Adrian, 24. Migrated to the camps from New York. He has been paired with the beautiful Emma Montgomery. One stupid mistake caused him to lose everything. All he wants is gain her trust, and prove he is not the man his actions show him to be.
Adrian stumbled to his knees as two guards released him. His shaggy hair hung in front of his face. Blood trickled from his lip.
“Now Adrian, was that really necessary?” Delilah stood in front of him with a smirk on her face. Adrian struggled to attack her, but the ropes around his wrists were tight, and the guards behind him grabbed his arms and threw him to he floor. “I think you misunderstand my kindness. I brought you here for a... business opportunity, you could say.”
You can shove it up your ass. I'm not one of your puppets anymore. Kill me if you want,” Adrian grinned at the woman. He didn't want to die today, but he knew it would end that way. “I have no reason...”
“Don't be so quick to decline,” Delilah interrupted “I believe I may have found a motivator for you.” A confused look fell across Adrian's face. Delilah motioned behind her and a female guard stepped in. Adrian's eyes grew in disbelief “How old is she now Adrian? Must be a couple months, am I right?” Delilah's smile grew.
“No!” Adrian screamed, “you can't, she... was in the...”
“The Rebel Camp. Yes, she was. Until Emma took the kids out alone for a walk. Convenient timing, I think.” Adrian fought against the guards. “Be careful now, Adrian. You may be able to take... what was her name? Something odd, no matter, you may escape with your child, but could you find Emma and Joshua in time?” Realization hit Adrian. Delilah knew she had won, and Adrian knew he would do whatever she told him to.
“Fine. I'll hear you out. Just... Can I please have my baby girl?” Adrian pleaded. It killed him to watch that woman touch his baby.
“You have done nothing to ensure my confidence in you!” Delilah snapped at him. “I believed in you. I placed you and Emma in a home together, I allowed you to be a family, and look at your repayment. You have spat on my kindness, and now you're asking me a favor? Ha!”
It took Adrian everything he had to remain calm. “I know my actions have not shown you loyalty, but she is my daughter. You have all the cards, I only ask to hold her while we talk.”
Delilah pondered his request, “I won't have to worry about you pulling a Houdini?”
“Of course not.” Delilah motioned and a guard cut Adrian loose. He rubbed at his wrists, sore from rope burn. With another movement of her arm the guard holding Tallulah walked to Adrian and held her out. He grabbed her tight, pulling her against his body. “It's okay, Lulu. Daddy's got you.”
“Shall we?” Delilah beamed, motioning to a table and chairs. Hesitantly Adrian sat in the one intended for him and waited for Delilah to talk. “I need a ship.” She began, saying it bluntly.
“A ship?” Adrian was honestly baffled by her request. He shifted Lulu on his nap.
“That is what I said. I do not appreciate ignorance. I have few men capable of building a ship and only one of designing one.” The woman motioned to him.
“I cannot. I know nothing about ships.” Adrian was being honest.
“You can learn. You know the math, the art to building. You will be supplied a team. The rest are only details.”
“You're serious? A ship. That is absurd. It's a pointless task. It'll take half the timber! There will be no wood to burn!” Adrian became angry at her carelessness.
“Shut up!” Delilah screamed. “You know nothing!” The woman stood, enraged. After a moment she calmed herself and sat down. “The crop was poor this year. Frost killed off half of it. We will survive, this year. But we will be short on seeds. If we have another rough year we will be dead. There is no other option.”
“Why should I care? My family is not fed from you fields.” Adrian spat, instantly regretting it.
“You ignorant fool! Do not forget, I have one half of your family in my care, but in answer to you stupid question do you not think my citizens will become angry, steal you crops, fight your people? None of us want that.”
“I will build the ship, but I want my family safe. Not locked up.” Adrian knew he was pushing his luck, but if he could get one thing that would be it.
“They will be given a home in A, close to the Administration buildings, of course. Joshua will return to school, like a child his age should. Emma and the children will have health care, and food. They will be like ever other citizen, except the will not be allowed to leave A.”
“Will I get to see them?” Adrian glanced down at the now sleeping baby in his arms.
“That depends on you. If there continues to be progress made and I'm happy with you behavior, yes. You'll be going to be gone so long, it's only fair you see them occasionally until then.”
