Peace Was Never an Option

[Reds and Oranges and Yellows]

fenwxlf:

Fenrir’s heart fell, and a strange sense of worry for past-Erik swelled up, like somehow he could go back and fix whatever tragedy had happened. But he kept silent as Erik drew him into the office, squeezing his hand, and found his own shaky as Erik passed him picture upon picture, paper heavy with crayon and marker and pencils, reds and oranges and yellows, and lines of black that terrified him.

A lump in his throat made it hard to breath, and he found he couldn’t quite stand anymore, so made it over to a chair to collapse. “Oh, Erik,” he breathed, staring up at his boyfriend, a man he still knew so little about. He held his hands out for him. “What happened?”

He wasn’t sure yet if he regretted showing Fenrir this, but he had already gone this far so it wasn’t like he could just back out now. Some sot of explanation was needed and Fenrir deserved to know the truth. That was, after all, part of having a relationship, and Erik was finding himself more and more invested in making this relationship really work.

Fenrir reached out for him and Erik took his hands easily, squeezing a bit harder than necessary as he forced out the words he knew needed to be said. “There was a fire. It was the middle of the night and we woke up to smoke everywhere. I ran to Anya’s room and got her out as quickly as I could, handed her to my mother who had already made it outside. We were still living with her back then. I waited for Magda to follow us out, but she... she didn’t come.”

He had to pause for a moment to collect himself, sinking down to sit on the arm of the chair without letting go of Fenrir’s hand. “I went back in for her, but it was just... Everything was smoke and fire and I couldn’t... I could hear her, but I couldn’t get to her.” He would never forget the sound of Magda screaming as the fire took her.

“The firefighters didn’t dig me out until later,” he said softly. “And it was far too late for Magda.” He turned sad eyes towards the drawings again before concluding with, “Anya was four. She remembers enough that I doubt she’ll ever fully recover.”

#A Heartless State of Mind: OOC #Anonymous

🎃 This is The Positivity Pumpkin. You've been visited because you're an awesome blog and a good egg! May positivity come your way! You are loved!

That is all.

[meddling child]

fenwxlf:

Fenrir blinked, attention shooting to Erik’s as he spoke, mouthing his words as his brows furrowed. And then Fenrir wanted to kick himself. “No!” He blurted, hand darting out to grab Erik’s. “Shit, Erik, I’m sorry. I just kept chickening out. I thought about texting you every time I had a spare moment to think. But, but I haven’t been with anyone since… since their mother. And I didn’t want to drag the kids into it, but then you were so great with them. They both like you. Fuck, Hati invited you to lunch, she’s never done that with anyone outside the family. And Skoll didn’t mind being around you at all, he actually talked to you. And–”

Fenrir bit his lip, swallowed. “I didn’t think I was allowed to be interested. I’m sorry. Here–” he took his hand back, belatedly realizing he’d been squeezing Erik’s, and fumbled for his phone in the cup holder, pulling up Erik’s contact and sending him a text with his name.

Once done, he let his hands, phone and all, fall to his lap and stared at Erik again, ears still red. “So… yeah? Coffee?”

His eyes widened a little at Fenrir’s slightly rambling response, but his expression quickly shifted to a warm smile. “We’re probably a good pair then,” he noted softly. “I’ve not been with anyone since Magda. Actually I haven’t been with anyone but Magda, so at least we’ll both be flying blind.”

A bit of confusion creased his features again when Fenrir talked about not being allowed to be interested and Erik couldn’t help asking, “Why on Earth would you not be allowed?” Certainly Erik hadn’t given any indication that he was anything other than interested. At least not that he knew of. Maybe there had been something he’d done to indicate that he wasn’t available somehow. If so, he had clearly messed up.

His phone vibrated briefly in his pocket but Erik didn’t bother pulling it out. He’d save the contact information later. “Coffee sounds wonderful,” Erik answered, reaching out a bit hesitantly to curl his hand around Fenrir’s again and squeezing lightly.

