The Wife Trap: Part III | JJK
Summary: There's no turning back after diving headfirst into the deep end with you, not that Jungkook would ever want to, but past secrets and choices entirely out of his control might just topple the delicate house of cards he's spent eight months building to conceal his web of lies.
Pairing: Jungkook x Reader, Jungkook’s Twin x Reader, (Slight) Jungkook x Jennie
Genre: Twins AU, Unrequited Love, Brother-in-Law/Friends to Lovers?, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Slow-Burn, Hurt/Comfort
Word Count: 18.7k
Warnings: intense grief, depression, self-loathing, crying, screaming, arguing, name calling, panic attack, cemetery, headstone, mention of funeral, anger, lying, manipulating, gaslighting, pregnancy/miscarriage, menstruation, cramps, doctors, mention of procedure, fertility issues, secrets, twins, trading places, tricking people, illness, motorcycles, the press/news, corporate world, blood, first dates, anxiety. SMUT: dub-con (she consents to the acts but is unaware of his real identity), kissing, unprotected vaginal sex, period sex, cowgirl, missionary, fingering, neck kissing, creampie. OK that's it!
Author’s Note: guys can you believe it?? all this anticipation and you finally get to find out the truth and how everything ends! also, today is the one year anniversary of my writing era (aka when I dropped Universal Truths). so happy anniversary to us!! it's been the best year ever and I have all of you to thank for that. I can't wait to hear what you have to say, some people guessed pieces of the ending but no one got it completely so I'm pretty happy about that. alright, enjoy the climatic finale and I love you all soooo much!! :)
-> The Wife Trap Masterpost
When a bell dings above Jungkook’s head as he enters the bakery, it reminds him of the sound he once believed he’d hear upon meeting his soulmate. Then, as if the universe is laughing at him, you appear in his line of sight.
You’re exiting the kitchen with a large tray of scones balancing on your palm which you gracefully slide into the display case to replace the empty one. After rising to your full height again, you spot him in the doorway and your eyes light up like fireworks.
“Honey? What are you doing here?”
Before he can even open his mouth, you scurry across the room to him. He naturally extends his arms out and pulls you in close once you barrel straight into his chest.
“Thought I’d surprise my beautiful wife at work,” he explains.
His lips find your temple before you unravel yourself from his embrace.
“Aren’t you too busy for that?”
“Eh, maybe. I’m never too busy for you, though.”
Your responding smile is just as radiant as always, and the lovesick gleam in your eye is something he’ll never tire of witnessing.
“But how do you know I’m not too busy for you?” You retort with a smirk.
Jungkook playfully clicks his tongue a couple times like he’s scolding you.
“That's something I never wanna hear.”
“Well, I’m a business woman now. So you don’t have much say in the matter.”
With your hands placed proudly on your hips as they are now, you look like a sweeter-than-candy version of Wonder Woman, and the corners of his lips twitch upwards.
“Fair enough, business woman. Are you too busy for me?”
After momentarily pursing your lips in thought, you smile and shake your head.
“Nope.”
He tsks at you.
“Put me through all that heartache for nothin’.”
Jungkook steals your hand so he can lace your fingers together while you holler at Jennie about leaving for a bit. He follows suit by waving at her with his free hand where she’s standing behind the counter, to which she enthusiastically returns the greeting.
It lifts his spirits to see such a massive smile on Jennie’s face. He feared she would never wear such a bright expression again, but it seems she’s found new fulfillment by helping you manage the bakery.
“So, where are we going?”
The two of you are strolling hand in hand down the street adjacent to the building, your arms lazily swinging between you.
“Thought we could just walk around together, maybe grab some coffee,” he proposes.
His answer causes you to stop short in the middle of the sidewalk.
“Did you do something bad?”
“Huh?”
“Jae, the only time you’d ever leave the office for lunch was to meet with Kookie once a month. Let alone just to go on some afternoon stroll with me,” you declare.
He debates over his reply while beginning to tug you along with him again.
“You’re right, but I think it’s about time I change that.” His hand squeezes your own. “We’re both working now and that means less time to spend together at home.”
“You gonna make this a little routine, then?”
“I’d like to,” he firmly states. “Anything I can do to see your gorgeous smile more often, I will.”
The blush creeping onto your cheeks and up your neck is precisely why he canceled all his early afternoon meetings to spend time with you. Moments like these are priceless and he understands now more than ever how fleeting they are.
“Speaking of routines, there’s one you stopped doing after we lost Kookie that I’ve been really missing lately,” you announce.
“Hm? What’s that?”
You’re gnawing on your bottom lip as though you’re embarrassed, which is both adorable and heartbreaking, considering you shouldn’t ever find it hard to tell him how you feel.
“Well, you know how you used to bring me home a new bouquet every Friday? I didn’t mention it sooner because everything’s been such a whirlwind the last eight months, but I seriously miss smelling flowers every morning when I come downstairs.”
Jungkook mentally smacks himself in the forehead. Of course, he vividly recalls your kitchen table always having a fresh flower arrangement in the center. Not to mention Jaehyun spoke about it plenty over the years.
He even remembers how his twin would waltz into the house on Friday evenings with a massive bouquet in his hands and shout, “Happy Friday, beautiful!”
“Fuck, baby, I’m so sorry.” He pauses and turns to face you. “I never thought of it once this entire time.”
“I know. It’s alright.”
“But it isn’t. My grief shouldn’t prevent me from treating my wife how she deserves.”
His comment causes your eyes to roll.
“Honey, you treat me better than I could ever hope for. The flowers? They’re far above and beyond your duties as a husband. That’s why I didn’t bring it up before.”
“Above and beyond or not, it’s something I’ve done for you for years and it shouldn’t just stop because I have a lot on my mind.” Jungkook sighs while encasing your hands between his own. “I promise to do better and you’ll start regularly receiving your flowers again this week.”
You smile and acknowledge his vow with a nod before giving him a quick peck.
The stroll lasts another half hour or so, including a brief stop for drinks to sip on during your trek back to the bakery. Jungkook kisses you goodbye outside the entrance, out of view from any customers, but waits for you to safely step inside before returning to his own workplace.
Upon arriving at the office, he immediately begins digging around old files and notebooks for the name of the florist Jaehyun used. He imagines his brother had a weekly service set up with them and Jungkook wants to reestablish it if possible.
In the end, he finds absolutely nothing, and has to ask Jimin for assistance. Unsurprisingly, his twin’s longtime employee already has the name on hand and scribbles the information on a sticky note for Jungkook.
After work, he heads straight to the florist shop that’s thankfully about equal distance away from both the office and house.
Just like the bakery, a bell dings overhead when he enters the building and the sound causes an older lady behind the counter to glance up.
“Ah! Jaehyun, dearie, I wondered when we’d be seeing you again!”
It only makes sense she recognizes him, Jaehyun probably saw her once a week for the last three or four years whenever he picked up the bouquets.
“I know, I’m so sorry,” he remarks while weaving through the shop towards her. “We had a death in the family and suddenly all my usual routines got thrown out the window.”
“Oh, I know, dearie. I saw the news in the paper after it happened. I’m so sorry about your brother,” she tells him as her hand comfortingly covers his own where it’s resting on the counter.
Jungkook offers her a small, warm grin.
“Thank you.”
“You know, I’m a twin myself.”
His eyes widen in pleasant surprise. He doesn’t think he’s come across another twin since losing his own.
“Really?”
“Mmhm. Identical, too, just like you. She passed away a couple years ago.”
It’s hard to hide how his breath catches in his throat. For eight months he’s felt so unbearably alone it’s been like carrying around a physical weight. But here’s someone who knows exactly how he feels, even if the circumstances differ.
“I’m sorry,” he quietly offers.
She merely waves him off.
“It was old age, nothing like what you went through.” Her expression shifts from professional to caring; almost motherly. “It’s weird, isn’t it? Going from two to one.” He nods, in complete awe of her speaking his own emotions aloud. “No one else understands, do they? I mean, they try, but it’s impossible. You’re with this person from conception and then all of the sudden… nothing.”
A stray tear sneaks out from the corner of Jungkook’s eye which he quickly wipes away, but she still notices and sends him a sympathetic, understanding look in return.
“It’s indescrible,” he replies.
“It is.”
“Other people can’t even begin to comprehend what it’s like walking around as just a half. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been cut right down the middle and I’m bleeding out.”
Her head curiously tilts while she surveys him for a moment.
“Is that how you view yourself, dearie? As half a person?” Another nod. “Well, that’s not true. You and your brother were two separate, distinct individuals. Although I’m sure your bond was much stronger than most siblings, you didn’t complete one another, you complimented each other.”
It takes a second for her words to sink beneath his skin and flow through his veins. He rolls the notion around in his mind a few times and when it finally solidifies, Jungkook feels like he’s been hit over the head with a metaphorical brick.
His entire life, he’s always viewed him and Jaehyun as two halves of a whole. It never even occurred to him there could be other schools of thought. Rather than two magnets stuck together by a natural force, from her perspective, they’re closer to parallel lines moving at the same pace.
Jungkook doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels a tissue being pushed into his hand. The kind gesture brings a smile to his face as he thanks her with a curt bow before drying his eyes.
“I’ve never thought about it like that,” he confesses.
She smiles as well.
“It appears so. I hope the fresh perspective helps, dearie, I really do.”
“It does. Thank you.”
When his grin broadens, she reaches out to pinch his cheek, causing him to giggle and scrunch his nose.
“So, what brings you in after so long?”
Jungkook sighs.
“Well, my lovely wife misses her weekly flowers and if I’d remembered sooner myself, I would’ve been here ages ago.”
“Ah, I see. Do you want to return to the old schedule? I use whatever seasonal flowers we have and you pick them up Friday before closing time?”
He enthusiastically nods while clasping his hands together in a prayer position.
“You’re a lifesaver. Yes, please.”
She chuckles and types on her computer for a couple minutes before meeting his gaze again.
“Done. We’ll see you on Friday,” she announces.
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!”
If it weren’t totally inappropriate, he would leap across the counter to hug her. Not only did she solve his problem with you, but her words of wisdom were some of the best he’s ever heard.
The interaction leaves Jungkook with a genuine pep in his step as he strolls towards the front door after returning home. His good mood lingers beyond the threshold as well, especially when he finds you at the stove cooking dinner for two.
“Hi, honey!”
Rather than greeting you, he snatches your waist from behind to yank you into his chest. You squeal and kick your legs in mock protest, but he ignores you in favor of aggressively kissing your cheek.
“I missed you so much,” he proclaims into your skin.
“We saw each other a couple hours ago.”
“Still too long.”
You giggle and smack his forearm so he’ll let you go. But once your feet are back on earth, you spin around in his arms for a slow, lingering lip lock.
“If it makes you feel any better, I missed you, too,” you confess.
Jungkook smiles into the kiss before breaking it to tuck some hair behind your ear.
“It always does.”
This is the typical affection that occurs between you two and after eight months, it’s as easy as breathing for Jungkook.
Ever since you had sex for the first time two months ago, you’ve both been clingier. You were already a handsy couple before, but the deeper bond forged through intimacy amplified the urge to always be near each other.
