Loved Anyway

Chasing the Father.

[jspark3000]

“If the church isn’t messy, then it’s not a church. That’s why God calls us to be in a body of other people: to endure with those we would never hang out with, to persevere with different preferences, to overcome our loss of patience and our growing frustrations and our silly hang-ups, to really love others when we least want to.There’s no real love that doesn’t push past the initial illusions of perfection. The real kind of love that Jesus aims for is the kind that embraces the ugly underside of our faults and flaws, and looks not at who we should be, but could be.”

— J.S. Park

[jspark3000]

Sometimes I forget to listen. I forget to let a friend be. To tell their whole story and paint their full heart into the air.

I’m too eager to respond with a fix, a solution, a plan. I interrupt the art. I look for a pause to jump in and offer all sorts of articulate banter, when this isn’t what they want. They just want to speak until they’re out of breath, and then meet eyes and feel like they’re okay and understood and not alone. It’s a beautiful thing, and I want to let it happen. I want to let them finish painting in their own words. And then maybe I will understand. — J

[aeonzai]

Your Whisper becomes incredibly loud, when I choose to drown all other voices. Like otherwise, Your Whisper diminishes when I incline my ear to other voices.

What do I want to choose to hear today?

[aeonzai]

Day 99 - Letters to my Father

Morning Dad,

Why the glory?

Why the needed exaltation?

Why the deliberate praise?

In some ways, I fret that question to myself

The needed affirmation falsified into glorification

You deserved it all not because You wanted it

Not because it made You feel good about Yourself

And not in anyway to sustain a pride

But simply because You are

John needed to decrease for You must increase

An ever needed reminder

That I am not; my existence is not about me

Is because You desired me

In all Your mighty ways that You are

I can't help but to boast about You

There's nothing good in me

Yet in confidence that You are my Pops

I gained the affirmation I needed down the bloodline

Ever keep increasing about who You are in me

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

Day 98 - Letters to my Father

Morning Dad,

Just yesterday I was reminded of the truth

Your Son died

Yet He returned

Emulating You, He stood on the shore

Still watching Your followers in their everyday life

Waiting for the moment to bring a miracle

Then You spoke from a 100m

To let down the net I use each day

Like my hands that couldn't contain Your love

So were the fishes that were caught in the net

That same tool didn't break

Because You can use the ordinary

Obeying Your ways

With what I already have

I take it to the other side

To partake in the extraordinary

John 21

With love,

Son

[jayemichaela]

Modernist manuals of writing often conflate story with conflict. This reductionism reflects a culture that inflates aggression and competition while cultivating ignorance of other behavioral options. No narrative of any complexity can be built on or reduced to a single element. Conflict is one kind of behavior. There are others, equally important in any human life, such as relating, finding, losing, bearing, discovering, parting, changing. Change is the universal aspect of all these sources of story. Story is something moving, something happening, something or somebody changing.

Ursula K. Le Guin (via jayemichaela)

[aeonzai]

Day 97 - Letters to my Father

Hey Dad,

In that moment in Your time

The greatest pain and separation

Found in the cup of suffering You offered Him

Not because of the nails, crown of thorns or the cross

But the obedience; to sacrifice

The cup was so significant yet brutal

That I would learn to drink from it

Setting the utmost example to obey

No matter what the cost

Was Your only Son on the Cross

I wanna sit at Your feet

Drink from the cup in Your hands

Lay back against You and breathe

To fill Your heart beat

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

Day 96 - Letters to my Father

Morning Dad,

In John 8:35

You declared that I could leave

I could return to somewhere permanent

Away from vices that called me a friend

No more chains, no longer slaves

To return home, to be a son

To be eternally Yours

In John 9:3

The defected, the blind man from birth

Sentenced by sin

Judged by the flesh

Condemned by man

But You never cease to give hope

You are redemption and salvation

What's broken since birth

You came to make it right again

I was blind but now I see

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

Day 95 - Letters to my Father

Dad,

In the pile if these letters

To You and from You

You kept whispering

In John 1:48

Was it ever important to know he sat under a tree?