[Reds and Oranges and Yellows]

fenwxlf:

@actually-i-prefer-magneto

Playdates between Anya and the twins were a common thing now, even when Erik couldn’t be around himself. Fenrir and Erik had been happily, if somewhat awkwardly, working at proper relationship ever sine their official dates went well. It had taken some time, what with them both being busy single fathers, but Fenrir found himself happier than he’d been in years. It definitely helped that he and Erik had finally started kissing, proper kisses too, and even though neither of them were quite ready (or had any real time) to go farther than making out like teenagers, Fenrir was stupidly happy.

He was learning more and more about Erik and his daughter, as well as their past, in bits and pieces. He didn’t feel ready to push, though, so just let the information come when it did.

This time, though… Fenrir was worried.

Erik was teaching piano, so Fenrir had come over with the twins so they could play with Anya, and Fenrir could at least be in Erik’s presence (and he did love seeing him play, even if it was basic things, it was unfairly sexy). Anya and Skoll were coloring quietly, Hati playing with a few animal figurines she had brought, when Fenrir noticed what Anya was drawing.

Later, when Erik was done teaching, Fenrir beckoned him over to the kitchen while the kids watched cartoons. “Erik…” he started, frowning, fidgeting. “I know it may not be my place but…” he handed him the picture Anya had drawn, filled with reds and oranges and yellows – fire – with her father at the center. But he wasn’t in his fire gear, he knew that well enough because he’d seen her pictures of him with his gear on. “Do you… maybe you need to talk to her about your job. Or take some time off. I don’t think… this is good.”

It was always more pleasant somehow to teach piano when Fenrir and the kids were around. It made the entire house feel warmer and Erik didn’t feel quite as bad about Anya having to just quietly draw somewhere rather than being able to be with her dad. This way she had company. Still, he was even more glad when Kitty was done with her lesson and he sent her on her way with her mother. Briefly he played something a bit more complicated at Anya’s quiet request, one of her favorites that always brought a smile to her face.

It wasn’t long before the kids lost interest entirely in the piano though and moved on to the television which was clearly superior in their eyes. Erik smiled after them and then frowned slightly at the look of concern on Fenrir’s face as he motioned him over.

His boyfriend handed the picture over to him and Erik’s fingers tightened around the paper the moment he saw what it was and a familiar sadness swept through him as his face fell. “It’s not my job,” he whispered quietly, unable to draw his eyes away from the drawing. “It’s our past. Drawing it... she says it helps sometimes with the nightmares.”

He managed to uncurl his fingers from the page on one side so he could take Fenrir’s hand and pull him gently out of the kitchen and down the hall to his office. When they got there he pulled open the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out a stack of another dozen pictures, all of fire and the same house in varying states of destruction, and handed it to Fenrir.

[First Steps]

#fenwxlf #V: Young and Unbroken

fenwxlf:

Fenrir laughed as Erik tore off his shirt, but the sound shifted into a deep groan as Erik dragged his teeth over his jaw, sucked him hard at that particularly sensitive crook beneath his ear. His breath caught as Erik spoke, always dizzy with the idea of Erik claiming him, further more when he said as much. “I am,” he breathed, clutching at his lover, “All yours.”

Where a moment ago his clothes made him feel rather smug, now he wondered why his still had pants on at all, and so quickly shimmied out of them until he was bare, and eagerly slotted their hips together so he could drag their arousals against one another. Fenrir still didn’t usually like either of him directly touching his penis with their hands, but everything else was fair game.

Grabbing handfuls of Erik’s ass, he fumbled them over until Erik was on top, then wrapped his legs around him and bucked up against him. “Fuck me,” he demanded, dragging his hands through Erik’s hair, nails raising red marks down his back.

Sometimes he worried that the only reason Fenrir was with him was because he hadn’t ever had the chance to meet anyone better. After all, the two of them had been each other’s entire world now for nearly half of Fenrir’s life and that had to have colored his opinions a little. There was always that tinge of worry that one day Fenrir would meet someone else and realize that he had built this thing with Erik into something far more than it really was simply because he hadn’t had any other people in his life to show him that there were better options.

