. jealousy. jealousy.Â
a new, colder fear gripped levi. what if something had happened to you during patrol? the thought pierced through his simmering anger. an image flashed through his mind: you, fallen, injured, perhaps evenâŚhe cut the thought off abruptly. no. he wouldn't entertain such possibilities. not yet.Â
he turned on his heel, the abruptness of the movement almost causing him to stumble, and strode out of the mess hall. the walk to the infirmary was a blur, his mind racing, each step fueled by a growing sense of urgency. he practically burst through the infirmary doors, the sudden intrusion causing a few heads to turn. the air inside thick with the sterile scent of disinfectant and herbs, a smell he associated with pain and loss.Â
his eyes frantically scanned the room, a desperate search for your familiar form among the rows of beds. each occupied bed brought a fresh wave of anxiety, each empty one a chilling premonition. he saw a few familiar faces- a cade with a bandaged leg, another with a sling- but not you. his heart pounded against his ribs, a heavy, non stopping rhythm.
then, he saw you.Â
you were standing near a window, talking to a nurse. relief washed over him in a dizzying wave, so intense it almost made him weak. you were alright. you were talking, gesturing your free hand, a small smile playing on your lips as always. the tension in his shoulders erased, and he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.Â
but the relief was short-lived. his gaze dropped to your arm, and his blood ran cold again. a bandage was wrapped tightly around your forearm. you were hurt. the sigh of the injury ignited a fresh surge of anger, hotter and more intense than before. it was a possessive anger, a protective fury directed at whatever had dared to harm you.Â
he stopped directly beside you, his presence radiating an intensity that made the nurse subtly step back. his grey piercing eyes fixed on the bandage. the lines around his eyes deepened.Â
âwhat the hell happened?âÂ
you looked up, startled to see him standing there. your eyes widened a little bit in surprise, a small, involuntary smile tugging at the corner of your lips.
âoh, hey. it's nothing, really,â you began, trying to downplay the situation. âwe ran into a few abnormally large titans on patrol, andâŚwell, i got a bit of a scrape. itâs just a deep cut, nothing serious. the nurse patched me up. it's fine now. though,â you added with a slight shiver, rubbing your uninjured arm, âi think i might be catching a cold. it was absolutely freezing out there when the sun came down and we ended the pa-â
levi's eyes narrowed, his irritation spiking as you continued to ramble, dismissing your injuries as if they were mere inconveniences. the casual way you spoke about a deep cut- a wound that could easily become infected- sent a fresh wave of anger through him.Â
âyou idiot,â he interrupted, cutting through your words like a knife. he didn't care if he sounded harsh; someone had to make you understand the gravity of the situation. âthat's not nothing. a deep cut and a cold? you're injured and potentially getting sick, and you're just talking about it as if it's a trivial matter.â his gaze intensified, his dark eyes boring into yours, a hint of worry that he quickly masked with a scowl.Â
âit's not a big deal,â you repeated, rolling your eyes, a slight smirk playing on your lips. âi could be dead right now, and i'm not, and we only lost one cadet tonight. so, i'd say that's a win.â
âdon't say that,â he growled, âyou act like your safety and health mean nothing. you can't just brush it off as if getting a deep cut and catching a cold are trivial matters. you have no regard for your own wellbeing.â
the nurse, sensing the rising tension between the two of you, quietly slipped out of the room, leaving you and levi alone.Â
âlevi,â you began, you pushed yourself up from the edge of the examination table, ignoring the slight twinge in your arm. âyou've sent cadets on missions with far worse injuries, even with the flu.â you tilted your head, the smirk widening. it was a valid point, and you knew it.
he hated that you were right. he had sent cadets out in far worse condition. it was the reality of their situation, the constant pressure to maintain their ranks and fulfill their duties. but this was different. this was you. you weren't just another soldier.Â
âthat's not the point,â levi retorted, âthose were different circumstances. you'reâŚdifferent.â he struggled to find the right words. âyou shouldn't be so reckless and careless with yourself. you should take care of yourself better.âÂ
âi do!â you exclaimed, your voice rising in frustration. the accusation stung. was he questioning your competence as a soldier? was he calling you irresponsible? you glanced down at the bandage of your arm. you remember the tiny scratch from a few days prior, easily concealed beneath your sleeve. this was different. this was a wound you couldn't hide.Â
âdo you?â levi snapped, his eyes with anger and concern. âbecause you say you take care of yourself, but clearly you're not doing a very good job of it. getting a deep cut and catching a cold aren't exactly signs of self-care and maintenance.âÂ
âwhatâs your problem now?â you demanded, your annoyance reaching a boiling point. his condescending tone, his scrutiny, it was all too much. every single cadet faced the risk of injury; it was the nature of their duty. why was he singling you out?Â
âmy problem,â levi said, his voice dropping to a low, dangerous growl. âis that you won't care for yourself. you're treating this like it's nothing, as if it's just a small inconvenience.â he took a step closer, his presence looming over you. âi'ts not nothing. it's a sign that you're pushing yourself too hard, that you're not valuing your own lifeâ
âit was just a patrol, levi,â you repeated, your voice laced with exasperation. âi got hurt, that's it. i'm not dead, you know. this kind of thing happens all the time. i'm not the first cadet to get injured in battle. you're making it sound like i'mâŚi'mâŚâ you trailed off, sighing heavily.Â
âi know that,â his frustration reaching a new peak. of course, he knew injuries were a common occurrence. he'd witnessed far worse. but your stubbornness was driving him to the edge. âbut that doesn't mean you should take your injuries lightly, especially when you're already getting sick,â then fueled by anger and a desperate need to make you understand, he said something he instantly regretted. something he shouldnât have said.Â
âi don't want that kind of soldier in my squadâÂ
your expression changed instantly. the annoyance and frustration were replaced by a look of stunned disbelief, followed by an almost painful flash of hurt. without a word, you tuned abruptly, quickening your pace, desperate to escape the suffocating  weight of his words.
levi instantly realizing the impact of his harsh statement, felt a pang of guilt shoot through him. he hadn't mean it the way it sounded. he hadn't meant to imply that he didn't value you as a soldier, as a person, gosh, you were the most perfect person and soldier he had ever met. he just wanted you to understandâŚto care about yourself as much as he did.Â
he wasn't about to let you walk away. with a swift movement, he closed the distance between you, his hand firmly grasping your uninjured arm, halting your progress. his grip was firm, but not painful.
âdon't walk away from me when i'm talking to you,â he said, his tone stern, yet laced with desperation. he needed to explain himself, to take back those hurtful words.Â
âwe're not talking,â you snapped. you tried to yank your arm free from his grip, but he held firm. âthis is nonsense.â you couldn't believe he had said that. after everything, he'd justâŚdismissed you like that. did he even realize how much his words stung? did he even care?
âdamn it, this isnât nonsense, and you know it,â levi said, frustrated. he hated this, he hates when you are mad at him.Â
âiâm going to rest now,â you said, voice sharp and cold. you wrenched your arm free from his grasp, the sudden movement causing a sharp twin in your injured arm, which you promptly ignored. without another word, you turned and stormed away.
âhey, wait a damn minute. iâm not done talking to you,â levi called after you. desperate.Â
âbut i am,â you replied back, the finality of your voice was like a slap in the face.
you reach your room. slammed the door shut behind you, the resounding thud echoing through the hallway, a clear message to levi that the conversation was over, at least for now. Â you leaned against the door for a moment, catching your breath, your heart still pounding in your chest. this was becoming a frustratingly regular occurrence.
levi stood in the hallway, staring at the closed door. a frustrated sigh escaped his lips. he knew heâd messed up, that his harsh words had only pushed you further away. he watched the door for a long moment. he wanted to knock, to demand that you open up and listen to him, but he knew that would only make things worse. he had to give you espace, but leaving you upset and injured, distress him.
he made a decision. he leaned against the wall beside your door, crossing his arms over his chest. his posture was relaxed, but his eyes remained fixed on the wooden panel, as if he could see through it, as if he could somehow reach you through the barrier youâd erected. he would wait. he would wait, no matter how long it took. he would wait until you got out, even if it meant standing there all day.Â
jean, passing by, spotted levi standing rigidly outside your door. he approached, a concerned expression on his face.Â
âoh, captain,â he began, âi was just going to check on her. she has a pretty deep cut-âÂ
leviâs irritation, which had been simmering, flared up again. perfect. just what he needed. jean, arriving to further complicate the situation. he didnât even bother to turn around, his gaze remaining fixed on your door, as if willing to open. âi know,â he replied tersely, dismissively.Â
âuh, okay?â jean replied, a bit taken aback. he paused, glancing from levi to the closed door, confusion in his eyes. he raised a hand as if to knock, to see if you were feeling better.