Following that night, neither of you have been able to resist one another. In the last eight weeks, Jungkook can count on one hand how many days you haven’t had sex. It doesn’t just happen in the evenings, either. Sometimes he wakes you up in the morning by kissing his way down your torso until he reaches your center. On weekends, you often pause whatever afternoon activity you’re doing to force him onto the couch while sinking to your knees.
You’re making up for lost time. Although, for you it’s about six months and for him it’s been almost sixteen years.
Despite having a full blown mental breakdown after making love to you for the first time, Jungkook hasn’t had any issues since. He simply lives alongside his guilt like it’s a roommate inside his head, just as he does with the grief and loneliness of being without Jaehyun.
It’s a good thing because you’re fairly insatiable, and if his emotions were still giving him pause, it would be impossible to please you.
Like right now, when you begin guiding him out of the kitchen and towards the living room with a mischievous glimmer in your eye.
“Sweetheart…”
“What?” You nonchalantly shrug, but your smirk reveals your true intentions. “Dinner takes over an hour to cook in the oven.”
“You know, at one point you might just milk me dry,” he warns.
“Says the one who always asks for another round,” you counter after reaching the couch and shoving him down.
He plops onto the cushions with a low grunt, but he’s grown accustomed to this song and dance, and his eyes follow your every move as you straddle his lap.
His hands immediately start to crawl up your spine while you focus on kissing and biting his neck. Your hips are already rolling into his, causing his dick to strain against his slacks. Regardless, he doesn’t hesitate to mirror your movements so you can feel how hard he’s become just for you.
“Not my fault your pussy’s so damn addicting.”
You giggle and lift your head.
“You’re right, baby. I’m so sorry for having such a tight, wet cunt.”
Jungkook loudly groans while his eyes roll into his skull.
“Fuck! You just love driving me insane. Don’t you?”
“It’s only, like, my favorite pastime,” you quip.
Your lips meet before the banter can continue as your bodies work in tandem to provide friction to your most sensitive areas and nerve endings. After a little while, Jungkook sneaks his hands beneath your shirt to pull it over your head, but you sever the kiss and stop him.
“What’s wrong?” He asks you, concern evident in his features.
“Nothing. I’m just on my period at the moment and for whatever reason it’s really, really heavy.”
His head tilts in confusion.
“Like abnormally heavy?”
“Yeah. The cramps are killing me, too.”
“Well, don’t orgasms help with cramps? Let’s kill two birds with one stone.”
He goes to kiss you again, but you maintain the distance between you by leaning away from him.
“What?”
There’s a sharp edge to your tone like you suspect he’s messing with you and you’re not in the mood.
“What?”
His iteration comes out much more clueless.
“Jae, you’re the most squeamish person I know. You can’t handle the sight of blood at all. Let alone touch it.”
Shit.
Jaehyun did get pretty queasy around blood. Which is a shame because period sex feels fucking fantastic and his twin should’ve gotten to experience it at least once while he was alive.
“Right, right.” Jungkook nibbles on his lower lip while his mind scores through different explanations he can use. “I guess once you wake up in the hospital next to your dead brother, that stuff just doesn’t really bother you anymore.”
You grimace and reach up to card your fingers through his hair.
“Are you sure? I’m more than happy just to help you out.”
He nods.
“I’m positive, baby. But I’m a little concerned about your period being so bad.”
“I mean, it happens to the best of us,” you claim.
Perhaps he simply doesn’t have enough knowledge on the matter, but he hates the idea of you being in pain or discomfort.
“Alright. Just promise me you’ll go to the doctor if it doesn’t let up.”
You reassuringly smile.
“I promise.”
Jungkook’s hand rises to cradle your head so he can guide you closer for a kiss. You two quickly pick up where you left off, starting with him removing your top and tossing it aside on the couch. His shirt’s the next victim and then your bra, soon leaving you both nude from the waist up.
Your soft, warm skin brushing against his own is one of his favorite feelings in the world and he presses on the small of your back until there isn’t any space left between you. The two of you proceed to lazily make out and dry hump for some time, but you both eventually grow too needy and start maneuvering so you can strip your pants and underwear off.
Once the rest of your clothes are strewn across the furniture, Jungkook’s hand slips between your legs where he glides his fingertips through your folds.
“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he notes as his lips travel across your jaw and down your neck.
“I think that’s all the blood, honey.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Two of his fingers push into your hole and you naturally arch towards him when he begins curling them. “Still feels fucking amazing. And so damn tight.”
He continues to slowly fuck you while maiming your throat with his teeth and tongue. The airy whimpers he elicits are music to his ears and he’ll do anything to keep hearing them. Which is why he glances up for an explanation when you suddenly grab his wrist to stop him.
“I want your cock,” you answer the silent question.
As if Jungkook could ever deny you.
“Yeah, baby? You gonna ride me exactly how I like?”
Following a nod, you kneel and wrap your hand around his dick to pump him. He’s already rock hard, just like he always is as soon as you touch him, but the grip still helps lead him towards your cunt as you descend again.
When his head passes through your tight circle of nerves, you both groan, and the pleasure only increases the farther you sink down his length.
“God, you’re so fucking big.”
Jungkook snickers.
“Don’t act like you forget. I was balls deep in you just last night,” he retorts.
“I know, but holy shit. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how full you make me feel.”
The sentiment is certainly shared because having his cock buried deep inside you still frazzles his brain every time. It’s especially true at the moment, since your pussy’s extra swollen and sensitive due to your period.
He would sit here with your bodies intertwined forever if you let him, even without any movement or friction. It’s heaven on earth and he’s positive he’ll never get enough.
“No? Not even after all this time?”
Your responding chuckle is fractured by a moan when he rocks his hips forward to send his cock straight into your g-spot.
“Yes. I’ll be eighty and still babbling about how much I love your cock.”
Jungkook genuinely cackles, causing your chest to shake along with his due to the proximity.
“Ditto.”
You join in his laughter before the noise gets muffled by your lips meeting again. Since you’re both still smiling, your teeth scrape against each other until you manage to find your footing.
While your mouths partake in an amorous dance, you begin dragging your hips across his lap. The fluid motion allows your cunt to seamlessly move up and down his shaft and it isn’t long before his velvety skin is coated in arousal with a creamy, white ring at the base.
You’re goddamn prolific at riding dick, and Jungkook doesn’t have to do much but sit there and watch you bounce. Even so, he still lets one hand roam your spine while the other tugs on your hair. He also takes control of the kiss by nipping at your bottom lip and conquering your mouth with his tongue.
“Shit, baby, you’re doing so well,” he encourages you. “Taking this big cock like you were made for it.”
His words make you keen as your body instinctively speeds up. The pace isn’t too fast, not like how he pounds into you after a particularly hard day, but it’s enough to leave you both panting between kisses.
Whatever the tempo may lack, you ensure it’s made up for by consistently sheathing his entire cock inside you. His tip keeps hitting your cervix at the conclusion of each stroke and feeling your pussy swallow him whole over and over is beyond divine.
“It’s s’good, baby. I won’t last,” you admit.
“Already?” Jungkook teases before dipping down to kiss your neck and shoulder. “You used to be able to keep up with me.”
He feels your muscles tense above him and giggles in accomplishment. You may be an expert at riling him up, but he knows precisely how to push your buttons, too.
“I’m sorry, which one of us came barely a minute into the last blowjob they received?”
With a gasp, Jungkook lifts his head again to stare at you in faux offense.
“How dare you use that against me! You had my balls in your mouth, what did you expect to happen?”
You boisterously giggle while tossing your head back.
“All I’m saying is don’t dish it if you can’t take it, Mr. Jeon.”
“Ha! Let’s see about taking it, shall we?”
Without warning, Jungkook flips you onto the couch before driving his dick right back inside your cunt. A sinful squelch accompanies the sudden action, but it’s nothing in comparison to how zealously you both moan.
“No fair.” Your lips form an adorable pout he has to refrain from smooching. “I wanted to keep riding you.”
“If you can hold out a little longer, I’ll let you sit on my dick all night,” he offers. “Mrs. Jeon.”
You wordlessly accept his challenge by wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist so you can force him closer. It leads your lips to naturally reconnect at the same time Jungkook begins rocking into you at a steady pace.
Even though he’s the one who mentioned holding out, the new position is already propelling him towards the edge of ecstasy. Between your walls fluttering around him, your limbs clinging to him, and your tongue inside his mouth, he’s a goner.
After just a couple more minutes, both of you are breathlessly whining and digging your nails into one another's skin. Jungkook’s strokes are as deep as ever despite not being that fast and it’s clear nothing can prevent either of you from crashing headfirst into an orgasm.
“I’m close,” you warn him, to which he concurs with a mindless nod.
As a final push, Jungkook trails his hand down so he can circle your clit. You’re already sensitive from all the friction so far and it only takes the slightest touch for you to wail and cream his cock.
His own release follows with a series of animalistic grunts as his seed floods your cunt and he fucks the liquid deeper inside you. You two continue to grind throughout the climaxes, causing the wet sound of Jungkook thrusting into your drenched, swollen hole to echo around the room.
“Jae… baby… it’s too much.”
He stops as soon as he hears your quiet whimper, but remains nestled between your walls while he catches his breath.
“Are you alright?”
Jungkook rises to his elbows so he can see your face before pushing back the sweaty strands of hair stuck to your forehead. Rather than answering, you just nod and tug him down for another kiss. He smiles into the lip lock, leading you to do the same regardless of how tired you are.
After pulling out and finding a rag to wipe down you, him, and the couch, which is thankfully leather, you both get redressed in a comfortable silence. Then you return to the kitchen to check the oven while he heads upstairs to file away his work stuff.
When he returns to the first floor, you’re busy setting the table since the food only has a few minutes left to cook.
“You know, I had the strangest dream last night,” you announce after placing the final fork.
“Hmm? What about?”
“So, you know the bench right across from Kookie’s headstone?” Of course, he does, it’s one of the reasons they chose the location. He, you, and his parents all agreed and the four of you usually visit the cemetery together about once a month. “I was sitting there with him just like I have in some of my other dreams. We were talking about the bakery, how Jennie’s doing, etc. But when I said, ‘I love and miss you, Jungkook,’ this confused expression crossed his face and he told me, ‘I’m not Jungkook.’”
The actual Jungkook, the one standing a couple feet away from you, chokes on the grape he just nabbed from the fruit bowl in the kitchen. Never in a million years did he expect his twin to start sending you subliminal messages in your sleep.
“That’s so weird,” he mumbles while attempting to chew properly.
“Right? I mean, why would he say that? I get it’s a dream and all, but it’s just so bizarre.”
He begins racking his brain for a reasonable explanation, even though he knows you won’t actually figure him out based on a dream alone.
“Maybe he meant he isn’t Jungkook to you. Because you always call him Kookie,” he poses.
A metaphorical lightbulb seems to flicker on above your head.
“Oh, I didn’t think of that.”
Jungkook shrugs as though it was obvious and he didn’t just pull it out of thin freaking air.