“Until then?” Adrian gave the woman a puzzled look.
“Well sure. The mission could take months. Sailing isn't the quickest way to travel.”
“I'm not... I can't... leave.” Adrian stumbled over his words, unsure what to say.
“I couldn't have you build a boat you wouldn't sail on.” Delilah tapped her finger against the table, seeming amused.
“Couldn't my family at least come along?” Adrian didn't even know if he liked that option, but he wanted it.
“No, no.” She looked as if she were about to laugh. “That would gie you a reason to not come back.”
!”Why should I come back anyways? Not kill the entire crew?” Adrian growled his words.
“Other than the fact I can crush that sweet little baby of yours at any time, I'll be sending a friend along with you.” She said the words with a large smile.
“Great. My own mindless bodyguard. Who's it gonna be?”
“She's here right now, why don't we bring her in?” Adrian was surprised that Delilah said 'she,' his curiosity was legitimate now.
When the door opened he was immediately drawn to the golden waves of hair, “Crystal?” She was probably the last person he expected to see. The blonde sat between the two of them. He tried to avoid her face and looked straight at Delilah. He knew Crystal wouldn't want to leave the camp. He didn't want her to. Here she was safe. The ship may never make it back. He knew Delilah wouldn't care about that. Tor whatever reason she chose Crystal, she already knew the girl may die. “You think this girl could keep an eye on me for an entire journey, she can't hold on to a man for more than a night. I'd leave her on the first hunk of ice we come across. You're going to have to do better than that.” Adrian kept his eyes straight ahead, he didn't want to see Crystal's face, but he hoped she knew he never thought that about her.
“I'll make this clear, Adrian, because I'm getting tired of the small talk. You will build a ship, you will sail on the ship, you will play nice with Crystal. If you don't do exactly what I've said, you know what will happen. This gentleman will show you out.” Each word she said was pronounced sharp and clear.
Adrian nodded to the Leader and stood, waiting for the guard to lead him and Lulu out. For just a second Adrian glanced t Crystal. There was a guilty look in his eyes. The last time he had seen her was when he told her he was leaving the camp for good. They had both thought they would never see the other again, but now she was here, and was about to become a very big part of her life.
I didn't think I'd like you, because you made mom sad. And those people told me that you were bad. Then Dad told me that you'd be so small, and you would need help to grow big and tall. A super hero's job to protect you, now I only hope that you'll like me too.
As I hold your hand in mine
I lose a bit of myself to you.
You are all I thought you'd be,
and so much more,
my little princess.
Nothing could have prepared me
for the love I have,
or the fears that have been born,
alongside you.
One thing is clear
you have stolen my heart,
my sweet Lulu.
Did I say anything about waiting? If the moment comes ..it comes. Though they do say all work no play made Jack a dull boy, and as fatherly as you may be Adrian Reynolds, you are not dull.
Believe it or not, No. I used to avoid people and I wasn’t very popular, so… thank you - cheesy or not. I try. It’s what my father would want. Well, it’s what the guards and those in the camps are calling us, but I guess if you don’t understand what we are then it’s hard to name us… I get it, I do, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Yeah, that’s the only problem in this world, we have to think more tactical than we do personal. I’m sorry for whatever we did that you can’t forgive and I can only hope that one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive us, and accept our greatest apologies.
I… I promise to try… one day. I do. I just - I guess I need to find the courage in myself to face that fear. I’m so afraid that there’s going to be nothing out there… y’know? It’s not a waste of time if it means something to you, Adrian. Never a waste of time. Don’t worry - death is not on my agenda for the next few years… or the next couple of decades. I appreciate the offer as well.
It is hard to believe. You've done a lot of growing since then. I think your father would be proud of you, if he saw everything you're doing, and the women you've become. People are hateful, it doesn't matter what makes you different, they will find something hateful to say, it's no different for you guys. No... Renee, it isn't you. I... uh, knew someone from your camp from the travel here... I guess I'm still mad at him, maybe I shouldn't be... But he was like a brother, I thought he was dead.
I understand. Of course. It would be terrifying to go out alone, and I'd hate to even ask that of you. Maybe once things have settled down a team could go, it'd slow you down, but you wouldn't have to face the fear alone. I don't know, something to worry about later I guess. I'll keep hanging in there, for her and our kids. Things could get better, I should stay positive. Good, I think this group needs you, and it's no problem. We all need friends.