âwait,â levi pushed himself away from the wall, and walked towards jean, blocking his path to your door. he wasnât going to let jean barge in and see you before  he had a chance to speak with you himself.Â
âdonât knock,â he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. âher door is closed, sheâs probably sleeping. you should leave her alone for now.â his eyes a silent warning to jean to heed his words.
his possessiveness, while perhaps a bit excessive and certainly fueled by his own complex feelings for you, stemmed from a deep-seated care. he wanted to shield you, to create a space where you could heal. he wanted to be the one to offer you comfort and reassurance, the one to ensure you were alright. it was, in a twisted way, his attempt to keep the promise he had made to you, even though he is the one who fucked up with his words this time.Â
âbut-â jean began, but levi cut him off
âno buts. i said she's probably sleeping, and we shouldn't disturb her. you can come back later if you want to talk to her,â and with that he ended the conversation
jean, sensing the finality in leviâs tone and not wanting to push the issue with his captain, simply nodded and went down the hallway towards his room. he cast one last curious glance back at levi standing guard outside your door before disappearing around the corner.Â
levi watched jean go away. he stood outside your door, a wave of uncertainty washing over him. were you truly asleep, or were you simply ignoring him? did he cross the line with his harsh words? of course a part of him hoped it was the former, that you were resting and recovering. but another part, a more selfish part, wished you would open the door and let him in.Â
meanwhile, inside your room, you were most definitely not asleep. you were lying on your bed, staring at the ceiling, a small smile playing on your lips. you knew leviâs routine when the two of you were at odds. you were certain heâd be pacing outside your door, replaying the argument in his head, overthinking every possible scenario. but this time he had been hard on you, he hurted you, but you knew deep down that he was regretting it.Â
what you hadnât anticipated was jeanâs visit. it was a kind gesture, you knew, and you appreciated his concern. but the real entertainment, if you could call it that, came from overhearing leviâs overprotective behaviour. it was funny.Â
ever since heâd made that promise to you a year ago- a promise to protect you- heâd been like this. it was subtle at first, but it gradually intensified over time. sometimes, youâd catch other cadets glancing at him curiously, their brows furrowed in confusion, wondering why the captain was so unusually protective over you. even you didnât always understand the depth of his concern. but you felt his concern for you ever since your first real conversation, the moment he had personally chosen you for his squad.Â
but at the same time, you knew he knew you were capable of anything. you were, without a doubt, the strongest woman heâd ever met in his life, both physically and mentally. heâd seen you in action countless times, since you were training, witnessed your determination, your relentless drive, your sheer refusal to give up, even in the face of impossible odds. he knew that if anyone could literally defeat him in a sparring match, it was going to be you. heâd even admitted it once, after a particularly grueling training season where youâd nearly bested him.Â
you knew, deep down, that he felt a fierce pride in your abilities, a quiet admiration for your strength. it was a pride he rarely expressed verbally, but it was there, evident in the way he watched you during training, in the subtle nods of approval he gave after a successful maneuver, in the way his eyes lingered on you just a fraction longer than they did on other cadets.Â
part. V
author's note: i'm just gonna say: bring back yearning men. also next chapter it's gonna be a flashback too, i love that the story goes from past and present so you can understan better the characters. i hope you guys are loving it as much as i do. thank you all for the love. âđâËâšâĄ
hello babies, just wanted to say that I'm open to commissions or requests!! that would made me so happy!! meanwhile I'm writing tea and you, I would love to write what you guys want.
I can write aot and jjk characters mainly so feel free to ask! â˘Ě.ĚŤâ˘Ěâ§
Warnings: ANGST, BLOOD, DEATH, smut, unprotected sex, swearing, graphic scenes, idiots in love
a year ago
levi set his cup of black tea on the polished table, the clink of the porcelain echoing softly in the otherwise quiet room. one spoonful of sugar, precisely measured, disappeared in the dark liquid, just the way you preferred it. he settled into his usual seat across from you, the late afternoon sun filtering through the window, casting long, dusty beams across the worn wooden floorboards. the light caught the fine lines around his eyes, a testament to years spent under harsh skies and in the face of constant danger.Â
this daily ritual had become a sanctuary, a fragile bubble of normalcy in their lives. you had initiated it weeks ago, a casual invitation for tea after a particularly grueling mission. it had started as a simple gesture of companionship, but it had quickly evolved into something more. now, the mess hall felt empty if you werenât there waiting, and he found himself unconsciously yearning back from patrol, anticipating this quiet moment.Â
as he sipped his tea, his gaze, observant as always, drifted to the small, crescent-shaped scar that arched over your left eyebrow. it was barely noticeable, almost hidden by a strand of hair, but it held a story, a silent testament to a past he knew little about.Â
it was the first thing heâd noticed about you when you two both met- a small imperfection that somehow amplified your otherwise striking features. your beauty was undeniable, but that scarâŚintrigued him. heâd been meaning to ask about it for days, the question lingering on the tip of his tongue. scars were a part of a person, a map of their experiences, and he was inexplicably drawn to understanding the story behind this one.Â
âgosh, today really drained me,â you sighed, sinking into your chair with a weary slump. you rubbed your temples, a faint smudge of dirt still on your cheekbone
he offered a small, almost imperceptible quirk of his lips, handing you the steaming cup of tea. the delicate floral scent of the brew filled the air. âiâd say itâs an everyday occurrence that you get drained,â he teased
âwell, yeah, but today was even worse than most. and connieâŚ,â you grimaced, âconnieâs stomach decided to stage a full-blown rebellion after whatever heâd eaten. he was throwing up all over the place during patrol. it was absolutely disgusting.â you shuttered at the memory.Â
leviâs expression shifted to one of mild disgust. he pinched the bridge of his nose, a sigh escaping his lips. âof course, he had to ruin your shift with hisâŚdigestive issues,â he muttered, taking another sip of his tea, as if trying to cleanse his palate of the imagined unpleasantness. he set his cup down with a soft thud. âhonestly, sometimes i wonder how that idiot even manages to dress himselfâ
you giggled, âiâm not saying itâs his fault,â you clarified, âbut you know how much i hate seeing someone throw upâ you made a face, your nose wrinkling in disgust.Â
he could see the genuine disgust etched on your face, a subtle shudder rippling through you at the memory. he held back a smile. âright, youâve got a weak stomach when it comes to that kind of thing. i remember the first time a new recruit lost his lunch in front of you just because he met you. i honestly thought youâd be the next one joining himâ he chuckled
âhow could you possibly remember that?â you exclaimed, a mixture of embarrassment and amusement in your voice. âoh my god, that was absolutely mortifying,â you laughed, a hand flying to your mouth as you cringed at the memory. âi nearly fainted. hange was practically bouncing with excitement, though. it wasâŚa unique experience.âÂ
thirty minutes drifted by in comfortable silence, punctuated only by the clinking of teacups and the distant sounds of the barracks. levi found his gaze drawn repeatedly to your eyebrow, his attention fixated on the small, pale scar.Â
âis something wrong? do i have something on my face?â you asked, a hint of genuine concern flickering your eyes. you reached up a hand, instinctively touching your cheek.Â
âoh, nothing. itâs just.. iâve been meaning to ask about your little scar there,â he said, his eyes following the delicate curve of the scar.Â
your expression shifted, you touched the scar with the tip of your finger, an unconscious gesture. âhm, this scar? uhm, it's nothing, really,â you replied, your voice a touch strained, the easygoing tone from moments before replaced by a hint of reserve.Â
he could sense your hesitation. it was as if a curtain had been drawn, veiling a part of you he hadnât seen before. but his curiosity piqued.Â
âitâs clearly not ânothingâ,â he insisted gently, setting his now-empty teacup on the table with a soft click. âitâs a scar. scars usually have a story behind them, donât they?â
you hesitated for a moment, toying with the handle of your teacup, your eyes fixed on the swirling patterns in the porcelain.Â
âwell, back home, i didnât exactly have theâŚâidealâ family situation, you could say,â you repliedÂ
he leaned forward vaguely, his interest now fully engaged. youâd never spoken about your family before, and the sudden vulnerability in your voice drew him in.Â
âcare to elaborate? or is this a sensitive topic?â he wanted to know, but he didnât want to push you if it was something you werenât ready to share.Â
you sighed, the delicate porcelain felt cool against your skin.Â
âback homeâŚâ you began, your voice low and steady, a controlled anger simmering beneath the surface. âmy father abandoned my mother, my little brother and me, my brother was only two, and i was just eight. he was constantly traveling between wall maria and wall rose, going back and forth to the city to work. sometimes, heâd be gone for days, even weeks. then, one day, he returned home and told my mother, so casually, that heâd fallen in love with another woman. he was going to start a new family,â your jaw tightened, a hard edge creeping into your voice.Â
you took a slow, deliberate breath, as if trying to contain the fury that threatened to erupt. âdesperate, my motherâŚshe married another man. a cruel, abusive drunkard, but he had money,â your hands tightened around the teacup, your knuckles whitening. the grip looked painful, but you didnât seem to notice. âheâŚhe would often beat us,â your voice was flat, devoid of emotion, but the underlying anger was more than palpable. âonce,â you said, your eyes hardening, âonce, when i wasnât home, he struck my brother so violently thatâŚhe killed him.â the words were delivered like a punch, sharp and brutal.Â
you stared straight ahead, your gaze fixed on some distant pont, as if relieving the scene in your mind. âwhen i returned from work, i found my mother cradling my brotherâs lifeless body. she wasâŚbroken.â a bitter, humorless smile twisted your lips. âthe manâŚheâd gone out to drink, as usual.â your voice dripped with disdain. âin a fit of rage, i picked up a knife. i went to confront him.â your eyes flickered down to your hands, clenching and unclenching into fists. âwhen he saw me, knife in hand, he knew what i was capable of, he grabbed a chair and threw it. it landed here.â you touched the scar on your eyebrow, the gesture more defiant than sorrowful. âmy mother, already shattered by the loss of her son, couldnât bear it. she died soon after.â you finally met leviâs gaze, your eyes cold and hard. âi was left alone. so i joined the survey corpsâÂ
levi was taken aback. heâd expected sadness, perhaps grief, but not this raw, controlled anger. it radiated from you like heat, a palpable force in the room. he saw the pain, of course, but it was overshadowed by a burning resentment, a deep-seated rage that seemed to fuel you. he was silent, absorbing the weight of your words, the intensity of your emotions. he recognized that kind of anger, the kind that came from deep loss and injustice. it was a familiar companion
how could someone so vibrant, full of life, have endured unimaginable hardship?
