perfect places.

adeline chadwell. twenty. "it’s been a perpetual discovery, my life. a miracle."

[adelinechadwell]

Adeline hadn’t spent much time outside of Tinsley’s apartment in weeks, wanting to keep a low profile for her own sake after Panic. She hadn’t exactly gotten to the root of any of the problems that the event had caused, instead choosing to distract herself with drugs and sketching on her bedroom floor until her sister called her out for dinner. But given she was running low on supplies for the latter, she found herself taking a quick trip to the art supplies store, going in and out as quickly as she could to avoid running into anyone. Unfortunately, her speed only seemed to make her just clumsy enough to barge into someone on her way out. “God, not today.” 

[wlwsource]

JULES VAUGHN Fuck Anyone Who’s Not a Sea Blob

[adelinechadwell]

ainsleyrice​:

Ainsley couldn’t remember how many times she’d been shocked. Her pain was irrelevant when it was saving Adeline from the same. Hearing that she’d moved on already had hurt more than any of the shocks she’d had to endure. She couldn’t separate whether it hurt more that it happened or that she hadn’t told her about it. With time she might come to understand why it was the kinder thing not to mention it at all but she wasn’t there yet. Not when she’d just told her she was in love with her and Adeline already had something new going on. The doors opened and she was released. She didn’t rush out. She was on autopilot and her feet carried her steadily on. Seeing Adeline was the thing that ignited her again. “Adeline,” she breathed. “I’m so sorry. I did’t– I’d never want to bring you into this. Are you okay?” @adelinechadwell​

Adeline took her time to stand up, not wanting to push how already light-headed she felt despite how badly she wanted to get the fuck out of there. She knew Panic had been a bad idea, she had said so from the beginning, but any anger she had towards being involved subsided to everything else that had come out in the challenge. She felt exposed and brought back down to earth in a way that she hadn’t been in a while.  Once she finally managed to quicken her pace, she was determined to leave as quickly as possible, until the sight of Ainsley had her frozen. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just want to get out of here.” The way she looked was probably enough of an indication that it wasn’t the truth, but she didn’t feel like she was in a position to say otherwise. “Are you?”

[gedemilija]

[adelinechadwell]

ainsleyrice​:

Ainsley could tell that her words weren’t giving their intended meaning and she tried again. “It’s not feeling like resentment for me. Not at all. It’s more that I don’t know where my boundaries need to be and sometimes I feel sad about what’s changed and sometimes I just feel grateful for what we still have.” She nodded. Adeline was right. It was in her hands. The issue now was how little experience Ainsley had in making decisions for her own life. She’d floated along for most of her life following emotions, vibes, mood swings, and above all her reliable substances. She had friends in the breakfast club because of forced proximity that luckily developed into friendship. She’d waited on Adeline to make a move before she’d felt comfortable doing so. She’d stuck with her until she decided it wasn’t good for them so then it was over. If felt like she had no agency over herself and she sure as hell had no idea how to interpret her moods and feelings. “You’re right. I’m working on speaking up for myself more and making my own decisions. It’s a learning curve, to say the least. I feel like I stopped developing emotionally the day I started doing pills – that’s what my sponsor says happens with us, anyway. I’m learning and all I can ask is that you be patient with me if you can. The last thing I want to do is see you less and have more distance between us.” 

Ainsley nodded and gave her a mild smile. She felt exhausted by the vulnerability and communication but at the same time, she felt proud of herself for doing it and not simmering in silent discomfort. She thought that would make the night more fun for both of them considering how Adeline could read her face like a children’s book. “That’s the sign of a great party. If you can have the time of your life without any outside help? That’s gold. I’m sure he had fun and was hit on constantly. I bet Nova egged it on, too.” Her smile grew at the thought. “Have you met her yet?”