I know, thanks. You know Addy, if Emma and the munchkin begin to ..ware on you, I’m never to far away. We could go on a little hike, something to clear your mind.
Babies shouldn’t have babies, and you angel face, are a definite babe. I think you love Emma for who she was. Girls get different when they have children, you’ll never be the most important thing to her ever again.
Adrian struggled the rest of the way to their tent, stopping more often than before to rest, or move Emma. Joshua seemed worried, but followed Adrian without question, not that he would allow any at this moment. Thoughts of the guards, the men, that Adrian had killed kept coming to his mind. Once Adrian had Emma inside the tent, he laid her down and sunk to his knees. Joshua was in his face right away. "What happened to momma? Is my baby okay?" Much to Adrian's regret he let out an irritated sigh, but quickly tried to correct himself. "Mom's going to get better. She had some medicine that made her really sleepy, and as far as I can tell the baby is just fine. A Doctor's going to come see them in a little bit. Now, Joshua, I need you to go play for a bit. We're safe here." The child was about to argue, but Adrian gave him a cold stare. Reluctantly, Joshua left the tent. Adrian felt guilty about making Joshua leave, but he couldn't handle another thing. He walked to Emma and stood over her sleeping face. He didn't know what they were, or even what he wanted them to be, but he knew he loved her, and their baby. Adrian laid one palm softly on her cheek, smoothing down her hair. "Emma, can you hear me? You're safe now, it's all okay, just please talk to me."
Emma
Adrian
Seeing the look on Emma's face stopped Adrian in his tracks. He hadn't thought of how his small episode would effect Emma. "Em, I'm sorry, shh, don't worry." He touched his fingertips to his forehead, trying to sort out what needed to be done. His hands followed hers to her stomach. A small smile played at his lips as he touched the round belly where his baby grew. Since learning of the pregnancy he had been able to do this only a couple times. "You have to calm down first, you're gonna scare Little Bean." Adrian laid his hands flat, trying to feel as much of the baby as he could. "Hey there little one, it's Daddy. How are you doing in there?" He waited patiently, praying to whoever would listen that his unborn baby was healthy.
Emma
Emma listened to Adrian and tried to calm her breathing. She needed to calm down. She nodded, showing that she understood and placed her hands on either side of his. For what seemed like ages she felt nothing and her body grew numb. She was just about to sink back into the bed, tears pricking her eyes when she felt a little kick. She took a sharp inhale and the tears broke free, but they were tears of joy now. She tore her gaze from the stomach to Adrian's face and gave him a smile. "Did you, did you feel that?"
Adrian
While Adrian waited he watched Emma's face change and a panic slowly built in him. He wished that he had called a doctor in, made someone else wait through the torture, but finally, he felt patters against his palms. A grin swept across his face, Adrian's hands flew up to Emma's cheeks, and he pulled her forehead to his lips giving her a simple kiss. "I did, our baby's fine. Our Little Bean is healthy." Adrian sunk to his knees, a laughter escaped him. He continued, his head shaking from side to side bordering the edge of hysterical.
Emma
Emma gave a light laugh and squeezed Adrian's hand. She watched Adrian as he sank to his knees. She was thankful that he still cared, though it was probably more for their child then herself. But she would take what she could get. Her smile seemed to fade a little though when Adrian's laugh turned a little hysterical. Her brows furrowed and she placed a hand lightly on his shaking shoulders. Emma had finally come to all the way and now that her worry about the child inside her had been calmed her worry for Adrian grew. She finally got a chance to really think about what had happened to her and the more she thought about it the more she marveled at the fact that Adrian had been able to rescue her. He must have had to do some terrible things to get past all those guards. "I'm sorry Adrian. I should have been able to stop them. This never would have happened if I'd been stronger."
Adrian
Adrian lifted one arm and crossed it over his body, placing his hand on Emma's. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He didn't want Emma to worry, she had been through so much. "I'm so sorry Emma. Just seeing you and knowing you're okay, knowing the baby's okay. When I found out you were gone I wasn't sure I'd ever see you or our baby again. It was the only thing I cared about," Adrian paused, finding Emma's eyes "I would have done anything for you to be safe." His voice came out as a whisper. Adrian bit his lip, pushing away the thoughts of the men he killed. Adrian shook his head as he released a sharp breath, “Emma, you did great. You kept yourself safe, the baby safe.” Adrian's voice took on a sarcastic tone. “What were you supposed to do? Kill fourteen guards alone, while pregnant, with a wooden spoon?”