âyou donât have to say anything,â you said now softly, an almost resigned smile gracing your lips. âiâm not here for pity. though,â you added, a faint glimmer of your usual spirit returning, âi donât think youâd offer it anyway.âÂ
he returned her sad smile, shaking his head.Â
âpity? i wouldnât pity anyone. justâŚsurprised,â he admitted, his voice thoughtful. âit made you the strong soldier you are now. the strongest woman iâve ever seen.â a hint of genuine admiration entered his tone. âandâŚi truly donât understand how someone can still be soâŚbright, after everything youâve been through,âÂ
âwell,â you said, a forced smile on your lips,â someoneâs gotta bring the sunshine, right?â you shrugged, a subtle tension still visible in your shoulders. âbesides, dwelling on the past wonât change it.â you finally met his gaze, your cheerful facade already put on. âat least now iâm helpful,â you added, âsince i couldnât⌠you knowâŚâ the unfinished sentence hung in the air, a testament to the guilt and pain you still carried.
ârightâŚâ he murmured. he saw past the forced smile, the carefully constructed facade. he could see the lingerie pain, the shadows that still clung to your e/c eyes. yet, he also saw the fierce determination, the unwavering strength that shone through despite everything. he recognized that strength, that refusal to be broken. it mirrored his own.Â
âyou donât have to hide from me,â his voice softly, his voice surprisingly gentle, laced with a rare sincerity.Â
âitâs the first time iâve told anyone this,â you admitted. you traced the rim of the cup again, your fingers trembling a little.
âwell,â he said, his voice softening even further, âim glad you trusted me enough to tell me,â he watched you avoid his gaze, a flicker of concern in his eyes. he reached across the table, his hand hovering for a moment before gently closing around yours.
this was the first time levi had touched you with such deliberate intent. it wasnât a casual brush or a necessary contact during training. this was a conscious gesture of comfort, of connection. his hand was warm and calloused against yours, his thumb gently rubbing small circles on the back of your hand. he didnât let go. he wanted you to feel his presence, to know that you werenât alone, that you could rely on him, even if you werenât ready to fully accept it yet.Â
âwhat about you?â you asked finally, a hint of curiosity replacing some of the tension in your expression. âyou never talk about your past either.âÂ
it was a fair point; you had laid yourself bare, sharing a deeply painful part of your past. he owed you a similar honesty, a reciprocal vulnerability.
âwell, honestly, itâs not the most cheerful past either,â he paused
âyouâre from the underground, right?â you asked, your tone gentle, not accusatory.
a surprise crossed his features. he hadnât expected you to know that. he nodded.Â
âthatâs right. how did you..?âÂ
âoh,â you blushed, a faint pink tinting your cheeks, âerwin told me once,â you quickly added, almost apologetically, âi asked him about youâÂ
of course erwin told you. the old bastard had never been one for secrets, especially when it came to information that might benefit the corps- or, levi suspected with a wry inner thought, information that might encourage some⌠interaction between members.Â
âright,â levi muttered, a ghost of smirk playing on his lips, âthat old bastard never keeps his mouth shut, does he?
âdonât blame him,â you said, âi askedâ you smiled at him, âso⌠how was it?â
the memories, sharp and vivid flooded back: the oppressive darkness, the constant struggle for survival, the ever-present threat of violence.Â
âhmm,â he murmured, his voice distant, as if speaking to himself, âletâs just say itâs like the world inside the walls, but worse. people kill people for a bite of food. you basically survive only with the people who are close to you. and trust me, itâs not a world for the easily offendedâŚor the weak.âÂ
you nodded slowly, absorbing the words. you were drawn into the conversation, eager to learn more about the man beneath the stoic exterior. any glimpse into his past, any insight into his character, felt like a small victory.
âi seeâŚâ your voice filled with empathy, âwhat aboutâŚfamily or friends? if i can askâÂ
levi looked out the mess hall window, the afternoon sun glinting off the glass. a sudden, unexpected lump formed in his throat, a phantom ache for two faces he'd never see again. farlan. isabel. the names were like old wounds, scarred over but still tender to the touch. he swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the tightness.Â
âuhm, i did have someone i couldâŚtrust,â he managed. he kept his gaze fixed on the outside world, anything to avoid the inquisitive look in your eyes. he hated talking about the underground. it was a place of shadows and desperation, a chapter of his life heâd rather keep buried.Â
you nodded, sensing his hesitation, but waiting patiently for him to continue. levi knew you were listening, genuinely interested, and a strange sense of obligation compelled him to speak.
âthere were these twoâŚfriends. farlan and isabel. they wereâŚthe only ones i cared about.â the words felt heavy weighted with the years of grief and regret he'd carried.Â
âfarlan and isabelâŚâ you repeated softly, testing the names on your tongue, like if you have listened of them before, for some reason.Â
levi nodded, closing his eyes briefly. the memories were vivid, almost painfully so.Â
âyeah, they were more than friends, really. we wereâŚfamily. we'd gone through so much together down there. hunger, betrayal, the constant threat of the military police. we could trust each other blindly. that was rare in the underground. trust was a luxury no one could afford, except us.âÂ
he paused, his gaze drifting back to the window. the image of isabel's bright smile flashed through his mind, followed by the crushing weight of her absence. isabel would have loved her so much. he thought, thinking of you.
âweâŚwere inseparable. we looked out for each other. we stole to survive, fought to protect ourselves. we were all we had.âÂ
âwhat happened?â you asked softly
levi gave a bitter chuckle, a harsh, humorless sound that betrayed the deep pain he carried, like yours before. he looked down, his gaze now fixed on the worn wooden floor of the mess hall, as if searching answers in the grain of the wood.Â
âthey diedâŚboth of them.âÂ
âi'm sorryâŚâ you whispered. you could see the torment in his eyes, you could always see it, but now more than ever. a wave of empathy washed over you like a tsunami.Â
it was the first time since their deaths that levi had spoken about them to anyone. the words felt rusty, unused, yet there was also a strange sense of release in finally voicing the burden he had carried for so long.Â
âleviâ you called his nameÂ
he looked at you immediatelyÂ
âdo you want to talk about it?â you asked with a hint of worry in your voice, thinking that maybe was enough for the day, or maybe it was better if he took it all off his chest
levi took a shuddering breath, the air catching in his throat.Â
âwe were trying to get to the surface, isabel was obsessed,â he began, âwe heard rumours of a way out, a chance to escape the underground and see the sky. we were desperateâŚliving down there, it was likeâŚbeing buried alive. we just wantedâŚa chance.â he paused, the memory of their shared dream, the yearning for a life beyond the shadows.