The timer for the oven saves him from the conversation as he joins you in the kitchen to help plate everything. Following dinner, despite him promising you full access to his lap for the remainder of the evening, your period makes that impossible.
So, you two cuddle in bed together and watch a couple movies before eventually falling asleep in each other’s arms.
In the morning, Jungkook’s surprised to find you still asleep beside him. You usually wake up hours ahead of him to prepare the day’s bakery menu.
“Sweetheart?”
He rounds the mattress so he can sit on the edge near you, where he begins softly combing your hair back.
“Hi,” you croak.
Your eyes gradually blink open as a weak smile appears.
“What’s wrong?”
“My cramps came for blood this morning. Pun unintended.”
“Have you taken anything?” You nod while resting your hand atop the one still parsing through your hair. “Should I bring you to the hospital?”
“No, baby. I already called my doctor to book an appointment for Friday.”
“But it’s only Wednesday,” he argues.
The small grin on your lips grows until he can see your teeth.
“I’ll be fine. Maddie assured me her and Jennie have everything handled, so I can just rest until I’m feeling better.”
Jungkook’s hesitant to let you wait two more days, but he’s also aware you’ve suffered through enough periods over the years to trust your own intuition.
“Alright, but I’m staying, too.”
You shake your head.
“That's not necessary. My mom will come over if I get worse. She’s driving me on Friday, anyway.”
“Y/N, I’m not leaving you like this.”
“You are. You’re going to go to work and I’m going to lay here and do absolutely nothing. I assure you, you’ll be far more useful at the office.”
His head tilts in determination, but your eyes burn with resilience just the same. It’s clear any form of persuasion will fail, so albeit reluctantly, he starts getting ready for work after placing a gentle kiss on your forehead.
But he does make you promise to call him if you feel worse, even if your mom comes to keep you company.
It takes an exuberant amount of effort to coerce him into finally walking out the door and leaving you home alone. Especially when all he wants is to dive back into bed and hold you close until the sun goes down. Alas, he still has other responsibilities to uphold.
You’re feeling a little better by the time he arrives home that evening, with your symptoms continuing to lessen throughout the day on Thursday and again on Friday morning.
Nevertheless, Jungkook asks you to call after your appointment and you assure him you will before kissing him goodbye. You wave him off as he strolls towards the car and even though you do it whenever you’re home during his departure, it never fails to make his heart skip a beat.
“I love you, handsome!”
An involuntary blush stains his neck, cheeks, and ears.
“I love you more, beautiful!”
The simple exchange sets his entire day up for success, and he finds himself practically skipping around the office until it hits five. But rather than heading straight home, he stops at the florist to pick up your arrangement.
He has another quick chat with the owner before paying for the bouquet and telling her he’ll see her next week. The sweet, floral aroma fills the car as he drives home and it feels fitting for the spectacular mood he’s in.
You never called him after seeing your doctor earlier, but he’s choosing to assume no news is good news.
Upon arriving home, he locks the front door and kicks off his shoes before strolling into the house with the large bouquet in his right hand. He finds you on the couch with a novel perched between your fingers, so instead of possibly disturbing you mid-sentence, Jungkook kisses the top of your head.
“Hi, baby,” he whispers.
A second after he goes off to find a vase for your flowers, he hears you set the book on the coffee table and stand up. He’s busy placing the arrangement in water, but can tell you’re now a couple feet away on the edge of the dining room.
“Jungkook,” you flatly call.
“What about him?”
He moves the vase to the center of the table before smiling to himself for a job well done. It looks just as beautiful as he remembers it being when Jaehyun was alive.
“Jungkook.”
His brow scrunches as he turns towards you.
“Why are you just repeating my brother’s name?”
When he finally faces you, he notices your demeanor’s completely different from this morning. Your face is cold and blank with your arms defensively crossed over your chest.
“I’m not.” A heavy silence stretches like elastic between you. “I’m talking to you.”
The rubber band cracks like a whip and damn near knocks Jungkook off his feet, but he hides the reaction by shaking his head.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” he claims.
A dry laugh shatters the stillness in the air.
“Of course, you don’t.”
Your behavior’s making his head spin and his stomach curdle, so he naturally steps closer to you.
“Baby, what —”
“Don’t fucking call me that,” you snap.
Jungkook immediately raises his hands in surrender.
“Y/N, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Another eerily silence floods the room as he waits with his breath trapped inside his lungs. Then you clear your throat while standing taller in preparation to speak again.
“As you know, I went to the doctor earlier today.” He nods, but intense confusion is still etched into his features. “And it turns out I wasn’t on my period this week, I was having a miscarriage.”
His heart sinks straight through the floor and buries itself in the earth below. He’s never once considered being a father; not when he was always resigned to loving you without ever being with you. But now you’re telling him you were pregnant, past tense, and the thought makes him ache done to his very bones.
“What?”
You completely ignore him. Your stern expression doesn’t even slightly waver despite the sadness in his voice.
“But see, that doesn't make any sense, because I have to be pregnant first in order to miscarry. And considering my husband can’t have kids, that should be impossible,” you calmly explain. “That only leaves two options.” In contrast to the unspeakable tension of the conversation, you wiggle two fingers in the air. “Either I cheated, which I know I didn’t, or…” You slowly inhale as a scalding fire blazes alive in your irises. “The person I had sex with isn’t my husband.”
The world feels like it’s crumbling into ash all around him. This can’t be happening; there can’t possibly be something so unavoidable in his path. Not when he’s spent the better part of a year successfully hiding the truth from you.
Could Jaehyun really not have kids? His brother never mentioned fertility issues, either on his or your behalf. Jungkook always assumed you two were simply waiting to have kids.
Even though this obstacle is astronomically larger than the previous ones, he knows he can overcome it. He has to, for you.
“Those are not the only logical explanations,” he counters, keeping both his voice and body relaxed so you don’t suspect him any more than you already do.
“No? Please, enlighten me.”
Jungkook feigns confidence on the outside while reaching into the very depths of his mind for an answer.
“Well, the doctors could’ve been wrong.”
Your eyebrows rise.
“About what? Me having a miscarriage?”
“Or me not being able to have kids.”
“Oh, please, they were not wrong,” you retort. “If you were actually the person there during the diagnosis, you would know that.”
His head feels like it weighs two tons and it’s difficult to even think straight when his anxiety sounds like blaring sirens.
“Miracles happen everyday, Y/N.”
“Miracles? That’s what you’re going with?”
He groans and runs his fingers through his hair.
“What else do you want me to say, sweetheart? Because your theory sounds fucking insane!”
“No, it doesn’t!” You shout. “And Jaehyun would never say something like that to me!”
“I am Jaehyun!” Jungkook yells right back.
“Like hell, you are!” You take two large strides towards him before recoiling, like you forgot you don’t want to be that close to him. Then all at once, the anger seeps from your face and your shoulders slump. Tears collect along your waterline as your lip begins to quiver. “Kookie, please… please don’t lie to me anymore. I don’t think my heart can take it.”
Hearing his nickname fall from your lips in such a somber, defeated tone yanks him into reality. The reason he did this in the first place is because of you. To keep you happy and save you from experiencing the same grief he had to endure. But now you’re standing ahead of him looking like a mere shell of yourself, and he can’t convince himself this is right anymore.
So, he takes a deep breath and counts down from three in his head.
“You’re right,” he confesses. “I’m not your husband.”
Your eyes widen dramatically, and Jungkook realizes you never expected him to actually admit it. That despite your determination and adamance, you wanted him to prove you wrong; to conjure up a reasonable explanation that could quell your doubts. Because if he’s not your husband, then that means…
“No.” It starts as a quiet epiphany, but then Jungkook watches in horror as you crumble into a ball, your knees scraping against the floor while your forehead meets the wood. It almost looks like you’re praying, which you very well might be. “No, no, no, no!” Each repetition grows louder until you’re desperately sobbing the word. Your whole body shakes from the immense force of your cries and soon enough, the short syllable turns into a gut wrenching scream. “No, Jaehyun!” You choke on his name as though it physically hurts to say. “My baby!”
Your shrieks are brutal and ear piercing, throwing Jungkook completely off balance. He can’t think, can’t breathe, and certainly can’t move. Leaving him no choice but to stand there and witness the exact nightmare he was trying to prevent in the first place.
It honestly sounds like your vocal chords are being torn from your throat as you alternate between screaming, weeping Jaehyun’s name, and more helpless denials. He’s never heard anything so horrible in his entire life and it’s utterly paralyzing. Everything he did was to avoid this moment, but now you’re on the ground wailing in front of him and he’s totally useless.
Jungkook doesn’t know how much time passes, too crippled by his own mind numbing emotions and your cries of agony, but he eventually manages to kickstart his brain.
“Y/N.”
On pure instinct, he tries to close the distance between you. Except when you register the movement, you instantly sit up and shuffle back before standing to further expand the gap.
“Don’t you dare come near me,” you state with your arms out.
The defensive stance makes his heart shatter and his lungs tear.
“Y/N,” he pleads.
“You’re a fucking monster.”
Despite calling himself that in the past, it kills him hearing it come out of your mouth.
“No.”
“How… how… how could you?” Your frame’s still rattling from all the raw emotions as silent tears cascade down your face. “How could you do this to me? Lie to me, manipulate me, betray me like this? You… you stole my grief from me!”
“Y/N, please —”
“All this time, I should’ve been grieving my husband. Eulogizing him, visiting his grave, remembering our time together. But instead you let me waste it all on you!” Jungkook’s never even seen you angry before, let alone like this. The fury in your eyes is borderline animalistic. “And for what? So you could take over his life? Were you so jealous of him you had to go this far? To steal his house, his car, his job, his fucking wife?”
“No, that’s not why —”
“But it isn’t just his life. You stole his death, too,” you proclaim. “Jaehyun died protecting you and this is how you repay him? By claiming the act as your own?” Your rage seems to be simmering into a bleak calm, but that’s actually scarier, because it feels like the person he knows and loves is fading away. “He deserved to be mourned. He deserved to have a funeral, to be remembered and prayed for, to be buried under a headstone with his own goddamn name on it!” Jungkook opens his mouth to argue, but you don’t let him. “But you took all of that away from him and now I…” You gasp for air as fresh tears escape your eyes. “I’ll never get to say goodbye,” you declare in a fractured voice. “He’s been all alone in that cemetery for eight months while I was busy playing house with his fucking brother.”
Your monologue not only rips his soul in half, but causes you to break down all over again. That’s when Jungkook realizes his face looks the same as yours; swollen eyes and cheeks stained with tears.
“And there were so many signs,” you note between sobs. “I knew you weren’t Jae the second I got done hugging you at the hospital, but I needed you to be him so badly I gaslit myself into believing you were. Besides, the idea you would ever do something this horrendous was just unfathomable to me. So whenever your behavior didn’t make sense or you couldn’t remember something you should’ve known, I ignored it.”
He can’t even begin to digest your words, no matter how much he wishes he could. His only thought is that he needs to fix this. It’s his duty to heal your heart and save whatever may be left of your relationship.
“I… I’m so sorry,” he whispers.
The despair in your eyes flickers out to make room for more wrath.