“Well, I’m not trying to cross any of your boundaries like, ever. You know that. It’s just hard to keep up with what you’re doing when you’re still figuring it out, you know? But you can always talk to me about what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling... I’d never want you to feel like I don’t take that into account. I do.” Adeline was known for being someone who went with the natural progression of things, easily swayed in whatever direction she or the people around her went towards. In this instance, it was a good trait to have considering the difficulty both girls were having in navigating their situation. But above all, she cared about Ainsley more than she had cared about anyone else in her life, so whatever she wanted, she would do. As much as it always felt like she was always calling the shots, she was happy to do anything that kept best friend in her life, even if that meant taking a step back for the time being. “Of course, Ains. At least we have that in common.” She chuckled, although internally she was sighing with relief over the fact that Ainsley decided to push her away entirely. “I’m always just a phone call away. If you wake up tomorrow and feel differently, then it won’t change anything. I’ll still be here. And I’m always proud of you when you speak your mind and do what’s best for you, regardless of whether I agree or not.” She knew she had a habit of being selfish, a trait she had picked up since leaving Rosewood and coming in to her own, but she didn’t want to be selfish with Ainsley. She deserved better than that.

“I haven’t, but I’m pretty keen to. I already have a good feeling about it to be honest. If Benny is actually going out and pursuing someone after Calli, then more power to him. She must be all kinds of special.” She chuckled, this time with ease. “Have you met her yet?”

[adelinechadwell]

jorgebenitez​:

“I wasn’t doing molly with anybody,  I was there, just floating around the place you know? You know I don’t fuck with outsiders.” He smirked, Benitez used to think he didn’t need anyone, then he got the breakfast club and slowly, but surely he amended that mantra to include his best friends and there he was again amending that definition to include Nova.“ He nodded, "I don’t know who that is, you have too many friends.” He said, focus mostly on the pasta as he picked up his fork to go to town, “When I’m right I’m right.” He said around a mouthful of carbonara, an almost boyish smile on his lips as he chewed with his mouth closed the rest of the way, “You know also I want to make sure we’re cool like you’re not avoiding me and shit. You and Ainsley have shit between you and I hang out with her but I wanted to make sure there’s no wires crossed. You’re the homie too you know what I’m trying to say, yeah?”

“She’s my friend. We’ve hooked up a few times and I really like her, but I think the friend title is still fairly accurate.” Adeline hadn’t been avoiding Benitez in the slightest, but there were some topics she didn’t feel as forthcoming about whenever they spoke. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, because in reality he was still the first person she would call if she needed someone. But she didn’t want to put him in the middle of her and Ainsley by talking about her own side of things. “Of course we’re cool. I can’t imagine a world where you and I aren’t cool.” The chuckle that followed was authentic, although it fizzled out rather quickly. “I think it’s just something I don’t want to talk about in general. I feel like a shit person whenever I think about what’s going on between us, even though I’m really trying to do the right thing by her. I mean, it doesn’t make me any happier being away from my best friend, you know?” 

[adelinechadwell]

jorgebenitez​:

“Not too hungover to call me out I see.” He told her with an easy grin, Adeline being on the short list of people who he didn’t regard from a defensive standpoint. He could only roll his eyes at ‘being wife’d up’ because they both knew, that was a reach; even if it wasn’t a little bit true, they all knew that had nothing to do with it. So he just threw both middle fingers up in response, “And that’s on rainbow capitalism, baby.” He laughed, “Yeah, I stuck around a little bit after I was tapped out, I’m surprised I didn’t see you. I had some really good fucking molly. Who were you rolling with?” Their food arrived and Benitez’s eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas looking at the plate of breakfast pasta. He thanked the waitress and picked up his utensils.

“Well, there you go. That’s probably why you didn’t see me. Who the fuck were you doing molly with if it wasn’t me?” She said in a tone, sitting up and crossing her arms across her chest as if she didn’t approve. The act fell apart as soon as the food made its way to the table, and as soon as she picked up her fork she was back to grinning from ear to ear. “I don’t know, random people here and there. My friend Dulcie is in town so I tried to spend most of it with her. She’s always a good time as well.” She took a bite of the pasta, and instantly she understood why he had been pushing her to come. “Wow. This is so good I almost understand why you’re using me for it.”

[adelinechadwell]

ainsleyrice​:

“Yeah… I think that’s easier for you than it is for me. Considering you’re the one who decided we couldn’t be together.” Ainsley couldn’t bring herself to look Adeline in the eye as she spoke now. It was too intimate, the stakes felt too high. She used to be able to tell everything to Adeline without hesitation and now it felt like one wrong move could shatter what they’d started rebuilding. “That’s not to say that you were wrong to break up with me or anything. But the fact remains you ended things when I still wanted nothing but you. I still want nothing but you. So it might feel easy for you to hang out with me without the rest of it but it’s not that easy for me. It’s like we opened Pandora’s Box and now I have to try to forget everything amazing that came from that and stuff it all down and I don’t know how to do that yet.” She pulled her eyes from her own hands and looked at her best friend, the love of her life, and offered her a small smile. “Thank you. Maybe we can’t see each other every single day and hang out as much as we used to but I still want to see you and be in your life. We’ll find a balance, I’m sure.” 