âthere was this job, this guy offered a lot of money to do it, and the possibility of living out there. he said it was easy, just a simple retrieval mission, i didn't like the idea, at first i hesitated, but we didn't have an option either.â his voice trailed off, he closed his eyes again, the image of farlan and isabel, full of hope and excitement, flashing before him. if only he had knownâŚif only he had made a different choice.
he opened his eyes, his gaze distant, lost in memory. âthe target was actually erwin. they wanted us to kill him and get some document. we didn't know much about him back then just that he was a high-ranking officer in the survey corps. the man who hired us, he told us erwin was the key to getting to the surface, that eliminating him would open up a path for us. he promised us a life above ground, a life free from the filth and the darkness.âÂ
levi's jaw tightened, his expression hardening. âwe were naive, desperate. we believed him. we thought we were doing the right thing. for ourselves, for a chance at a better life.â he shook his head slowly, âwe were wrongâ
âwe joined the survey corps. we were good, we were efficient. we blended in, gathered information, waited for the moment to striked.â
âthen came the expedition outside the walls. it was supposed to be our opportunity. i went aheadâŚalone, to try and find erwin, to finish the job. i thought it would be quick, clean. i thought i could get back to farlan and isabel before anything happened.â his voice dropped to a near whisper, the memory of ensuing chaos and the sheer horror of what followed still haunting him.Â
âbut when i returnedâŚit was a massacre.â his breath hitched, âthe titansâŚthey had attacked. it was carnage. i found themâŚâ his voice cracked, the raw pain of that moment, the helplessness he felt as he sawâŚ
âfarlan. isabel. they were gone.â he couldn't bring himself to describe the details of the brutality of their deaths. the images were burned into his mind, a constant reminder of his failure. Â
âi killed it, the titan. i didn't even think. i just attacked. i tore it apart, piece by piece. i didn't stop until it was nothing but a bloody mess.â his voice now low and guttural.Â
âi was too late. I couldn't save them. they diedâŚbecause of me. because of my stupid decision.â he looked up at you, his eyes filled with a deep, bottomless sadness. âi thought i was leading them to a better life. but i led them to their deaths.â
âand thenâŚerwin, he saw what happened. he saw what i had done. he could have arrested me, he could have had me executed. but he didn't. he offered me a choice. join him, join the survey corps, and fight for humanity;â he sighed, âi joined because i owed them. to make their deaths mean something, even when i didn't want toâ
then, he felt a warm touch on his hand. you. you had taken now his hand on yours, just as he had done for you a few minutes ago. the gesture, simple yet profound, pulled him back from the abyss of his memories. he looked up at you, his eyes still filled with pain, but now with something else too- a fragile hope, perhaps, or simply the comfort of human connection.Â
your eyes were soft, filled with understanding and compassion. you squeezed his hand gently, your touch firm and reassuring. âit was not your fault, levi,â you said, your voice clear and steady. the words, though simple, carried a weight of sincerity that resonated deep within him. just like erwin's that day.Â
âbut i made the decision. i led them into that⌠i should have known better.â the guilt was a heavy burden, one he had carried for so long, and it was difficult to simply let it go.Â
you shook your head gently, your grip on his hand tightening. âyou were young, levi,â you said softly but convinced, âyou were desperate. you wanted a better life for yourselves, for you friends. it wasn't your fault.âÂ
you paused, your eyes filled with unwavering conviction. âyou did everything you could to protect them. you loved them. and even thoughâŚeven though things ended the way they did, that doesn't erase the fact that you cared for them, that you tried your best.âÂ
âholding into this guilt, it won't bring them back. it won't change what happened. but it will continue to hurt you. it will keep you trapped in the past.â you squeezed his hand again, your touch conveying a message of support and understanding. âyou have to let go, levi. you have to forgive yourself.âÂ
levi looked at you, your words slowly sinking in. he had never considered forgiving himself. the guilt had been his constant companion, a form of self-punishment for his perceived failure. but your words, your belief of his innocence, offered a different perspective. a perspective that, despite the pain and difficulty, offered a glimmer of hope.Â
he looked down at their hands, his fingers intertwined with yours. the warmth of your touch, the sincerity in your eyes, it was a lifeline in the darkness. he took a deep breath, the air catching in his throat. he didn't know if he could truly forgive himself, not yet, but your words had planted a seed, like erwin did. a seed of hope, a possibility of healing. and for the first time in a long time, levi felt something other than grief and guilt. he feltâŚunderstood.Â
 levi took another breath before he continued,Â
âand about my familyâŚi don't have one, not really. my mother died when i was a kid. i grew up only with my uncle. if i'm being honest, he wasn't the greatest either. basically, i was just and extra mouth to feed. he never really cared me,â he said quietly, still holding your hand. but a small, almost imperceptible smirk appeared on his face as he noticed something.Â
âwhat is it?â you asked, noticing the change in his expression
âwell, i find it a bit ironic,â levi said, amusement in his voice, âyou told me your sad past, and here you are, trying to feel bad for mineâÂ
âtrue,â you smirked back at him, âdon't get used to it, ackerman.â
a peaceful silence settled between them, a comfortable quiet that spoke of a growing understanding. after a moment, you broke the silence with a gentle question.Â
âhow was she, your mom?â
levi leaned back in his seat, his expression becoming more serious as the mention of his mother. the smirk vanished, replaced by a softer, more reflective look.Â
âmy mom wasâŚprobably the only person in my family who truly loved me. she was very kind, loving and caring. from the few memories i have of her, she was an angel.â he chuckled softly, a genuine smile touching his lips as he recalled her image. âshe was very protective of me. even when she was ill, she always tried to protect me. she made sure i was always warm when it was cold and fed when i was hungry. even on her worst days, she was always worried about me. she alwaysâŚdid her bestâ
he paused, his gaze dropping to his hand, specifically to how he was holding his teacup. a faraway look in his eyes. âwe always had tea together. it was my favourite part of the day, just like us now.â he paused again, a hint of sadness entering his voice. âandâŚwell, of the cups that we used to drink tea from one of them fell from my hand and broke when she was already gone. since then, iâve been holding my tea like thisâ he demonstrated, holding the cup delicately, almost as if he were afraid of breaking it again.Â
you smiled at the sigh before you. you had never seen him this vulnerable, speaking so openly and lovingly about someone. it was a side of levi you hadn't expected to see.Â
âwhat was her name?â you asked, wanting to know more about this important figure in his life
levi's smile warmed, a genuine, and never seen before fond smile that reached his eyes as he reminisced about his mom.Â
âher name was kuchel,â he said softly, âmy sweet, lovely mother.â
you bit your lip, a tear tracing a path down your cheek as you, too, were truck by the pang of memory, the echo of your own mother's love.
âkuchelâŚâ you whispered, her name a soft sigh on your lips.
he squeezed your hand, his thumb gently wiping away the tear that had escaped. the simple gesture spoke volumes.
overcome by a wave of emotion, you couldn't contain yourself any longer. you leaned forward and hugged him, your arms encircling him. it was a spontaneous gesture, an outpouring of empathy and connection.Â
âi know kuchel is feeling proud of her son,â you murmured into his shoulder
leviâs surprise was palpable. he stiffened as your arms encircled him, the unexpected contact a jolt of his senses. he hesitated for a moment, his mind reeling from the unfamiliarsensation. it had been so long since he had experienced such physical closeness, such open affection.
then, slowly, he returned the embrace. his own arms wrapped tightly around you, his grip firm yet gentle. a sigh, a long, drawn-out release of tension, escaped his lips as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. the sensation was both foreign and comforting, a contrast to the cold, lonely existence he had grown accustomed to. it had been years since he'd felt such a raw connection, such a genuine sense of belonging. the warmth of your embrace, the simple act of human contact, was a balm to his wouden soul.Â
he closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink in the moment, to absorb the comfort you offered. the scent of your hair, the gentle rhythm of your breathing, the warmth of your body against his- it was a symphony of sensations that stirred something deep within him, something he thought long dead.
for a brief moment, the weight of the past seemed to lift, the burden of grief and guilt lessening its grip. in your embrace, levi found a fleeting sanctuary, a moment of respire from that darkness that haunted him for so long. it was a small gesture, a simple hug, but it meant more than words could ever say. it was a connection, a shared moment of humanity in a world that had tried to strip him of everything.Â
as the moments passed, levi clung to you, reluctant to break the embrace. it was a new feeling, a strange combination of comfort, warmth and that sense of belonging he hadn't experienced ever. the world outside the mess hall, the sounds of the other soldiers, the weight of his responsibilities, all seemed to fade away as he focused solely on the warmth of your body pressed against his and the steady rhythm of your breath against his ear. it feltâŚright.Â
finally, with a soft sigh, he pulled back, his hands still resting on your arms. his eyes looking into yours, his gaze intense, searching. but beneath the intensity, there was a tenderness, a vulnerability that he rarely allowed anyone to see. his calloused fingers, usually so precise and controlled, traced the delicate line of your scar, a silent promise passing between you. the touch was feather-light, almost hesitant, as if he were afraid of causing you pain, yet it held a deep depth of meaning.Â
âyou'll never have to be afraid again,â he murmured, a quiet vow spoken only for you. âi won't let anyone hurt youâ the words were simple, yet they carried the fierceness of his protectiveness. it was a promise forged in shared pain and mutual understanding, a promise that he would guard you with his life.Â
in that moment, as he gazed into your e/c eyes, levi ackerman felt something change within him. it wasnât a sudden, dramatic explosion of emotion, but rather a slow, steady awakening, like a dormant seed finally sprouting after a long winter.Â
he recognized, that he was falling, irrevocably, in love. he was irrevocably, undeniably, yours.
pt. IV
author's note: i cried writing this for real lmao. hope you guys liked it, i really liked this one. happy new year!! âđâËâšâĄ
Warnings: angst, blood, death, smut, unprotected sex, swearing, graphic scenes, idiots in love
he closed his eyes, the rough texture of the door pressing against his forehead. he listened, straining to hear any sound from your room- the rustle of fabric, a stifled sob, even the softest breath. the silence was absolute, broken only by the distant, muffled sounds of the barracks settling for the night. the air in the corridor was still and cold, clinging to him like a shroud.