“You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say for yourself?”
“No, I…” Jungkook inhales to gather his thoughts. “I didn’t do it to steal Jae’s life. I did it for you.”
“For me?”
He nods.
“Yes. To protect you from the truth. I didn’t want you to ever have to feel what I was feeling at that moment. I couldn’t let you lose Jae.”
His explanation makes you scoff.
“Oh, no. You don’t get to stand there and pretend you’re some selfless hero. You did this for you and you alone, Jungkook.”
“But I didn’t, Y/N. All I could think about after finding out he died was how you would react and how much pain you would be in.”
“Ha! Well, look at me now!”
“I know, okay?” He isn’t even cognizant of his body moving towards you until you take a matching step back. It creates an even deeper wound in his chest seeing you repeatedly inch away from him. “I know it wasn’t right, but I didn’t have any other choice. I never should’ve survived that crash. Jaehyun was supposed to be the one to walk away, not me. This was all I could do to fix it.”
You disagreeably shake your head.
“Your survivor’s guilt isn’t an excuse to play with everyone’s lives like this,” you argue. “I mean, did you even think about your parents? Or Jennie?”
“No,” he answers without hesitation. “The only person on my mind was you. Just like always. You’ve been my first thought in the morning and my last in the evening for fifteen years.”
His confession doesn’t seem to register with you like he thought it would, given how your eyebrows kiss in confusion.
“What? Why?”
“Why?” Jungkook gawks.
“Yes!”
He laughs to himself, although there isn’t an ounce of humor present.
“Isn’t it obvious?” When you shake your head again, he braces himself to finally admit the secret he once swore he’d take to the grave. “I’m in love with you, Y/N. I’ve loved you since the moment I stepped foot in that classroom all those years ago. And I tried to stop it, tried and tried to get over you, but it was fucking impossible.”
Jungkook has no clue what to expect in terms of a reaction. Maybe shock, horror, or disgust. But he certainly doesn’t think it will be absolute, unadulterated anger.
“That’s what this is about?” You yell at the top of your lungs. “Your brother bites it and your first thought is to take what you’ve always wanted?”
“What? No!” The possibility you believe he would ever stoop so low leaves his hands shaking at his sides. “My feelings had nothing to do with it!”
“Oh, so you getting to fuck me whenever you want was just an unintended consequence?”
“That’s not…” He pauses to take a deep breath, although he’s finding it hard to keep his lungs inflated. “Yes, my feelings were obviously a factor, but they weren’t the reason for my actions.”
It’s your turn for an empty, heartless chuckle.
“You can lie to yourself all day, Jungkook. But you’re done lying to me.”
When you turn to grab your coat and bag hanging near the door, he panics and rushes forward.
“Where are you going?”
You face him again with a look of total disbelief, as though you’re shocked he thinks he has any right to ask you such a question.
“I don’t know. I just need it to be far, far away from you.”
There’s a burning sensation in his chest that’s spreading into his veins and he has to bite back the whimper clawing up his throat.
“No, please. We can still fix this.”
“This? There’s no ‘this’ to fix!” Jungkook can feel you metaphorically slipping out of his grasp when you place one hand on the doorknob. “We’re not a couple, Jungkook. This marriage doesn’t belong to you. My real husband’s lying six feet underground and I’ve been a widow for eight fucking months without even knowing it. All because of you.”
Before he can find another avenue to stop you, the door flies open and you disappear from his sight. The loud slam when it closes makes him jump as the first sob erupts from his lungs and he slowly drops to his knees.
“Y/N,” he weeps, despite you no longer being there. “Wait.”
Jungkook buries his face in his palms as his emotions pummel into him like rampant, merciless tsunami waves. His oxygen is long gone, there’s an incessant ringing in his ears, and his vision is shrouded in tears.
Your name slips in between his cries like an undertow, pulling him so deep he can’t see the surface anymore.
He has no sense of how long he stays in the position, but his head is pounding by the time he finally glances up. Based on where the sun is outside, or lack thereof, he thinks at least an hour has passed.
Of course, you’re his first thought once the dust clouding his mind settles. He immediately checks your location to ensure you’re somewhere safe and finds your contact photo at the cemetery.
It only makes sense that’s where you went. Who else would you run to at your darkest hour besides the man you love?
The real man you love.
No matter how well Jungkook was able to fool himself into believing what you two had these last few months was authentic, you’re right. There’s nothing between you and him but a paper house.
His fingers begin typing you a message before he can think twice. It isn’t anything of note, just a couple sentences stating he’s going to pack and stay with his parents so you can return home without having to worry about crossing paths.
Shortly after hitting send, a new thought dawns on him. His parents. You finding out the truth was one thing, but he can’t even imagine how hard it’ll be telling them.
Once he throws some clothes and toiletries into a duffle bag, he trudges down the stairs to survey the first floor.
Jungkook doesn’t know if he’ll ever stand here again, not after what he’s done. It isn’t just the home where you and he lived together, either, but where his beloved twin once resided. Most of his memories of the three of you from the last five years took place in this house. By now, it’s become more akin to a physical piece of his soul than a mere building.
The ghosts of you and Jaehyun seem to dance around the various rooms; mirages of him helping you bake in the kitchen or covering your eyes for you during a scary movie. But they’re soon replaced by visions of you and Jungkook instead.
He wishes he could claim he regrets his choices, and a piece of him does, but he can’t wholeheartedly say so. Not when you were content, comforted, and fulfilled while he was pretending to be your husband. No matter how decimated your relationship is now, he can’t bring himself to paint your time together in a negative light.
On the drive to his parents’ place, Jungkook pictures the worst case scenarios for their reactions in his mind, and he’s downright terrified of any one of them coming true. Because if he loses his parents as well, what would he have left in this life?
Even after arriving, he waits in the car for a burst of courage to propel him towards the house. The problem is this confession’s inevitable no matter how long he lingers outside. There’s no unwinding this wheel; all he can do now is face the music.
As the front door swings open, he hears his mother humming to herself in the kitchen at the end of the hall. It’s mundane and something he grew up listening to around the house. If it’s the last creature comfort he gets to experience at his childhood home, he supposes it’s a good one.
“Jae? Is that you, sweetie?”
Jungkook halts upon reaching the threshold of the room.
“No,” he quietly responds.
She giggles, clearly assuming it’s a joke, but when she turns around to find him looking as though all the life’s been drained from him, her face falls.
“Darling, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
An anticipatory moment stretches for what feels like an entire eternity while Jungkook wills himself to open his mouth.
“I’m…” His hands are shaking so violently he has to squeeze them into fists. “I’m not…”
“Jaehyun?”
While she maneuvers through the kitchen to reach him, he fills his lungs with enough air for the weighted confession.
“I’m not Jaehyun.”
The world freezes just like pausing a film. At least, everything except his mother’s pupils which are trembling in shock and astonishment.
“What did you just say?”
Fresh tears are already blinding him.
“I’m not Jaehyun,” he repeats as his voice breaks across his twin’s name.
“You’re… Jungkook?” The very second he lifts his chin to nod, she gasps and throws her arms around him. His body involuntarily buckles once he’s inside her warm, familiar embrace while his hands cling to her like a life vest. “Oh, my baby.”
Jungkook doesn’t know if he’s ever cried this hard. It’s as if hugging his mom reverted him to a child who’s just fallen and scraped their knee. The overwhelming comfort of her presence unlocks all the emotional tension within him, freeing it for the first time since he woke up in that hospital room.
“I’m sorry,” he wails into her shirt.
“Shh, shh.” She keeps kissing the side of his head and despite the affection healing something deep inside, it makes him cry even harder. “You have nothing to apologize for.” One of her hands moves to cradle the back of his head. “I’m just so happy you’re alive. I’ve missed you so, so much.”
“But Jae… Jae’s dead. He’s been dead all this time. He died saving me and then I fucking stole everything from him,” he explains. “I got Y/N pregnant. That’s how she found out the truth. Because she lost the baby, and since Jae couldn’t have kids…”
“Oh, sweetie.”
“He never told me. Why wouldn’t he tell me?” He feels like he’s speaking utter nonsense, but the words are just pouring out of him after being trapped in his chest for so long. “I hurt her, mom. I’ve loved her since we were kids, but I still lied to her and betrayed her trust in the worst way imaginable. I kept her from grieving the man she’s loved since she was fifteen.” The longer he talks, the more his guilt bears down on him like a cage that’s one size too small. “I’m such a monster.”
His mom delicately separates the two of them and as soon as they come face to face again, her own eyes fill with tears.
“No. You’re not even close to a monster.”
“No one else would be able to stomach doing something so awful.”
“That’s not true,” she argues. “People have committed far worse crimes than trying to help the ones they love.” When his mouth opens, she lifts a finger to silence any retort. “Even if their methods were misguided.”
“He must hate me, right?”
She shakes her head.
“Never. Jaehyun could never hate you.”
Jungkook sniffles before drying his face with his sleeve.
“I think this might be the exception,” he claims.
“No, my darling.” Her fingers caress his cheek, right where his scars are, and he automatically leans his head on her palm. “I’m sure he isn’t the happiest with you at the moment, but he also knows you better than anyone. So, I think he understands why you did it, even if he disagrees.”
“Mom, I fucked his wife. Repeatedly.”
She chokes on a dry chuckle.
“I said he probably isn’t happy with you, didn’t I?”
The sound of his mother’s laugh eases both his heart and mind, even if just a little.
“What about you? Aren’t you mad at me?”
“Of course not,” she assures him. “How can I be when I thought you were dead, and now you’re standing here in front of me?”
“Because there’s still only one of us.”
“Yes, and I’ll have to work through that on my own time. But for now I just want to cherish my baby being alive.”
Jungkook can’t help but smile.
They end up gravitating towards the couch, where he stretches across the cushions with his head in her lap like he would do as a kid. He and Jaehyun used to fight over the coveted position all the time.
Her fingers gently comb through his hair as she listens to him explain everything from the moment he decided to pretend to be Jaehyun, to the second you walked out the door. She doesn’t give her opinion unless asked, but hums in acknowledgment every once in a while so Jungkook knows she’s paying attention.
“I just don’t get why Jae never told me he couldn’t have kids. I mean, did he not trust me with something like that?” Jungkook muses.
“No, sweetie, it didn’t have anything to do with you,” she clarifies. “Your brother was just so ashamed when he found out. He felt like he was letting everyone down; Y/N, your dad and I, her parents. He thought it made him less of a man, no matter how much we all assured him that wasn’t the case.” Jungkook gazes up at his mom as she speaks. “He even begged Y/N to leave him so she could find someone who could give her children.”
“No, he didn’t,” he gawks.
His mom nods.
“As you can imagine, she totally lost it on him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so mad, especially at Jaehyun, of all people. Being a mother’s always been her dream, but only if Jaehyun was the father. She didn’t care whether it was natural or through adoption, but the only person she ever wanted to raise a child with was him.”
“How come whatever condition prevented him from having kids doesn’t affect me, too?”
“It’s environmental and develops after birth, so that’s why you’re in the clear.” He hums and turns his head back to the front so his mom can continue carding through his soft, black strands. “In fact, when the doctor found out Jaehyun was a twin, she suggested they ask you to donate for artificial insemination.”
