a @adreamofmagicaltorment - Tumblr Blog

just a peek

i cling to you

like hotel sheets in the dark—

wrinkled, damp with needing,

fingers curled

like i'm bracing for an earthquake.

you say you see me.

you say you believe in me.

you say you love me.

(i almost believe it too).

i offer myself in fragments—

little performances of trust,

stripped-down moments

where i kneel in silence,

hoping submission

might feel like safety.

but don’t ask me to stay soft too long.

i flinch when it’s calm.

i wait for the turn.

i let you peek

behind curtains i stitched shut

with blood and boundary,

into a heart that doesn't know

if it's a cage or a cathedral.

just a peek, though.

never the whole thing.

if you saw all of me—

you might run,

and worse,

i’d let you.

#poetry #poets on tumblr #spilled poetry #writeblr #romantic aesthetic #literature #d/s sub #submit #fear #poetic #writing #art

paper-wounds

the girl that lives inside me

the girl that lives inside me still hums church hymns in the dark. her knees bruised from pews, not playgrounds. she prays like a habit— or maybe a haunt.

she retreats into pink rooms and plastic tea sets, lace socks and lullabies sung in voices softer than the ones that hurt her. mama watches from the hallway, smelling like perfume and punishment.

they told me i was mature for my age. but no one asked if i wanted to grow up in bloodstained sheets.

i was holy, once. little lamb, white tights, skipping through scripture. then came the wolves.

i wear red lipstick like armor now, drag smoke into lungs that once breathed in only bubblegum and bedtime stories.

everyone talks about daddy issues, but mine doesn’t speak. just silence and static through phone lines and memory.

mother would would call me "damaged goods," but fuck her. she drank her demons i cradle mine like a doll missing an eye.

and still, there’s that girl inside me. she lives in glitter and grape juice, asks me if we’ll ever be clean. asks if god still sees us underneath the dirt.

i hold her hand in the mirror, whisper: you were never the sin. they were.

#poetry #poets on tumblr #spilled poetry #writeblr #literature #poetic #poets corner #my writing #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #healing #living with cptsd #ptsd #bordeline #borderline personality disorder #bipolar disorder

Surrender

surrendering myself to you

is not effortless—

it's a ritual of quiet violence.

i peel myself back,

layer by trembling layer,

offering soft, trembling parts

as if love were a surgery

and i the willing patient.

i hand you pieces—

my mother’s voice,

the ghost of a girl i used to be,

my trembling little heart in its paper-thin shell—

and i ask,

please, be gentle.

like a child clutching a daisy,

its stem bruised under tiny fingers.

but you take them

fast,

hungry,

as if love were a starving thing.

you don’t pause to see

what it costs me

to open like this.

and then, the ache—

the post-op nausea of wondering

what i did wrong.

did i laugh too loud?

did i say too much?

did i seem too eager, too sad, too anything?

i become an actress in my own skin,

rewriting my lines

to please an audience

that may never clap.

i want you to think i’m perfect—

a portrait under glass,

untouched by time or sorrow—

because if you see the cracks,

if you hear the echo in my hollow parts,

will the illusion dissolve?

will you disappear?

and maybe that’s the tragedy:

not that i’m trying to fool you—

but that i’ve been trying

to fool myself

all along

#poets on tumblr #poetic #poetry #his submisive #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd splitting #spilled poetry #my writing #writeblr #romantic aesthetic #surrender #love quotes #literature

saddi3grl

bittersweetresilience

one of my favorite things to do in limited perspective is write sentences about the things someone doesn't do. he doesn't open his eyes. he doesn't reach out. i LOVE sentences like that. if it's describing the narrator, it's a reflection of their desires, something they're holding themselves back from. there's a tension between urge and action. it makes you ask why they wanted or felt compelled to do that, and also why they ultimately didn't. and if it's describing someone else, it tells you about the narrator's expectations. how they perceive that other person or their relationship. what they thought the other person was going to do, or thought the other person should have done, but failed to. negative action sentences are everything.