after a minute that ticked by with agonizing slowness, he pulled back, the wood scraping faintly against his skin. a defeated sigh escaped his lips, a small puff of white in the frigid air. the thought of leaving you alone, consumed by whatever demons were tormenting you, was a heavy weight in his gut. he didnât want to face the emptiness of his own quarters without first seeing the light in your eyes, without knowing you were safe, even from yourself.
on the other side of the door, you held your breath, listening until the echo of leviâs footsteps faded into the silence of the corridor. only then did you release a long, shaky sigh, the tension finally draining from your body. you moved mechanically towards the small washroom, the thought of a shower was a small comfort for all your mixed emotions of today - basically, too much emotions.
it had been a long, grueling day, and all youâd craved was the familiar ritual: a steaming cup of black tea with levi, a shared moment of quiet conversation where you could recount the day events, the small triumphs and frustrations of patrol.
as you stripped off your uniform, the sigh of a small cut on your arm brought a fresh wave of frustration. it was nothing, just a minor scrape from a skirmish with a few smaller titans - an easy fight for you, all things considered. your coat had snagged on a low-hanging branch, the twig slicing through the fabric and grazing your skin. you knew leviâs sharp eyes would immediately spot it, his brow furrowing in that familiar, almost disapproving frown of concern. with a practiced movement , you carefully draped the coat over your injured arm, the rough fabric concealing the small wound. it was a small, almost childish gesture, a way to postpone the inevitable. but a part of you wanted to show levi, to share the small details, to feel his concern, however fleeting. but she had been there, her presence a constant reminder of the boundaries you couldnât cross.
it wasnât as if you had any right to be jealous. you and levi were nothing more than captain and cadet, bound by duty, not affection. but the whispers, the knowing glances, the unspoken understanding that you wereâŚhis favourite. everyone knew that.
that single hour of shared tea could illuminate your entire week, month, and year.
alsoâŚhow did he know? how had he sensed the hidden injury? that man possessed an uncanny sixth sense for injuries for sure.
the next morning levi dragged himself through his usual duties throughout the rest of his patrol. his mind and thoughts were completely elsewhere, the events from the other night in his mind over and over again like a broken record. but he kept pushing through, doing what he had to do, trying to finish his patrol as quickly as possible so he could return to see you. he headed straight for the mess hall the moment he returned, shedding his gear and discarding it onto the nearest table as his eyes quickly scanned around the mess hall, looking for your figure. a part of him hoped that you would have at least waited for him, like you usually did. for tea.
and there you were. your h/c was pulled back in a near braid, a single strand escaping to frame your face. a cup of tea warmed your hands, just as it always did when you waited for him.
but you werenât alone. you were withâŚjean?
that morning, duty had taken you elsewhere. you found yourself in the stables, shovel in hand, alongside jean. lately, you two had become an almost inseparable pair, not out of any deep-seated desire, but thanks to hangeâs chaotic scheduling. patrols, stable duty like this, even mess hall cleanup. hange seemed to keep you two tethered together. at first, it had been a source of quiet annoyance, but something had shifted, jean was not as annoying as you thought when you got to know him better. the tedious chores didnât seem quite so soul-crushing anymore. in between the scent of hay and the occasional snort from a restless horse you found yourself laughing at jeanâs dry jokes, a welcome distraction from the anxieties that had plagued you the night before.
the stable clock chimed twelve, the sound echoing through the cavernous space, and a familiar sense of urgency settled in your stomach. levi will be back soon. tea. you had to prepare tea.
youâd wavered this morning, the memory of last night was a burning ember in your chest. youâd almost convinced yourself to skip, to avoid the inevitable awkwardness. but the thought of breaking the routine, of leaving the empty space in your day, felt wrong.
maybe, just maybe, if you both acted as if nothing had transpired, if you simply followed the familiar steps of your âshared ritualâ, everything could go back to the way it was. to the way it needed to be.
having finished storing the last bale of hay and giving the final horse a quick brush, you wiped your hands on your trousers and sighed. âi think thatâs everything. iâm heading to the mess hall.â
jean grinned, a mischievous glint in his eyes. âtea with the captain, huh?â he leaned against a stall, crossing his arms.
you rolled your eyes, âwell, yeah. itâs.. a routine. and non of your business tooâ
jean glanced at the clock on the stable wall, the pendulum swinging rhythmically. âwell,â he said, pushing himself off the stall, âi think iâll have another one if youâll allow me to escort you until yourâŚbest friend arrives, mâladyâ he offered a mock bow, a playful smirk playing on his lips.
levi's eyes narrowed as he instantly recognized you across the mess hall. relief washed over him- you were here, after all. but the relief quickly curdled into something far darked as he registered the scene before him. you were seated at the table you two always shared, a steaming mug in your hands, your attention focused on jean. the horse-faced idiot kid.
his jaw tightened, his hand clenching into fists at his sides, the knuckles turning white. he couldnât hear the conversation, the din of the mess a hall a constant hum in his ears, but he didnât need to. he could see the way you were laughing, your head thrown back. it was a laugh he hadnât heard sinceâŚwell, the last time you two had tea. the day before yesterday. it looked like a long time ago.
he took a step forward, his resolve hardening into a familiar sense of purpose. he would march over there, interrupt whatever trivial conversation you two were having, and reclaim his rightful place beside you. he didn't like seeing you with someone else, laughing so freely, smiling with that horse-faced. he should have been the one sharing tea with you, the one eliciting that genuine smile.
but as he began to stride across the mess hall, a chilling thought stopped him in his tracks. a wave of dread washed over him, making his steps falter. perhapsâŚperhaps you didn't want to see him. perhaps you were finding jeanâs company moreâŚenjoyable. the thought twisted his stomach into knots. he didn't want to believe it, but the evidence was right there in front of him: you, relaxed and smiling, completely absorbed in a conversation that excluded him. he paused the near entrance, his hand gripping the cool stone of a pillar for support. he hated how easily you seemed to connect with others, how comfortable you looked sharing something as simple asâŚtea. when you literally told him it was between you two.
levi continued to watch you from a distance, trying to get a sense of what you and him were talking about. he saw you laugh again, leaning back a little with a smile saying something to him. was that⌠flirting? levi clenched his jaw and felt his heart sink lower and lower. he couldn't take it for much longer. he was close to just marching over and forcibly separating the two of you. he had to keep himself from snapping. he continued watching, his jaw clenched so hard you could probably hear his teeth grinding. he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. but with every laugh, every smile you sent to that damn guy it was taking all of levi's willpower to not just walk over and drag you away from him.
finally, jean excused himself, leaving you alone at the table. a small sigh of relief escaped your lips as you took a sip of your tea, the warmth spreading through you. on the table before you sat another cup, steaming gently, the one reserved for levi.
levi breathed a silent sigh of his own. finally. he straightened his posture, smoothing down any wrinkles on his uniform, and strode towards your table. he stopped in front of you, the scent of his familiar cologne reaching you. his usual stoic mask firmly in place. he had to keep his emotions in check, to prevent the simmering annoyance from surfacing.
âmay i sit?â he asked, his voice even and controlled. âi would like toâŚtalkâ
he felt his annoyance begin to dissipate as you smiled, a genuine, warm smile that reached your eyes. the familiar cheerfulness had returned to your voice, and the sound of it sent a wave of relief through him, easing the tension that had been gripping him for the past hour. god, he thought, how he'd missed that smile. his face, however, remained neutral.
he settled into the chair across from you, leaning back slightly, trying to appear nonchalant while his heart did a small, almost imperceptible leap.
âi'm sorry i kept you waiting,â he said, the words coming out more gently than he'd intended.
âoh, no, you didn't. it's fine,â you replied, picking up the cup of tea you'd saved for him, the warmth spreading through your hands. âdid everything go well on patrol?â
levi nodded curtly, but his mind was elsewhere. he needed to address the elephant in the room, to understand why you'd been spending your tea time with him. a frown flickered across his face,
âwhy were you talking to that horse-faced idiot?â he asked, his voice carefully controlled.
you almost choked on your tea, a laugh escaping your lips.
âoh, jean? i was waiting for you, and he was just keeping me company.â
levi's eyes narrowed slightly. he didn't like that answer. not one bit.
âwhat were you talking about?â he pressed
âoh, you know, many things,â you replied, taking a long sip of your tea. you could feel his gaze burning into you, strangely, you knew that gaze, he was mad, for some reason, maybe bad patrol? âare you going to drink yours? you like it hot as hell, and it's going to get coldâ you gestured towards his mug, a weak attempt to change the subject.
he held your gaze for a long moment, ignoring completely the cup of tea, searching for the right words. the image of jean's easy smile directed at you, the memory of your laughter, kept resurfacing, fueling a slow burn of anger again within him. the thought that jean might have been flirtingâŚwith you- he forced his gaze downwards finally at the cup of tea in front of him, offering a curt nod of thanks.