“I think we’ll know it when we hear it, right? There’s something deliciously chaotic about the idea of slow dancing to an upbeat 90s boy band song so my vote is something along those lines but I’d roll with a slow jam, too.” Ainsley smiled at the waitress as she turned to leave and then focused her attention back on Adeline. “What was the best part about tonight? And you can’t say me, that’s the obvious choice. Let’s go with something from the ball.”

“But that’s something only you can figure out, right? I can’t force you to forget what’s happened, and god knows I wouldn’t even want you to. But there’s no point in us continuing to talk if you’re going to have this resentment towards me and what I decided to do. And I know you don’t mean for it to come across like that, but it does. If you’re not ready to be around me yet, then you don’t have to be. It would make me sad to have more space between us but if it gives you room to figure everything out, then that’s what you should do. But I can’t call the shots on something that’s fully in your hands. Only you know what’s best for you. I’ve been honest with you and tried to do the right thing by both of us, but how you deal with that is completely up to you.” It sounded harsh, but her tone was more caring than anything else. As much as she wanted to be open and honest about her own feelings on the matter, she didn’t want to lead Ainsley’s mind down another rabbit hole in doing so. It hurt to have to bite her tongue, but in this instance protecting her feelings was far more important than protecting her own.

“Uh...” She forced a chuckle, trying her best to shift the mood like Ainsley seemed to be doing. “I don’t know. It was nice getting to dance and have fun with my friends. I mean, even without all of the shots, it probably would have just as fun. I guess that’s when you know something’s a good time. I didn’t get to see Benny, though. God knows what he was up to tonight.”

[adelinechadwell]

ainsleyrice​:

There was no doubt she liked what she was hearing from Adeline. It made her feel good, wanted, hopeful for what they had before and that maybe they could have it again. But the dread and the heartache she could still remember feeling from that night when she’d ended things was still fresh in her mind. She knew that’s not what Adeline wanted, not really. She mustered all the strength she had, fortified by hours of talking about this with her sponsor and therapist, and she said what she felt she needed to say. “Adeline that’s… honestly kind of confusing for me to hear. I know you want to be friends and, i don’t know, skip back to what we were before we were together together? That’s what it seems like, at least. But I’m still in love with you and I think you know that. Telling me you want to see me all the time after you said everything you said… It’s just confusing sometimes. Right now I just think I need clear boundaries and less confusion, you know? I–” she swallowed hard and fought the strong urge to back off and let Adeline call the shots regardless of how it made her feel. “I don’t want to risk my sobriety because I get my hopes up for us.” 

She hadn’t planned to have this conversation tonight and part of her knew that if Adeline was still too far gone it might not make a difference anyway but part of her did feel relieved just to get it off her chest and into the light. She was panicking internally over whether this would ruin their night but she hoped Adeline could understand how hard this was for her and not let it get that bad. “Why wait for Final Destination 5? I was thinking we could dance in the diner if a good enough song plays.” The familiar setting and seat comforted her after that conversation in the car and Ainsley let herself sink into the booth. “Fries for sure, yeah. Cheese sticks, too. And bacon. I’m always hungry these days.”

Adeline was trying to see the situation from Ainsley’s perspective, listening as intently as she could while she explained how she felt. The two of them were on completely different pages when it came to how they felt about where they stood, although the fact that they both missed each other tremendously was enough mutual ground for her to be able to approach it with empathy. “I get it. If you need boundaries, then you tell me what they are. Because to me, we were still allowed to hang out even if we can’t... I don’t know, be together.” It sounded so simple whenever she said it out loud, but she knew why it didn’t exactly feel that way to Ainsley. The use of the word love made her stomach drop in a way she didn’t quite understand, and as much as she felt it, she could never bring herself to say it with such confidence like Ainsley did. Especially not now while she was focusing on trying to be clear and coherent despite how tipsy she was. “But I would never want to do anything to get in the way of you being healthy. So if you need more space, then that’s totally fine. I’ll always be around in some way regardless, so really the ball is in your court with that one.”