Emma
Emma searched Adrian's face as he talked. He was telling the truth, but there was something behind his eyes that made her worry. It seemed like he was battling with something. Emma would have pushed at it had they not been so rocky lately. She took her free hand and brushed away some grim that was on his face. "Thank you, Adrian. I know I haven't done much lately to be proud of, but still you came to save us," she paused and looked down. She took a breath to gather her courage and looked at him again. "I tried so hard to keep them safe, Adrian. I tried so hard to be a good mom. But you came through for us like you always do. Thank you," she leaned forward so that their foreheads touched. "Thank you for everything" Emma's eyes grew wide at Adrian's words. "Did..did you have to fight off and kill fourteen guards?" Emma sucked in a breath as she imagined Adrian having to plow through all those guards and doctors to get to her. "You did better," Emma whispered. She watched Adrian and his slow retreat away from her. "Adrian," Emma said, trying to use her persuasive voice. She didn't want to push this and push him away, but she'd known him from four years and she could see something was gnawing at him. "Please, tell me what is wrong?" she asked.
Adrian
“I was not alone, or pregnant, nor did I do it with a wooden spoon... And two of them got away." His words had told her what he'd done, but he didn't truly want her to know. He worried she would see him as a murderer, which was how he saw himself. "Not better. I did what I had to and you did what you had to." When Emma began to press, Adrian fought between closing himself off and opening himself up. He wondered if she knew that she was part of his problem, not that he blamed it on her. Adrian released a sigh "what isn't wrong, Emma? A year ago we were happy, I regularly talked with the same men I killed today, I had a job that took care of all of us, and had you by some off chance gotten pregnant, we would have been ecstatic." Adrian stood and began to pace as he always did when he was nervous. "Now I can't even protect you." He stopped moving to look at her. "I killed people. Men that had wives and kids, who probably deserved to live a lot more than me."
Emma
Emma took in the information that Adrian had indeed killed people to get to her. She felt like she should be surprised, disgusted by these facts, but she found she didn't care. Her trump card had always been her family, and as long as her family was safe, as awful as this sounded, even to her, she didn't care who had to die. Especially when those people were the people who worked for the administration. Adrian was the same way. He was, for the most part, a lover, not a fighter, but for him, family came first. Josh, this little one, they were his top priority and in the moment the people who stood in his way had had to be eliminated. She felt a wave of shame pass through her as he talked about how happy they had been. It was true, they had been, but Emma know that had she gotten pregnant any time something like this would have happened. "Adrian, as much as I'd love to believe that, under different circumstances, had a pregnancy happened I would have been a glowing mother telling everyone, I just don't think that would have happened. As long as X was around I would have feared for their safety. I'm prone to the paranoia and depression when pregnant. It happened with Josh. Don't let yourself for a second think any of this is your fault. You protected all of us very well, Adrian. You were there for Josh when I wasn't," a tear ran down her cheek as she remembered how awful she'd been. "You, you gave me the space I needed to feel safe, and lastly, you risked your life to come save me and the baby when we were in trouble. You've done everything anyone could possibly imagined and more. And never believe that any of those men deserved anything more then you do."
Adrian
Emma's words comforted him in a way, but left him feeling sad. Adrian wanted to feel that all of it was his fault, true or not, because that meant that he could fix it. The more things went wrong, the more he wanted to fix it, and he would continue doing everything in his power to do that, no matter what Emma said. It was his fault, his responsibility, and he was going to fix it, somehow. "Emma, I don't know what you're feeling. I want to understand. I've tried, for months, even before I learned about our baby, but I don't know what to do. I should be able to make you feel safe, and I'm sorry that I failed." Adrian wiped away Emma's tear with his thumb and wrapped one arm around her back, giving her the choice to pull away if she didn't want to be touched. "My life would be worth nothing without you and the baby. I haven't. Emma, how could you even think to say that. I let them take Joshua, it's my fault that Josh is... different, and that you fell into depression. Hell, I'm the one that got you pregnant at the worst possible time. And I wasn't there to protect today when they took you. I knew how scared you were, but I wasn't there to let you know it was going to be okay."
