Eye of the beholder @adventuredetermineddistract-blog - Tumblr Blog

I sit listening to sad musicI feel paralyzed I realize it's my subconscious that is speaking to me. My tears are hiddenthis is the forbidden side you see don't seeI am trying to be strongI am tired of feeling wrongeach song makes me feel like I belong. there is a pit in my stomach a lump in my throat that his hard to swallowa card I am dealt and easy to follow.

Don’t step in clover

OUCH!!! stepped on a freaking BEE cries.

starting to break, not sure how much more I can take

lazy

You say I am lazy

my mind is

hazy

maybe I am crazy...

I am on a stand still

till the end of time

being there for my kids

isn’t a crime

Download this song http://smarturl.it/PhantogramVoicesiT Taken from the new album VOICES. Order Phantogram’s new album Voices through their official store: h...

The video for "When I'm Small" from Phantogram's debut full-length Eyelid Movies out on Barsuk Records. Directed by Isaac Ravishankara. See all Phantogram to...

People with ADHD feel emotions more intensely than do people without the condition. For many, difficulty with emotional regulation is one of the most challenging symptoms to manage.

fed soul

My soul has been fed

sometimes I forget to eat

sometimes things are repeated

sends me on a downward spiral and

left depleted.

when my soul has been fed it’s from words

that are said that make me feel whole

again.

I thought

I thought we were in this together... and as a parent we do so many things that we don’t want to do but, it’s a sacrifice we make and there is no turning back... however simply because you have been to the coast before seen it before and it’s “boring” again words that knock the wind out of me. The experiences you are missing with me and the kids I can’t even put into words and I enjoy it but, there is a piece that is missing and it’s you I wish you could see this. Someday I am going to be so lonely ( already am) but, once the kids are grown I am forever alone.

Eiffel 65 - I'm blue

I am dying so funny I don’t think I have ever seen the video good times.

The wind wasn’t physically knocked out of me but, I have the feeling and I can’t breath. My 7 year old daughter said she wishes she doesn’t live here in the loudest screaming voice the reason why is because she wished she had a new daddy one who played with her and took her too the park I wish these words meant something to him he will never get the wind knocked out of him by these words. I know he loves them but, he feels like I can do it all and they will be ok. I am so tired I don’t want to move.

How to fall in love again...

Really why the hell crying ... my heart hurts. I am sitting here reading on how to fall in love again with the man I married almost 12 years ago. In 12 years we have had 3 kids these kids won’t stop growing they are 10, 7 and 2.5. My life is spinning like I am on a ride that I can’t get off.

#brokenheart marriage howtofallinloveagain

I hate sickness

Ugh I remember it fondly a kid puked in front of me in the library at school one day then I puked mortified some 20+ years later 3 kids I still do this hope sickness ends soon and I don’t catch it for real.

My broken camera so this many seem so crazy but, a friend of mine gave me it said it’s an old digital camera and I have no use for it. This camera has been a few family vacations and even took photos for my friends wedding and so many photos of my kids. My heart was broken when it broke. I honestly never take the best care of anything of value and I tried though. I just was so hyper focus on uploading photos I couldn’t hear any of the sounds and chaos that was happening around the house. Everything freezes when I finally get to sit down. Our pup was running around the house and tripped up the cord this poor camera flew on to our hard tile floors. I tried about 500 times maybe to get it to work, over and over and even made it over heated, I was scared to tell my friend even I could never afford something so nice again. She told me a story to put things into prospective for me she said it is just stuff which is why I gave it to you I knew it could bring you joy and that is worth more than what I paid for it. Someone I knew bought a truck for 500.00 from a friend he was so happy and grateful for the deal on the truck that not too much later he totaled the whole thing and barely got hurt. It’s just stuff it’s just a camera but, I obsessed and even cried over it. I even thought about how I could lease one with qvc or get one for Christmas no one would spend that much money on me. So I sought ways to fix it myself even watched videos on it. I have no clue why I took it apart I just did and don’t even want to see what I did to the actually body of it. It just fell apart and crumbled into my hands I took it apart and forgot how to put it back together. I don’t pay attention to details yet I had to get it done to get it fixed would have been more than it’s worth to buy a new lens for it as well... Not too much longer after that and lots of rants and crying on fb to my friends another friend offered a slightly lower model of a nikon a “point” and shoot. I am learning and re-learning how to use it it’s much slower but, I am being more patient with it. She told me she wanted to see me happy again. Things do make me happy but, only for a short while. I have a poem I wrote about why taking pictures is so important to me and not just a hobby. I wrote it down somewhere I’ll have to share it later.

#add broken

I am not a morning person

I am not a morning person and I have three kids I drag my sorry self up out of bed and some how by the magic of coffee to be real it’s a placebo effect I get up. I am still barely functioning. My kids wake up starving and I don’t eat for some reason, I know if I did it would help me focus. It takes till about noon to wake up but, this it’s the rush to nap time then I just want to sit and do nothing. My routines are only for my kids some how I plague myself with the short end of the stick. Breath

scattered

scattered mind is only left in pieces

hard to be normal when parts of me is tattered

the tears and the same from years before

my soul is broken to the core.

#motherhood #sotiredmytiredistired

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