But You did, and You knew because You are

To watch me type this letter

To peel at me sitting down with a cup of tea

To know that I am reading what You've given me

At this shop, at this chair

Because You did, and You knew because You are

And in John 5:44

You questioned my belief

Cause You knew You wanted to lavish

Yet I do not understand

In all my ways, seeking through man after man

A praise that delights my heart

When You held the only key

To the gateway of true affirmation and revelation

That I freely receive

As I reach out to You

Hearing whispers from You

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

Day 94 - Letters to my Father

Morning Dad,

As I recount that unfaithful day

It’s been 68 days since I relapsed

Unspeakable joy of tears

Bursting at the seams from my heart

I’m eternally grateful

For that forgiveness and 68 days of breakthrough

I remember how getting caught was so rampant

The eternity I saw was an endless cycle of darkness

But every single day You were faithful

And till this day, pleading that You wouldn’t let go

Till I see You face to face

The walls of my heart You tore down

Rebuilt with You as the cornerstone

The firm foundation of my life

With the master plan in Your hand

I look forward to it’s unfolding

As always, cheers to a life of eternity with You

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

Day 93 - Letters to my Father

Morning Dad,

You reminded me how You orchestrated my life

Like a child, I sat on Your lap at night

I hear Your every word and intonation

You reading every page of a beautiful story

Delighted to hear the most joyful part

Cringing at the unsettled moments to the protagonist

What mattered most was You authoring the book

With every page written coming alive

All for the good for who You really are

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

Day 92 - Letters to my Father

Morning Dad,

In a society where freedom of speech is valued

We pick and choose; what's helpful, what's trash

Words can become everything to a person

But disregarded in a moment

May Your Words never become lesser

In all of Your ways, inside me

Let me hold high in regard in all things from You

Your discipline is as tender as Your love

Your commands are as absolute as Your promises

Your warnings are as valuable as Your wisdom

Whatever You breathe into my ears is life

Help me to listen and understand them full well

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

Day 91 - Letters to my Father

Dad,

Prayers beyond letters

Communication before requests

May I speak to You more than what's recorded

That every little thought, heart burns

Goes to You, because You desire to be involved

To return the call, to respond and to answer

More than a genie, more than a listener

You desire to impart and guide my every step

So let us convene in endless speeches

To hear You breathe and bring life

That I may obey You

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

Day 90 - Letters to my Father

Morning Dad,

Stepping into the new year somehow had always been of no deep significance to me; since we are all on a road towards eternity. But if I could pinpoint with You on this year ahead, let it be primarily this.

To be courageously humble.

“…you are God’s man, so… chase after true holiness, justice, faithfulness, love, hope, and tender humility.”

- 1 Timothy 6:11 (TPT)

For a huge part of my life. Sharing my emotional experience and what seems like the downright dirty ugly content, often remains a secret. Not because I didn’t want to but it didn’t seem right for me to be so weak, not being up to the standard of what others think I could have been and perhaps no one seems to really understand. Being vulnerable and picking up that little strength to share what I deemed shameful wasn’t a very pleasant experience always for me either. I had false expectations of people knowing how to handle what was broken in me.

Even so, Your reckless love always has a way to reach the deepest and darkest places; the unknown in the Johari window. Help me to have courage in my honesty and not be afraid of sharing how I feel and what I’ve done. Save me from being a people pleaser. Undo me when I don’t understand as I keep seeking.

There’s no shadow You won’t light up

Mountain You won’t climb up

There’s no wall You won’t kick down

Lie You won’t tear down

Coming after me

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

Day 89 - Letters to my Father

Dear Dad,

A summative writing of what You’ve done in 2017 does not shed the full nature of how You are at work in my life but may it still bring You the greatest glory cause You are all that You are.

You taught me that You give and take away

Being told to step down from leadership wasn’t ripping off who I really am(and perhaps it really did). The title I was so comfortable with could be the very lens that fashioned the way I served You. And You reminded me that the core of it was the heart for Your people; something that has rekindled with a new purpose that need not be defined by a status of leadership. You took away the earthly authority to restore the authority that You have over my life and I’m glad to have that.

You challenged me to go the distance for us

For a world that has made boundaries seamless, we tread on dangerous grounds not knowing what is absolute light in the dark. It is almost too scary that we feel when we can be both when really, we are all called to the light. I had to make hard decisions in friendships and secret life that there’s clear distinction to how much You matter to me and the choices that I make in my life. Because You gave up Your Son to have me, I too can give up the world to have You.

You opened my eyes to the process

In a quick fix society, I lost sight of what You keep doing through time. Some You make it happen in an instant, some You patiently wait in good timing. In our most recent trip together in Tacloban, it was the most compelling partnership I’ve witness till date. How You brought the idea, empowered me and reframed my heart for the Great Commission. Sitting with these people, listening to them was pivotal to knowing how Your word can reach their hearts. You didn’t just want salvation; You wanted a relationship. Making disciples is a journey; stepping into people’s lives to have conversations about their God-given purpose.

There’s so much to write but so little time. But leaving these letter prints are evidences of the fingerprints over my life. What would I do without You when restoration was difficult, accountability was messy but Your love was patient, Your mercy unwavering.

Cheers to eternity. Cheers to Your unfailing love.

With love,

Son

[aeonzai]

"Sanctification is a direction I am heading

Repentance is a lifestyle I am living"

- Making All Things New

[aeonzai]

"Every agreement with condemnation

Is a disagreement to the promises of God."

- SY