PervertBanker @adityafulia - Tumblr Blog

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Cause we don't know what we're saying We're just swimming 'round in our glasses Talking out of our asses Like we're all gonna make it https://www.instagram.com/p/CEo-YlMDXHjo0RUr6RPU6v3suiyfC6MXd1MYac0/?igshid=1bq1wu0uotppj

DISCLOSURES

Not a while after i arrived in Jakarta, Friday night, i went home, received message, she apologized because she couldnot pick me up,,, how sweet,

,, naively i replied, hoping i could still meet her, at least to get some clarity,, after while, i thought it might be a good idea to just come to her house and i did, which was stupid and failed miserably

Saturday, I reached, her house was empty, i called, she rejected my call, i dont know why, what’s so hard to pickup the call

Then i went to my friends houses,,, at night, i received message, she said she didnt want to meet me, asked me to stop meeting her,

I was confused, what went wrong,,,at least she owed me explanation, with good explanation, i’ll be good

then again around 10pm, she text again.replied, and she said she already got a boyfriend, didnt want to meet me and happy now

That was the end for me, my last push, failed, i thought i will not bug her anymore

The next day, 26 july,i received message from her fiancee (whhch i though she already broken up), suddenly he asked when did i started relationship with this socio,,, i replied, calmly, i thought this just conversation between ex, checking and checking, no harm,

Then something big happened, he called me, he told me, he was already in relationship with this socio, since may 2018,,,till 26july

Me : september 2018-aug 2019,,, you can do the math, basically this sociapath had a double life, had 2 boyfriends at the same time

Managing both at the same time.. he was furious, the reason was, the night when i came to her house,this sociopath actually went on date with her shitty best firend, with another guys

This stupid bf, post the picture, 2 couples, without realizing that one of the viewers was also mutual friend with the fiancee.

Screenshot taken, then those 2 happy couples, partying hard, the photo even taken with those bitches sitting on another guys lap,,,

This photo was sent the fiancee, sunday morning, that how it got started

I had a couple of mins chat with the fiance, matching small part of our story, bitterly laughing our own stupidity, then hang, something happened

Then after couple of hour, this fiancee confront the socio, met her in her house, then ask her to talk, he even called me, put me on speaker, to talk to this sociopath,,, god man

I could have “killed her” with my words, but i didn,t

I think in my context, i was just sidekick, sideshow,co-star of this sick twisted fuck relationship , as i dont have any relationship since aug 2019, i only had hopes, which already evaporated, i dont think i need to angry, im just shocked, stunned by how this sociopath fool us , easily, gracefully, extremely neat and delicate, and now it got revealed, just because of the stupidity of this one bf

Very unfortunate, i told her “i dont know you anymore, you and me are done, now you fix your problem will your fiancee..” then i hung up

I know this fiance, mad and angry , he called me couple of times a day, then we also met,my intention was to give him some clarity, i understood, he might get very emotional and low at the same time, then i will just matching my story, we shared our story, the story of fake, deceitful relationship..

From our story, i could guarantee, we both victim, shocked, but we knew we was something in this sociopath, that’s why we put our hope to this sociopath

After a long conversation, i was exhausted

I was shocked, want to know why she did this, how could i tricked badly

I was curious, how man involved on this fraudulence,

I was scared, this is the biggest evidence that showed the flaw of my screening machine, i though my wall was thick enough, my screening was good enough, it turned out that, i nowhere near better.. i got tricked by this sociopath

I felt pity to her as well,, thinking about her past, what kind of tragedy shaped her to become such sociopath

Passiev aggresive, delusional, self entitlement, self narcisistic

Her past without parents, her past of being unpopular girl

Her past with bioolar boyfriend, abusive

She was shaped, years after years, mentally and physically, since she was a little girl

It was a very unfornate event, after that, i delete the photos, and really, i could not see anything from her face,

I couldnot see the sociopathy, the dark lies, delusional history about her family, about houses, about parents, all the stories, lies after lies that she made,just to serve her hunger of love, attention,sex and she would do anything to protect those lies

