actually cannibals

waht the fuck are we doing: tales from isengard

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interviewer: ok so we're just about done here. u've done v well, i'm impressed by ur knowledge and qualifications. do u have any questions or concerns about the job?

me: yeah do u smoke weed?

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soundtrack to my summer

80s action tribute + kung fu + plenty of synth

xxo0 steph

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saturday night cartoons

my attention span these days is shot to hell. if a movie doesn't grab me in the first 40mins i'm out. i even struggle to stay interested while watching hour long TV shows. i'm not entirely sure if i turned to cartoons because of my abysmal attention span or if they caused it. sadly it's most likely a never ending feedback loop and i'm doomed to b a mush brained dummy forever.

so if ur a total doofus/dumb stoner like me here r some top notch shows w plenty of colour and movement to numb ur mind.

gravity falls

mysticism, puzzles and kristen schaal? set aside first impressions and the association w disney. gravity falls is dark, humorous, and down right creepy at times. it has some serious twin peaks vibes (there's even a ep that blatantly uses imagery from the black lodge). to add to the mystery, each ep has hidden clues that give hints to bigger, more sinister story arcs. also theres plenty of freemason symbolism which is always fun #illuminati.

mike tyson mysteries

i love how absurd and vulgar this show is. a very obvious parody of scooby doo - right down to the smart girl w glasses, the talking animal and the van. it takes a childhood fav and makes it more enjoyable for (questionably) adult me. tysons ability to make fun of himself is rly admirable even if he is trying too hard to become a hip cultural icon.

metalocalypse

imagine in the not so distant future, a death metal band so successful that they r now the 7th largest economy in the world, complete w their own vaticanesque citadel, an army of servants, and literally die hard fans. the show's rly about a bunch of dumb, nihilistic, jerk celebrities being metal as fuck but there is also some commentary on fascism and idealism if ur into that. u don't rly need to listen to metal to like this show (there r some subtle references that u will get if ur a metalhead) but it goes w/o saying that if u absolutely despise heavy music u prob won't enjoy urself v much.

bojack horseman

oh man. this fucking show. a netflix original, wut looks like an innocent, surreal comedy about a washed up sitcom actor (people w animals heads! hilarious amiright?) actually deals w issues like depression, narcissism, regret, substance abuse, and perceptions of identity. don't get me wrong, it's fucking hilarious - plus there r plenty of run on jokes and a playfulness w continuity that isn't often seen in animation - but along w laughs bojack provides some serious fodder for self-reflection 10/10. season 2 comes out next month!

xx0o steph

honourable mentions: bob’s burgers, steven universe, regular show, adventure time, king of the hill, futurama, harvey birdman attorney at law

[data-guzzlr]

[actuallycannibals]

after only 3 months of total neglect we’re back!

maybe more content coming soon

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LISTEN TO THIS

just stumbled upon some top notch dreamy electronic tunes with plenty of wonderfully arranged, overlapping harmonic vocals and steady beats

reminds me of animal collective/electric president but with a little something else

steph

[actuallycannibals]

ootd: like mother, like daughter pt2

momma C and i took a trip to goodwill this morning, ft. big ass truck

coat - jcrew, cowl neck dress - sporting life, mittens - idk man, tights - the tights store, boots - doc martens, purse - michael kors

yeah this is pretty much the same outfit she wore last time i posted our outfits but we are Simple Men of Simple Pleasures

(fake) fur coat - holt renfrew/stolen from my mom, glasses - l'usine à l'unettes, shirt - winners, slacks - american apparel, boots - doc martens

a girl working at goodwill told me that i have great style and i'm really bad at taking compliments so i just stuttered and ran away but tripped over my shopping basket

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the art of getting home drunk

is it -50° outside on a friday night and you have an $8 bottle of pinot grigio in your fridge that is just begging to be consumed? not sure what to do? let me help. i am of the opinion that a raucous night at home can be even more fun than going out. how many times have you lost your student card at the underground, or your dignity at stages? how many gross cis boys have touched your butt and made you wish that you didn't leave the house? well, my friends, that's why getting home drunk is one of the best things in the world. "but nikki!", you may proclaim. "what am i supposed to do when i'm home drunk?" I HAVE THE ANSWERS. these fun activities can be done with your roommate(s) or by your lonesome - it doesn't really matter, you'll be drunk.

