sideblog

[adasel]

Merging my main and my side, as I realised I use the sideurl more often, and it not being a main was getting annoying.

Main: siturivalship -> adasel Side (active, used for writing and OC): ada-writes Side (dormant): adasel -> adaselalt

(still tagging all my writing, fanworks & OC with #ada.writes)

/ ada 💕

[adasel]

I wake up to the ghost of you

Promptfill for @hollanovfest

HOLLANOV | one-shot | M | 11k | ao3

canon-divergence | post-Tampa Bay All-Stars | angst with a happy ending

The horizon has nearly finished swallowing the setting sun. Beautiful and captivating, just like them. Never lasting, always on a time crunch, the end looming ever present, unavoidable. The sun will set at night, and Hollander will leave. Ilya will hurt, Ilya will break, and the next day the cycle will start again, continuing down a path mapped out in a parking lot in Saskatchewan. Ilya leaves the beach without joining Hollander, returning to a hotel room that stays single occupancy during the last night of the 2017 All Star Games.

[fractally]

So when I say Shane isn't a good person really I don't mean that he's like. Bad. Or malicious or evil. I just see so many fics that write him as this weird paragon of perpetual virtue, almost saintlike, where he's impossibly kind and an activist and sweet to Ilya like a little kitten and caring of his friends and I'm just sitting here thining....no??

Shane's canonically kind of a selfish guy! Not in a terrible way, he just doesn't really care about stuff outside of his direct sphere. He only gets into philanthropy when there's a direct benefit to him (laundering his relationship). He loves his friends but he's not super caring of them or all that invested in their lives (forgetting Hayden's baby's name is peak). Some of that is he's too wrapped up in his own shit and his secrets but I think a lot of it is just his personality. Shane's not selfish to the degree of it being a personality flaw (see: Shane giving up a day with Ilya to babysit Hayden's kids. I wouldn't have) but he's more selfish than selfless.

We don't hear about him sending signed pucks to sick kids or doing charity with the Voyageurs or that sort of thing. Maybe he's doing it in the background idk. Most likely he's got some assistant in charge of it. But that's not something he spends a lot of mental energy on.

He's not rude or cruel to people, but internally he's a bit judgemental. He sells himself pretty ruthlessly. He’s wealthier than anyone on this website can even comprehend. He’s a landlord.

To get to three cups in a decade Shane’s also got to be very locked in as captain. Like Theriault is this fandom villain (fair) but it just doesn’t make sense to have Shane constantly clashing with him and the Voyageurs and still winning over and over. We see Shane let homophobic comments slide in the locker room and I have to assume that’s his general approach to dealing with things in Montreal. Winning comes first.

I’ve said a million times I love Shane. I’m obviously obsessed with him, look at my many posts. But I just think he’s a grittier and more interesting than the fandom gives him credit for, they just turn him into like the anxious nagging wife who tells Ilya to pick up his socks and is Team Mom.

[ebulliscent]

This!!

Hudson imbued Shane with a lot of gentleness, and the series centring the romance means we see a lot less of Shane when he isn't Ilyamaxxing but book!Shane is incredibly cutthroat. He's impatient, he might not ~showboat~ as much as Ilya does (and he judges him for it constantly) but he's just as much of an attention whore. He isn't just admired because he's Shane Motherfucking Hollander; he's genuinely a bro, he's inaccessible because of his routine and his diet (which gives him major 'you can't sit with us' vibes that he does precious little to counteract, both because he's too wrapped up in his Everything to notice, and he wouldn't care enough if he did).

He's the ice queen, not Ilya. As far as the league, and even his team, is concerned, all routes to Shane Hollander are through excellence, proximity, or work. Ilya and Scott Hunter get the time of day because they're good. Hayden is his friend and Assistant Captain. JJ is a teammate and is sort of the glue of the Voyagers. Rookies get Captain Hollander because he's responsible for them. That's all.

There is no 'Holzy'. His team feels a proximity to him because he's an indelible part of their careers. They're barely a footnote in his, and they know it. Shane does too; he does try to make their success about the team but even when he's thinking of his dynasty and the camaraderie of the locker room in TLG he's thinking of it as a transaction, as loyalty that is owed to him rather than relationships he can trust. Things imploding the way they do in TLG is predicated upon this power imbalance, and that's why the Centaurs are such a good foil.

[fractally]

Yes!! Yes you get it.