When Fenrir spoke about belonging to Erik though, it made it far harder to doubt. There was nothing but sincerity in his voice and it made Erik’s chest ache with love.

He gave in easily to Fenrir turning them over, grinding his hips down against Fenrir happily once he had the leverage to do it. He grinned a bit at his lover’s demand though as he wove his fingers into the man’s hair and dragged him up for another demanding kiss. As he kissed him, he trailed his hand down until he could trace his fingers across his lover’s entrance. He ended the kiss by biting Fenrir’s lower lip and murmuring, “You should learn some patience, love,” before he pulled his hand away entirely and shifted down his lover’s body to bite and suck at the exposed skin of his chest while his hands settled on the man’s hips to hold them down so Fenrir couldn’t try to get the friction Erik was sure he wanted.

[meddling child]

fenwxlf:

Fenrir climbed back into the car after dropping the kids off, glad they didn’t make too much of a fuss and just settled on their cots. He let out a heavy sigh as he pressed his head back against the headrest, that universal look of a tired parent. He hadn’t really thought of the potential awkwardness of him and Erik alone, in his car, with no buffer, until he was there. Erik was clearly uncomfortable, fiddling with his jacket, and Fenrir wanted to take pity on him and just start driving, but he couldn’t quite do it yet, needing a breather.

He was still trying to decide what to say, side-eyeing the man, when Erik burst out with an apology. Fenrir blinked, having not expected that, but didn’t even have time to tell him not to apologize when Erik was just saying all the right things and making his heart melt.

“Thanks,” he said, voice rough, smiling at the man. “They… they like you a lot, too. And you weren’t intruding. I… I enjoyed having you there, too.” His hand landed on the gear shift, fiddling with it, thumb smoothing over the top as he tried to work himself up. He still hadn’t pulled out of the drop off lane, and he wondered if it made Erik uncomfortable, but he wasn’t quite ready to drive off to the station, mess up the moment, and he certainly needed all his focus for this.

He assured himself this wasn’t a mistake. Hati clearly adored Erik already, and Skoll was comfortable around him, and Fenrir had been keeping a close eye on Erik’s interaction with them both and always found it impressive.

“Look, uhm,” he started, tapping his other hand on the wheel. “I didn’t want to… just jump into something. But… the kids like you. And… well… I haven’t done this in a while, so, I mean, did you… did you want to go get coffee, sometime? With me?” He shot Erik a nervous look, which quickly crumbled into embarrassment and started babbling. “Oh, god, of course you don’t, you work at a coffee shop, but I – I mean – we could get a drink? But I – I don’t drink, I try not to now, uh, maybe dinner? Or – uhm – I… I’m just going to stop talking now.”

And he clammed up, face, ears, and neck red, and stared hard at the center of the steering wheel.

He supposed he was probably just overreacting as he tried to figure out where exactly to draw the line between the two of them. Spending time together didn’t have to be awkward unless Erik made it that way. He was perfectly capable of handling this. Fenrir said he’d enjoyed having Erik there too so that had to mean something.

And then Fenrir asked him if he wanted to get coffee and Erik’s fidgeting fingers stilled entirely. Coffee, drinks, dinner... It didn’t really matter all that much what they did he supposed the point was Fenrir was asking him out. Or at least he thought he was being asked out. Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe Fenrir just wanted a friend he could spend time with away from the kids. Except if it was just that why would he have mentioned not wanting to jump into anything and why would he say it was something he hadn’t done in a while?

Erik was definitely being asked out.

“You weren’t interested,” he said, a bit confused. “I gave you my number and you didn’t do anything with it so it seemed pretty clear that you didn’t want... me.”

Admittedly he was a bit thrown off by this unexpected turn of events but it still took him longer than it should for him to realize that he hadn’t actually answered the question. “I am always up for coffee,” he answered quietly. “I’d love to go with you.”

