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[aeternalsims]

"Hey, take a deep breath," Gritty said softly, touching my shoulder.

"I- I can't-," I gasped, even as I fought desperately to get my breathing back under control. The tears started falling as I imagined being trapped in the castle again.

The sound of my father's voice screaming, the banging of his fist on the door.

"Alex, hey… you're alright…"

Suddenly I was hiding under the bed, hoping he was too drunk to get the door open. The corners of my vision turned black as I slid down the wall.

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"You're a damn good kid. The strongest one I've ever met, actually, and I know you could handle this if you'd trust yourself enough to try," he continued.

I felt my chin quiver, and I couldn't stop the tears from stinging at my eyes, no matter how hard I tried to swallow them down. My eyes began to dart around, my breath shaking as I dropped my cigarette to the ground, backing up to the wall to try to keep myself upright.

"Grit, please- I can't- please-" I stammered, unable to find the words as my breath started to catch.

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I couldn't stop my hands from shaking anymore, even as my nails were digging into my palms to stop it. "Grit, please…" I pleaded, swallowing hard to stop the lump that was rising in my throat.

"Alex, you know I love you like you're my own," he said softly, his own voice shaking slightly. "That's why I have to do this. You've gotta face your problems, and what you're telling me… it has to be right now."

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I suddenly felt my breath catching, and I closed my hands in a tight fist to keep them from shaking. Carpentry was the only thing I had that was simple, and it sounded like…

"What are you saying, Grit?" I asked carefully.

"I'm saying that you've got to stop lettin' your father decide your life for you. There's thousands of people here who need someone to take care of them, and I know it's not fair, but you and your brother are the only ones to do it. You're grown now, so it's time to stop hidin' and go do it."

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"Look… I know you didn't ask for it, and you may not even want it, but you're nobility. You're responsible for these folks, like or not. You know that you'll always be welcome in my shop, but Pineview is sufferin' because you're too busy hidin' out here to do your real job," he said gently.

I froze as the words sank in. It hadn't been what I was expecting him to say, and suddenly I wished it had been a reprimand. The woodshop was the one place where I could solve the problems in front of me. Fixing a cracked chair leg or tightening a joint was simple. That’s what I liked the most.

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Gritty sighed, softening at that. He hesitated, clearly lost in thought for a moment before saying, "I'm going to say something that you're not gonna like, kid."

"Shocking," I murmured, but that twinge was quickly turning into an uncomfortable pounding against my ribcage. I took another drag from my cigarette, preparing myself for the reprimand.

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"You said you've got thousands of people who are about to starve. Is it pointless enough that it's not worth tryin' at all, or are you just scared of being told no?" he asked. I felt a twinge in my chest at the question, crossing my arms as my eyes fell to the ground.

"I'm not afraid of being told no," I grumbled. "That makes no difference though. Even if going down south is worth doing, Finnick is the only one that can. You know I'm not permitted to leave."

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"You're in a position to make jokes, are you?" Gritty shot back. I glared at him for a moment before softening. He was being a pain in my ass, but he wasn't wrong. "Stop bein' a smartass. What's one thing?"

I sighed. "Fuck, Gritty. I don't know. Going down south?" I relented.

"Why haven't you tried that?" he asked. "The southern houses won't even receive people like us, Grit. There would be no point."

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"None. My father has effectively pissed on every option we had, so… none," I sighed, taking another puff from my cigarette.

Gritty hummed thoughtfully for a moment. "Well what haven't you tried?" he asked.

"Not much."

"There's got to be something," Gritty insisted.

"Sure. Haven't tried sexual favors or blood sacrifice yet," I snarked, trying not to roll my eyes. He was asking as if I hadn't just spent the entire night combing through the names of every lord or business owner we'd ever known to figure it out.

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I sighed, blowing out the smoke slowly as I did.

"We lost our two main trade deals," I admitted.

"So you and your brother were up all night actin' like the world was endin' then?"

I scoffed at the frankness of it. Wasn't it?

"A few thousand people are going to starve, so I don't know that it's too much of an overreaction," I said bitterly.

"What other options do ya' have?" he asked without pause. That was Gritty. No bullshit, no feelings. Just solve the problem and move on.

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I tossed my knife onto the chair and stormed out of the shop, slamming the door a little too hard on my way out. I let out a deep sigh as I leaned against the wall outside, snatching my lighter and a cigarette from my pocket.

I took a long drag from the cigarette as the door opened beside me.

"You wanna explain why you're slammin' my door?" Gritty asked, crossing his arms.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "Long night."

"What's the matter, kid?" he asked, softening a bit.

"Just some noble bullshit."

"Elaborate," he demanded, likely as reprisal for slamming the door.

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I loved the smooth shick of a steel against wood almost as much as I loved the crisp smell of pine shavings. For a few hours a day, I didn't have to think about anything except my thumb against the spine of a knife as I made each slow, deliberate cut, watching something useful appear out of nothing.

Except that day, I'd been messing up the same spot on a chair all day. I'd been up with Finnick all night trying to figure out, unsuccessfully, what to do to feed Pineview, and now I couldn't focus enough to get a single damn thing right. I cursed under my breath as I made yet another wrong cut.

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"Really?" I asked, suddenly more hopeful than I was comfortable with. Rightfully so, because Theo scoffed under his breath, dashing it instantly. "Actually… no," I decided quietly. "I don't want to be a bother."

"What're you scoffin' for? Least he's payin' attention," Gritty reprimanded, rolling his eyes. "You're no bother, kid. Come on."

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"With your table?" I asked hesitantly. "But I actually don't know anything. I really was just guessing."

"I heard ya' the first time," Gritty said, shaking his head at me. "I'm askin' if you want me to show you a couple things?"

I didn't want to admit it, but I'd been watching them for days wanting to give it a try, especially the whittling. It looked relaxing to carve away at the wood. If nothing else, it would give me something to do with my hands except… well, my arms looked the way they did for a reason.

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"You're not in the way, sweetheart," Roe smiled over her shoulder. "And nobody is going to throw you out. Theo is teasing." She said the last three words a bit sharper than the rest, and I realized that it was the gentlest reprimand I'd ever heard.

"I knew he was joking," I offered, hoping that Theo would let me off the hook, but he rolled his eyes at me instead. I sighed, giving up. "I should be going anyway."

"Actually, kid, if you want, I could use your help with somethin'," Gritty said.