She couldn’t quite help the way she fell silent, her previous buzz suddenly fading away until there was nothing left but all of the chaotic thoughts that often went in to her relationship with Ainsley. She loved her too, in her own way that didn’t perfectly align with Ainsley’s, but it was there all the same. If only she could say it without creating a whole other situation for the two of them. “Fine, fine. But what qualifies as a good enough song?” When the waitress finally came over, Ainsley ordered for the both of them, adding on a diet coke to the end. 

[adelinechadwell]

jorgebenitez​:

“You’re right, maybe I should see a professional, no way this is the mark of a sane man.” Adeline must have been really hung over because she wasn’t biting and he was in full pest mode, “Oh yeah, how was that? Funny how you were giving me shit over text, but I didn’t get any late night post pride hang out invitations.” Benitez walked a fine line between wanting both of his friends happy and wanting Ainsley healthy and he was very undecided on if something beyond friendship right between the two girls was a good thing so he stood somewhere between supportive but not encouraging, “Hell yeah, I made so much cash, like you said. Pride is always fun, I like to think my services contribute to that fun.”

“Aw, look at you pretending you’re not a lost cause. The professionals have already done their best, Benny.” She chuckled, clearly not having any malice in her words. The great thing about Benitez was that he was so self-aware that she was sure her teasing wouldn’t really affect him. “That’s the price you pay for practically being wifed up now. No more late night hang outs unless they’re with Nova.” There was hardly any truth to what she was saying, but still, it was fun to pester him. “Look at you, profiting off of pride. I should be offended but really, that’s like every business ever. Did you actually get to stop and have some fun for yourself that didn’t involve money?”

[adelinechadwell]

ainsleyrice​:

Ainsley smiled at that. She quieted the voice in the back of her head that said she was stealing her fun all over again and let herself enjoy the feeling that Adeline would rather talk to her over greasy diner food than continue chasing the party simply pulling her along. “I would never have done that, Ade. That goes against what we’re trying to do lately, right? You can go out and have whatever fun you want to have without worrying about me and I can go when I feel like it and stay out of it when I don’t. I’m glad you went and had fun. I’m also glad I didn’t go.” They were trying to be less co-dependent and less intertwined, right? That was Adeline’s idea, after all. She wished the messages she was getting from her since that night when her heart had been shattered weren’t making things more confusing. “Pride does have a special shine to it most of the time, doesn’t it? I’ll make sure I’m there next year. I’ll even let you do my makeup even if that means getting covered in glitter.” She gave her hand a gentle squeeze and glanced out the window. She wondered whether she’d always been this in love with Adeline or if it grew after their time officially in a relationship. She was pretty sure she’d always loved her this much but could draw the lines easier before they were blurred. “The night isn’t over yet, is it? Who says we need a dance floor to dance?”

“I know. Maybe I’m just being selfish because I like seeing you regardless of where I’m at. I mean, I don’t really feel like I’m missing out on anything right now.” Ainsley was clearly taking their previous conversations seriously, which Adeline could only really respect. But it always felt somewhat unfair considering it wasn’t exactly what either of them wanted. She could only hope Ainsley understood what she meant when she said that regardless, she always wanted to see. “I’ll be holding you to that, I hope you know. But yeah, a slow dance with Final Destination 5 playing in the background sounds like a vibe.” As they arrived at the diner, Adeline did her best not to stumble out of the car, racing around to the other side so she and Ainsley could walk in together. They somehow snagged a booth that they usually sat in, with Adeline sliding in and not even bothering to grab a menu. “You hungry? We should totally share some fries.” 

[adelinechadwell]

ainsleyrice​:

She could have kept going. She could easily have told Adeline all the ways she was gorgeous in that moment and in general. There was a time she would have done just that regardless of what the consequences were but her head was clearing up more these days and she was more aware of the things she said and what they would do to her and those around her. “The diner?” She shot an inquisitive look toward Adeline. “I thought we were going to a club.” She wasn’t upset about the change of venue but she didn’t want to hold Adeline back from the fun she wanted to have anymore than she had in the past. “I didn’t feel up to it,” She shrugged. “I’m still in the not safe for parties zone of getting clean and it’s better for me to avoid it until I forget how good it feels to be on something. Sorry you wasted time looking for me, though. Did you have fun?” Ainsley scoffed and shook her head. “What do you mean? I’ve danced with you a hundred times at least. Why do I suddenly owe you one?”