She would turn the table, make you feel guilty, aggresively blaming your past mistake, saying sorry and attacking you at the same time, and also went out, run from problem, with other guys, there is this bottomless pit which will never be filled properly

If you think carefully, carefully, i dont think she ever love someone, she loved someone and then got hurt, then she will take the revenge

Her fiance said, she might loved me the most, among other guy

I dont think so, she can just fake the feeling. She knew that, she had a feeling once, after it was gone, she will just replicate those feeling, acted like she had one,, then trick everyone,

She picked her fiance, because of assurance, house car presence

She picked the guy whom she sat on his lap, because of charm and wealth

She picked me, because i have a good image, she hang on, because she knew, she will got good image , from me, she will not have to dealt with other people thought. I was just a shield...really

She picked, other guys, maybe because of,,, car, wallet, new bags, watches,,,i knew she not golddiger type but for sure she didnot stupid enough to pick poor guy, she still need rice and food to live

I realized that, quickly

All the stories, all the lies, all thar was in my head. Was 90persen chances true. If you remember the dirty stuff, i guarantee you, i still feel pukishs everytime i did

She knew me too well, so many thing i shared with her, too many things,i just came to know that she was the trickiest person i’ve ever met

But i know, perspective needs to be change , new narative needs to be built, im starting over now, building up my wall, i promise myself, my wall should be harder than steel, my screening machine should be able to detect any small lies.

I went home from india, just to know this story, got revealed totally, got me realized that the story that i built , the naration that i built this whole year ,since 2017, which i though will become my way out, now has become the source of my misery, my problems, my responsibility

I am writing this piece of story, tragedy i would say.to laugh myself , about my mistake, my tragedy, my new start, new beginning, of becoming better guy

To become wiser , to take respinsibility to be more resilience, to understand how toxic relationship could be

To understand that we need to act without hope, to not have a high hope , to not lay on our emotions

Everything is dead for me, this sociopath too,, i’ve buried her,,,never wanted to see her,i felt proud, i never tried to kill her, direclty, nor killl other guys which i suspected who fucked this sociopath also

I think that’s the best way, for me, to forget and move along, to laugh about this tragedy, to just take a next step, little by little, pieces by pieces, rebuild my fortress, rebuild my screening machine. It freaks me out, i’ll carry on

Dead poet- busty and the bass

Take it or break it off

Been here since I recall

This life is everything

Maybe someday I'll find

Pieces of peace of mind

Pick up the things that stay

Cause we're sold out, it's okay

Sold out, it's okay

Tale of SOCIOPATH

Chapter 2

She will make sure you feel guilty

She will take advantage of you

She will eat you alive

After i heard she was engaged, i remembered asking her this question “what are you looking for? LOVE or just the presence of whoever is close to you? It’s doesn’t make any sense if you say that you love me, then you can just accept this guy’s proposal and be with this guy. It’s like you said you are not hungry but in fact you finished all the food in front of you”

Back to the story of this sociopath, the end of jan, i’ve deciced to stop contacting her

But she still tried to contact me, we had a chat , healthy chat i supposed, as a friend, i felt proud at least i didnt become the monster who ruined people’s relationship, i’ve done that for a month, from dec 2019 till jan 2020 and i felt guilty

She constanly pushing for her lies, asking for affections from me, talking about our relationship , just to make sure that i would not out of her sight. I was quite strong everytime she played her tricks (or, i thought so)

I knew,this is one of the symptons, passive aggresive, she will try to push the fact that i was the bad guy, all the time

She did that on feb 2020, i was quite strong, to just stick to my principle, we were over, i will not try to ruin her relationship, she could carry on

On mid march 2020, she contacted me again, just to say hi, i was still rock solid, i was clear that she was just a friend for me,

My focus was my job, and my personal development, i will try not to ruin peoples relationship and be better person, i considered her as a friend, nothing more even though she still played the trick to lure me, told me about her breakup..she asked me, to let her know once i got back, so that i can meet her

The flaw that i saw, i started to softened a bit,i said “i’ll let you know”, maybe i said that because i thought that she already broke up, and that lift up my hopes up, maybe