1) DANCE

you really don't need a gross, sweaty crowd of strangers to dance your ass off. all you need is a drink in one hand, a groovy tune, and enough floor space to shake ur business. steph and i listen to the same records when we're home drinking - usually a rotation of rick astley and queen. honourable mention is uptown funk by bruno mars, but you do you. personally, i'm a big funk fan:

2) GAME

gaming is always fun, but let's be honest - it's more fun when you're drunk, and when there isn't a fucking line of people waiting to use the controller. drunk gaming is loud, raunchy, and full of unnecessary cussing. what's not to love? personally, WoW is my favourite intoxigame. it combines my two favourite pastimes: yelling at 13-year-old boys, and playing WoW. i'm a simple fella with simple pleasures. if you're with others, though, n64 and wii games are the bomb. i especially recommend warioware smooth moves: that game is fucking gnarly. not a fan of video games? board games can be just as fun, and just as inappropriate. battleship! come on!

3) MAKE ART

this is a personal favourite of mine. being drunk and being productive are not usually synonymous states of being, but making art while drunk leaves you feeling productive, creative, and just generally awesome. art counteracts depressants! that's a scientific fact! science! but actually, there's nothing more fun than grabbing a few canvases from wallacks, downing a case of beer, and going to town with some acrylic paints. steph and i did this last thursday and i haven't had a better night in ages. LOOK PHOTO EVIDENCE

4) WATCH A DOCUMENTARY

i'm a firm believer in the fact that there is a documentary for everyone, even those who dislike documentaries! we're on the fuckin' internet, people. there is a documentary for everything. ramen! animal abuse! prison! meth! bodybuilders! seriously, if you have an interest, there is probably a documentary about it. actual good documentaries teach you things in such a way that doesn't make you feel like you're learning, because no drunk person wants to actively better themselves. if you do, then leave me alone with my bucket of poutine and documentary on pedophile rehabilitation centres. (seriously, that's a doc - look it up on youtube! it's by louis theroux from the BBC, who is one of my favourite journalists. pretty much all of his docs are on youtube, and they're awesome.)

5) BLANKET FORT

okay, maybe this one is best done before you get home drunk, but it's worth the effort. take some dirty bedsheets, clothespins, hair elastics, and maybe a lamp - there you have it! a blanket fort! steph and i make a blanket fort every year, and these forts never fail to be magical (tbh by saying "steph and i" i mean "steph, while i wore their indiana jones hat and watched). not only can you get home drunk in the fort, but you can do all of the above things (minus dancing) in the fort! huzzah!

6) WATCH REALITY TV

don't feel like doing anything active or remotely productive? that's chill, man. i get that. i get that a lot. sometimes, you just want your emotions to be controlled by a team of television producers who know how to make you feel things about complete strangers that you should not be feeling! from the bachelor to king of the nerds to my strange addiction, reality tv can provide a nice drunk escape. plus, it's fucking hilarious to watch with friends. (note: this option may cause intense self-loathing. warning.)

have fun and be safe, dear darlings

-nikki

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i'm a terrible person so i made some belated valentines with sparkles

xx0o steph

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pronounce it .jif and i'll punch you

being a man of few words i'm a very big fan of .gifs so here is a small collection of my favourites that are appropriate for any context when you just can't find the words

very versatile:

me all the time:

my main man lebeef also shout out to citizen kane film is everywhere:

putting on makeup after a few drinks:

broken .gifs are the only .gifs:

bountiful resources for some good original content are: /r/brokengifs and /r/HighQualityGifs  please enjoy and use wisely there's almost definitely more to come.

xx0o steph

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ootd: hot metal mom looks ft. a hungover piece of shit

another one of these already? fuck you i feel like a ballsack just tell me how pretty i am

dethklock shirt - red bubble,  pants - second hand (club monaco), cardigan - my mom, boots - army surplus, belt - value village, chocker neckalce - nikki *self-hatred and debilitating nausea - one bottle of cheap merlot and alotta whiskey

face: don't remember if i washed it but hey last night's eyeliner is today's smokey eye amirite?

tip: the best way to deal with a hangover when responsibility comes a'knocking is to make yourself look especially nice on the outside in order to compensate for the fact that you spent a whole night ingesting literal poison excuse me while i go throw up.

