‘ strap in ‘cause this one is rough. ’
‘ it’s– it’s yucky. ’
‘ i’m aware of some details of this and it’s– it’s yucky. ’
‘ i’m not a gambling man, but i don’t really like those odds. ’
‘ we could conceivably run into this guy taking a dump in the woods or something. ’
‘ are you fucking out of your mind? ’
‘ i’m starting to think you want to die. ’
‘ you turned a corner on that one pretty quick. ’
‘ oh my god, it’s fucking horrifying. ’
‘ there’s an elk, though. there’s a deer over there. ’
‘ here’s the remains and rubble of one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of all time and you’re looking at the fucking deer in the forrest. ’
‘ maybe they were in there telling ghost stories. ’
‘ that’s not what pillow talk is, i don’t think. ’
‘ pillow talk could either mean something you do after sex or it could mean what’s like sleepover talk. ’
‘ do you tell ghost stories after sex? ’
‘ all very effective for– for murder. ’
‘ they stabbed him so hard that the knife bent. ’
‘ you would think that there’d be at least one witness. ’
‘ you see someone running through the forrest covered in blood, you’re probably not gonna bat an eye. ’
‘ that’s not how the forrest works. ’
‘ excuse me, sir. why are you covered in blood? ’
‘ i’m glad to know that you would be the worst crime scene witness of all time. ’
‘ oh, you were phrasing it in a dramatic way. ’
‘ what is it about killers– that they want to be caught so badly… or like they want to get as close to being caught without being caught? ’
‘ i can’t put my mind into the mind of a criminal. ’
‘ i can put my mind into the mind of a criminal. ’
‘ some of them must be friends, others would like to plunge knives into each other. ’
‘ i can imagine one friend of yours murdering you. ’
‘ i’m pretty sure there was a coverup by the police department. ’
‘ 70′s and 80′s police were always just like, ‘oh, you murdered someone? you got forty bucks?’ ’
‘ great! what else do you want?! i murdered people for you! and now… what? ’
‘ oh, so i’m the psycho cause i murdered for you!? ’
‘ what, the police were just writing fan fiction? ’
‘ this is just baffling to me. ’
‘ i guess that’s their job, but can you imagine how much goddamn paperwork is involved in that? so much! ’
‘ i’m pretty sure we’re being watched, so i kind of wanna leave, to be honest. ’
‘ i’ve had enough of this place and i haven’t even been here that long. i hate this place. ’
‘ this boogeyman is very thorough. ’
‘ i guess we’re lucky he got lazy. ’
‘ the greatest safety precautions of our time are written in blood. ’
‘ i think they’re tired of this ongoing saga that never ends. ’
‘ you know, i actually disagree with that last sentiment. ’
‘ this is like straight-up end of days shit going on. ’
‘ this could’ve been the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, in my mind. ’
‘ i’ve daydreamed about having an amazing bunker that has satellite tv. ’
‘ ‘bad advil’ sounds like a shitty indie band. ’
‘ the wild west was the 80′s. ’
‘ in the 80′s you could walk in a store, pocket a soda, punch a guy in the face, and then be like ‘see ya later. fuck you!’ cops wouldn’t get to your door for weeks. ’
‘ he had books that were just titled ‘how to crime’? if he had a book called ‘how to crime’ then there’s your guy. ’
‘ oh, yeah… nah, i’m good. eh, bit of a reach. ’
‘ some old lady in florida bought the unabomber’s typewriter? ’
‘ maybe this guy was really in the dog house and was just desperate for any kind of turn of affection from her so he thought, ‘i know that i’ll do! i’ll write the fbi!’ ’
‘ no, i didn’t– what, is there anything to suggest that i would chase my mom with an axe? ’
‘ i think you wear a mask sometimes. ’
‘ maybe you should keep digging and see what happens. ’
‘ these are two messed up weirdos who have found each other and it’s almost a shockingly beautiful love story. ’
‘ i don’t get it. i just wanna talk about my work and everyone just keeps seeming to bring up all my past of all the shitty stuff i’ve done. ’
‘ ugh, this guy’s gross. ’
‘ it must’ve been fun to be a criminal in the 80′s. ’
‘ everything before the 80′s – just lawless. ’
‘ get your sunglasses ready because this one is packed full of bright stars. ’
‘ i’m good to go. i’m always ready, baby! ’
‘ it came true so she was actually warranted in all these fears. ’
‘ this would be like if you were eaten by a shark. ’
‘ i thought for a second we were talking about things that are actually scary. ’
‘ i’m gonna let this slide because i know you’re just trying to get a rise out of me. ’
‘ does that man have a magical penis or something? ’
‘ you think the only reason someone would go back to someone is because they have a magical penis? ’
‘ i feel like divorce is probably a lot of work. ’
‘ do you not know how love works? ’
‘ maybe i don’t know how love works. ’
‘ i have a hard time imagining someone going gaga over christopher walken. ’
‘ i bet when you get in a room with christopher walken, he commands the space. ’
‘ i brought some cocktail weenies. ’
‘ one of my greatest fears is that someone will trick me into doing heroin. ’
‘ that’s the dumbest fear i’ve ever heard in my life. ’
‘ how many situations can you be in that would put you up to that potential danger? ’
‘ how many parties are you going to where heroin’s involved? it seems like a lot. ’
‘ it’s the fear that someone would come up to me on the street and put heroin in me and then i’m hooked forever. ’
‘ here’s what must’ve happened… these forty things, in succession. ’
‘ what are you trying to do, fuck my wife? ’
‘ why would he make this up? ’
‘ he– he was just trying to fuck someones wife. ’
‘ i can’t imagine murdering someone even when drunk. ’
‘ when you drink you can imagine murdering someone?! ’
‘ i ate a pumpkin once when i was drunk… i just took a bite out of a pumpkin. ’
‘ that’s a rational fear! ’
‘ that is not a rational fear! ’
‘ these are the musings of a paranoid man. ’
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