Hi, I am writing a diary format gritty, dark, and angsty Skyrim fic on Ao3. (content warnings apply, it is a very NSFW story! but no explicit mention of genitalia and nothing especially taboo like noncon)
So I figure why not take my work from one site I don't know how to use, and have a side blog (on another site I don't know how to use) to share additional details I can't post on Ao3? Like screenshots or short form/mid form/long form character analyses and author insight?
Idk, could be fun.
This is one of the many designs of the titular Camryn Arelaine, a woman borne of a Breton father and Altmer mother in southern Highrock. This one would probably be my favorite of her designs, despite the pointy chin. Rectified in later designs.
I tried to change her design subtly over time to show her aging, and reflect some of what she's been through. For anyone who has or does read the story, this screenshot would have been taken around the events of "intermission" and "sky haven temple" chapters.
I look forward to sharing more. Please, give the fic a read if you'd like.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
ChapterS 21, 22, and 23 have been posted for The Upset of Camryn Arelaine
Hello again. These three chapters cover the entire events of the popular quest mod, Wyrmstooth (which is why i waited to post about them until all three were done)
This arc continues with the end of the previous one, where camryn is searching for normalcy once again and finding a shortage of work with so many busy hands returning from the battlefield. She is offered the bounty for the dragon from the east empire company, que quest.
I really enjoy these chapters (although, because of some bumps in the road with my writing process they were egregious to put to paper) They feel a lot more like the earlier chapters, before everything was so saturated in despair and apocalyptic stakes. Yet, now, we are on the opposite end of all that doe-eyed optimism of who camryn was nearly 2 years ago.
I really like the opportunity this arc provides to prove something to camryn. as she has fought to try to turn herself around and do good things, in hopes of outweighing the bad, she has often bemoaned that she never sees the direct outcome of those decisions. She has taken on this weight of responsibility to atone herself, but has come up frustrated over just having to trust that what she does HAS resulted in positive outcomes. who knows if its even actually worth anything.
being able to see a town like stonehallow physically come back from the brink because of her involvement is the first inking of proof she can do *proactive* good rather than *reactive* good- though shes not quite all the way there yet. for this chapter she has still had to chase the dragon and restore the town after it had been already destroyed. i think this is a fantastic stepping stone into another popular island-bases quest where the protag can take action sooner, and not only prevent the bad, but go on to then procure good, a two step solution.
Its motivating, healing, gratifying. at last she's beginning to believe. Now equipped with incredible skill as a warrior (as well as a hair of the cynical humor she developed from her traumas) she understands what she can do to begin atoning for her heinous past as a renegade, be a hero. take up the moniker and shoulder the responsibility no one else can.
the alternative is far behind her now- she has foregone her quest for a quieter life. and now here she is, finally realizing the first steps towards deserving that moniker.
in the chapters “into darkness” and “brotherhood” camryn falls into skooma addiction. during this period she is so lost and spun out she wakes up laying in the red redwater spring, naked and being picked at by rodents. if i recall she had been blacked out for 3 or so days.
i just thought this picture was hard asf. camryn was meant to look kind of disgusting and pitiful at this time, and i think this particular scene illustrates that well. especially when compared to other periods in her life. poor girl.
Chapter 20 has been posted! This one is pretty short and sweet, probably the least heavy chapter since the first one lol
consider it a breather since we hit the big 2 0
After the battle with Alduin, Camryn and Inigo go on with attempting to live half-normal lives as sell-swords, yet somehow stumble their way into a grand scheme of mischief that takes them half-way across skyrim with none other than the Daedric prince of debauchery, Sanguine.
THANK YOU everyone so very much for 300 hits on AO3! this story means so much to me and i have so much fun writing it. it’s an absolute joy to be able to share something i get so excited about and know how many eyes have seen it.
even if ya just read the summary and realized it wasn’t for you, i still appreciate you taking the time. the story is far from over, so i can’t wait to see that number once it’s finished :)
Sooo I did try my best with the Gate to Sovngarde modpack but it was just way too difficult. So I uninstalled it, went through the mods from that list and cherry picked out all the ones I wanted and started a new game!
Trying to keep Araduna's storyline more or less in-tact. She does follow some very specific order of some things but there's also a lot of room for randomness. Unlike BG3, of course, Skyrim has less narrative structure, so I have to fill in more blanks and keep track of her story timeline on my own.