Jungkook nearly falls off the couch when he chokes and twists his entire body around so he can face his mom.
“You’re joking.”
She cackles.
“No, not even a little.” Her head shakes as she recalls the whole debacle. “The doctor told them it would be biologically the same as having their own child, since your DNA is ninety nine percent identical.”
“Oh, I bet Y/N loved hearing that,” he teases.
“Jaehyun said she almost burned the doctor’s office to the ground.” The two of them share another laugh. “Your brother actually didn’t mind the idea, but like I said, biology didn’t mean anything to Y/N. Only he did.”
It’s easy for anyone who knows you to understand your negative reaction. Nothing in the world mattered to you more than Jaehyun, and it only makes sense that if you couldn’t have kids with him, you wouldn’t want them at all.
The thought causes Jungkook’s heart to start aching again because on one hand, your unconditional love for his twin is the very reason he took his place, but it’s also what makes the truth so much more devastating.
“He knew, you know,” his mom professes.
“Knew what?”
Her lips form a pout like she’s debating whether or not to elaborate.
“That you were in love with Y/N.”
Jungkook genuinely does flop right over the edge of the couch this time. His left side meets the ground with a thump as his mom gasps and leans forward to check on him.
“I’m okay,” he groans while sitting up.
“God, you haven’t changed one bit. Have you?”
He smiles before standing and sitting down beside her.
“Apparently not.”
“I don’t even know how you pulled it off. You two were such opposites,” she notes. “I mean, when I look back on the last eight months, it seems obvious. Even you and Y/N’s interactions were different.”
“How so?”
She thoughtfully sways her head side to side.
“Y/N and Jaehyun moved like the earth and the moon. They orbited around each other, complimented each other, and relied on each other. But you and her were more like waves crashing against a shoreline. There was a push and pull as though you took turns guiding one another. High tide and low tide.”
When people claim mothers know everything, his mom proves them right by a long shot. She somehow notices every little detail no matter how small and it genuinely amazes him.
But he can’t focus on her words of wisdom with the massive elephant still in the room.
“Wait, we need to rewind,” he states.
Of course, she knows what he’s referring to, and clears her throat to explain.
“Darling, your brother knew you better than he knew himself. Just as you did with him. You really thought he couldn’t tell you had feelings for Y/N?”
“Yes! I mean, why didn’t he ever say anything? Or throw a damn punch?”
She chuckles again.
“Like I said, because he knew you. He was certain you would never try to steal her away regardless of your feelings. He was also sure Y/N would castrate you if you ever even attempted to.”
Jungkook echoes her laughter.
“That’s what you meant, then? When you said you think he understands?”
“Absolutely. He knows where your heart lies, sweetie. That you wouldn’t do something like this out of malice, selfishness, or jealousy. It obviously doesn’t make it right, and he might cash in that punch once you join him upstairs, but I’m sure he doesn’t see you as the monster you claim to be.”
The words permeate his mind as he ponders whether or not he can agree. On the surface, he recognizes her point, but his guilt’s still too thick to wade through.
“That’s what Y/N called me,” he tells her while fiddling with his fingers in his lap. “She’ll never want to see me again.”
His mom reaches out to tuck some hair behind his ear, prompting him to meet her gaze.
“Yes, she will.”
“You didn’t see her face, mom. She looked afraid of me. Or repulsed, at the very least.”
She sighs and drops her hand so she can cover his own.
“Didn’t you hear all those wonderful things she said about you a couple months ago? She loves you, Jungkook. Maybe not how you wish she would, and it’ll definitely take time, but I have no doubt she’ll forgive you one day.”
All Jungkook can do is hope she’s right. Because he truly doesn’t know what he’ll do if he loses you forever. Until then, he just has to focus on cleaning up the mess he made.
Speaking of, the sound of the front door opening and his dad calling for them ends their conversation. Jungkook looks towards his mom with fear written all over his face, but she simply reassures him with a smile.
His dad doesn’t take the news nearly as well as his mom did. There’s screaming, an abundance of questions, and even a door slam when his dad needs some fresh air. But once the initial shock wears off, he hugs Jungkook tighter than humanly possible while whispering how much he loves and missed him.
Now that his folks know, the next step is to tell the world. The three of them spend the evening contemplating all their options before settling on claiming it as a business move.
The official story printed in the press the following morning is that after finding out Jaehyun died, his dad worried people in the industry would question whether Jungkook could fill his shoes without any prior experience. So, they decided to let Jungkook prove himself under the guise of being Jaehyun for a pseudo-transition period.
Of course, the entire technology world goes crazy. His dad spends multiple days fighting with board members and shareholders alike over his poor decision making. But like all news, it simmers into just some strange family drama after a couple weeks.
Jungkook doesn’t leave the house much during that time and according to his mom, who you still regularly contact, neither do you. Apparently Jennie and Maddie have been running the bakery together in your absence while you rest and grieve on your own terms. His mom also informs him you told Jennie the truth shortly after the article dropped, so she’s the only person outside of family who knows.
A month goes by in the blink of an eye and unfortunately, he has to return to work next week. Despite all the rigmarole, the board eventually decided Jungkook’s leadership has been exemplary these past eight months, and he should remain in his position as CEO.
Given that real life’s about to start up again, and very soon, Jungkook swallows his nerves and ventures outside to visit the bakery. Not to see you, but to finally face his best friend for the first time since the news broke.
He arrives just before closing time so there won’t be any customers around. Jennie also isn’t anywhere to be found, but he decides to enter the building anyway by using his spare key.
His eyes map all the different desserts and adorable decor around the room as he waits for her. Everything’s still so you even though you probably haven’t stepped foot inside the building in a month. It makes his heart throb because he just misses you so damn much, but he knows it’s his own fault you aren’t here.
A recognizable doodle on the chalk board behind the counter is currently holding his interest, so he doesn’t hear anyone approach until they clear their throat.
“Scout’s honor, huh?”
Jennie’s voice automatically causes his head to whip in her direction. She looks exactly the same as she always does; beautiful, radiant, and headstrong.
Once her comment clicks in his mind, his shoulders slump forward and he sighs from deep within his chest.
“Jen, I —”
Before he can even begin his spiel, she interrupts by colliding with him in the center of the bakery. He grunts in surprise, but still naturally pulls her body closer by her waist. His other hand cups the back of her head while her arms wrap around him so tightly she almost chokes him.
She buries her face in his neck, but it doesn’t muffle her quiet sniffles very much. The sound prompts Jungkook to return her affection by nuzzling the side of her throat.
“I’m so fucking happy you’re alive,” she whispers.
Jungkook starts beaming following a huge sigh of relief.
“Me, too.”
They simultaneously pull apart and without thinking, Jungkook wipes a stray tear away with his thumb once her face reappears in his view.
Her eyes grow wide when his finger grazes her cheek, but her expression soon relaxes into one of content. And armed with the newfound awareness of her feelings, he also realizes it’s full of love.
It’s strange being here with her. Even though he’s seen her numerous times throughout the last few months, it doesn’t feel like he did because he wasn’t technically himself.
“I’m so sorry, Jen,” he tells her. “I never… I never meant to hurt you. That’s the last thing I ever want to do, but I just… got lost, I guess.”
“I know.” She’s wearing her signature smirk and Jungkook can’t resist mirroring it. “You don’t have to explain yourself. I already understand.”
“You do?”
“Kook, you were going through the worst possible moment of your life. You made a mistake. I mean, it was a huge one, but I can’t claim I wouldn’t have done the same in your position.”
Although he feels an enormous amount of relief because she isn’t furious with him, a part of him wishes she was.
“Sure, but I still lied to your face and let you believe I was dead. Not to mention when I sat here and listened to you confess your feelings for me like it was nothing.”
She simply shrugs.
“Yeah, that was pretty fucked up, but it wasn’t a secret or anything,” she states.
“Huh?”
“I would’ve told you how I felt if you’d asked.”
Jungkook shakes his head to prevent any more confusion from infiltrating his mind.
“What are you talking about?”
Her eyes roll like it’s the most obvious answer in the world.
“It wasn’t a secret, Kook. Me having feelings for you changed absolutely nothing between us. The only reason I never told you is because it would’ve been pointless.”
“Why would it have been pointless?”
“Uh, because you’ve been head over heels in love with Y/N since forever?”
That response nearly knocks the air out of his lungs.
“But you said you didn’t know who I had feelings for when I asked you that night!”
She laughs while crossing her arms over her chest.
“Of course, I did. I wasn’t going to out you to who I believed was your brother and her husband.” Jungkook’s mouth forms a little O and it causes her to laugh again. “I’m fairly certain everyone but Y/N was well aware.”
“No shit. Mom told me even Jae knew,” he replies.
Jennie gasps.
“Are you serious?” He nods with a disbelieving chuckle. It still doesn’t really compute in his brain, either. “Damn, your brother was a saint. I would’ve kicked your fucking ass.”
“That’s what I said!”
They share in more giggles and suddenly it’s as if no time passed at all. Being around Jennie always feels like coming home, and he sincerely hopes she knows that and agrees with the sentiment.
Then again, there’s still so much left to apologize for even baring the current situation. He honestly doesn’t know where to start, but he promised himself he would try.
“Jennie?” She raises her eyebrows to show she’s listening. “About your feelings… I’m sorry. I should’ve considered how certain things might affect you, even if I didn’t know you were in love with me at the time. All those late night hook ups and trauma dumps. I can’t imagine what those must’ve been like for you. I used you and your body to make myself feel better and best friends should never treat each other like that.”
“Kook, that’s not —”
He stops the interruption by throwing his hand up.
“I know you’re going to say it’s fine, but it isn’t.” Once she concedes with a short nod, he continues. “The truth is, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make myself love you back. You’re fucking perfect, Jen. But even if I could force myself to reciprocate, it wouldn’t be fair to you. My feelings for Y/N are unalterable and no matter what, you would always come in second place. And you don’t deserve anything even close to that. You deserve someone who’ll cherish you and worship the very ground you walk on.” He sighs. “I wish it could be me. God, you have no idea how badly I want to love you. And I’m so fucking sorry I can’t.”
His best friend looks shell shocked by the time he’s done talking, but she immediately returns the favor when in lieu of a verbal response, she clutches his head with both hands. Before Jungkook can register the sudden movement, she’s already yanking him down to her level for a kiss.
It’s gentle and chaste. Neither of them even move their lips or attempt to deepen the connection. Although Jungkook does lightly cup her face and caress her cheekbones with his thumbs.
She pulls back first, but they both keep their eyes closed for a second longer than the kiss itself. It doesn’t feel romantic, even though in any other circumstance it should. Jungkook also understands why she did it without her explaining herself.
It was a thank you, an I forgive you, an I missed you, an I love you, and a “you’re my best friend” all wrapped into one. Maybe even a farewell to the possibility of ever being more.
“You’ve never hurt me, Kook,” she assures him. “Every moment we’ve spent together, platonic or otherwise, I’ve utterly adored. My feelings for you are like an underwater current. They aren’t something I agonize over or think about often. They just… exist; a part of me in the same way my love for my other friends and family is.”