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i love this so much all hail grandma satan

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ootd: like mother, like daughter

my hot goth mom raised a hot goth daughter

coat - jcrew, scarf - who the fuck knows, dress (not rly visible but it's great) - anthropologie, tights - sporting life, shoes - doc martens, purse - michael kors

coat - american apparel, turtleneck sweater - jcrew, slacks - value village, oxfords - vegetarianshoes.co.uk, sunglasses - l'usine à lunettes, brooch - OOaK show 2014

now i've just gotta get my mom to dye her hair black

-nikki

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DRUNK MOVIE REVIEW: 'under the skin'

okay, i'm home for a few days and obviously have nothing to do as my parents go to bed before 9 (aka around 8 hours before i do), so... let's get drunk and watch a horror movie! i chose 'under the skin' by jonathan glazer, starring scarlett johansson. let's do it. there will be SPOILERS for this movie below so, yeah, do as you wish.

reaction 1: holy shit, scarjo is hot. holy shit, this movie is hot. cool chiaroscuro action goin on. i also have to pee really bad. this beer sucks. where did she get that fur coat? where can i get that fur coat? fake fur, obv. i'm not a monster.

reaction 2: okay, so what i've gathered is that scarjo is an alien thing who's stalking dudes. i'm into this. she's still super hot. i read somewhere that she's a zionist in real life, though, which is tainting her hotness. let's keep watching.

reacion 3: what the fuck? wait, a kid just drowned trying to save a dog or something, idk. did they just kill off a dog? why the fuck would they kill off a dog? my emotional reaction to animal death in movies is way stronger than any reaction i have to human death. we have established that i am a bad person. i'm not even sure if that was a dog or a person. anyway! to recap, SJ has killed a ton of dudes now in this weird black lake that she jesus-walks across. cool. let's just gloss over this dead kid thing because the film seems to have done the same.

reaction 4: the fuck? i like this perspective boogaloo over to one of the dudes swallowed by scarjo's dark cavern but he saw this other dude who got, like, swallowed glitch-style into a swirly pool of dude juice. i had to rewatch this bit a few times because it looked super cool. aight. i digress. let's finish this fucking movie. also, i just went to pee out all of this gross light beer and the door closed by itself. i was half expecting alien SJ to be waiting behind the door. i'm also half disappointed that she wasn't.

reaction 5: staring contest with dude in a weird suit that reminds me of aperture science. also, i've missed more than half the dialogue in this movie because i'm really bad at understanding thick scottish accents. oh shit! scarjo tripped on the sidewalk! she hasn't moved for a good 30 seconds. scarjo is pissed. wait, was she hit by a car or something? no, she just fell. don't damage that jacket, girl. what an unnecessary scene. i think it's supposed to show that alien hot lady is becoming more of an uncomfortable human or something. i'm also wondering at this point where they got all the extras for this film. they must just be random citizens because there is such a diverse array of people. is that homeless person a real homeless person? did they get paid for appearing in this movie or did the film people hire - UPSIDE DOWN SHOT OF AN EYE. COOL - an actor to play a homeless person?