âanything specific?â he asked
âare you that interested?â you asked back
âjust curious,â he said, his voice a touch sharper. âjust asking,â he internally cursed himself for sounding so defensive.
he attempted a shrug, his gaze focused on you, like a compass needle drawn to the north. his eyes, sharp and focused, lingered on your face as he took a sip of his tea, the ceramic mug warm against his lips. a relentless loop played in his mind: had jean tried anything? had he crossed any lines? or, even worse, had you actually enjoyed his company? the uncertainty gnawed at him, a persistent, unpleasant feeling hard to swallow. he needed to know. he had to know.
the mess hall was quiet, the usual clatter of cutlery and boisterous conversations replaced by the gentle sounds of nature. sunlight streamed through the windows, casting long shadows across the empty tables. the air was warm and still, a peaceful counterpoint to the anxiety that had been clinging to you since the previous night. you shifted in your chair, your fingers nervously tracing the rim of your teacup. the silence stretched between you.
finally, you couldn't bear it any longer.
âalsoâŚlevi,â you said, âi'm sorry for yesterdayâ
his gaze softened as you apologized, the tension draining from his shoulders. he'd been torturing himself with what he could have said what he should have done.
âyou don't need to be,â he said, his voice low and sincere, âitâs me who should apologize. iâŚnever meant for you to feel like thatâ he met your gaze, his eyes searching yours.
you looked back at him, surprise evident in your eyes. it was clear you hadn't expected him to apologize, especially considering he'd done nothing wrong.
âno, no, i shouldn't- look,â you sighed, your voice laced with frustration and self-deprecation. âi was being an idiot. you can talk to whoever you want- i'm justâŚsorryâ
the word âidiotâ grated on levi's ears, a harsh sound that made a frown come to his face again. he hated hearing you talk about yourself that way, as if you were somehow less that deserving of respect and understanding. he wanted to shake you, to make yourself as he saw you: strong, capable, and worthy of all the good things in the world.
âno, don't call yourself that. youâre not an idiotâ he met your gaze again, his eyes holding a sincerity that made your heart flutter. âyou're allowed to feel what you feel. it's valid. and you weren't wrong. there's nothing to be sorry for, believe meâ
a soft smile touched your lips, a genuine expression of gratitude. he always knew the right words, the precise phrases that could soothe your insecurities and ease your troubled mind.
âthank you,â you murmured, the words laced with warmth.
âyou donât have to thank me,â he murmured back, the words almost automatic
he leaned forward in his chair, the movement subtle but deliberate, closing the small distance between you. his gaze intensified, his eyes boring into yours with a focus that made you shift uncomfortably. he hesitated for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
âi do have a question, thoughâŚcan i?â
you nodded slowly, your fingers tightening around your teacup, seeking the warmth it provided.
levi took a moment. gathering his thoughts before he spoke again. his voice was quiet, almost hesitant even.
âjean. was heâŚhm, flirty with you?â levi asked, his eyes narrowing slightly as he watched your reaction.
you laughed, a carefree sound that grated on levis nerves. âwell, yes. you know how jean is. gosh, he's soâŚsoâŚâ you trailed off, searching for the right word, unaware of the storm brewing inside levi.
his jaw clenched involuntary for the fifth time today as your casual information. a wave of anger washed over him, hot and sharp. jealousy. a feeling he had never experienced before, twisted in his gut. he could practically picture the scene: jean, with his usual smarmy grin, shamelessly flirting, making you laugh and smile. probably making some ridiculous comment about your appearance. how could anyone not be drawn to you? you wereâŚcompletely out of this world. breathtaking. the thought sent a jolt of possessiveness through him. he took a steadying breath.
âdid youâŚlike it?â levi asked, the question barely above a whisper, his eyes fixed on your face, searching for any hint of an answer he didn't want to see.
you tilted your head, a playful glint in your eyes. why was he asking these questions? you wondered, a small smile playing on your lips. was this some sort of test? some elaborate scheme concocted by erwin or hange? whatever it was, you decided to play along, a spark of mischief growing in you.
âwell,â you began, drawing out the word, âwe've had thisâŚgame, since we joined the scouts and since i'm older than him it was funny. and since hange seems determined to keep us glued together latelyâŚâ you paused, tapping a finger thoughtfully against your chin. âhe's a jerk obviously,â you paused again, letting the silence hang in the air for a moment longer. âbut we don't have anything serious. if that's what you're askingâŚat least, not yet.â you met levis gaze, your smile widening slightly. you didn't actually like jean, of course not. but there was no harm in seeing levi's reaction, was there?
âyet.â the word hung in the air between you. the image of you and jean together, not just as comrades but as something more, sent a shiver of unsease down his spine. he did his best to keep his expression neutral, but the tension radiating from him was palpable.
âand how do you feel about him?â he asked, emphasizing the pronoun, his voice carefully neutral.
âuhmâŚâ you paused, tapping a finger thoughtfully against your teacup. you didn't want to give him a definitive ânoâ just yet. it was too much fun watching his reaction. if only he knewâŚyou thought, a small smile playing on your lips.
he watched you closely, seeing how suddenly you got quieter, clearly avoiding his gaze. his heart beat faster in his chest as he waited for your answer. he tried to hide his emotions but his mind was shouting at his heart telling him that you were actually having feelings for that bastard.
âi actually like someone else soâŚâ you blurted quickly, how had a casual conversation but jean had turned into this?
oh, but he was stunned. he hadnât expected that, his heart leaped in his chest, a sudden, jarring thump that sent a wave of heat through his body. he felt his breath catch in his throat, his palms suddenly clammy. please, please, let it be me. the silent plea echoed in his mind, a desperate mantra. he hated this feeling, this vulnerability, this desperate longing for your affection. it was unlike him, completely at odds with his usual composure.
but youâŚyou were different. you were an exception to every rule he'd ever lived by. but when has anything ânormalâ ever happened between the two of you? you were an anomaly, a breath of fresh air in his otherwise rigid world. you wereâŚperfect, in your own unique way.
âyou like someone else?â he managed to ask
you nodded, offering no further explanation.
a small spark of hope ignited within levi, spreading through him like wildfire. it was a fragile ember, easily extinguished, but it was there nonetheless. he still needed to hear it, though. he needed the confirmation, the reassurance that his hopes weren't misplaced. âwho do you like, then?â his voice betrays him with a hint of underlying tension.
âlevi!â you exclaimed, a playful laugh escaping your lips, your hand instinctively going to your chest, as if to shield your heart. âi can't say that. it's a secret.â you tried to brush off the moment with a playful tone.
a sharp pang of disappointment pierced through levi's hope. he desperately wanted to hear you say his name, to have his suspicions confirmed, to finally know, without a doubt, that your feelings mirrored his own. the frustration simmered beneath his carefully controlled exterior.
âwhat do you mean you can't say it?â he asked, his voice laced with a hint of impatiente. âit's just a name, y/n. we're not teenagers.â he shrugged trying to dismiss the importance of the question, but his eyes remained fixed on you, searching for any flicker of a clue.
you laughed, a light, teasing sound. he looked almost boyish in his frustration, a rare and endearing sight. he really looks like a teenager right now, a smile playing on your lips again. but then again, this was levi ackerman, the captain of the survey corps. even seasoned veterans could feel like nervous recruits in his presence.
his annoyance intensified. why were you being so evasive? why were you treating this like a game? he'd just learned that you didn't reciprocate jean's affections, and that you harbored feelings for someone. but your playful teasing was threatening to extinguish it. he could barely contain his impatience, the urge to demand the answer bubbling just beneath the surface.
âwhy are you laughing?â he asked, his voice tight.
âit's funny,â you replied, your smile widening. you decided to turn the tables, to see how he handled the pressure.
âwhat about you, levi ackerman, the captain of the survey corps, the man everyone thinks is incapable of feeling anything? do you like someone?â you raised an eyebrow, challenging him with you gaze.
the table had turned completely. he hadn't anticipated such a direct counter-attack. a faint blush crept up levi's neck, staining his pale skin a delicate shade of pink. he quickly averted his gaze, focusing on the swirling tea in his cup, a mumbled response escaping his lips. âyou're on to talk,â he muttered, his voice strained, âyou didn't answer my goddamn questionâ
âhey!â you exclaimed, your smirk playful and teasing. you pointed a finger at him, your eyes sparkling with amusement. âthat's not fair, you knowâ
levi rolled his eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips despite his best efforts. you were deliberately avoiding the question, and it was driving him crazy. but the way you were doing it, with that playful smirk and that little gesture, was utterly disarming. he couldn't help but be charmed, even as he fought against it. this wasn't how this was supposed to go at all, he thought.
âdon't use that bullshit on me. answer the questionâ
âi guess weâll never know thenâ
he let out a low growl. why were you acting so calm and annoying, just sitting there sipping that goddamned tea with a little smirk on your face.
âdamn it. stop being such a smartassâ
you winked at him. you loved teasing levi; there was something undeniably satisfying about riling up the usually impassive captain. besides, weren't the grumpiest people the easiest to tease? it was a proven fact, try it, its fun.
you glanced at the clock on the wall and stood up, you still had a smile on your lips. you were running late for patrol.
âi have to go,â you announced, your tone light and airy. âduty callsâ
levi's heart plummeted as you stood up, the chair scraping against the floor. he felt a sudden, almost desperate urge to reach out and stop you. he hadn't gotten his answer, and the thought of you leaving, or remaining in this state of agonizing uncertainty, was unacceptable.