Then this pandemic come, i had a conversation about pandemic, how we reminded each other about the safety

She shared about the plan of building her house

She played another trick, striking my weak point,asking about my family

My sisters business, my nephew, my niece, also sometimes she shared the video of her dog

I found out that one of her friend, also talked about me, to her, this friend was also bullcrap, sophisticated conman or congirl i would say

Then i was asking about insurance product, one of my protection plan

March was quite normal,

On april, i heard that one of my friend saw one photo which actually taken before i broke up on aug 2019, she was with other guys, i just checked with her, just to make sure, that she never cheated on me when we were in relationship, with me realizing, actually i still trust her, and just wanted to hear the things that i want to heard, from her.

As usual, she played the tricks, she pushed the fact that she wanted me so bad, i dodged as usual,

we didnt have much time to talk daily, which was good, it was a very casual conversation, about pandemic, about the victim, vaccine, and all those educational hot topics, which was my favourite things to discuss.

She still played her tricks on me, share her food, she constancky updating herself to me, food,aLso give me advice, to live healthier life, basically, to show that she still care, i replied casually, as good as i can, as friend, without intention to hurt her feeling

I still have that hopes

Hopes too see better version of her, she constantly pushing the fact that she is already broken up, push another lies,that his ex forced her to marry her asap. She said she was srill thinking of me.this is what she wanted

I laughed and still give my wisdom, i reveal myself once again, to explained why i went abroad

She pushed , she told that we could have a better relationship if i stayed, she made me feel guilty again, so too speak, then we discussed about another lies, the house

Then another fight after i talked about my ex, i have been fixing this tangled ties, she blewn up, went crazy then we stop talking each other again, that cycle again.. as usual, that was april mid, i was started to feel normal, this cycle, on off

Then 18 may, she contacted me again, asking how am doing, she said she still on break with her ex

She shared about her ex parents, controlling, and still trying to lure me also,to become closer with her

That was her trick to lure me, discuss about the things that i like, business on daily basis,

Withiot realizing, in one week, i was in, i was intensely talked with her, maybe i was stressed out, lonely, i need someone to tak to, seemed that time, she was the only one

She still pushed the fact that she was not in another relathionship eith other guys, she wanted to see my face without beard,

She cared about me, want to know about me, teasing me, praising me, i was lured into this traps , really, big time,then the diry talks started

She began to lure me,said she miss me, said how she wanted to meet me, i was broken because of the work, my mental health was not in a good shape, got beaten up daily , then i was lonely, then i confessed that i cant stop thinking about her, i said ive been there too a few times

She lured me deeper, said she wanted me, hearrt and souls and body, then i melted, at the end of may

I was too lonely, crushed, i was emoty , nobody did that , nobodys there to help me, hen i realized, everytime something important, she was the first to know, that was stupid me

Then without realizing, we started the call, started to said i miss you too each other

Then i was blinded, i was thinking she was on break, i could break in, i started to have vid call, then in goes intense, i spoke as if she was not sociopath, she talked and responded normally, she wanted me back, that the point that blinded me. Only need 2 weeks for me to actually fell into this sociopath trap

Then dirty talks started, vidcall,, she asked me to come to her house, so we can spent the night toghether, doing “things”

I was stupid enough, naive enouh, even though i knew she is still with his fisncee, but she use my family as weapon, she did something nice to my family gave them food, and also meet my mom, i dont know the motive, but for sure this is one of her tricks, to save her face in front of my family

She praised me , i was to weak, it was bad enough for me to be kured to another traps by this sociopath

June 2020

She asked about substance,, she asked whether i had substance before, another lies coming

This month, was the worsrt, i was completely lost, i was officially lured, and disguised, this sociopath had succeed

She was on another meeting with her friend whibh i had i recollect, that was not only with friend, but also with another guys, rich guys, i suppose, hahaha that was good one,, sociopath

With a very stupid naive, i didnt saw that coming, she still tried to make me guilty related to my parents, she knew that was my weak point, she knnew i liked it when she asked about my family,once again i got tricked