Emma
Emma rolled her eyes and scoffed at herself. "I wish I could put it into words, Adrian. That would make everything so much easier. But when I try I end up sound like a crazy person. Which starts making me think I really am going crazy and then I just try and shut up. You have done everything you could. You didn't press me when I started to become withdrawn, unlike what most people would have done in that situation. I just, I just thought it was safest that way. I'm not so sure if it was in the long run, seeing how what I had tried to prevent from happening happened." Emma took a breath. "I haven't felt completely safe since X came into power and there is nothing you could have done to stop that from happening." Emma looked at Adrian, searching his face, for what, she wasn't sure. "Adrian, we both let them take Josh. That was both of us. And yes, you got me pregnant, but if I memory serves, I enjoyed that night to the fullest and it takes two people to get pregnant. You can't help what happens to me when I get pregnant. It's my wiring, Adrian. I'm wired wrong," she struggled to get the last part out. "You can't be next to me 24/7. It just can't happen, and when you realized I was gone you risked.your.life. to save me" Emma emphasized the last part.
Adrian
Adrian tried to choose his words as carefully as possible. While he didn't want to lie to her to make her feel better, he also didn't want to bring her down. “It wasn't the safest thing, but it worked out. Sometimes things happen all backwards, and that was one of those things. I know she scares you, the whole administration. You never have to go back there. We'll take her down and I'll build you a house right here; one with locks and heavy doors. You'll have no reason to worry.” Adrian gave her a small smile. He used to tell her of the kind of house he would build, before Delilah took over and stole their dreams. “That was a pretty good night... You are not wired wrong. Don't say those things about yourself, Emma! Look at all the things you've done, how can you put yourself down like that? I would do anything for you.” Adrian looked at the ground, his final words had slipped out. He wished to take them back, he had been doing so well at leaving emotions out of the mix, and now they seemed to rush back.
Emma
Emma was shaking. She just couldn't believe the things he was saying. She wanted to. God,did she want to believe him. But the little nagging voice in her mind told her none of what he was saying could be true. "I'm only saying what's true. Look at me, Adrian. I'm a completely other person then the women you fell in love with. I'm crazy. I'm not a good mother. How could you still love me after all of this? I don't deserve any of that. I don't deserve your heart or your love the way I am now." Tears were streaming down her face as quickly as words were coming out of her mouth. It was hard to understand what she was saying she was sobbing so hard now, she had to speak through gasps of breath"You deserve... someone so much.... better then me, Adrian. You... really do."
Adrian
“You haven't changed, not to me.” Adrian stood looking at the only woman he had ever loved and his words were gone. He had no idea what to do, what to say, how he should stand, or if he should console her. Their obstacles seemed piled in front of him, and while before he had wanted to remove the wall a single brick at a time, or give up all together, as he watched her completely heart broken he wanted to break through the wall this very minute, just to see a smile on her face. “Love doesn't work that way, I think you know that deep down. It's not logical, I don't have a point system that tells me how much I can care about you. Family isn't about being perfect or doing everything 'right.' It's about hanging in there when the whole world is against us, when we're the most broken.” Adrian held Emma's face between his hands, wiping her tears away. “Hey now, Emma, you don't need to cry. Please don't think of yourself that way. I think you're strong, caring, fun. You are stunningly beautiful. You're my family.” Emma was the only family Adrian had. He looked at her wondering if he was saying the right things. “I, uh, I know how messed up things have been, but please just trust me. If you can trust me to keep you safe, and Joshua and our new baby I won't let you down.” Adrian was pleading with her. He knew it wouldn't fix everything, they wouldn't magically be back together, or happy, but he could do something and that was a start.