âwait a second,â levi said, a warning in his tone. âwe're not done yetâ
âi think we are, cap,â you replied, a nervous laugh scaping your lips
the crape of levi's chair against the floor echoed through the now empty mess hall as he stood, his figure looming over you. he crossed his arms over his chest. âno, we're not,â he repeated, his voice firm. âyou're not leaving until you answer.â
âwhy do you care so much?â your fingers fumbling with the buttons of your jacket. a blush warmed your cheeks, betraying your carefully constructed facade of indifference. âit's just a man.â
the captain clenched his fists. a vein throbbed in his temple. his patience, already stretched thin, had finally snapped. you were seriously starting to tick him off. each evasive answer was a tiny pinprick, inflating a balloon of frustration within him, threatening to burst. but beneath the anger, a deeper, more vulnerable emotion layed. why did he care so much. you were killing him, slowly, since he met you.
he just wanted to know who held your attention, to put his heart at ease. it was a selfish desire, he knew, but he couldn't help. the thought of you with someone else twisted in his gut like a knife. but he couldn't admit that to you, couldnât reveal the raw vulnerability that lay beneath his gruff exterior. so he scowled at you.
âstop being stubborn and just answer. who is it?â
you shifted your weight nervously, glancing towards the door. âi really have to go,â you said, your voice a little breathless, âbut if you tell me first, i'll tell you, deal?â a small, almost desperate part of you hoped this would finally bring some clarity. it was a risky gamble, but you reasoned that however bad this could be, at least you wouldnât get your hopes up for someone who didn't reciprocate your feelings. at least, this would finally end the agonizing uncertainty.
you could hear him groan softly, a low rumble of frustration that vibrated in the air between you. he ran a hand through his hair, his fingers tangling in his thin strands. he was trapped.
âtsk,â he clicked his tongue against his teeth, his mind instantly making a decision. his gaze locks onto yours, piercing, searching, lingering on the soft color of your e/c eyes.
âfine. dealâ
levi's heart was right now a rollercoaster, his now insistent rhythm against his ribs s he accepted your deal. he swallowed hard, the simple act suddenly feeling monumental. those constructing walls around his heart that had protected him from the vulnerability of exposure now were crumbling, brick by brick.
âi like someone,â he said, the words coming out rougher than expected. he kept his gaze now fixed on a point just over your shoulder, unable to meet your eyes, afraid of what he might see reflected there.
you gasped, a sharp intake of breath so loud and sudden that it echoed in the relative quiet of the room. i was the kind of gasp that could probably have been heard all the way down the hall, maybe even reaching hange's ever-attentive ears.
a shiver ran down leviâs spine.
hange and gossip were a volatile combination, a force of nature that could unleash a whirlwind of speculation and teasing. the thought sent a fresh wave of anxiety through him. now you're doomed forever, a small, panicked voice whispered in his mind, because we all know how hange is with gossip.
âare you for real?!â you exclaimed, your voice laced with disbelief. your eyes were wide.
he couldn't help but roll his eyes. why was that so surprising? had he been so successful in concealing his feelings that the mere suggestion of him having them was enough to elicit such a dramatic reaction? he wanted to be like that with others, but not with you.
âof course i'm for real,â he retorted, âdo i look like a liar?â
you giggled by his reaction, his ass always so dramatic you couldn't help but chuckle. âokay now that's interesting wh-â when you were finishing the sentence you heard jean calling your name.
of course it was jean. levi clenched his jaw to keep himself from saying anything, but he felt his eye twitch as he saw the smile that appeared on your face. you were looking forward to going on patrol with jean.
âi have to go, but i'll see you tomorrow?â you stated as you were walking already to the main door. he nodded curtly at you, still annoyed that your attention was being directed to horse-faced and not him. but he tried not to let the irritation show too much as he spoke. âyeah sure. i'll see you tomorrow.â
he watched you walk away with jean, he had to admit the sight of the two of you together made his heart ache. as much as he hated jean, the fact that you spent time with him made something inside him twist unpleasantly. he turned around and stormed out of the mess hall, walking with quick, angry strides as he headed back towards his quarters. he felt frustrated and annoyed, not even sure what to do with these feelings inside him. all he knew was that he didn't like seeing you with jean. or with anyone. not at all.
pt III
author's note: okay so i'm not really really happy with this chapter but it's going to get better, this trasition was needed. but i hope you guys are as excited as i am. sorry for not posting these days, holidays and spending time with family are getting my time from writting. hope you guys are having a good time these weeks wheter you celebrate it or not âđâËâšâĄ
Warnings: angst, blood, death, smut, unprotected sex, swearing, graphic scenes, idiots in love
levi, a fixture by the barracks entrance, shifted his weight from foot to foot, the cold seeping through the soles of his worn boots. the biting wind whipped at his cloak, carrying the faint scent of woodsmoke from the distant cookfires. a steaming cup of black tea, its smoky aroma a stark contrast to the frigid air, warmed his numb fingers. he periodically glanced down the path, his grey eyes scanning the deepening twilight for your return from patrol.Â
his anticipation, however, was abruptly interrupted. cadet elara mĂźller, her face flushed crimson from the cold, emerged from the shadows cast by the looming barracks wall. her voice washed over him in a relentless tide.Â
âcaptain levi, i was wondering aboutâŚthe maneuver during patrol todayâŚâÂ
leviâs brow furrowed slightly, a subtle sign of his growing impatience. he offered short, âpoliteâ responses, his gaze drifting back to the path every few seconds.Â
lost in the labyrinth of short responses. levi nearly missed your arrival. almost. the tension on his shoulders eased the moment he caught sight of your figure emerging from the treeline, the faint moonlight glinting off your sword hilt. he walked towards you, not even saying goodbye to the woman, the steam from his cup trailing behind him like a small dissipation cloud.Â
âlong patrol?â he asked you, his gaze searching your face for any sign or injury or exhaustion
you glanced at the woman standing behind levi, her arms crossed and a thin smile plastered on her face. her eyes, sharp and assessing, flicked from the caked your boots to the grime on your cheek, a flicker of disaster crossing her features before settling on the insignia on your shoulder. you knew her, of course - cadet mĂźller, always vying for leviâs attention during training - but it was odd seeing her in such close proximity to him outside of drills. her gaze seemed to hold a dozen tiny devils, each intent on driving you away so she could resume whatever one-sided conversation sheâd been having with the captain. ây/n,â she injected, her voice smooth as silk, but with a definitive undercurrent, âi was just asking captain levi about the optimal blade angle for disarming a larger opponent. such fascinating insights.â
a hint of a smirk played on her lips, and you sensed a familiar undercurrent of competitiveness - one that had been simmering since the last sparring session. you shift your weight, feeling a prickle of annoyance. âuhm, if youâre busy i can go to my room, i have to take a shower anyway,â you said, meeting mĂźllerâs gaze directly. let her have him, you thought, iâm not going to play this game
âno, no, im not busy.â levi replied, his brow furrowing as he shot a quick, almost apologetic glance in your direction. he waved his hand dismissively in mĂźllerâs direction. âshe was justâŚtalking my head off, thatâs all.â he didnât want you to think he was busy - no. that he was too busy to talk to you. the thought was abhorrent. he subtly shifted closer to you, putting a definite distance between himself and the cadet.Â
your gaze darted between levi and the woman. she leaned against the barracks wall, arms crossed, one hip cocked in a pose that spoke of practiced nonchalance. her dark hair, usually bound tightly for training, was partially loose, framing a face that could indeed grace the pages of those fashion magazines you sometimes pilfered back home. a faint smile played on her lips, but her eyes - sharp and assessing - held a clear challenge, a silent dare for you to retreat.Â
she was undeniably striking, her figure slender and poised in a way that made you suddenly acutely aware of the dust and grime clinging to your uniform. you were five years younger than levi - a fact that felt pronounced at this moment since mĂźller and levi were the same age, and of course, he was your captain. why are you thinking about this now?
everyone told you you were beautiful, -your mother when she was alive, your friends, even the occasional drunken recruit- but their words always felt hollow, bouncin off a core of self-doubt youâd carried since childhood. men will compliment anything, you thought bitterly, the old insecurity rising to the surface. even a sack of potatoes if it only wore a bra.Â
you were called the âstrongest womanâ but in this case, you felt tiny, tiny compared to the woman behind your captain. Â
mĂźllerâs gaze flicked to levi, a subtle but possessive glance that seemed to say, heâs mine. you felt a pang of something akin to defeat. there was no point in competing.Â
âitâs fine, levi. i should just go,â you said, forcing a smile that felt brittle and thin. you avoided looking at mĂźller, focusing instead on a loose thread on leviâs sleeve.Â
âno.âÂ
levi's voice was firm, as always. he reached out, his fingers closing around your wrist with a surprising firmness that made your breath catch. he couldnât let you go. not now. not afterâŚhe finally had you here. it was a moment you two shared. a need, raw and undeniable, pulsed through him - the need of your presence, the simple, desperate need to have you here. âstay,â he said, his voice softening just slightly, but the command was still clear.Â
âi want you to stayâÂ
cadet mĂźller hadnât moved. if anything, the possessive gesture - leviâs hand on your wrist, a touch he rarely offered anyone, to be honest, no other person- seemed to have ignited a fire in her eyes. her jaw tightened, and the thin smile vanished, replaced by a hard line.
those looksâŚthose were the looks youâd seen him give you before, fleeting but unmistakable. a warmth spread through you, a fragile bloom of hope amidst the tension. but it was quickly overshadowed by the weight of mĂźllerâs gaze, which felt like physical pressure. the air crackled between you three.