He smiles after her proclamation fully sinks in.
“I love you, Jen. I truly don’t know where I’d be without you.”
A matching grin appears on her lips.
“Dead in a ditch. Easily.”
They both laugh again as the seriousness of the moment passes to make room for a new chapter in their friendship. One without any misunderstandings or secrets weighing either of them down.
Jungkook assumes those are the only amends he’ll make this week, but shortly after leaving the bakery, he checks his phone and finds a text from you on his screen.
You want to meet at the cemetery this Saturday to talk.
Honestly, he can hardly believe what he’s seeing, and he even blinks a few times to check if the message will disappear. When it never does, he swiftly types an affirmative reply and hits send.
Visiting Jaehyun has been on his list for the last couple weeks now. He hasn’t been to his brother’s grave since everything fell apart and more importantly, he wants to see the new headstone you had installed with the proper name on it.
Besides redesigning the small monument, you’re also planning a very belated celebration of life on the first anniversary of his death in a couple months. It won’t ever replace losing your chance to give him a proper funeral, but it’s at least something that’ll be dedicated solely to him.
On the morning of your first meeting in just over a month, Jungkook’s so nervous it feels like his entire body is resting on pins and needles.
He’s bracing himself for this to be goodbye. In fact, he’s half expecting you to hand him a restraining order and make him sign a visitation schedule for the cemetery so you never run into one another while spending time with the person you both loved most.
Except when he arrives at his twin’s grave and slowly approaches the bench you’re sitting on, he notices you appear totally relaxed. It could very well be the calm before the storm, but after you glance up and pat the empty space beside you, he stops believing it is.
Jungkook follows the silent instruction, but neither of you speak at first. You both simply admire the headstone across from you as the birds chirp overhead and the leaves rustle beneath your feet.
You quietly chuckle to yourself after a while and Jungkook finally gathers enough courage to look your way.
“I won’t bite, you know,” you tease.
He checks his spot on the bench and realizes he’s cartoonishly far away from you. His ass is actually only half on the seat because he felt it was necessary to leave a comfortable distance.
“Right,” he sighs before sliding closer.
“How have you been?”
The question feels so foreign compared to how you two normally communicate, but small talk is where you have to begin again if your relationship is ever going to be mended.
“Alright, all things considered.” You hum. “What about you?”
It’s a stupid thing to ask given the circumstances, but manners are manners.
“Uh, not the best. Not the worst, either. At least, not anymore.”
Jungkook nods to acknowledge your response, but every second the air is becoming thicker with tension.
“So —”
“I —”
You both awkwardly chuckle while avoiding each other’s gaze.
“You first,” Jungkook offers.
“No, I insist.”
It’s difficult deciding where to start, but then Jungkook remembers who he’s talking to. No matter what’s happened between you two, you’re still you. He knows he can ramble or stutter for hours and you’ll still understand him somehow.
“First of all, the headstone looks beautiful.”
Following the compliment, you both look towards the monument just a few feet away. It’s relatively the same as before in terms of design, except it now reads “Jeon Jaehyun” and rather than “beloved brother, son, and friend,” it lists “beloved husband, brother, and son.”
You initially only wanted to change the final word, but his parents insisted what Jaehyun was most proud of was being married to you.
“Thanks.” In a surprise twist, you giggle for a second and Jungkook can’t help but feel his spirits lift. “They asked if I wanted to keep the old one. And I almost said yes so I could, like, smash it with a mallet or something. But I realized that might not be very conducive to my healing.”
Jungkook genuinely cackles at your admission and as if it’s second nature, you parrot the laughter. The moment is so mundane it’s almost like nothing’s changed between you at all.
“Damn, I wish you’d said yes. I would’ve loved to see that.”
“Of course, you would. You’re the only person I know who’d find enjoyment in watching their own headstone get demolished.”
“I mean, duh. That’s metal as fuck, Y/N.”
You snicker with a familiar shake of your head.
“Next time you die, I’ll be sure to grant your wish.”
The smile on his face simply refuses to disappear. Not when you two are chatting like old times and the negative energy surrounding you is gradually fading away.
“Will you?” He asks, bringing the conversation back to a more serious tone. “I mean, next time I die, will you be there?”
His question makes your eyebrows pinch together.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
Jungkook shrugs.
“I honestly thought we were coming here to say goodbye. That you’d never want to see me again, but were at least willing to give me some closure before you leave my life for good,” he explains.
The words have barely left his mouth when you begin vehemently shaking your head.
“Jungkook, no,” you clarify. “No matter what, you’re still my best friend. There’s no reality where I wouldn't want you in my life. Even if I still need time to forgive you and move on, I’ll never say goodbye.”
He doesn’t register himself crying until you shock him by reaching out to swipe at the lone tear on his cheek. Your touch causes his entire body to tense, but it has the complete opposite effect on his soul, which relaxes for the first time in a month.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he cries. “I know it isn’t enough, and that it’ll never be enough, but I am. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted. Everything I did was supposed to prevent that from happening. It may be hard to believe, and I understand if you don’t, but my feelings for you had no bearing on my decision. I’m sure it sounds confusing, but I never wanted you for myself. Yes, I’m in love with you, and I have been for more than half of my life. But the one person I love more than you is Jaehyun, and I would’ve never dared to take something so precious away from him. Especially when you made one another so fucking happy.” He pauses in case you want to interject, but you just gesture for him to continue. “If I had wanted that, I wouldn’t have taken his place after he died. I would’ve just comforted you in your grief in order to get closer to you. Me pretending to be Jae was so you two could stay together, not so I could have you. And I know that doesn’t make any sense and it’s so fucking twisted, but it’s the truth.” You encourage him with a nod when he checks in with you again, prompting Jungkook to take a deep breath. “When the nurse told me Jae was dead, all I could think about was how wrong that was. Not only was he always my better half, but he had so many people who needed him. Then I thought about you, and how I was feeling at that moment. And Y/N, I couldn’t let that happen to you. The idea of you experiencing the same devastating loss I was going through made me sick to my stomach. All I wanted, my only goal, was to shield you from that pain. In my mind, I had to keep Jae alive because he’s the one who deserved to live.” He sighs. “I’ve done a lot of reflecting this past month and I’ve come to realize that, although you were on the forefront of my mind, there were also other factors involved in my decision. The truth is, I’ve always hated myself for being in love with you. I saw myself as this leech constantly feeding off you and Jae’s relationship. I know that isn’t the case, but I felt so much shame about not being able to get over you. And I loved Jaehyun so fucking much, but the problem is, I think I might’ve hated myself more than I loved him. Which led me to believe I was making the right choice in keeping him alive and letting myself die.” Finally, he twists his upper body so he’s facing you head on. “I know none of this makes it right, and that you don’t owe me any forgiveness, but I needed to tell you. Again, I’m so, so sorry. There’s no amount of apologies that can ever make up for what I’ve done.”
Once he concludes his speech, you blow air out of your mouth and thoughtfully nod.
“I know,” you nonchalantly respond.
Jungkook’s eyebrows rise and he looks around like someone will appear out of thin air to explain.
“You… do?”
You ever-so-slightly smile at him.
“Yeah. The day I found out the truth, that the love of my life was dead, it felt like being sucked into a cyclone of vicious, excruciating emotions. I could hardly think straight. But after mulling it over these last few weeks, I understand your reasoning. I certainly don’t agree, and wish more than anything that you’d never done it, but I can see why you did.”
“Oh.”
“And I’m actually just as angry at you for a different reason than lying to me,” you confess. His eyes go wide and you know him well enough to understand it means you should explain. “I am so, so mad at you for choosing to deal with Jaehyun’s death alone. Grief is meant to be shared. The only way someone can get through something so horrible is by leaning on their community. But you decided to hold it all on your shoulders without letting anyone else help carry the weight for you. Do you know how much that breaks my fucking heart, Jungkook?” He shakes his head. “You lost the most important person in your life and yet you stomached everything on your own so none of us had to lose him. It isn’t fair. And even more than that, you gave up everything that made you special; chose to live as someone else for the rest of your life if I hadn’t found out. That isn’t okay. Yes, Jae had people who loved him, who relied on him, but so did you.” You rest your hand over his own and Jungkook’s eyes flicker down to ensure he isn’t imagining it. “If I’d known you were the one who survived that day, I would’ve run to you just the same. And I would’ve been okay because I still had you. Minus any romance, we would’ve gotten through it together exactly like we did when I believed you were him.” When you squeeze his hand, he flips his palm up to reciprocate. “I’ve never once compared you and Jae. Obviously, losing my husband is an entirely different level of grief, but it isn’t necessarily worse. You both held the same weight in the world and left a hole in my heart when I believed you were gone. Just like how platonic and romantic love are two versions of one emotion, but despite being so different, can share the same intensity.”
It takes him a second to process your monologue and he knows it’ll be even longer before he can internalize it. His self-loathing runs deep, and it’s only gotten worse after all this, so any positive feelings directed towards him are met with a hard line of defense.
“It was an easy choice to make when I thought it would make you happy,” he counters.
“There can’t be real happiness without truth.”
Jungkook nods.
“You’re right.”
You release his hand and turn back towards the headstone with an almost peaceful expression, and Jungkook finally understands. Knowing where the person you love actually is, even if it’s far away from you, is better than blind ignorance. Any happiness you might’ve felt while he was pretending to be Jaehyun is hollow in comparison.
“Jae’s death wasn’t wrong, either.”
His eyebrows instantly meet in the middle of his forehead. Of everything he claimed, he didn’t expect that to be what you disagree with.
“Huh?”
“He died saving your life, Jungkook. How can that be wrong?” He’s never considered viewing it in that light before. “In a split second decision, his gut instinct was to protect you. And I know if your car had been traveling in the opposite direction, you would’ve done the same.” Jungkook fervently nods. “No matter how unfair it is or how much I wish it never happened, you shouldn’t take that away from him by belittling yourself. His death meant something and I know without a shadow of doubt that he doesn’t regret it. Not even a little bit.”
“Eh,” he objects. “Considering I proceeded to sleep with his wife countless times, he might regret not using me as a shield instead.”
His familiar humor elicits another giggle out of you.
“Okay. Fair.”
Once a comfortable silence begins to stretch across the cemetery, Jungkook clears his throat so he can change the subject.
“So, where do we go from here?”
The question makes you purse your lips, but it also seems like you might already know the answer.
“This is the hard part,” you state.
“What do you mean?”
You start stamping your toes on the ground and rhythmically tapping your thighs. Any sign of nervousness is out of character for you, but Jungkook just waits for your explanation rather than probing.
“Alright. After ‘you’ died, I automatically expected Jaehyun to be different. Grief that insurmountable is bound to change someone. Which is why I never questioned all the discrepancies I kept noticing while you were pretending to be him. I simply came to terms with the fact that my marriage was never going to be the same.” Jungkook has no idea where your train of thought is going, but he still listens intently. “Because of that, throughout our time together, I felt like I was falling in love with Jae all over again. And even though ‘he’ was different, I welcomed it with open arms. I’ve loved every version of him since we were teenagers, and this was just another iteration.” As you talk, the wheels inside his brain twist and turn until the purpose of your speech finally clicks into place. “But since you weren’t actually Jae, that means the newfound love I feel doesn’t belong to him. It belongs to you.”
