ادھورا

PHOTOGRAPHY

[the-nicers]

I've been wanting to write something meaningful lately, so I decided to peep my drafts for some inspiration. I actually didn't realize how long I've had this blog till I saw the dates on some of the shit I wrote up here, anyway long story short instead of getting inspiration I deleted a bunch of cringy stuff I wrote when I was in a much worse headspace, and now I've gone from 113 to 26 drafts. That's only on tumblr though, I have around 100 journals in my google email drafts too 😂 I just prefer typing to hand writing my thoughts I guess.

Anyway, it's been really interesting to see how cyclic my life is, the same shit seems to happen every 3 or 4 years. Usually the worst happens around October.

Something big will shake things up eventually, but I'm just not sure if that big thing has happened already or if it's still going to happen?

I wonder what life will be like once I'm freed from the shackles of school, maybe that'll be the big thing that finally changes everything for me.

[adhoora]

so funny to peek at my other blog and see this, when I'm literally in the process of revisiting all the old stuff on this newer but still ALSO old blog 😂 maybe I should just consolidate everything into a few Medium posts and delete Tumblr

[wishbzne-deactivated20210526]

the black art, anne sexton

[adhoora]

hi, I'm back. Kind of.

does anyone remember me? Do I remember anyone? how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

[adhoora]

If I could live my life all over again I would just to be a better partner to the man whose been nothing but great to me dispite all the bullshit and drama my family has caused.

I look back and I think about how hard these 9 years together have been for the both of us, through it all we've taken turns fighting for each others love, fighting to keep this thing strong even when it was falling apart. Love shouldn't have been this hard, but it was. I'm proud of us for never giving up though.

[qalbtalk-deactivated20231105]

پروین شاکر

[qalbtalk-deactivated20231105]

“aik lamhe ko—bas aik lamhe ko

hum apne muqaddar aazma lain—

shab e mamnoon se ik pal chura lain !”

[adhoora]

Trying to council my friend through her pre-midterm melt down while I am also stressssssed.

Moments like this are why I've been so serious about limiting everyones access to me. When I start to feel upset because of problems that have nothing to do with me, I have to draw the line. That's when I know I over invested.

[adhoora]

I can't help but feel like my mother and I have got such a strong connection. I just got off the phone with her, she gave me the rundown on her stressful Saturday and while she was telling me about it I was shaken at how much it aligned with my Saturday. I just got so upset and couldn't figure out why I was trippin all day. Now I know, next time I'm feelin moody for no reason that means I need to call my mom.

Poor Sam, I feel so bad for him for having to deal with me during my off moments.

[adhoora]

Ever since I deleted my IG I've had to come face to face with how often I want to just open the app and kill time. I've got a lot of work to do if I really wanna uncondition myself.

Until I really get the hang of this newfound freetime I'll probably just stick to tumblr, feels like a good start to wayning off. 😩

I feel so lame for being this way lol

[adhoora]

Listening to Tommy Guerrero and the crickets outside,

So relaxing.

[adhoora]

I just want to get on Twitter so I can say the cool whip episode of family guy is on

[adhoora]

"Is this okay?"

He lifted a perfectly curled piece of my hair off my shoulder, and ran it through his fingers. Silky stands fell from his fingers in unraveled pieces,

"Don't touch me."

[adhoora]

The more I try to give myself time to think and sit with my emotions, the more I realize that I am constantly looking for something to occupy my thoughts. Lately aloneness makes me feel restless and uncomfortable, but it should never be that way. I need to reacquaint myself with me.

[adhoora]

Secured a couple tickets to go see Rahat Fateh Ali Khan's concert, I'm so excited 🤗 I hope he recites a part of his ode to Ghalib (Koi Umeed).

[adhoora]

Sunday morning was chill, I made some coffee and went on a walk while having some really meaningful conversations with Shannon, I truly appreciate the people who bring this kind of light out of me. My mother told me on the phone today that friends who are there to lend you guidance to peace are not only good for this life but also for your life after death, that’s irreplaceable. 

On another note, I’ve been thinking and have realized that I really want to focus more on being mindful of how I speak with others, language is such a delicate tool and I’ve watched so much unravel because of its misuse, I hope I can do a better job at channeling the right things with it from here on out.

[aashiqaanah]

Sabyasachi’s Charbagh Nargis Collection 2019

[aashiqaanah]

Sabyasachi’s Devi (Goddess) Collection 2019 

[adhoora]

sabyasachi didn’t have to go this hard, 2 collections almost back to back, ouff

[adhoora]

In all of the spaces I’m a part of, being a student, a worker, and living in the NOVA metropolis, I just see so many people get washed out by internet culture. People are too plugged in. I think its a dangerous culture to be a part of, because it makes picking away at your own thoughts an uncomfortable experience if it’s not fitting in with some popular narrative surrounding the subject (probably something on twitter). 

Its funny, people try to dump so much on twitter, which is such a weird platform sometimes...It has this small character limit and you see these one liner philosophies that become things like the summer hallmark, “hot girl summer” for example. 

I just don’t get it, it’s almost as if people don’t believe in emotional depth anymore. I’m afraid of is losing quiet comforts, aren’t you?

The American mainstream life makes it impossible for people to be happy in the moment nowadays. I don’t engage with it much already, but I’m already sick from spending a summer plugged in. I want to spend some more time with myself and my thoughts, unconstrained. Those platforms were meant to bring people together, to be used for fun. Instead, they’re being used to educate and reprogram people. Sometimes it just doesn’t sit well with me.

It’s sad to see how few people engage in any real philosophy now, spirituality has turned into some kind of niche where only astrology people reside. Everyone should take the time to get to know themselves though. It’s not exclusive to astrology enthusiasts, nor is it a one time thing, people change over and over again in life. Re-learn who you are away from all the noise...