She's halfway through the main quest (just got the Elder Scroll), has grown close to Lydia and gifted her the farm (Goldenhills Plantation) and realized she had fallen in love with Vilkas. They got married, but I thought it was funny that Farkas didn't show up at all 🤣 but he had just asked to be purified of beast blood, so many he was just recovering still.
I also found a really nice hairstyle for Araduna that I really like on her. I'm thinking of cosplaying as her again (for a third time) for my local Renaissance Faire this year and it's about time I got an actually nice lace front for her hair. Lol
I wanted this chapter to feel small. like camryn has fully receded into herself as a form of comfort after everything that's happened so far. A stark contrast to the out-of-control grandness of everything else to this point. I think it feels appropriate. This is a very personal chapter, and the words written here are very meaningful to both her and myself.
One of my biggest regrets with this story is how I portrayed being dragonborn. for a story where everything is a test, and the protagonist is so excessively meek and normal, i feel i really whiffed on that front. Camryn wakes up after a grueling battle and is just like "damn, they dont even call me by my name anymore" and the rest of that experience is chalked up to the faux-erotic thrill of being blessed with an immortal soul of a demigod.
I wish i had written it as overwhelming, a trial against her identity, an overload of the senses and the self.
In a way, it may have been a blessing in disguise. As it allowed me the opportunity to peel back one final layer of this character. It reframes that missed opportunity as a revelation. a trauma so deep and complex, it couldnt even be reckoned with by the mind that endured it.
A lot of this story is metaphorical in a way, or at least that is the intention. Many of the trials camryn goes through directly mirror issues i myself (and some of my favorite characters in media) have had to endure. although I myself am not an all powerful badass dragon slayer, im afraid. but depression, loss of identity, trauma, addiction. all things that hit very close to home. and seeing someone come out the other side despite the mountain of odds against them... its deeply cathartic.
I feel that final revelation allows for an infinitely wide net to be cast. and the hope for me, is that it allows a similar catharsis to be reached for those who have read this story and enjoy it. as for once, its almost metaphysical rather than a literal "oh, i have dealt with drug abuse too!"
its a deep, nebulous troubling that has inflicted a wound so deep, it was all but forgotten in the wake of just how devastating everything else that came after as a result of it was. The inciting event that gets lost. The painful ripping of the bandaid that finally lets it heal.
That could be anything for you. I hope it means something for you :)
While I do make art, I am not a particularly skilled nor original artist. So when I find myself constructing a character as in depth and complicated as "the protagonist of a skyrim playthru written in roughly the same amount of words as a novel trilogy" i turn to many influences. Anything like narrative structure to the literal character design and appearance, which has evolved significantly over time. And in that time, every detail has some to reflect something intentional and important about her character.
A few key points, the initial design:
Camryn is 3/4 altmer, breton father and altmer mother. yes, her father has gigachad genes. I initially wanted her to look like a "friendly alien", drawing from the design of elder scrolls elves and their long faces, embossed brows, long noses with prominent bridges, yellowish skin and slanted eyes. I was almost kind of thinking of like, roman and asian, since they both have very defining physical characteristics (Nose and eyes, respectively). this is why camryn has a bumped nose bridge later on.
Over time I did make her look both more human as well as conventionally attractive (which was not intended, but i find myself erring *away* from changes to a character design i deem ugly). Since almost 3 years have passed in the canon, with camryn aging from 27 to 30, her following design after this looked much younger, and then I aimed to make her age back up again from there.
I also use her hair to demonstrate the passage of time which, depending on the style of the hair, might require altering her face slightly so everything fits well (IE one hair mesh's hairline is too low, so her face must be lowered to compensate) So across the story, there are several points (usually ones she notes) where her hair had to be cut, or it has grown back out again. I am absolutely starving for nice shaggy/wavy mid length hair mods please help me.
As far as later designs, starting roughly with the picture where she has the pixie cut. (this is some time after she flees cidhna mine and her hair is all hacked off, it's grown back out a bit in the following months.) I began to come up with a more consistent idea of how I wanted her design to evolve. more muscular, more scarring depending on certain events that have transpired (note the flog marks from when she was framed)
I was also on a big manga kick around this time, so I started paying better attention to what I do and don't like about character design, since I was now piloting my own. This also no doubt influenced my writing greatly- seinen manga as silly as it sounds, might be my biggest stylistic influence. Vinland saga, berserk, made in abyss.
from here, camryn's physique began to manifest (i literally downloaded cbbe for this shit). I never had the intent of making a butch or a tomboy, camryn is a very feminine woman, just a deeply fucked up one, and her body reflects that. but I also didnt want her design to be explicitly sexy just for sexy's sake.