If his heart could physically leap out of his chest and start doing cartwheels, it would. Jungkook genuinely can’t believe what he’s hearing. Here he thought this would be the end of your relationship forever, but you’re speaking as if it might be the opposite.
“You… I mean, you…”
“I don’t know,” you admit. “The problem is, this love is shrouded in well over a decade of feelings for Jae, so they’re too intertwined and convoluted to properly distinguish what I feel for him and what I feel for you.” He isn’t even breathing while he listens to you, but rather holding in his air supply until you allow him to exhale by clarifying. “But I’d like to try. Not now or even soon, because I still have to forgive you and we still need to rebuild what we lost, but eventually, I think we should give it a shot.”
It’s as though the heavens have opened up overhead and the angels themselves are singing a song of celebration. He actually worries he didn’t hear you correctly because his head’s so high up in the clouds.
“You’re serious?”
“I have one condition, though.”
“Name it,” he blurts out.
You side-eye the instantaneous response before chuckling under your breath.
“We have to start from scratch. There’s too much history and baggage between us that’ll only weigh us down. When the time comes, I want to go on a first date like we’re total strangers. Ask one another stupid questions about our favorite colors and what we do for a living. Back to square one.”
Jungkook wouldn’t be able to stop himself from beaming if he tried. Because you’re posing the idea as if it’s a bad thing, but he can’t think of anything better than relearning everything he already adores about you.
“Deal. I’ll even repeatedly pronounce your name wrong so it feels authentic.” Your bright laugh echoes through the air and fills his heart with song. “Y/N, I’ve loved you for so long. I’ll be happy with whatever you give me, even if it’s just an annual call on my birthday and a Christmas card.”
“I want more than that, Jungkook. Even if a romantic relationship between us fails, I never want to lose you.” Like it’s muscle memory at this point, you lift your hand to comb back his hair. “I love you. I’m not entirely sure to what degree just yet, but I do know that’ll never change.”
He cups your hand and presses them both to his cheek.
“Ditto.”
A massive smile might honestly be a permanent feature of his after this and it’s still present when he turns his head to kiss your palm.
“So, I have this theory,” you proclaim.
“Oh, yeah?”
You reclaim your hand before fiddling with your fingers in your lap.
“It’s kinda bizarre, but it’s helped me make sense of all my emotions.” Jungkook nods for you to continue. “Okay. It starts with the multiverse. You with me?” He nods again, albeit more tentatively. “Now, let’s assume in all the other universes, you and I, or Jae and I, are soulmates. As in, we’re always meant to find one another and be together. But what if there’s usually only one of you, but here you happened to be split into two as twins. It would explain why you both fell for me and I ended up developing feelings for each of you. Because everywhere else your personalities and traits are combined in one person.”
Well, you’re definitely right about it being bizarre. But in some strange sense, it’s comforting to imagine. Jungkook likes the idea that you, him, and Jaehyun are fated by the universe to always intertwine in one way or another. Or that he and his twin really were one soul in two bodies as he so often described.
“I think it’s got some legs,” he confidently concludes.
You laugh again before another natural lull in the conversation occurs. It allows for Jungkook to finally admire you up close, which is when his eyes land on something shimmering around your neck.
A gasp escapes his lips upon realizing you're still wearing the pendant he gave you. He was positive you would rip the jewelry clean off after your last interaction. Yet here it is looking just as beautiful as the day he gifted it to you.
“Why didn’t you take the necklace off?” He asks in awe.
Your fingers rise to map the familiar outline.
“I tried, believe me. Except whenever I went to undo the clasp, something inside just wouldn’t let me,” you explain. “I’m obviously still very angry with you. There are even nights when I wish I’d never met you. The sense of betrayal and violation I feel because of what you did isn’t going away anytime soon. But sometimes when I remember certain moments from the last eight months, I can’t help but smile.”
His heart soars all over again.
“Really?”
You smirk and shrug your shoulders like it’s no big deal, but Jungkook’s still far above cloud nine. After a moment, your hand falls from your clavicle and you affectionately gaze at your wedding rings.
“You know, I’m thinking about wearing my wedding band on my right hand and getting the diamond from my engagement ring made into a pendant. Maybe something with a ‘J’ and a sapphire for your guys’ birthstone.”
Jungkook can already picture it in his head. Everything looks beautiful on you, but something like that would be icing on the cake.
“I think that’s a wonderful idea.”
“Me, too.”
Suddenly, he remembers his own memento he got earlier this month.
“Actually, I have something to show you,” he exclaims.
Your attention shifts to him as he rolls up his right sleeve and presents his forearm to you. You gasp at the colorful artwork on his skin while instinctively reaching out for a closer look.
“You finally got a tattoo?”
He’s always wanted one, but when Jaehyun was alive it somehow felt wrong. For whatever reason, he hated the idea of having something that would permanently differentiate them. As though the tattoo would make them less identical or weaken their bond.
“Figured it was about time.” Your fingers delicately trace along the curves and sharp lines of the ink. But while you’re busy admiring his tattoo, he’s doing the same to you. “It’s a tiger lily. Jae and I’s birth flower.”
“I remember,” you tell him. “You drew this yourself. Didn’t you?”
His eyebrows rise.
“How did you know that?”
You shrug again after one last look at the tattoo.
“I’d recognize your artwork anywhere.”
Jungkook drew all the time when he was younger until he eventually opened the bar and became too busy for the hobby. Whether a hand-drawn birthday card or personalized painting, he often gifted his art to friends and family alike. He’s always been known for his creative mind in comparison to his twin, but he had no clue you could distinguish his style from other artists.
The notion of you remembering what his brush strokes and shading looks like, even after all these years, causes his heart to beat like a jackrabbit in his chest. In fact, it’s so touching that tears begin to crowd his waterline.
“You know, you make it really fucking hard not to be in love with you,” he notes.
That not only pulls more giggles out of you, but a pink blush stains your cheeks and neck.
“Sorry.” Jungkook smiles while waving your apology off with one hand. “Now I want one,” you pout.
He’s never taken you for a tattoo person, especially since you’re a self proclaimed hater of needles. Although, the devious side of his brain can’t deny how alluring the thought is. Not to mention how amazing one would look on your skin.
“My tattoo artist was great, I can take you to her if you’re really interested.”
“Yes, please,” you confirm. “But will you draw it for me?”
His hand automatically flies to his chest to point to himself.
“Me?”
“Well, duh.”
“You want me to… to draw a tattoo for you?”
You seem totally endeared by his surprised expression, evident by your eyes crinkling in the corners when you smile.
“Of course!”
Every time Jungkook believes he can’t possibly fall for you more than he already has, you come in swinging with a steel bat straight to his heart.
“This is where I came after I found out the truth,” you state, changing the subject.
“Yeah…” Jungkook awkwardly chuckles. “I know. I checked your location.” He put his hands out in surrender when he realizes how that might come off. “Just to make sure you were safe.”
Once he hears you softly chuckle in return, he lets his arms fall.
“I probably shouldn’t have been driving, to be honest, because I could hardly see through my tears. Then I got here and immediately fell to my knees in front of the headstone,” you narrate. “I just sobbed, screamed, and apologized until I was too lightheaded to keep going.”
“Apologized?”
You nod while making eye contact with him again.
“Yes, because I should’ve known. Or at the very least, been slower to accept what you were telling me.”
Jungkook isn’t able to see your irises anymore when you glance down at the ground.
“Don’t do that. Don’t victim blame yourself,” he replies. “I lied to you for months.”
“I know. But he was my husband, Jungkook.” A heavy sigh makes your chest rise as you shake your head, seemingly at yourself. “You didn’t kiss or touch me the same. You didn’t smell like him or laugh how he did. I mean, you even tasted different. But I just kept chalking everything up to grief, despite that making no fucking sense.”
“Y/N, the world itself stopped making sense as soon as Jae wasn’t in it.” He nudges your shoulder so you look up. “Besides, I don’t think many rational people jump to someone actually being their dead twin brother when they start acting different.”
The gentle smile that appears makes him hopeful you’ll stop being so hard on yourself about what he did to you.
“You make a good point,” you concede.
Even though he would love to just talk about everything and nothing with you, there’s one more topic he wants to cover.
“Um, do you think it’s a good idea for us to talk about the miscarriage?” He poses. “We don’t have to, I just thought I’d offer.”
“Hmm.” You momentarily mull it over. “Honestly, with so much on my mind lately I haven’t had time to even think about it.”
“Me, either.”
“Are you alright?”
Jungkook tilts his head in confusion.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Becuase you lost something, too.”
A hum serves as his initial response.
“I never really saw it like that. I mean, logically I know that’s true, but I was so distraught about what I’d done it almost felt like penance.”
“Makes sense,” you conclude. “Truth is, my dream of having kids naturally ended as soon as we got the diagnosis. I was perfectly fine with adoption and Jae and I were actually planning on beginning the process later this year.” You shrug your shoulders and meet his eyes. “So when I found out I was pregnant and miscarrying, it didn’t really register with me.”
“You and Jae would’ve been amazing parents,” Jungkook wholeheartedly declares.
A huge smile forms on your lips.
“Hopefully in another lifetime.” He agrees with a nod. “I’m actually getting my tubes tied this spring.”
“What?”
Just last month there was a bun cooking in your oven and now you’re burning down the kitchen. He worries you’re only doing so because of him, and that’s the last thing he wants.
“Jae and I couldn’t have kids together, so even if I do ever fall in love again, it wouldn’t feel right having them with someone else.”
“And your doctor’s willing to do the procedure when you’re still so young?”
You scoff.
“No. I had to go to three different practices until one of them was touched enough by my sob story about tragically losing my husband.” You click your tongue with evident indignation. “It’s such bullshit.”
That’s an understatement. Jungkook’s proud of you for standing up for yourself and choosing to do what you feel is right. It’s what you deserve after he took away all your agency.
“It is. I’m sorry you have to deal with that,” he tells you. “My mom actually told me about your fertility doctor’s suggestion to ask me to donate.”
The memory must still irk you because you theatrically roll your eyes.
“Let me tell you, Jungkook, I almost started throwing the clipboards in that damn office.” He laughs while a vision of you chucking office supplies around plays inside his head. “Then Jae had the audacity to ask why it was such a terrible idea!”
The mention of his twin acting so clueless brings a smile to his face.
“He may have been the perfect husband, but he was still just a man.” You chuckle and concur with a short nod. “I’m surprised he didn’t react the same way you did. I can’t imagine him being comfortable with someone shooting my sperm into you given the circumstances.”
A wave of confusion contorts your features.
“What circumstances?”
“Oh, my mom also told me Jae knew about my feelings for you.”
It takes a moment for his words to register, but once they do, your jaw drops open.
“Are you kidding?”
“Nope! Trust me, I was just as shocked.”
You click your tongue a couple times before glancing at the headstone again.