Emma
Emma just sat there taking everything he was saying in. They were words she wanted to hear. He wasn't condemning her for her action. She knew she had messed up, and she hoped he knew that she knew that. That she wanted to make things better. He doesn’t mean it the words hit her like a lightning bolt. Stop it Emma mentally spat at whatever voice was living inside her head. Adrian wouldn’t lie to me. He loves me. Emma turned to Adrian and tried to give him one of her real smiles. One’s that were reserved for the people she cared most about. “Family means nobody gets left behind…..that’s what I always told Josh.” Emma didn’t know how many times she’d quoted that silly movie to her son. The first time had been before the official partner decree by X. She told him that no matter what happened, they would always be a family, she, Adrian and himself. She got teary eyed thinking about Joshua and where he was right now. She should be keeping him by her side always now. She'd failed him again. Adrian hadn’t thought. “Adrian, you have more then proved you are capable of taking care of this family,” And you haven’t. The voice was getting louder by the second and she prayed to god that if nothing else came out of this talk, she at least could keep this hidden from Adrian. She didn’t need him knowing about the yelling match she was having right now.
Adrian
“That's right, Emma.” Adrian smiled at her quote, he had heard her say it to Joshua on several occasions. He loved hearing it, it was a reminder that he was part of something. Even on the days he couldn't stand himself, he loved his family and that kept him moving. Adrian noticed Emma looked a little off. Not in an obvious way, just that her expression wasn't quite right. He worried that she felt ill, or that he had upset her. “Em, are you okay? Is this” he motioned between the two of them, “too much for you? We can wait if we need to. I don't want to upset you.” Adrian felt himself emotionally cringing at his worry for Emma. After all she had been through, he just wanted her to be happy and feel safe. He wanted that for his family.
Emma
Emma shook her head, maybe a little to forcefully, but she didn't want Adrian asking questions. Not about this. She knew she should be honest with him, that's what got them into this mess in the first place, but this was on a whole other level and she was sure that he wouldn't be so forgiving. Lying,that's something she could prove she was sorry for, something she could atone for over time. But crazy? No one could fix crazy. She was the only one who could do anything about it. She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm just tired. I think it's pretty common to be tired at eight months pregnant and even more so after the day we had, you know." She was picking her words very carefully, trying to speak as calmly as she could now that the major crying was over....for now. "Don't worry. It's just been....a lot."
Adrian
"Yeah," Adrian was quick to agree with her. "Of course you are. It's been a tough day. Listen, Em" Adrian tried to gather his thoughts, he worried something else was wrong, but had no reason to push, her answer made sense. It was nothing on the surface that really gave him reason to worry, but a feeling that he got from her. "I know things have been bad. We've all been through stuff, even I... I just want you to know I'll be here... No matter what happens." He let out a breath heavily, frustrated that he wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to tell her that he was messed up, everything had gotten to him, that he was so close to snapping, but he held on. He wanted to say that he knew she felt the same about her depression and paranoia, but that he wouldn't judge her if she came to him for help. There was a lot of things he wished to say, but instead he kept his mouth closed. Sometimes silence was the best choice, he hoped this was one of those times.
Emma
Emma took Adrian's large hands in her own smaller ones. "We will be good," she said. She realized, after it left her mouth it was worded strangely and had a lot more meaning behind it then she'd planned on reveling. Their family would survive, in one way or another. They always seemed to make it, a little more broken then before, but still together. About herself, she wasn't so sure. 'This'll be the last straw' the voice said. 'He can only take so much you before he realizes you aren't worth it.' The voice repeated what she'd told Adrian just moments before. She knew it was only a matter of time before Adrian "woke up" and realized that she wasn't worth the time or effort, but another, much more selfish part of her was holding onto the part of Adrian that still wanted her, crazy or no. That side of her beat both the voice and her insecurities into the corner for the moment. She was going to try and savor the moments they had left until he left. That was all she felt like she could do at the moment.
Adrian
A look of confusion crossed Adrian's face. He wasn't sure if Emma meant the two of them as a couple, or their family in general. Since her pregnancy they had hardly touched, and after it being announced to the entire camp, Adrian didn't know what they were anymore, he wasn't even sure what he wanted them to be. He knew he loved her, but as the old saying goes, love isn't enough. She was changed, he was changed, and he had the feeling that her heart didn't belong to him anymore. So, Adrian did what he did best, he hid his feelings and went along with it. “We will. Things will look up, Emma.” The words came out with a relaxed smile, but inside Adrian's head was turning as the questions came to him.