She stands roughly 5'4, with broad shoulders, a narrow torso, bony hips, strong legs and muscular arms. I feel this all reflects her as a character as well as her body's response to the situation it is in.
Since (especially from behind) she began to look quite androgynous I did opt for her to have a fuller bust, as well as maintain a slender figure. sort of as like, a very blatant signifier of stereotypical femininity.
Just as a way to point out that no, I'm deeply sorry, this is not a super dom muscle mommy. this is just a normal young woman who has had to rapidly adapt to a bunch of really difficult shit that left her permanently changed and permanently scared.
I suppose the single most naked influence would be Maki Zenin. but believe it or not, I was more inspired by her personality and narrative than her actual physical design
Despite everything I've said so far, yes, some aspects of the design were influenced by things I actually like! I think the scars are cool. I think short hair is cool. But, aside from scars, that dont ever fully go away, i would hope the character bits of camryn that mirror the cold, monstrous despair of maki speak for themselves. Far and away the biggest thing I took from this character.
That said, specifically the more slender forearms and general leg shape were 100% yoinked from maki. and while camryn's waist isnt as inhumanly narrow, i think maki having such a slender torso despite how muscular she is elsewhere communicates something similar about her character as camryn does for her. This is just a normal young woman, transformed. Sure maki was always strong, but once her sister dies and she is awakened, her limbs swell into thick, prominent muscles while in the center, the literal *core* of the character, that same woman there always was. (tho i’m certain gege was just making her have a slim waist bc slim waists are attractive)
For her design, I actually drew on more male characters than female ones. In particular I love thorfinns character design and how blatantly it reflects who and where he is at any given time. the scars have stories, they tell you so much about who he is. the (sometimes not so) subtle changes in his expression that reveal more than enough even when he's short on words. how Yukimura communicated so much just by making the guy older is absolutely genius. even if you havent read vinland saga, you can pick up so much just from this image.
I also absolutely adore his physique, despite being a gay woman lmao. it's something he, personally, never remarks on, but it is often highlighted both by the narrative and by others when they draw inferences about him. Hes small, very unimposing when he’s garbed, but built like a fucking tank. the scarring, especially as it ages (like in the farmland arc, where they place so much focus on his hands that haven’t seen battle in 4 years) illustrate so clearly the difference between who he WAS and who he IS.
I put a lot of work into tweaking camryn's weight and facial expression over time. during the super dark and angsty chapters she looks so angry and exhausted all the time. but during later chapters after she kills the emperor, she just looks so lost and empty behind the eyes. when she’s doing better, her face looks softer, she’s a little more filler figured. I've tried to really zero in on those mini expressions of both her face and body to enrich the narrative for myself, as i began to notice how much it was resonating with me when I read vinland saga.
as far as other character writing inspirations; i draw on a lot of sources for both camryn's specific personality and the direction of the story. as far as character writing, I would list Kurapika (hunter x hunter), maki (jjk), jesse pinkman (breaking bad) arthur morgan (rdr2) and belaf (made in abyss) as her biggest writing inspirations (off the top of my head, im probably forgetting a huge one lol) . Those might be different posts tho as I think this one has gone on long enough. i might do a part 2 of this, and will definitely make a “writing philosophy” style post to break all of the character writing stuff down as well
Summary: Camryn wraps up a few loose ends and readies herself to travel to Sovngarde, to have her final showdown against Alduin, the World Eater.
CWs apply, this chapter is also contains fairly sexual content by this work's standards, but it's fairly well couched in vague imagery with no explicit language.
I don't have much of anything to add outside of the author's note for this one tbh. I guess my take on writing smut is somewhat relevant since half of this chapter is camryn flicking the bean while mourning a dead lover.
I, personally, am not really into smut, and so my writing doesnt ever divulge into things that are intensely nor explicitly sexual. but I am also not my character, and i think anything i write deserves to have its own inner life with its own interests and propensities, decoupled from my own. Camryn be fuckin. good for her. and it was through that affirmation, in her first encounter with angi, that she really felt gratified with this part of herself- and that sticks with her.
Sure. there are likely other ways of her being affirmed and other ways of her reconnecting with those deeply seated feelings of regret but I found this a very powerful narrative device to express just how raw and vulnerable this was for her. Both the moment it happened way back in chapter 2, and the moment now, over a year later, when shes trying to reach so far into the past and reconnect with how much that feeling means to her.
enjoy!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