8 june, i desperaly chasing her, officially, got lured, again

She tricked me , told me about another guy, which already slept with her, she told me as if this is the first time she knew that the guy is interested on her and she didnot interested

Mid june, she gave another reason while sleeping with another guy, blamed me for not married her,

Cycle goes again, we fought, she disappeared, off, and on again, i was quite firm , this sociopath should take action , im not waiting, meanwhile , little did i know, on “off “ time,she was playing, i gave her time to play , she managed to escaped during that off time, playing her tricks again, with some other guy

Yet, this sociopath still managed to blamed me, avoid to answer my quesrions, blamed me again and again, passove aggresive, typical sociopath

She pushed the fact “why these guys really wanted me, and you were not”. I cired, like a stupid baby,, and i recorded my voice , crying voice, she won, she heard me, she even asked to why she couldnot heard the voice, i knew what was the plan, that voice will be used to trick me again, as weapon, she could record the voice and remember this as my defeat

That goes on, till 25 of june, she said finaly she broken up, she said she was stupid, act like she was broken, she didnt want to be with another guy

I gave her time of till 30june, i thought this was normal, she was broken, i need to give her time,and eventually, she contacted me again

July was weird, first week, whatsapp chat started to decreased. Daily, i guess this is because if the effect of her concentration for work, which was good and i understood fully

But you should know, that was not because of work, not at all. She still pushed the facts that she still wanted me, she still longed for me, searched for me, on the other side, I confused, i thought she already single

I was broken we lost contact till mid of july, i contacted her, just to let her know my moms birthday, as she told me too do it often. 11 july

Lost contact till 22nd,, during the off time, i was confused, mad, also broken inside, then i got the news of repatriation flight, planning to surpise her, i bought the ticket, and asked her one day before my flight, with hope that i can meet her, because as far as i know, she was single, couple of guys tried to connect eith euth her, but deep down i knew she love me, she still wanted me, hence i asked, i still got a fair chance. I though of that

The response was bad, this was the beginning of an end,,,low response, unclear answer, me, stupidly sad, i said i love her, i want her, i want to meet her so badly

Desperately, this was cumulative from may,, mixed with my anxiety and all

Friday i landed, she still contacted me even though i feel broken, no news from her, i know i will not met her at the sirport, no way it could happened, she sent me couple of lines, and as usual, she left without replies

Stupid me, saturday , i went to her house, with high hopes, to get some clarifications, yes or no,, because i didnt not know the truth, my version was, she single now, couple of guys tried to conncet with her, and i need clar because now im back

She replied , dont find me , she felt uncomfortable and i replied asking for information, confirmation, i was confused, what happened during the lost time, 11 july-22 july, she changed drasrically, he replies, dont bother me anymore, i had bf now, and im happy

I was thinking about giving up, i still think that if she didnot want to meet me, she could just told me that, its fair, i can leave once i heard that from her mouth,,,and after i saw this reply, i have given up, i thought that this is what she wanted, so yeah i gave up

Little did i know, this was the start of big disclosures, the end of this lunacy, the end of this sociopath story......

Things are pretty good from here

But you aint really good

I never learned when we were here before

Just stop your cry it is the sign of the times

New post after a while

July 2020

Tale of SOCIOPATH CHAPTER ONE

I’ve been thinking about writing this journal when i was in Mumbai, but never done that

Now i deserve some time alone after another tragedy. Tragedy about a fake relationship with sociopath. Oh god, the most brilliant sociopath

This story started after a stupid one night stand in Bangkok

I was just serving my dirty minds, done that one night stand conciously then i confessed to my fiance then we broke up. It was a bad and hard, 2017. Dark as it was, finally the curtain shut. And once again i was alone, with little to no help, i’ve begun another wild night with this sociopath. I regretted it, as this will become my worst nightmare afterward. I dumped the sociopath, thinking it will never worked out, relationship started from one night stand, and then i broke up with my fiancee, destroying her life big time.

Without knowing, Letting sociopath was the worst decision..