I really like you pointing out how distant and inaccessible Shane is. He lives alone immediately, which is very unusual in hockey, being housed by older players during your rookie contract is almost seen as a guardianship or part of your training. The older players teach the younger guys how to sleep properly and cook good meals and such. Shane doesn't need any of that, he's already locked in. And he's very aware of the distance his talent and routines and diets creates between him and his teammates:

"all routes to Shane Hollander are through excellence, proximity, or work"

Yeah, exactly. Shane is so transactional---he thinks about his diet and routines as input / output. He doesn't eat red meat so that he skates better. He doesn't drink so that his muscle control is tighter. He's obviously an endorsement whore---and in the book it's HIM doing this, not his mom. He wants to be THE Shane Hollander, hockey phenom, and he sees this as a thing he can buy with his effort, his restriction, his repression, and his body. He didn't trip his way into being the greatest of all time, he planned it, piece by piece, and worked his ass off:

And yeah as to the friendships with Hayden and JJ, man. I don't know. I really feel like Ilya is the only person on the planet who gets Shane's platonic intimacy until very late into TLG, when Shane has a sweet moment with JJ. But like even his TLG convos with Hayden are very stilted. Shane makes a super rare vulnerability bid by admitting how he's thought about how tough it would be for him and Ilya to have kids and it flies right over Hayden's head.

These guys are friends because Hayden's his winger and because Hayden doesn't have much of a hockey ego and doesn't get insecure around Shane. That's what's happening there.

People adding in nicknames for Hollander is always funny to me because it feels very deliberate that they don't exist in the book. I think the fans call him all sorts of things, but I don't think a single person in that locker room is calling Shane Hollander by a nickname.

Honestly I think this is a hard thing for people to think about with a character which is why depictions of Shane file it away. Most of us have never had the experience of being the most important person in the room, the once without whom the room would not even exist. But that's Shane's day to day. Ilya (and Hunter, on the outside) are pretty much the only equals he ever interacts with. Everyone else is buying his time in various ways.

[themoonandmyman]

Do you think Shane would further investigate and or accept that he had autism if someone broached it to him

[notahungrywish]

I think Shane would immediately investigate and research this, find a list of symptoms or a checklist and take it way too literally, and then be like “well I’m definitely not autistic then” and go back to watching hockey tape.

I also think this research would cause him to have certain products marketing to him like loop earplugs or weighted blankets. And he’d be like “wow finally some good fucking products”.

Maybe he would see a list of common coping skills and be like “oh, these autism people are smart, I should totally try wearing sunglasses in the grocery store” and then go on about his oblivious way.

[muppetyaoi]

shane: i’m not really interested in license plates or dates, so i’ll mark that as “strongly disagree.”

shane: ……so anyway those are all of the stats for the 1966-67 MLH season, ilya. now, as for the olympics…

[notahungrywish]

Not understanding social rules? Couldn’t be me, I’m better at social rules than anyone I know. I literally have a list where I write them down so I can keep track. 😌

[adaselalt]

Shane: Food aversions? Does not apply, I eat everything that fits into my very specific performance based diet ☝️

[bug-mp3]

The sexy fantasy at the heart of heated rivalry, at the end of the day, is not ‘what if you were secretly fucking your sexy arch rival’ but what if, after years contorting yourself into each and every shape people expected and wanted of you, desperately trying to present yourself in a specific way in the hopes that no one was able to look past the facade, someone finally did see past it and for at least a few moments at a time, you could finally let go. Actually be looked at and seen in your entirety and ultimately, even be loved for that

[imauselessartist]

03.16.2026

“Mother’s boy” road trip 2.0 gas tation stop :)

A/n: listen… I haven’t drawn anything buddie or 9-1-1 since the night Bobby- I’m not even gonna say it, but 9x13 broke me from my strike bc holy mother of god was “mothers boy” phenomenal. A whole buddiesode and it was just hit after hit (even tho I felt like I was physically slapped at hearing carry on- THE spn theme song without any warning or expectation, I didn’t even remember the scene that came after that- I was genuinely reeling like I’d been hit! crazy how music can hurt huh)

The dog is back to kicking my a s s at chess again and honestly I’m rooting for him. (Plz just leave the Wilson’s alone and give Denny and Mara a big ice cream treat, they deserve it)

<<speedpaint below 😘 >>

[gaynehollander]

The reason Rose’s track record with men leans so heavily towards gay is because her type is essentially Non Threatening Man. Which, I don’t think she realises, essentially translates into man who does not overtly lust after her. Because that’s a threatening energy. She thinks she just likes Good Guys but that’s not actually it, on a subconscious level, masculine performance of desire deeply unsettles her. It's scary in a way that makes her throat close up and her skin crawl.

