Adventures in Foster Care

Ramblings of a single foster mom.

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Posting this here because I’m ridiculously proud of myself. I feel like I leveled up my “girl mom” game with this hairdo.

Yes, baby girl is still with us. It’s been a little over a year now. There’s no way she’s going home, so I’m hoping she’ll officially and legally become part of our family sometime in 2021. And then I can show you her beautiful face. 😍

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Do you talk to JJ about James and what happened?

I do. He knows James as his brother. We talk about the fact that he died, and that means his body stopped working. I answer his questions as factually and succinctly as I can so I don’t overwhelm him.

I tell him that I think he and James would have been best friends. J.J. tells me that he loves his brother and that he talks to James sometimes when he’s by himself, and I love that he has that relationship with him. I tell him that I believe James watches over us and his spirit likes to be with us, and I think J.J. finds that comforting.

I hope he’ll continue to ask questions and want to learn more about the brother he never got to meet as he gets older. 💙

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Today marks four years since James passed away.

I can’t do any of the usual rituals I’ve done over the past three years to mark the anniversary (thanks COVID), but I have new flowers to place at his grave and a cookout with a few close friends to look forward to this evening.

💙

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J.J. joined me in singing “Twinkle Twinkle” to the baby this evening while she drank her bedtime bottle. My heart felt like it was overflowing. 💗

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J.J.’s current mispronunciation of the word “truck” sounds like a bad word. I’ve seen him scandalize several adults when he talks about his “big trucks.”

We’re working on it...

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Sorry for the lack of updates, all... Being a parent of two and starting a new job and looking for a new house and going back to school for a certificate program... yeah, no one’s busy around here! 😳

Also, I’m not sure how much I’m going to post about Baby Girl because, purely coincidently, her first mom knows two people that I know in real life. It’s a little weird, so I’m trying to stay more quiet online until I get a better sense of things.

As for J.J., he started dance lessons last week and seems to be enjoying them. He’s recently said a couple of cute little kid things I want to remember — “budge” for “fudge” and “Jamuary” instead of “January.” 😂

He also caught me off guard this evening by asking, “Where did I come from?” I explained to him that he grew in Mommy (First Mom)’s belly and when he came out he was a tiny baby — and that’s how everyone starts life. Then he asked where I came from, and I told him I grew in his grandma’s belly and that, when I was a baby, I was even tinier than he was as a baby! I invited him to ask more questions any time, but that was apparently enough for one night.

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I think J.J. likes his new little friend. 😍

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Letting go and saying “hello”

I’ve been pestering my agency staff to give me an update on Parker. I really just want to know that he’s settled in a pre-adoptive home and I’m not going to suddenly get a call that he needs a home – especially if I’ve already accepted placement of another baby, because I just have one more spot. (Two kids are my max.)

So, I texted with my home finder today, and she confirmed that he is in a pre-adoptive home with his brothers through another agency. Which means there’s a zero percent chance Parker will be coming back to my home.

And in the very next text, my home finder told me about a 3-month-old girl coming into care today who needs a home.

Guess who’s stopping at Walmart on her way home this afternoon to pick up diapers?

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Look who got dressed all by himself! Well, with minimal help... I put his shirt over his head, but he finds the sleeves. And he still needs assistance with his jackets.

The jeans stayed on backwards till almost the end of the school day. 🤣

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Parker: The saga continues

I asked my home finder about Parker’s status during a training Wednesday night. As far as she knew, they were still looking for a pre-adoptive home for all three brothers and making contingency plans in case they needed to separate the boys again. She confirmed that I am my agency’s contingency plan for Parker.

She promised to get the latest information at work on Thursday and let me know what she learns. But the latest information wasn’t good - it seems the counties were working with multiple agencies to place the boys, and since the home finders for my agency didn’t have updated information, they assume another agency beat them to the punch.

So this morning, I decided to reach out to Parker’s county worker directly. I emailed her, telling her my understanding of the case as it stands, and reminding her that Parker was thriving in my PRE-ADOPTIVE home during the first three months of his life - and letting her know we would welcome him back with open arms.

Working directly with the county on a placement is a no-no when you’re licensed through an agency, but I decided I’m ok with getting my hand slapped in this case.

Now we wait for more news...

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County worker wrote back with a non-commital, “thank you for your email” response, saying she’d keep me in mind.

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Parker: The saga continues

I asked my home finder about Parker’s status during a training Wednesday night. As far as she knew, they were still looking for a pre-adoptive home for all three brothers and making contingency plans in case they needed to separate the boys again. She confirmed that I am my agency’s contingency plan for Parker.

She promised to get the latest information at work on Thursday and let me know what she learns. But the latest information wasn’t good - it seems the counties were working with multiple agencies to place the boys, and since the home finders for my agency didn’t have updated information, they assume another agency beat them to the punch.

So this morning, I decided to reach out to Parker’s county worker directly. I emailed her, telling her my understanding of the case as it stands, and reminding her that Parker was thriving in my PRE-ADOPTIVE home during the first three months of his life - and letting her know we would welcome him back with open arms.

Working directly with the county on a placement is a no-no when you’re licensed through an agency, but I decided I’m ok with getting my hand slapped in this case.

Now we wait for more news...

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Another season of mites soccer has begun!

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“All about me”

Some highlights from J.J.’s “all about me” worksheet that he did in preschool this week...

- Favorite food: “Pizza”

- Favorite color: “Blue”

- Age: “Big” 😂

- When I grow up, I want to be: “Table” 🤣 (Clearly I have not had enough conversations about careers with him up to this point!)

- My hero is: “Mommy” 🥰🥰🥰

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J.J.’s daycare teacher asked us to send in photos of our kids as babies and how they look today. I love the juxtaposition of these two shots - same sweet face, same beautiful smile, but oh, how that roly-poly baby has stretched out!

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We went apple picking at a local orchard on Sunday. This is one of maybe three apples he snacked on while we were in the trees. The honeycrisp variety, especially, were toddler-approved!

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Me, after nurse weighed and measured J.J. at his checkup today: So, where does he fall on the growth chart?

Nurse: He’s about average for a 4-year-old.

Me: He just turned 3 a few weeks ok.

Nurse: Oh... yeah, he’s a big boy!

———

For the record, he’s in the 92nd percentile for weight and 69th percentile for height. It’s no wonder people keep asking me if he’s starting pre-K this year!

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Parker, revisited

The supervisor for my area asked me today if I’d consider taking Parker and his two brothers. Apparently their pre-adoptive home is not working out. I told her it’s just not possible for me — I’d completely have to upend my life.

I did say I would take Parker back in a heartbeat, but not if the county is going to persist in finding a home for all three boys and we’d just have to say goodbye to him again. J.J. and I are not fans of the revolving door of babies. She confirmed that a placement together was what they’re looking for.

Foster care is so rough... Poor Parker is looking at his third home before he’s even 6 months old! 💔