Emma
Emma was trying really hard to make sense right now. She was afraid that she would repeat something the voices were saying, or worse, respond to them and not Adrian. Emma wanted to prove to him that, despite what she'd done, she still cared about them as not only a family unit, but the two of them, together. During her long months of self insisted isolation one of the things that got her through it was imagining what their family would be like if X had never happened. She knew that she and Adrian would have had children eventually on their own. They would have been so happy. Josh taking over the big brother role and teaching his little sibling everything they needed to know. Emma and and Adrian watching the kids play, completely at ease with the world, or at least what was left of it. Her family growing together, normally. This was what she had been trying to protect. It was her own little rebellion. She couldn't have done anything for the Rebellion's cause in her condition, but she could sure as heck not let the Administration brain wash another child. She knew she loved him, but with everything she'd done did she deserve to be loved back. 'No," was what the voice had been telling her for weeks now. She didn't deserve the happiness she imagined when it came to her and Adrian. If Emma had been paying closer attention, if she hadn't been concentrating so much on not letting the voice out she might have seen the doubt behind Adrian's eyes as he said what he did. But at the moment that small part of her that was still in control only clung to the words he was giving her and she could still hope she hadn't ruined things completely.
Adrian
Adrian watched Emma. She was silent, and he wondered if he had said the wrong thing. He began to move nervously around the tent, just a few steps at a time. Emma's mood seemed to change and Adrian's worries grew. He knew she would only say what she had before, that she was tired and it had been a hard day, and maybe that was the truth, but it didn't stop his worries. He kept thinking about what they had done to Emma in the medical unit, and what Joshua had told him they did to him. He wondered if the Administration was going to take everything he had, and for what? Adrian hadn't outright disobeyed Delilah, he followed their rules, and worked when she needed him. It made him angry to think that they would mess with Emma's head when she was already down. Instead of taking that out on Emma he fumed internally, letting all his hates become buried deep within, and once he felt he was under control he looked at Emma coolly, “maybe you should rest. I could stay close in case you need me, 'kay?”
Emma
Emma wanted to reach out and take Adrian's hand but she knew that would probably be too much so instead she gripped the sheets of the bed she was laying on. She knew she was doing all the wrong things but the voice was getting harder and harder to ignore right now and if she though she was doing bad now, talking to a disembodied voice would be worse. She gave Adrian a tired smile. "That's probably a smart idea. I'll rest." She took a breath. "Yes. Stay close...but go get some fresh air right now. For the both of us. Maybe check on Joshy? Make sure he's not to worried. I'd like to give him a hug to prove I'm alright."...'You'd be lying' The voice said. "Shhh" Emma responded, out loud, but very quietly. She needed to get Adrian to leave. Just for a few minutes so she could fight with the voice on equal terms for at least a little bit.
Adrian
Adrian carried a heavy wool blanket to Emma. One thing he had learned in this pregnancy was that she was always cold and he doubted this time was any different, especially in the tent with little protection from the outside weather. He gave her a gentle smile when she mentioned checking on Joshua, he knew it was just part of their routine. He would always check on Joshua and she would always worry, it seemed something about their life was the same after all. “I'll bring him in for you, yeah?” The smile stayed in place on Adrian's cheeks as he went through the motions. It was as he was preparing to kiss Emma's forward that she whispered. It sounded far away as if she was on the edge of sleep. He imagined her waving him away so she could nap and the smile on his face was now genuine. Even the smallest things about her pulled at his heart. With his thumb, Adrian brushed the stray hair from the woman's face and let his lips touch her forehead momentarily. “Sleep tight, Em.”
Just wanted you to know. Compassion is for the weak of heart.
Do you love her, or do you feel obligated to love her? There’s a difference. You knocked her up, you’ve gotta stay. Such pretenses died with the old world, Adrian. Honesty is the best policy here.
I love her. It has nothing to do with obligations, and I'm going nowhere. I'm excited about being a dad, I'm already one to Joshua. What am I not being honest about?
I don’t pity either one of you, the spill about a rough year is unneeded.
Is the love gone, might I ask? You two were paired well, you were happy, are you no longer so? Surely a woman who loves you would make better effort. Birthdays only come once a year.
The love gone? No, I love Emma very much. We just... well, we've had some problems... We've been through some pretty crazy stuff and we've both made mistakes... It's hard to explain. Emma does what she can, she always has.
When they’re eighteen, they’ll be put into the system also and paired up with someone they might not even know. I don’t want my kid to have to go through that.