âplease,â levi added, his voice dropping to a near whisper. his gaze, his grey beautiful eyes, usually so steely and controlled, held a flicker of something that looked almost likeâŚpleading. he glanced over his shoulder at mĂźller, annoyance crossing his features before he turned back to you. he sighed, and his grip on you loosened, his hand sliding down to intertwined his fingers with yours. the contact was warm, grounding, a silent reassurance in the face of the other womanâs unwavering stare.
âokayâŚâ you mumbled. you knew arguing with levi was futile, a lesson learned long ago. besides, a small, traitorous part of you admitted that you didnât want to be anywhere else. youâd seen the way heâd looked at mĂźller - like everybody else. It was the way he looked at you that mattered.Â
levi nodded. he didnât want another second of his stolen time with you to be tainted by her intrusion. with a gentle tug on your hand - a silent invitation - he led you down the deserted corridor that runs alongside the barracks. the only sound was the soft echo of your footsteps on the wooden floor.Â
once you were both enveloped by the deep shadows, safely hidden from prying eyes, levi finally released your hand. the contact had been brief, but left a lingering warmth on your skin.Â
he didnât want to let go. the memory of your touch, the feeling of your smaller hand in his, was a sharp, almost painful reminder of what he desired. for some reason, being close to you. he leaned back against the cool stone wall, exhaling slowly, his gaze drifting across your face. the dim light cast long, dancing shadows that accentuated the soft curve of your cheek and the slight furrow of your brow.Â
he took another deep breath, suddenly self-conscious about the intensity of his earlier action, he looked far away from you.Â
âhowâŚhow was the patrol?â levi asked, the earlier tension replaced by a gentle concern.
âuhmâŚit was fine, just tired,â you replied, the words falling flat. the usual spark in your voice, the playful sarcasm that levi had come to - secretly - cherish, was absent.Â
leviâs brow furrowed, a crease forming between his sharp grey eyes. he tilted his head, studying you with an intensity that made you want to squirm. heâd grown accustomed to your vibrant energy, the way your presence could light up even the dreariest of days. this subdued version of you was unsettling.
âyou seem more than just tired,â he noted. he stepped a little closer, his gaze searching your face in the dim light, as if trying to decipher some hidden message.
âitâs fine, really. just tiredâŚâ you repeated. you dropped your gaze to the rough wooden floor, your arms instinctively wrapping around yourself in a gesture of self-protection. just tired. the oldest excuse in the book. you could practically hear your own mother's voice echoing in your head: âif you donât want to talk about it, just say youâre tired.â the irony wasnât lost on you.Â
levi's gaze followed the movement of your arm and his frown darkened. he stood up a little straighter and took a step closer to you.Â
âare you injured?â his eyes quickly took in your frame, looking for any sign of a wound. a habit he'd picked up from having to patch up his squad-mates so many times. he was looking for any sign of a tear in your uniform, a flinch, a wince - anything that would betray a hidden wound.
âoh no, sorry, no, noâŚi'm fineâŚeh, uhm, what about you?â you stammered, the nervous energy radiating off you in palpable waves.
levi's frown didn't ease. he wasnât buying it. he knew you. knew your stubbornness, your tendency to downplay pain. he had a sinking feeling that if you were hiding something, heâd have to pry it out of you.Â
âbullshitâ he muttered his breath. he took another step closer, his usually cold eyes searching your face as he stopped right in front of you. he could see a little clearer in the shadows now.Â
âwhat?â you asked, tilting your head meeting his gaze. a genuine confusion crossed your features, mixed with a growing sense of unease. okay, yes, maybe you werenât acting like your usual self. but the situation with mĂźller ten minutes ago had beenâŚunsettling, to say the least. this, however, was escalating from uncomfortable to downright perplexing.
levi's brow furrowed again as he tried to deduce just what was wrong. he could tell you were trying to downplay it. his eyes scanned your face again, reading your expression while he spoke with a steady tone.Â
âdon't lie.â he said, the words low and even, carrying a weight of authority that brooked no argument. he paused, a silent plea for honesty. âwhatâs wrong? i can tellâÂ
âiâm sorry, iâm being a littleâŚidiotic right now. itâs just-â you cut yourself off, your words trailing into silence. what are you going to tell him? the truth felt absurd, vulnerable. that youâd felt a sharp pang of jealousy watching him with mĂźller? that a ridiculous, nagging voice in the back of your mind whispered youâd never be enough for him?
ânothing,â you mumbled, attempting a nonchalant shrug that fell flat
âno, donât bullshit me, whatâs wrong?â
the dam finally broke. âcan you believe i wasâŚa little hurtâŚthat i saw you with that woman, having tea? instead ofâŚme?â you rushed the words out, the confession tumbling from your lips in a nervous rush. âlike, who am i to feel that way? itâs stupid. but since you and i, you know its our thing i- iâm sorryâ a nervous laugh escaped you, but it sounded strained. even in the dim light of the hallway, the heat rising in your cheeks, your face burning like a furnace. you couldnât help it. better to face the awkwardness head-on than try to deceive levi. he saw through your lies far too easily.Â
he hadnât been expecting that. jealousy? the realization hit him like a physical blow. you wereâŚjealous. of him. talking to mĂźller. he hadnât considered that you would even notice, let alone care. a wave of guilt washed over him, sharp and immediate. the thought of causing you any pain, even unintentionally, was unbearable.Â
he took a moment to study your face. the faint blush staining your cheeks made his heart clench in his chest. it was a vulnerable, endearing sight.
âiâŚâ he hesitated, the words catching in his throat. a rare fluster, an unfamiliar tightness in his chest, held him captive. he wanted to say so much. to reassure that mĂźller meant nothing to him. that his thoughts were consumed by you, every damn minute of every damn day. that the conversation with that woman had been nothing than a brief, unavoidable social obligation - a charade he rarely engaged in. but the words, usually so readily available when delivering orders or reprimands, refused to form. they were trapped behind a wall of ingrained stoicism and a sudden, overwhelming fear of vulnerability. instead, he did the only thing he could think of. he closed the remaining distance between you, reaching out to gently take your hand in his. his fingers intertwined with yours, a silent promise, a wordless apology.Â
âyou donât have to say anything. iâm sorry for acting like that. i should just go,â you mumbled, pulling away from him and turning abruptly. the words tumbled out in a rused, breathless apology, your cheeks burning with shame. without giving him a chance to respond, you fled, disappearing down the corridor in a blur of motion. running away - it was the only logical course of action, wasnât it? the only way to escape the crushing weight of embarrassment.Â
âwait-â levi cursed under his breath, his voice catching in his throat as he watched you vanish. the suddenness of your departure left him momentarily stunned, a knot of anxiety tightening in his chest. he stood frozen of a heartbeat, his mind reeling, trying to process the whirlwind of emotions that had just passed between you.Â
then, with a surge of determination, he was moving, his long strides eating up the distance as he took off after you. there was no way he was letting you run. he wouldnât let you stew in your self-doubt, wouldnât let you believe youâd made a fool of yourself. he needed to talk to you.Â
he rounded the corner at a run, his boots echoing sharply, and continued down the next corridor. he knew your usual route back to your room by heart - every twist and turn, every shadowed alcove. he just hoped he wasnât too late. he pictured you locking your door, retreating behind its solid buried, and a surge of frustration propelled him forward. he wouldnât let you shut him out. not this time. he lengthened his stride.Â
but, oh, it was too late. you were already in your room, the door slammed shut behind you, the lock clicking into place with a decisive finality. youâd collapsed into a tight ball, your back pressed against the cool wood of the door as if it could somehow shield you from your own thoughts. you felt like the biggest fool in the world, the heat still burning in your cheeks. overthinkin - it was your specialty, your own personal form of self-torture.
levi stood outside your door, his hand raised to knock, then hesitating. the silence from inside confirmed that: youâd locked yourself in. a sigh escaped his lips. he ached to know what you were thinking, to reassure you, to erase the doubt that had clouded your eyes. a part of him - that fierce, and protective part - urged him to simply force the door open. but he resisted. he couldnât cross that line. not with you. instead, he leaned his forehead against the cool wood of the door, closing his eyes for a moment. his voice was low, a whisper.
âplease, come outâ
pt II
Authorâs note: hello guuuys!! first fic of leviiii i'm SO excited for this one, i have already all the parts done and written, and when i tell you its gonna be LONG. but i hope you guys like it. let me know. ANYWAYS TSYM GUYS FOR READING. LOVE U ALL. âđâËâšâĄ
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