“What the fuck, Jae,” you mutter. “And he never confronted you about it?”
He shakes his head.
“Mom said it’s because he knew I’d never actually try anything and even if I did, you’d kick my ass.”
His mother’s explanation produces a tandem, warm laugh from the two of you.
“He sure was right about that.”
Jungkook joins you in turning to face his twin’s grave again as you two allow the wind and rustling of leaves to fill the air instead of your voices.
After a little while, you lean over to rest your head on his shoulder and Jungkook naturally follows suit by mirroring the position. You both stay like that for some time and although he doesn’t know exactly what you’re feeling, he believes it’s a shared emotion.
For the first time since the night of Jaehyun’s work event, the three of you are finally together again. It’s how things should be, even if you both wish Jaehyun was physically here beside you.
“I miss him so much,” you whisper.
“Yeah.”
It’s difficult for Jungkook to respond with anything else when no words exist to truly capture what it’s like living without him.
“Everyday I find something new to miss about him. Like yesterday, I remembered how he would always squish my cheeks and shout ‘kawaii’ whenever I did something cute.” A deep, solemn sigh makes your chest rise and fall. “I always pretended it was irritating, but I would give anything to hear him do it again. Even just one more time.”
Jungkook hums in response before an idea flickers inside his head and he sits up to face you.
“Close your eyes,” he instructs.
“Why?”
You look skeptical, so he flashes an encouraging grin in your direction.
“Just trust me.”
Although you’re hesitant, you soon straighten your spine and shut your eyes.
Jungkook takes a second to survey your features without you seeing him do so. Being around you brings him more peace than anything else in the world and he’s just grateful to be sitting here in front of you.
He recalls almost nine months ago on the morning of the funeral when he spoke to you as himself to cheer you up. It made you feel better back then and he hopes it’ll do the same today.
His twin used to do this to you all the time, so Jungkook remembers his exact tone of voice and mannerisms.
Following the short reverie, he inhales and gently clutches your cheeks with one hand. He ignores the questioning glance you shoot him. Although, he can’t deny how cute you look with your face all scrunched up.
After another deep breath, he focuses on his memories of Jaehyun before wiggling your head back and forth.
“Kawaii!” He mockingly cheers to imitate his brother.
You immediately beam brighter than the sun as your eyes fly open and a laugh rises from deep in your belly. Jungkook shares in your giddiness, but he also notices fresh tears falling down just above his fingertips.
“That was spot on,” you assure him.
Before letting your face go, he wipes away the droplets on your cheeks.
“It helps when you have the same voice.” Jungkook feels a sense of accomplishment when you chuckle and your smile persists. “I’ll do that for you anytime you want, Y/N. Other stuff, too, if you think of it.” He lays his hand over your own where it’s resting on your thigh. “Just because I’m not pretending to be him anymore doesn’t mean I can’t help keep his spirit alive.”
The grin on your lips broadens.
“I think I’d like that.”
A silent calm moves through the air and settles over the scene. Even with all the grief and pain between you, it’s clear you both agree about wanting to fix what’s been broken.
Jungkook still can’t really believe it. He also doesn’t feel like it’s what he deserves, but he isn’t going to question you. His actions already ripped away your independence and free will, whether initially good intentioned or not. So he’s ready to simply stand by your side and follow your lead.
“I’m really happy to have you back. I missed you so much when I thought you were dead.” You rest your free hand on the growing pile of appendages and squeeze, leading him to complete the stack. “My Kookie.”
Your familiar, effervescent smile could heal even his deepest wounds all on its own. Not to mention hearing his nickname pass through your lips again after so long.
“I missed you, too.” He lets go of your hand so he can tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. “My sweet Cupcake.”
By now you’re both grinning like little kids as you rest your head in his open palm.
You two stay in the cemetery for a little while longer; sharing memories of Jaehyun, catching up some more, and reminiscing about your lives together so far. Jungkook further explains his feelings for you by detailing how contradictory they are at times. In return, you open up about your experience while he was pretending to be your husband and how you’ve been coping with the truth since.
For instance, how it would give you pause whenever he’d slip up, but you could always think of more logical reasons for his actions than him not being Jaehyun. And it was only once you were faced with the indisputable fact of a miscarriage that you couldn’t deny it any longer.
As you said the night you found out, you needed Jaehyun to be alive, so as long as your brain could rationalize his behavior, you weren’t going to question him.
You elaborate about how your doubts were subconscious, rather than something running through your head all the time. Jungkook’s someone you trusted, and you also had no idea he had feelings for you, so accusing him of taking your husband’s place was the last thought on your mind.
In terms of afterwards, you tell him every day’s a different story. Most are full of despair, others are confusing, but sometimes you feel at peace.
Jungkook actually chooses to remain even after you head home for the evening. Since the daunting conversation with you is behind him now, there’s only one person left to apologize to.
A few minutes after you leave him alone on the bench, he stands to walk towards the headstone bearing his brother’s name. He hates the sight of it, if he’s being totally honest, because it still doesn’t feel right for Jaehyun to have a grave at all. But he can still admit it’s a gorgeous testament to who his twin was.
“Hey, Jae,” he greets him while sitting cross legged on the ground in front of the monument. “Is this alright? I mean, I’m not sitting on you. Am I? I figured this is more like when I’d throw myself on your bed while you were studying or something.” Of course, there’s no response, but then again he never needed one even when Jaehyun was alive. They could always communicate without words. “I, uh, don’t really know how to start. Apologizing to our folks, Jennie, and even Y/N seemed fairly simply even though I was nervous as hell. But you? I think you’re the person I hurt most of all. I know that sounds terrible considering they’re here and you’re not, but none of them died so I could live.” A couple tears roll down his cheeks, but he doesn’t bother swiping them away. “Y/N’s right. You fucking gave up your life for me and just like always, I was too damn stubborn to accept it. I lost count of how many times you offered to help me over the years, in a million different ways, and I rejected you every time because of my own insecurities. I should’ve been shouting from the rooftops about what you did for me. Telling everyone I came across how my brother chose to leave everything behind; his accomplishments, his family, the love of his life, just so I’d survive. But instead I threw your sacrifice away like it meant nothing.” He’s crying much harder now, leaving him no choice but to use his sleeve so he can still see. “I’m so sorry, Jaehyun. I messed up. I betrayed you. Before your wedding you made me promise to take care of Y/N if something ever happened, and I fucking failed you.” It takes Jungkook a moment to catch his breath, but then he places his hand on the tombstone, right over where the word “brother” is engraved. “I swear to you I’ll uphold that promise from now on and forevermore. I’ll do it right this time; watch over her as myself instead of pretending to be something I’m not. And we can… we can talk about the feelings stuff another time. I’m actually a little peeved you kept that shit to yourself. But anyway, I know you might not be able to forgive me yet and I understand. I just hope by the time we meet again, you’ll welcome me with open arms.” Jungkook stares at the lettering while blinking back more tears before his emotions propel him forward until his forehead meets the stone. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” He sighs and forces his eyes shut, trying to picture his twin sitting across from him. “I’m gonna live the best life possible, Jae. As me. For you. For both of us.”
Maybe he’s crazy, or sleep deprived, but he swears he hears a faint echo of his twin’s laughter, almost like his response to Jungkook’s apology is: “Of course, I forgive you, you loveable idiot.”
He misses Jaehyun more than any words in the multitude of human languages that exist can describe. His life will always feel like something's missing, but he’s also certain there isn’t a single step he’ll take where his brother won’t be right beside him.
After that night, you and Jungkook begin to rebuild your relationship brick by brick through visits to each other’s homes or the bakery, running errands together, and going on adventures you never have before. Including you finally teaching him how to figure skate and him taking you on your first ever motorcycle ride. You also try deep sea fishing off Jeju Island, hiking Dobongsan Mountain, and even a weekend trip to Japan.
It’s all strictly platonic, but just like the last decade and a half, Jungkook doesn’t mind. He’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes, and he won’t complain even if you end up never wanting more. Simply being in your life is all he needs and without his better half, your friendship means more to him than ever before.
About eighteen months later, three months after the second anniversary of Jaehyun’s death, you finally ask Jungkook if he’s interested in testing more romantic waters with you. To no one’s surprise, he enthusiastically accepts without hesitation.
You both agree on upholding the deal you made in the cemetery to start from scratch. Jungkook even goes the extra mile by deleting your contact from his phone. His antics send your eyes rolling back, but there’s also an endeared grin on your lips while you re-input your number.
The day of your first date goes by way too fast. Jungkook swears he just woke up and yet when he checks the clock, it’s already time to get ready. Perhaps it’s because he’s more anxious about tonight than he’s ever been in his entire life.
There’s honestly no reason to be. You’re his oldest, dearest friend and you always have fun together no matter what you choose to do. Although even that knowledge doesn’t stop his fingers from shaking as he buttons up his shirt and throws on a coat.
His new apartment is close enough to the restaurant to walk, so he decides to let the fresh air calm his nervous system.
He arrives ten minutes before the agreed upon time, but he’s thankful because even after the brief stroll, he needs a second to slow his racing heartbeat and quiet his mind.
Jungkook dives face first into the menu as a distraction while he waits. Except it’s hardly any use because he ends up deciding on all his courses within the first five minutes.
His leg incessantly bounces beneath the table before he holds his knee down to stop the movement. That’s when he decides to pray to whoever might be listening to save him from sweating through his clothes.
If anyone, he believes Jaehyun’s watching over him. Sometimes he’s positive he can sense his twin beside him or hear his voice in his ear. It’s comforting, even if it might very well be all in his head.
He hopes Jaehyun isn’t upset with him. If he’s still pissed about what Jungkook did immediately following his death, that’s reasonable. What he doesn’t want is for his brother to be angry at him for moving on with you.
Jungkook’s fully aware he’ll never be able to replace Jaehyun, nor would he want to. His twin wasn’t just your first love, but the love of your life.
Now, that doesn't mean you and Jungkook can’t live a long, happy life together full of devotion. Because if he learned anything from his mistakes, it's that love can manifest in multiple different forms, none of which are any less than another.
He’s too deep in his reverie to hear the footsteps approaching his table. It takes someone rapping their knuckles against the wood and speaking to grab his attention.
“You must be Jungkook.”
The familiar, yet distant phrase forces his gaze away from the menu as his head slowly lifts to reveal the person standing across from him.
You’re smiling, but as soon as your eyes meet, it becomes a smirk while you playfully tilt your head to one side.
Perhaps it won’t make sense to anyone else, but you somehow look identical to when you two first met and entirely different. Your brilliance, charisma, and beautiful features are all the same, but it’s also clear you’re older, wiser, and more refined.
All Jungkook can think about is how lucky he is to be able to witness so many versions of you. He wishes Jaehyun had the same opportunity, but he’s certain his twin is always admiring you from above. Just as he did every day of his life here on earth.
The memory your words trigger in his brain instantly paints a huge smile on his face and elicits a warm, nostalgic chuckle as he maintains your eye contact.
Despite it feeling like almost a whole other lifetime, Jungkook knows precisely how to reply.
“You must be Y/N, then.”
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