[First Steps]

#fenwxlf #V: Young and Unbroken

Fenrir shuddered, tilting his head to allow Erik closer and letting out a groan as he forewent any teasing and just bit down. It went straight through him, and he settled heavier against him, pressing his face into Erik’s shoulder as he let out a shuddery breath. “God,” it was ridiculous how riled up they could still get each other within seconds. Fenrir often wondered if it was some side affect of Erik having never done so much as masturbate before he was twenty-three, and how Fenrir’s own early sexual explorations got fucked up fast.

It didn’t matter though, because now all that meant was they could go fast and hard, slow and sweet, and several rounds without issue.

He rocked his hips almost lazily against Erik’s, sliding his hands between his love and the bed to the small of his back, then down to cup his ass, giving it a squeeze as he rocked their hips together, excited at the way he was still clothed with Erik naked and wanting beneath him.

“You should make sure to bite me hard Monday night,” Fenrir whispered, grinning at the idea as he kissed Erik’s jaw. “Right where this professor will be able to see.” It was almost dizzying how strange it was that once, both men strove to hide all bruises and scars along their bodies, but now Fenrir reveled in every single mark Erik left on him, proudly displayed them, would walk around shirtless all day after a particularly eventful night just to drive Erik crazy, was known for smiling stupidly in the mirror and idly tracing the pattern of Erik’s teeth on his skin. When they went out together, sometimes still getting looks for both being men, or worse when Fenrir shaved and knew he looked particularly young, but he still bore every proof of Erik’s love for him proudly.

Erik groaned out Fenrir’s name, his nails digging into his lover’s back as he felt hands gripping his ass and it made him want. How the fuck he had managed to resist this temptation for so long as they’d waited the dragging months until Fenrir was legal he had no idea. God was he glad now that he didn’t have to give a shit about holding himself back.

His hips rocked up into Fenrir’s movements and he could feel the familiar press of his lover’s cock against his but the fabric between frustrated him to no end. The severe inequality of clothing here needed to be fixed immediately. Erik started with Fenrir’s shirt, pulling away from his efforts to mark his lover’s skin long enough to pull the offending item off.

He quickly returned to leaving marks the second that the shirt was gone though, grazing his teeth along his lover’s jaw and sucking a dark bruise just below his ear. “Of course,” he breathed out, the very idea making him harder. “I’ll make damn sure that he’ll be able to tell from the moment he sees you that you’re already claimed.”

He’d never thought himself a particularly possessive man, but Fenrir brought it out in him. Having the world be able to look at the two of them and know that Fenrir had chosen to be with Erik of all people was intoxicating.

[bedroom hymns]

fenwxlf:

Fenrir’s hands hesitated at Erik’s words, but the man was lifting his hips, encouraging him, so he continued to work him out of the pants. Fenrir himself was still dressed in his shirt from last night, but had stripped down to his boxer-briefs when they had clambered into bed the night before. Fenrir hated sleeping in jeans, and it wasn’t the first time he strip down to his underwear with a stranger just to sleep more comfortably.

“That’s fine,” he murmured, trailing light kisses up his jaw. “What’d you prefer? We’ll take it at your pace.”

His pace? His pace usually involved not doing anything at all because physical contact made him feel uncomfortable. It had been at least a few decades since he’d fallen into bed with anyone and honestly he hardly remembered what he liked. He just knew that Fenrir had drawn him in, understood him, and that everything he was doing right now felt amazing.

“I don’t know,” he admitted honestly, voice already a bit shaky with arousal. “I just want to feel you. I want to feel.” He almost hadn’t added that last part, but he suspected that Fenrir would understand. He didn’t let the words hang in the air for long though, dragging Fenrir into another kiss and pressing his tongue into the other man’s mouth.

#fenwxlf

[meddling child]

fenwxlf:

Fenrir nodded, made an agreeing noise, because he certainly understood being more comfortable in quiet spaces than public ones, and smiled. “Great. I look forward to it.” And he did, because he was sure it would do his twins some good, because Skoll was too shy and withdrawn to really care for friends, Hati tended to think everyone her age was stupid, and they more than not just stuck together. But Hati already liked Erik, something that still boggled Fenrir, and maybe being with an older girl who also had no mother, even if Fenrir didn’t know the details of that, would help her too.