I took a break from june-october, just to make sure that i didnt let anyone come to me, as at that time, i was wounded badly, died because of the guilt, ups and downs between “blaming me” (self loathing) or “blaming my fiancee”. 5 months of restless nights, full of bad thoughts, regrets, sins, cigarettes, sheap coffee and countless hours in the night park. Night park was my thing, i done that just to kill the time. I heard my fiancee, but i could not reach her, even her mother didnt tell me what was the diagnosis. She was in the darkest hour, like me.

Her mother forgiven me, she thought me how to forgive and bless someone. I never forget how she treated me well after my confession. Her mother is the best, till now. After my ex fiance got better, i heard that she got a new boyfriend, which was good for her and she also confessed that she had an affair before me. I was shocked and curious, she let me kill myself without informing me. This is the start of my new problem, in 2018.

This sociopath was a not bad though, i was just kept her aside for a while. At the end of the year, On october, out of the blue, i started to contact this sociopath, when i was on family holiday, just a good gesture to buy her some food from Malaysia. i decided to contact her,after i thought the “break” that i’ve taken was good enough to build my new fortress, taller, thicker, harder than before

At the end, i was thinking to take some responsibilites, to be with her, atleast to finish what i’ve done that night, gracefully

Everything goes smooth, sociopath embrace with, arms wide open, then we carry on, sex after sex, dates after dates, personal story after personal story.

Since the end of 2017, everything went well for us, nothing suspicious, screening has been done properly i thought. All the bad stories, have been verified, i trusted her.

I think she got me, the best way she could be, she is a good listeners, she knows what will excites me, she knows my favourite topics, she knows how to praise me, she knows how to hook me, she knows my favourite foods, she knows a lot.......about me...without me realizing

2018, became a super busy year, molding year, day by day, but we carry on, fights after fights, i was still unsure, i got excited that finally little by little i found a better version of me. Version that i’ve never imagined to come across if im still with my fiancee.

She has a quality, i saw it, i felt it, this is different and i though i could turn this thing into something good. Though i was still unsure on how i can make this relationship official. Months past like hours, i was finally settled with my new weekend habits, taking a class, study like crazy, learnt new things along the way, i was sure i was full enough with new knowledge, super exciting time. On the other hand, finally i’ve made the relationship official with her. We were officially in the relationship, i let this girl in, finally the fortress opened. I let her in. Let her in, too deep

2018 was super duper normal, nothing was fishy as far as i could remember, i’ve busy with my schedule, juggling between office, campus and relationship. I realized, she was more into me, she pulled me , she made me felt the love. I was ignorant enouh actually, but slowly i let my guard down. I’ve follow her way. Though i still had this ego, everytime we fought, im sure, she will contact me first and then we will settle the problem.

She seemed understand and supporting, even though i rarely took her on a date, as we were in the same building, just a lunch or dinner or night ride to station was good enough. I was glad that this sociopath wasn’t demanding so much of my time. We has a fight, but it was marginal, nothing big.

I knew and realized, i was still remembered my fiancee, still wanted to prove her something. Unconciously i checked her profile, hoping i could found his new boyfriend , just to check how good was the boyfriend.

She, of course mad, i knew i was wrong, i confessed, i promised not to do that, but it got repeated, unconciously,,i think she found it from the log, she done something with my ig account, till this day, it is still mistery

This fight was actually, one of her weapon, to attack me, to always blame me for this. To turn the table around. She hated my ex like crazy. She would always blamed her, for everything.

I admit, at first, i was very open, if i talked about my ex, all the good and the bad, i just want to make sure, i informed her, as much as i could, so it will be fair for her. To know, that im jus5 being honest with her. Not hiding anything. And she blamed me, because of my honesty, that made me thought that honesty was not 100percent good.

When i think about it now, actually this is one of her strategy, the passive aggresive weapon, to change my mind, from being proud of honesty, to become “guilty because of honesty”. She made that happen, she made that moral gap, so i will feel guilty if she talked about how brutally honest i am, when i talked about my ex

It’s funny how moral gap can change people’s mind, from being proud to become guilty

Now thinking about this, make me feel pukish, im now 100percent sure, honesty will always find a way, the truth will always be ugly, it’s always been that way, and that’s alright.

