โ i donโt know what iโm doing with my life, but i know iโm doing it wrong โ
โ i am so cute and bitter โ
โ my life is one part โwaitโ and another part โwhatโ โ
โ my #1 talent is saying stupid things to people and immediately regretting it โ
โ i love sleeping to avoid problems โ
โ i hate myself a lot but i get offended when other people do โ
โ iโm hungrier than the neopet i neglected for nine years โ
โ hit me up if you wanna date a piece of shit โ
โ we need some new and more powerful swears โ
โ i get progressively uglier throughout the day โ
โ iโm so miserable, but i laugh at everything โ
โ i need something that is more than coffee, but less than cocaine โ
โ just because youโre trash doesnโt mean you canโt do great things. itโs called garbage can, not garbage cannot. โ
โ 90 out of 10 people agree that math is fucking lame โ
โ if you think iโm ugly now, you should have seen me in 2009 โ
โ 2010 me would literally be terrified of 2016 me and i love it โ
โ i have a rare skin condition called close the fucking blinds โ
โ hey babe, i made you this mixtape for valentines day. i donโt know many love songs, so itโs just uptown funk 18 times in a row. โ
โ there are people who know me in real life who think iโm straight and thatโs really funny to me โ
โ i was cursed with expensive taste and a low budget โ
โ yo dude i trusted you wtf the fuck? what the fuck?? what the fuck what the โ
โ open flannel shirts and lingerie are the hottest thing and nobody can convince me otherwise โ
โ iโm the weird dad, wine mom, vodka aunt, and gay emo cousin all in one person โ
โ that awful moment when you wake up โ
โ damn haha iโm going to have to deal with that sooner or later โ
โ are we gonna fucking hold hands tonight or what bitch โ
โ people our age have children what the hell i am a children โ
โ i donโt like your clothes. take them off. โ
โ why am i only motivated to sort my life out at 4 am? โ
โ after i die, iโll probably still complain โ
โ people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel โ
โ if i donโt insult you daily, it means i donโt like you โ
โ do something with your life that would make a 1950s straight white man angry โ
โ i need to get laidโฆ to rest. put me in a coffin. let my soul ascend. โ
โ iโm trying to be a better person, but some people are testing me โ
โ iโm overstressed and underfucked โ
โ i canโt wait to be a piece of shit with a bachelors degree โ
โ my emo phase never went away, it just aged like fine wine โ
โ my whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the bitchy comment โ
โ i donโt have time for people who donโt believe in aliens โ
โ the lack of cuddling i am experiencing right now is upsetting โ
โ why do good concert tickets happen to bad people โ
โ i canโt play hard to get iโm already hard to want โ
โ iโm still pissed off about growing up โ
โ if you listen carefully, you can hear me whisper โshut the fuck upโ at least once every five minutes โ
โ when i die i want my heart donated to NASA so they can finally see what a black hole looks like up close โ
โ single and ready to take a 20 hour nap โ
โ write โnothing is set in stoneโ on my grave as both a witty joke and a subtle warning that i will be back โ
โ how do people even put up with me like i canโt even put up with me โ
โ the opening riff to mr. brightside could literally raise me from the dead โ
โ stale cinnamon roll, been in this world too long, too cynical ย โ
โ sorry, iโm poor. i canโt afford to pay attention โ
โ aziz ansariโs voice in the back of my head faintly telling me to treat myself is going to be my downfall โ
โ is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaireโs doorstep? โ
โ my neutral expression makes me look like iโm always in a bad mood which is convenient because itโs usually true โ
โ i never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running you should start running too because something is coming โ
tangentwithtanner
theartofmadeline
blakekathryn
titsay
snowghoul
germansingergirl
origamiaround
gummygunk