He couldn’t stop the smile from growing as Erik took care of Hati’s food without batting an eye, and the vertigo of the moment didn’t hurt so badly as the first time. It probably helped that they had just been discussing Erik’s own daughter, so he could parse everything a bit better.

They ate with comfortable waves of silence and idle conversation, mostly Hati saying something and Fenrir trying not to put his foot in his mouth, but soon enough Hati started getting crabby, overly frustrated when she didn’t spear her waffle on her fork the first time, complaining how she go a “too chewy” piece of chicken and refused to swallowed, so Fenrir had to lean over the table and hold a napkin to her mouth so she could spit it out.

Skoll ate a good portion of his, for him, but started having a breakdown when his fingers and face were covered with nutella and Fenrir, a little panicked, made sure Erik and Hati were ok left alone, once again, and pulled a crying Skoll into the bathroom to clean him up. Hati glared at nothing and moodily flopped against Erik, working at the last of her coco.

“I think it’s nap time,” Fenrir said when he came back, which earned him a scowl from his daughter, but she perked up some when he handed her a few bills to count out for the tip. She about had a melt down when she realized the waitress wasn’t coming back, since they were supposed to take their bill up to the front to pay, and Fenrir made sure to wave her back down.

Hati practically crawled over Erik so she could hand the woman the tip, and then stared her down. “Don’t eat too many sweets,” she finally decided on, “Or you’ll get a tummy ache.”

The waitress looked confused yet charmed, and she agreed to this piece of advice before taking her leave with a thanks. Triple checking everything was in order, Fenrir slipped out of the booth, Skoll at his side, and waited for the other two to slip out before making his way to the front to pay, but not before downing the rest of his coffee.

They finished the meal in relative peace, or at least as much peace as one could expect from being out to lunch with two four year-olds. They both fairly obviously started to get a bit more cranky as time went on and Erik was surprised at the fact that Hati chose to lean against him as she finished her drink with a sulk on her face. She seemed far more comfortable with his presence than he thought she would be.

Then she clambered over him to give the waitress her tip and Erik decided he was reasonably sure he loved this child. How could she so effectively melt his heart?

He still felt a bit unsure about having Fenrir pay for his meal, but he didn’t argue it. Erik just slid out of the booth and followed the small family back to the car. The daycare was closer than the firestation, so Fenrir dropped the kids off first and Erik waited patiently in the car as he got them settled back in. It was only about a five minute drive from there to the station, but Erik was slightly nervous about the idea of being alone with Fenrir. First of all the man was too damn tempting. He also just wasn’t sure what to say. Without kids around and with no counter between them it was going to be a bit odd.

When Fenrir got back into the car Erik just stared uncertainly at his own hands for a moment, fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket a little.

“I’m sorry if I was intruding at all,” he burst out. “I know you were just trying to make Hati happy by agreeing to take me too. I enjoyed being with them though. Your kids are wonderful.”

[meddling child]

fenwxlf:

“I like your coffee, though,” Fenrir pouted, because he didn’t like to think hard on the whole can’t afford to be sick thing. Clearly Erik was working his ass off to make ends meet, and that worried him more than he wanted to think about. He did crack another smile, though, at the mention of Sean. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

His worry only increased as Erik spoke of his daughter, his own heart aching in an entirely too empathetic way. Still, he glanced at his son, and tipped his head so Erik would too, as Skoll quietly colored. He didn’t know much about Anya, but it sounded like she and Skoll were alike.

“That’s all right,” he said softly, and had to remind himself he couldn’t pry, even though he desperately wanted to ask after not anymore and maybe touch Erik’s hand because clearly the two had been through tough times. “The option is still there. We could all go somewhere together, sometime, maybe. If that would help her. Or you could just come over with her.”