reaction 6: yo if scarjo kills this disabled guy i swear to GOD. he is the only sympathetic character in this movie. man, she killed him. what the fuck was the point of the scene with the disabled man if she was just going to kill him like everyone else OH wait okay, wait. he's out. he's free. he's naked and in a field. i am relieved yet still concerned and also confused. i also feel like he's not going to be mentioned for the rest of the movie. (later an dmore drunk edit: yup i was right he's gone for good i think she let him go awwwwwww)

~~~~~~cigarette break!!!!!~~~~~~

reaction whatever number i'm at: am sufficiently drunk. SJ is now in a cabin in the woods ~!ooh spoopy!~ with a rly cute old dude who made her tea. i'm confused. i need help. scarjo almost banged the dude that "rescued" her from the middle of scottish nowhere but then she took a lamp to her bits and i'm pretty sure that there's nothing there. hm. i'm also confused as to why that guy thought, hey, i found this random chick who doesn't speak and doesn't eat or do anything other than look scared, i think she wants to have sex with me! logic! 

i'm going to be totally real with you guys tho, during that weird sex scene the faces weren't shown for a bit and the back of the guy's head looked like this one guy i have a crush on and SJ has dark blunt bangs so i went off into fantasy land for a minute okay sorry let's continue with the fucking moVIE NIKKI PAY ATTENTION FUCK

reaction 6.9: i do not recommend that anyone who is triggered or affected by sexual violence watch this movie. fuck, the last twenty minutes are super graphic and uncomfortable. this forest ranger construction worker type dude gets real nasty and chases my dear alien protagonist and i really did not like watching this scene. he runs away after scarjo starts bleeding this black ooze, but still... before that, it's gross and shitty. caution.

oh! oh shit! she just took off her skin. SJ is the black morph suit character! woah! plot twist! i totally didn't see that coming! (sarcasm ok) her face skin is still blinking when it's in her hands, though. how confusing. okay, this is more of a live blog kind of thing now because i am typing and watching. shit, guys. this is getting real. okay, horrible worker guy is lighting scarjo on fire! she's on fire! she's still on fire!

aperture suit guy is looking off into the abyss. i don't understand. cool suit, though. did she just burn to death? yep, she did. all right. anticlimactic. the end.

this post got super fragmented towards the end but here is my tl;dr review of this movie:

cool, then confusing, then cool. also disturbing towards the end - major trigger warning there. that's all i've got. it's beautiful, cinematography wise, so it's got that going for it, i guess. i don't really want to give this film a rating because i'm real sleepy and real drunk. if you're looking for this movie to be anything more than mildly tense and extremely aesthetically pleasing, then watch something else. anything else. go watch pokemon. it's great and super uplifiting, i recommend it.

also, 'fuck' count: 9. not bad.

-nikki

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SHOWER MUSIC - THE GROWLERS

i had this whole album on repeat for weeks when i first heard it.

dirty, psychedelic garage ska-funk pop that's perfect for singing and dancing (carefully) in the shower.

this song is like a funky punch in the face. the rest of the album is catchy as fuck too.

9/10 would recommend

- steph

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#belljustgohome post a hashtag on facebook it’s okay let someone else deal with it

let’s talk about mental illness. rather, let’s talk about what’s not being said about mental illness. what, you may ask? but i see so many posts on facebook about #bellletstalk and ending the stigma! everyone is talking about mental illness!

actually, everyone is “talking” (posting online) about a very specific, condensed, privileged version of mental illness that applies to a very select few people. so many people are sharing articles about brave young people holding whiteboards with “let’s talk about it!” scrawled in messy handwriting, yet don’t seem to actually TALK about what “it” is. the phrase “mental illness” has become this weird umbrella term that simultaneously stands for all illnesses of the mind, yet ignores the ones that aren’t pretty or easy to talk about. i may sound incredibly cynical, but that’s because i am cynical due to my experiences with talking to other people about my own mental state. i’ve learned to say “i’m fine” to every person who asks me how i’m doing because i have learned that very few people want to deal with a mentally ill person when the illness gets ugly, as it is want to do.

my roommate (and co-owner of this here blog) steph is a perfect example of someone who is working not through facebook posts but through action to make those who are mentally ill feel a heck of a lot more comfortable talking about it. when i was having one of the worst anxiety attacks i’ve ever had, steph took me to the hospital at 3am and waited for hours until i was good to go home. they refrain from laughing when i have to check behind the shower curtain multiple times whenever i come home, don’t stare at my scars, and don’t pressure me to talk about how i’m feeling unless i feel comfortable. they are a constant presence and i am forever grateful to them for being the one person i feel welcome talking to about my mental state. the fact is that i just don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else about mental illness because the masses’ idea of mental illness has been shoved into this pretty little package that you can share on your wall and show everyone how, like, supportive you are. but would you still be supportive of someone who has overwhelming hallucinations? what about someone who dissociates from their body on a daily basis? or, what about the homeless man you called “crazy” to your friend because he was talking to himself?