Turns out that when those sidelong glances and penetrating stare come from a particular elegantly dressed, terrifyingly stunning Russian woman rather than from men, it doesn't feel the same. It's still scary but in a way that makes her skin tingle and her breath speed up for reasons that feel wholly different.

[warren-keplers-funk-band]

in a whump kind of a mood :)

[casualhollanov]

ilya "it's just a plan to fuck" rozanov vs. shane "Time to buy an entire house at 19 years old for the sole purpose of getting fucked within an inch of my life by my arch rival because I'm a screamer and I'm scared Scott Hunter will hear me and personally manifest into the bedroom" hollander

[exhuastedpigeon]

Thinking about a Mother's Boy timeloop where both Buck and Eddie are stuck in the loop, but they don't know the other is also stuck. And Buck can't figure out why the loop keeps ending at random times since his day plays out basically exactly the same no matter what he does. So why did he only have to deal with an hour the first loop and then almost an entire day the next one? It just doesn't make sense.

Meanwhile Eddie is trying everything he can to get to Buck. He's dying (and dying and dying and dying) to get back to him. The first time he stuck out the hospital window he did it in his gown because Hector hadn't been brought in yet. He broke his leg jumping down on time. Collapsed walking ten miles into town another time. One time he was hit by a car on the road. Another time he must have died on route to the hospital.

Each loop Eddie figures out more and more about what he needs to do and how he should do it. Each loop he's more determined to find Buck because he's convinced he can't just be stuck in this loop for no reason.

The final loop is the one we see in the episode. Eddie knows he needs to sit tight and let the Sheriff assume he and Buck are together (by now Eddie's finding it hard to believe they aren't, what with how insane he feels searching for Buck, how he'd live in this loop forever if it means there's a chance Buck is alive again). He knows he has to wait until Hector gets there. Knows just how to land to not break anything when he climbs out the window. Knows to hitch a ride on horseback. Know he needs to get to Bonnie's house as soon as he can. He isn't sure why, but there's something urging him there faster, faster, faster. Like time is running out.

And then he gets there and takes her gun and can't stop screaming for Buck. Because it can't have been for nothing. He can't be dead! He'll reset the loop himself if he has to. If Buck's dead Eddie will do this again. He knows how to do it now. Knows where Buck is. He can get there faster. Can make it in time.

But he doesn't have to start it over because there's Buck, coming in at the last second and saving him.

It isn't until weeks later that they realize they were both stuck in the same purgatory. When Buck asks Eddie if the loops restarted randomly for him too, Eddie almost lies. He almost says "yes", but he can't do that, not now that they're finally being honest. So he tells Buck the truth. The loops only ever reset for him after he died. But it's fine, he'd die a thousand times if that meant Buck was alive here with him right now.

[starglossie]

one of the things i thought about after watching 9x13 is how much buck and eddie unmask around each other. walk with me here. we have two men who for better of for worst, put on performances to a degree. buck who transforms himself in what he believe will be the most palatable version of himself to receive love from others. eddie, who does his best to perform as what he believes a good man and a good father would be (plus, of course, eddie himself saying verbatim he feels like he has to perform (re: dating)).

then we have 9x13. and also, honestly, the kitchen scene. but 9x13 in PARTICULAR. the "fight" that escalated during their drive and then into the dinner. buck being dramatic with the fork. raising his voice. yelling. pushing back. eddie, annoyed, showing his anger, showing his frustration, not holding back what he wants to say.

neither man ever really hold back in showing the "ugly" parts of themselves. the parts they believe will make them less receptive to those around them.

and its crazy bc it just reinforces that idea that they see the absolute best in each other. buck, considering eddie to be amazing, a hero, a silver star. eddie, seeing buck as someone who will give up every little bit of himself, even down to his scraps, for others. eddie, who jumps off the bridge so buck can't. buck, who says "he has a son. he's a father. don't hurt him. take me instead" because he knows how important eddie is to chris. how important that relationship is to maintain. it's just crazy.

like wow. this is your person. this is the person you can be your absolute worst with, but who also sees you as nothing short but your absolute best. even when you can't see it. them only acting this way with EACH OTHER adds such a depth to their dynamic. i was walking home from work like "wow. that's crazy. ya'll are some freaks"