Fortunately, the food came then, giving Fenrir an excuse to stop making a fool of himself. He thanked the waitress, who definitely smiled dreamily at the entire family, and looked ready to congratulate them, but thankfully kept her thoughts to herself and just refilled their coffee carafe. Fenrir helped Skoll cut up his crepe, and as much as he knew he loved the taste, Skoll also hated getting messy, and the chocolate banana crepes weren’t known for being a tidy lunch. Fenrir didn’t even have a moment to see if Hati wanted help with her waffle and chicken, because she had already shoved her plate over to Erik for help instead.

He highly doubted that he was any better at making coffee than any of his employees, but he didn’t call Fenrir on it. Maybe Angel had burned his coffee once or something and now he just only trusted Erik’s.

The way Fenrir directed his attention to Skoll made Erik think a little more seriously about getting the kids together though. Anya would probably get along fine with Skoll. She’d get along fine with Hati too really. Anya never seemed to have a problem with people being energetic around her like that, she just didn’t often participate herself.

“I’ll ask her if she’s interested then,” he said, inclining his head briefly in appreciation. “I suspect she’d feel better at someone’s house than out somewhere with people everywhere though. It might take some time for me to be able to have a day I can make it work, but I’ll let you know.”

Somehow he was unsurprised by Hati pushing her food towards him and Erik didn’t even have to think before he started cutting it into pieces for her. It was odd how many of the habits he’d had from Anya’s younger days came back so easily now. He slid it back to Hati when he was done and started eating his own food as his mind got caught up in the thought of how he felt both entirely natural here and also entirely out of place.

[Come Crumbling Down]

#fenwxlf #V: Young and Unbroken

fenwxlf:

Fenrir’s mouth opened and closed. He’d never thought about that, before, but he supposed that was exactly what Erik had wanted. He had always assumed Erik was strong, but never really appreciated the extent of it. But he remembered how everything in the house had shook, clattered to the ground, doors slamming shut and rattling, like a hurricane was pushing through the house except Fenrir had felt no wind.

And god, to have that all bottled up.

No fucking wonder Erik was here. Fenrir was amazed he hadn’t been hospitalized sooner.

“A tracker?” He repeated with a scowl. Suppressors he understood, even if he didn’t like, but a tracker? His fingers curled tight into Erik’s hospital gown as he growled. “You’re not some damn dog.” He shook his head, pressed his face into his boyfriend’s hair.

He could hear the emotion and frustration in Fenrir’s tone and it made Erik pull away so he could properly look at his boyfriend again. “I’m not a dog, no,” Erik agreed softly, running his fingers through Fenrir’s hair and pressing a kiss to his temple. “But they see me as a monster and I’m certainly perfectly capable of being a weapon. If I can’t be deemed safe then they need to be able to shut me down which requires being able to keep track of me. Make sure I don’t go off the rails or anything.”

Shutting him down would likely involve killing or imprisoning him. He honestly wasn’t sure which. Either way he knew Fenrir wouldn’t like it, so he just had to make damn sure that he passed whatever evaluation they gave him so it never even became a concern.

[meddling child]

fenwxlf:

“Oh, you’re the manager?” Fenrir blinked, and had he mentioned that before? Probably. Fenrir tended to get distracted around him. “Well,” he cleared his throat, fiddling with his coffee. “Good to know. I was worried you were sick, or–” didn’t want to see me again “–or something.”

The kids were still fiddling on both adult’s phones, swiping through pictures, snooping around, but when Fenrir noticed Hati starting to look for games, he gave her a look and stuck out his hand, wiggling his fingers. Hati gave a loud, deep sigh and returned her father’s phone like it pained her. Skoll meekly pushed Erik’s phone back across the table as well, then let his sister open their crayon packets so he could carefully line them up and started coloring.

Still fiddling with his mug, Fenrir cleared his throat again. “Did you, uh… I know your daughter is a few years older, but, we could arrange a playdate, sometime, if you’d like.” That got Hati’s attention and she bounced in her seat, nodding.

“I can’t afford to be sick,” Erik responded with a slight laugh. It was more true than he cared for honestly. “My schedule will never exactly be normal. The others at the shop are just as capable of making good coffee though and I usually make enough pastries the days I work to make sure they’ve got some for the days I’m not there. Never eat anything Sean baked himself though. You may not survive.”