“We were, but I changed my mind. I’d rather sit somewhere and talk to you.” Adeline could sense that Ainsley had her own reservations, although she wasn’t entirely sure where they were coming from. Being in an environment where people were drinking and partying defintely had something to do with it, but she couldn’t help but wonder if it was somewhat personal, like she was scared to get to close to her again after everything that had been through over the last year. If it weren’t for the alcohol in her system, the thought probably would have made her sad, but she didn’t even have the ability to dwell on it for the time being. “That’s fair. You should have told me, though. I could have brought the party to you.” She nodded. “I did. You know I like any event where I get to dress up, and let’s be honest, pride is always way better than any other event they throw in this town.” She frowned at her. “Because it’s normally the highlight of my night. I feel like I’ve been robbed. But if that tradition is out the window, that’s fine. I’ll just cry myself to sleep over it later.”

[adelinechadwell]

jorgebenitez​:

Benitez would have felt guilty about dragging Adeline out so early if he didn’t know she wouldn’t actually be there if she didn’t want to. “I didn’t plan on it, mostly I’m wondering how I managed to surround myself by such dramatic women.” He told her while leaning over to flick her sunglasses before he sat back, “It better be good as I say for your sake, you’re paying for it. Was the night worth the hangover at least?”

“You have a type clearly. It’s no one’s fault but your own.” She huffed at his attempt to annoy her, but otherwise brushed it off considering she didn’t have the energy. “Duh. Pride is always fun no matter what we do. I ended up hanging out with Ains afterwards since she didn’t show up, so that was cool. What about you? You get up to much last night?”

[adelinechadwell]

ainsleyrice​:

Ainsley’s heart skipped a couple of beats when Adeline squeezed her hand but she fought to keep her guard up. There were a lot of potential pitfalls in front of her tonight and the biggest, most dangerous one was holding her hand. “You think that, because you have glitter on your face, you can’t look beautiful?” She scoffed, shaking her head in order to break eye contact. As though it’s not a physical manifestation of how fucking gorgeous you are? As though it doesn’t make you shine somehow more vividly than you do already? She didn’t say any of that aloud. She could do this without making things weird. “Just me and a Final Destination movie marathon. It was starting to get pretty heated so it’s probably best you stopped things from going too far. Were you at the pride thing?”

“You know I’m a priss when it comes to my makeup. And right now we’re about...” She held up her other wrist to look at a watch that wasn’t there. “Eight hours in to me wearing it. So yeah, my reasoning holds up.” Adeline chuckled at her response before directing the driver to a diner that they often went to when they wanted to hang out late. She wasn’t sure how long she would have Ainsley’s company for, but she knew that she wanted to spend most of it actually talking to her while trying her best to sober up. “Eh, I don’t think you miss out on much by the last one. Too much CGI. Although I guess that’s part of its greatness.” She looked back at her with a smile and a nod. “Yeah, I was. How come you didn’t come? I was looking for you everywhere.” It wasn’t the alcohol that was making her honest, but rather her default setting when it came to Ainsley. “You seriously owe me a dance, Ains. One of these days...”

[adelinechadwell]

Adeline was sure she looked as miserable as she felt, her head resting on the table as they waited for their food to be served. The sunglasses were the only thing saving her from looking like a complete wreck, as well as the occasional smiles she shot Benitez so he knew she actually wanted to be there with him despite her hangover. “I hope you don’t plan on grilling me about my life, because I honestly don’t know what to tell you. All I can think about is this damn food that’s coming... seriously, it better be as good as you say it is.” @jorgebenitez​

[adelinechadwell]

Text || Adeline

Benitez: You're my richest friend who doesn't have an asshole sometimes ex, sometimes not ex whose putting a strain in our shit

Benitez: And I don't see your ass enough.

Benitez: I love that shit.

Adeline: Good to know I'm the best of the worst 😇

Adeline: I know. Send me the address and I'll see you soon.

[adelinechadwell]

Text || Adeline

Benitez: And that's why I prefer drugs over alcohol if I can help it.

Benitez: Come on I heard about a richie place that serves breakfast carbonara and you're my favorite rich friend

Adeline: I prefer both

Adeline: I thought that was Calli

Adeline: But fine. I resent my soft spot for you, I really do