At the end of 2018, i got selected for secondment in overseas branches, finally hard work paid, i got the opportunity to leave. My team has been crumbled, my colleagues left the bank one by one. I didnt got any chances to leave, my cv was not that good, never pass the interview after hundreds of cv sent

She mad, because i will leave her, she didnt want a ldr,she hated it..this madness continues from janruary 2020, till aug 2020, we decided to end the relationship. Due to problem with my fiance, she blamed me, because i kept doing that, stalking her profile and also this ldr, she didnt like it. It was short, almost a year of relationship, but i’ve known this socio since 2017, and took me like 1 year to made it official, that just how hard for me to let someone enter my space, my so-called fortress. I’ve known her, for more than 2 years, she had wife qualities, that i though i might need that, she can cook, she can take care of the house, dependable, has a good career, clever, pretty, and the sex was also good.beyond my expectation.

I,ve decided to go, let her wait, i thought i could still look for her, if this is a true unconditional love, as i thought it will be

September, we started the good relationship, nothing changed, we still act like we were couple. But a fight happened after she regretted my decision, she started to bring up past problems, then we stopped to talk each other.

My ego still kicks in, even though she said that if i stayed, then her parents will help for the marriage fee, the car and house. But i took the chances, because it is not how the world works, i have to go abroad, because it was necessary for a men to provide.i will get the better carreer, better future, then when i come back, i could provide more, or at least give a meanigful contribution to our next plan,,she never really understand that.. then we stop talking each other

Finally on october, she announced that she was in realtionship with this new guy. I was shocked, i contacted her, she said it was because i was to ignorant, to selfish, never prioritized her.. this new guy, knew her and gave her all the things that shehave never gotten from me..

I shocked and carry on. And on december she announced that she already engaged with this guy, i was shocked and almost died, i cried heavily, sadly , miserably, called her just to check snd to let her know that i loved this sociopath, i was desperate, badly. She was still responding, she also sad,but she already took decision and need time . I pushed her to think and withdraw as fast as she could. But she couldnt

This was happened around christmas, and till january i pushed her like crazy, every day, i was insecure enough, my ego was shattered, she will never come back to me.. never...

During january 2020, she will responded me , said thst she still loved me,eventhough she was still engaged, she wanted to broke up but she couldnot. She would split the schedule, she would gone eithout contact, if she was with fiancee. I will just wait stupidly and desperately.

Then after a while, i though it was never good decision to get back to her with this kind of way, i disrespect the relationship, her fiancee and most importantly, i disrespected myself.. so one night, i’ve decided, brsvely,to stop contact her,to stop ruining other people relationship, 31 jan, enough, i dont want to become pain in the ass, contacting someone’s fiancee.feeling desperate everytime she went to a date.

I’ve never thought, this was the point, the point that i realized, all of it was just a game, played by sociopath, manipulating, blaming, passive aggresive, just to keep me and her fiancee, just to entertain the beast inside her,, this was the start, i realized this a bit late,, far far too late, as i scrolled those conversation,i began to realized, this was the start. This sociopath has been playing the game since 2017, but due to my ignorance, i’ve never realized,she could become this toxic, this crazy sick twisted fuck

She will blame me for everything, like she was never be my priority

Manipulate me, acting like i was a total jerk, left her, still thinking about my ex, she would never stop blaming me, maybe blaming other people , to be responsible for her unhappiness

She will turn the table, she will make excuse if it was her fault, she will run from problem, she will act as if she was the victim of all events

She will make herself right, all the time, and world is cruel to her

She will go inside you, left you,blame you, angry because of you, regret, saying sorry and then used you for her own pleasures, and then the cycle goes again,, this happened for me.. and it turns out that, she might use the same strategy, to other guys, playing with all of them......., at the same time......

“If you just believe in everything you think, everything is going to be great, well,,,no,, if you lived that way, you are going to be narcissist”

The war tried to kill us in the spring And the summer It tried to kill us every day It didn't explain itself It didn't tell us why it brought us there or what it wanted It just took