He took his phone back when Skoll slid it back across, tucking it back into his pocket. He would have to take more pictures of Max or something so he could show them to Skoll next time Fenrir brought him by.

At the mention of Anya his smile turned a little sad. “I’m not sure she would do much playing. It would probably be good for her to have others to be around, but she’d likely just end up sitting somewhere drawing instead of interacting. She never really... opens up to anyone I suppose. Not anymore.”

[meddling child]

fenwxlf:

Fenrir’s face definitely burned as even Erik seemed to see that neither of his kids cared about piano, and he quickly took another sip of his coffee, hoping he didn’t pick up on the fact he was definitely hoping to have an excuse to see Erik’s place, to come over to Erik’s place, to see him play piano. His attraction for the man was still boggling, almost concerning, and he still felt like he needed a buffer so not to get completely in over his head. But he supposed that was a moot point considering how much money he had been pouring into a certain coffee shop the past few weeks, and the way his heart would fall when Erik wasn’t the one behind the counter.

But Skoll, bless him, bless his wonderful son, just up and provided him with another reason to see Erik. At his other job, no less. His other, very sexy job.

“Of course!” He blurted, and was too distracted to notice Hati’s huge, smug grin. “Of course he can. That would be great. For him. He loves dogs.”

God, he was a mess. But Skoll was beaming, and crush or no crush, Fenrir would do anything for that look.

He cleared his throat. “So I guess that’s why I kept missing your at the coffee shop?”

He was glad Fenrir approved of Skoll visiting. Not because it meant Fenrir being there too of course. Just because he wanted Skoll to be able to see Max and have some time playing with a dog. Max was always wonderful with kids so he knew that there wouldn’t be any danger of Skoll getting hurt or anything.

Fenrir would be at the station though. The more Erik thought about that fact the more he realized it was a terrible idea. At least at the coffee shop most of Erik’s employees were far too young to be of interest to Fenrir, but at the station there were half a dozen attractive men present at any given time. Fenrir had made it pretty clear that he was at least interested in men, so how the fuck was he supposed to even attempt to actually get Fenrir’s interest when he was going to see all the other, far better looking, men?

Except he wasn’t supposed to be getting Fenrir’s interest. He was supposed to be just being friends. Or treating him like a particularly friendly customer? Fuck if Erik knew what they were honestly, he just knew that he wasn’t interesting to Fenrir from a romantic standpoint.

Which fucking sucked.

He realized he’d been staring absently into his coffee mug with his fingers toying idly with the handle and looked back at Fenrir. “Yeah,” he answered, still a bit distantly. “My schedule gets a bit crazy sometimes. I’m always there 7:30 to 3, but the days vary based on when I’m scheduled at the station. Thankfully I’m the manager at the shop so I make the schedules.”

[meddling child]

#fenwx #V: Smoke and Mirrors

fenwxlf:

“This kids would love to learn how to play,” Fenrir blurted, even though neither of his children ever once showed their were musically inclined or even vaguely interested. Which was probably obvious when the twins stopped what they were doing to give their father a matching odd look.

“I wanna learn how to drive four-wheelers,” Hati said instead. Which, yeah. “Taylor’s uncle has one and she has a picture of her on it that Miss Jennifer put up on our class wall.” She looked to her father, pouting. “I want one of me on your bike, daddy. Everyone would think I’m the coolest. “

Fenrir grimaced, and really it was for a variety of issues. First off, his motorcycle was collecting dust, and secondly he didn’t think the adults would be impressed with a picture of two small children on a death trap. But it also reminded him about how emotionally turbulent a time it was to put together Hati and Skoll’s about me posters for school, how both of them came home more quiet than usual that day, and even though Miss Jennifer had done her best to ease tensions, it was clear the reminder that they hadn’t even known their mother had drawn both kids in on themselves. At their teacher’s suggestion, he asked how they would feel about bringing in a picture of their mother to keep on their wall, and after initial hesitance, Hati had one day pulled out one of the pictures from their album of him and Lenya, just a silly selfie, and Skoll had pointed at the one where Lenya was bent over her large belly, kissing it. Both him and Miss Jennifer had teared up when Hati and explained for Skoll that he liked it because they were in mommy’s tummy in that picture and that she obviously had loved them very much before she had ever met them (which she later rubbed into a boy’s face when he’d went on about his own mother, because “she has to love you now”).

