I'm still here

writer. INFP. sometimes panics about life and my inability to do or to be.

[aewenaiyana]

What can i do to make people like me? People dont like people who self pity.

[aewenaiyana]

Earned $4 yesterday! $19/week. I can totally live off that

[aewenaiyana]

I wasnt able to get a job before. How in the world will i be able to get a job now. What can i possibly do. I need income which i dont have. My savings will go down really quick without income. What do i do?

[aewenaiyana]

Well i got a chair in my room. The spinny office chair was hurting my back. I was going to buy a second hand one but cant do that now. Mom lent me a puffy chair from downatairs. So now i could just stay upstairs all the time if i had a microwave and mini fridge (bigger than the 1 i have.) Also maybe occcasionally go outside for health. Downstairs to get packages. Also need an at home job....

[aewenaiyana]

Things most people do are alien to me. Like, go see a friend? I have never done that.

[aewenaiyana]

So i wont inundate my main account with negative posts, i will be posting them on here! Yay! So, follow if you want screeching about how pathetic i am. Maybe other posts, idk. As long as the wifi actually works for this old phone, its suddenly actually letting me post for some reason

[aewenaiyana]

Now im totally mooching because i dont have any income coming in. And there is even less chance now i can get a job.

[aewenaiyana]

well that was just a relapse. i may come over here from time to time if i feel really bad, but since most people are so over me and couldn’t care less about what I feel or do, except maybe the ones who followed me over there and a few others, there really isn’t much point in staying here and talking about my ‘feelings’. or whatever. i may just leave it here to vent if i have no other place. which is usually the case but... i’m trying to make Tumblr into a more positive space and not just dumping all my bad feelings on it. 

[aewenaiyana]

is there anyone who can help me? tumblr is the only place i can turn to. you’re the only ones i can talk to.

[aewenaiyana]

Life kills my dreams.

I didn’t want to be one of THOSE people who just give up and don’t keep going and let life crush your spirit... 

but of course, me being so weak and sensitive and extreme introverted, what did i think was going to happen?

[aewenaiyana]

i drew the picture for my avataricon whatever that thing is idk even know

[brimay]

all of my fellow introverts and old souls, please remember that there is no shame in:

not enjoying parties 

preferring a relaxed conversation to a big social gathering

not drinking or smoking 

thinking a lot 

listening instead of talking

not seeing the point in skipping classes

needing time to yourself

[aewenaiyana]

what about not being able to get a job 10 years after college and still living with your parents

[aewenaiyana]

34

[aewenaiyana]

maybe i should tell what my age is... you’d be horrified..

guess. 

[aewenaiyana]

mom is even like, maybe you should just stay here since dad is sick and i won’t be able to stay here after he dies if I’m alone. and i could pay for my part of the house. 

like... maybe so...

but how can i live with the shame of never having lived anywhere but with my parents? at my age.

[aewenaiyana]

how can i possibly get anywhere, since i haven’t for 10 years after college? i mean-- who is like this?

[aewenaiyana]

i wasn’t made for this life. school didn’t prepare me for the real world. neither did my parents. neither did i-- i hid from life my whole life, til i had to find a real job, and i found i was totally inadequate. for any sort of job. even after college. 

totally inept at anything social. no one can get anywhere like that.