on a completely different note, if you really want to do something about mental illness, maybe you should work towards a reform of the healthcare system. i am fortunate in that my antidepressant is not incredibly expensive, but i was sent to cognitive therapy for a number of months which cost upwards of $200 a session. i am so grateful that my parents have the money to pay for this treatment (even though i got absolutely nothing out of it other than getting to stare at my super hot therapist), but i recognize that not everyone has that privilege. what about the people suffering from all kinds of mental illness, from depression to BPD to schizophrenia, who just can’t afford treatment? fuck em, right?

the monetization of mental illness is a whole other thing that i’m not willing to get into, so let’s just ignore how capitalism has taken our mental health and turned it into a way to make money. that’s another one for another day.

to those who find solace and kindness and conversation in this sudden tidal wave of mental health talk, i am glad. i am so genuinely happy that you’ve found even the slightest reprieve from whatever suffering you’ve gone through or are going through. for some of us, however, all of these empty-hearted facebook posts are nothing more than words on a screen.

-nikki

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if you've been feeling as burnt out as i have lately, try some of these helpful tips. i know i will.

- steph

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ten netflix horror movies that don't completely suck

10. the shrine

aka Eh, This Movie is Pretty Ba-OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK

this cliche-journalists-investigate-foreign-cult-and-end-up-in-trouble movie is incredibly shitty until the last 20-ish minutes. i'd say that the ending is worth wading through the absent plot and bad acting, but i also have very low standards

9. ATM

aka Look Deep Into The Parka

either drake or josh from 'drake and josh' (does it matter?) and his two pals get trapped in this weird pop-up ATM building made of glass by a mysterious figure in a parka wielding a crowbar. i'm a sucker for movies that mostly or completely take place in one room, and this one's pretty tight.

8. scary or die

aka High School Musical 4

this one's a horror anthology of sorts. it's not quite as good as 'the abcs of death' but gets a spot on this list simply because it features corbin bleu turning into a flesh-eating clown, which was honestly on my bucket list of things to see before i die.

7. 30 days of night

aka Where's Sarah Palin Now?

this one's pretty popular and you've probably already seen it but i don't really give a shit because this isn't your blog you can't tell me what to do

so many recent movies (like, 2010s) take a great concept for a film and just completely fuck it up ('the purge', anyone?). this movie, though, is an excellent concept - vampires + polar night - with excellent execution. 

6. the devil's rejects

aka Sheri Moon Zombie, Please Punch Me In The Face

i think i've seen this movie upwards of 10 times and i just do not give a shit about what it's done to my psyche. the supergore and over-the-top villains work much better in this sequel to 'house of 1000 corpses', although that's another one of my lie-in-bed-and-watch-for-the-10th-time-while-eating-thai-food movies. plus, everyone loves some good ol' fashioned justice porn (and sheri moon zombie, beautiful horror goddess)

5. death proof

aka Murder And Close-ups Of Lady Feet

so many of my tarantino-loving friends haven't seen this movie, probably because i'm friends with good people and this movie has some major shitlord moments. alas, it also has a badass girl gang (including the phenomenal zoe bell), so make your own judgements. i'm not your mom.

4. red state

aka LOOK AT THIS FUCKING MULLET 

i don't really know if i'd call this one a horror movie. more of a thriller, maybe. either way, i think it's really rad. basically, it's about a freaky murderous cult a la westboro baptist church. michael parks (the guy who made justin long into his tusky bitch) plays a ridiculously charismatic cult leader and should probably become an actual cult leader because i'd probably consider joining

3. antiviral

aka Nice One, Baby Cronenberg

the concept of this film sounds ridiculous, but it's actually super aesthetically beautiful. it's basically about a dystopian future in which celebrities sell their diseases & illnesses to big companies who in turn sell them to fans in order to create a weird cell connection between the fans and the celebrities. also, meat shops sell cultivated celebrity meat, which totally grossed me out until i imagined eating lab-grown michael cera. i bet he tastes like cardigans.

2. the abcs of death

aka Was This A Fever Dream?

basically, this one is a compilation of short films by 26 directors from all over the world, each having been given a letter of the alphabet as the basis for the plot. the films range from confusing to hilarious to stop-motion to creepy as shit, and they're all incredible. tbh steph and i were stoned as fuck when we watched this one and i had to take a break when the fox lady started poledancing

1. detention

aka Just Look At The Picture

just look

urs horribly, nikki