As Fenrir lost himself to this thoughts, Hati started talking about the importance of dogs while Skoll beamed at the idea of Max wanting a belly rub, and he mimicked the idea with his own stuffed wolf, smiling at it, then asked Erik softly, “Can I come see Max?”

Erik raised an eyebrow at Fenrir’s claim that the kids would want to learn piano. He glanced over at Hati with absolutely zero expectation that she would want to actually take piano lessons. As predicted, she looked less than enthusiastic at the idea and instead proposed driving four-wheelers which seemed far more in line with what Erik would expect from her.

Honestly he was a little disoriented by the fact that he felt like he knew her well enough to have an expectation of her reaction to something. Skoll perhaps would have a better temperament for piano, but Erik wasn’t sure and he didn’t think the boy would feel comfortable with lessons anyway.

“Max loves having people come visit,” Erik told Skoll with a smile. “But I think it’s up to your dad whether or not you can come. I don’t get to make that call.” He wasn’t sure how much he could barge into Fenrir’s family life without it being entirely inappropriate really. This lunch alone was probably too much, but Erik supposed he wouldn’t know for sure until the next time they came back into the coffee shop together.

[meddling child]

fenwxlf:

Hati scoffed, but sat up on her knees and leaned over to see the phone as Erik held it out to Skoll. Fenrir bit his lip to try and keep from smiling so much, because every little thing Erik was doing with his kids was perfect, he already read them so well, and maybe it should’ve been alarming and he searched for that feeling and came up empty. No suspicion or concern. Just and ever growing warmth.

“You teach piano?” Fenrir said, and was proud that his voice didn’t come out strangled, because he could picture it, Erik sitting up right on the bench, and his gaze shot to the man’s hands, long and big and strong and Fenrir really needed to stop thinking about them. He took a too-big gulp of coffee. “That’s good, though. That you like what you do. Sounds like you work hard.” Maybe too hard. Was it just him? Did he have any family left to support him raising his daughter without a mother? Fenrir ached at the thought. Things were hard enough, even with the help of his family.

“That’s a police dog,” Hati interrupted, pouting and pointing at the phone. “The K-9 unit came last week with one like that. Fire dogs are supposed to be white with black spots.”

“Hati,” Fenrir raised his brows, giving her a steady look. “Dogs can be whatever they want to be.” The girl narrowed her eyes, looking ready to argue. “Should I tell you what you should do because of your hair color?” Hati looked appalled and said that was stupid (a word Fenrir was realizing now he’d have to keep better track of). “Then a dog can be a police dog, or a fire dog, or a pet dog, and it doesn’t matter what it looks like.”

Eyes still narrowed, Hati sat back, pouting, looking between the adults and moodily sipped her coco.

“Yeah, my mom used to teach lessons out of our house when I was young and eventually I took over her students for her.” Not that she didn’t still hang around making comments now, but with her arthritis it was nearly impossible for her to really play the way she used to. Erik missed the sound of her playing piano. She’d always managed to breathe life into the music in a way he never could.

Maybe it would have been different if he ever had the chance to play just for fun anymore instead of always for work.

He didn’t comment on Fenrir’s observation that he worked hard, though he gave a slightly sad smile. Erik knew it was true just like he knew that it was probably horribly unhealthy for him, but it was also entirely necessary. He had Anya and himself to support as well as a mountain of debt still from medical bills and the cost of Anya’s therapy. Working hard was the only option.

“Max would have been a terrible police dog,” he told Hati, jumping on the opportunity to divert attention from himself. “He’s far too friendly. Police dogs have to be willing to take someone down if needed and the best Max can do is roll over wanting someone to rub his belly.”