[knownqueerbaiter]

shane when he goes to borrow ilya’s laptop and accidentally finds ilya’s sims 4 world where shane is heavily pregnant with their third child

[yourlocalchronicdaydreamer]

Tommy: I think you’re in love with Eddie, the former owner of this house

Buck: okay first of all Eddie did NOT own this house, he rented it. Second of all, he’s straight

Sheriff: I think you murdered your husband, Evan Buckley

Eddie: okay, first of all he likes to be called Buck. Second of all, I would NEVER murder him

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Ravi: Why did I get removed from the team's group chat?

Chim: Probie's idea.

Ravi: Harry I thought we were cool.

Harry: We are, it's just that due to recent events, we only allow people who have been kidnapped before into the group chat.

Ravi: No way all of you have been kidnapped.

Hen: Jonah kidnaped me and Chim a couple of years back, even killed him a couple of times in front of me.

Eddie: Buck and I got taken by an escaped inmate trying to save his son.

Buck: I literally got kidnapped again yesterday because I looked like the dead son of some couple in New Mexico.

Harry: And I was kidnapped by a serial killer as a kid, sorry Ravi, I guess you and May can create a group chat just for the two of you.

Ravi: This has to be some kind of discrimination, cap do something!

Chim: Hey you're a cute guy with very big vulnerable eyes, I'm sure someone would be happy to kidnap you, don't give up.

[buddiesblr]

♫ carry on my wayward son

[semperama]

It's late and I've had a few glasses of wine and I'm really itching to start "Does Eddie Have An Anger Problem" discourse again.

[semperama]

#like. he literally doesn’t!!!#but people are running with it again like it’s a confirmed undisputed fact that Eddie does or ‘did’ have anger issues.#when the whole point of the s3 fight club arc and his ‘anger’ (which was grief.) was supposed to be seen as troubling and ooc.#because eddie’s whole thing is being kind and gentle and open. and more than that he just… hasn’t displayed an anger issue.#I’m so confused why this has come up several times this season.#I mean you could argue that it’s usually coming from antagonistic forces that don’t know Eddie (the lawyer#the cop etc.)#but the episodes keep dropping it in there in a way that reads to me like Eddie is paying repercussions for some sort of anger problem imo#and it’s like… what? where???#and if we’re talking buddie… Buck is the one with anger issues way more than Eddie is.

Just gonna add @midnightkirk's tags, because you said it all for me! Part of it really is the show's fault, because they do keep peppering in this mythical anger issue as if it's a real thing, but also part of it is...I'm starting to think tumblr generally just has a really unhealthy relationship with the concept of anger lol. Just so we're all clear: getting angry ever is not the same as having an anger issue. Anger is not in itself a bad thing. Anger is NOT negative. It's just an emotion, and like every other emotion, there are times when it can be toxic and there are times when it can be useful. Anger can help you set boundaries and protect yourself from harm. It can be useful in seeking justice and rejecting unfair criticism. And even experiencing toxic anger every so often doesn't mean you have an anger "issue" any more than bursting into tears because you spilled your drink on an already bad day means you have depression. No one is perfect, and we all overreact to things sometimes, especially when we are under a lot of pressure (say, if your wife just died, or your captain just died).

But midnightkirk is ENTIRELY right that if anyone has an anger issue, it's Buck. His relationship to anger is almost entirely toxic. He frequently uses anger to avoid other negative emotions. He loves to pick fights. He escalated and escalated and escalated the fight with Eddie in 9x13. He loves to let something fester until it blows up in a big way, rather than just address it when it happens. And yet he usually doesn't get angry in situations where he should get angry. The one time he (understandably) let himself be honest with how his parents made him feel, he immediately thought he should apologize, even though his anger was incredibly justified. He let go way too easily of his anger about how Tommy treated Abby. He didn't seem to care at all about the guys being homophobic in the bar (I'm not saying fighting them was the best option either, but some level of anger is the correct response to getting called a slur btw). When anger could protect him from self-flagellation or self-harm, he can't let himself feel it. He almost exclusively lets himself feel it when it allows him to harm himself more, to feel worse about himself, or to sabotage something good. BUCK has an anger issue!! Eddie does not!!!!

[emziess]

Emziess Birthday Celebration: @leothil asked: Éowyn + wardrobe