After Love

[afterlolove]

Why are you actively looking for more ? What are you lacking that you find in other people ? Why?

[afterlolove]

Life

I need a new song.

[afterlolove]

I don't think you knew

But I liked you a lot

[afterlolove]

Cuddle

I just want a cuddle buddy. Like when you throw your leg over mine........

[wordsnquotes]

I have lost and loved and won and cried myself to the person I am today.

Charlotte Eriksson, Empty Roads & Broken Bottles; in search for The Great Perhaps (via w-ildfires (via seabelle)

[afterlolove]

Sex

Sitting in my bed eating cake Thinking about having sex

[afterlolove]

First lover

All I have left are the sweat marks on the wall, A bittersweet reminder of the love we made, A reminder of that intimacy that was felt too soon, I remember the scar on your arm, the birthmarks and the trace of your hair, I'm glad I decided to hold onto you so tightly I'm glad I decided to feel you, to take you in. Now you're gone... Even if it hurts, I'm glad I felt, I'm glad you never lied. But I hope life treats you well. Until we meet again, I'm letting go.

[afterlolove]

Past

I just got to remember that she is in the past. That this pain I am feeling now is nothing but my ego bruised ... How could she tell me to politely fuck off since she is talking to someone else? Why could she not? I deserve better I tell myself with tears on my face, I deserve better I wish you bye.

[afterlolove]

Finally mustered the courage to delete pictures and burn love notes. Getting rid of presents and signs of her. I'm angry at her because I thought that the bond we had was what would linger. But no it's her ex that lingers in her mind. The one that got married last fall. If I understood what was at stake then. If I knew that day in the hallway as I was texting her how much it was going to hurt right now I would have rather crush on that orthopedic resident that I had no business with. I would have rather crushed on him and plan our wedding and name our kids rather than fucking loving her. That was one of my mistakes I should have protected my heart first. I didn't know what was at stake.

[afterlolove]

Today's practice

[afterlolove]

Text I wish I sent

Not quite the right answer. It’s obvious what you are actually seeking. Nice talking to ya. And our kiss? I wasn’t quite feeling it. First and second time yeah I liked you and I actually got turned on. Third time ? You were coming on too strong buddy that tongue need to stay inside your mouth only not shoved forcefully into someone else’s. And your girlfriend she knows you are cheating. When a person shows you who they are the first time. Believe them. - maya Angelou

[afterlolove]

Open

It was that song wasn’t it? I sat across from you in the conference room. “I hope this won’t bother you but I listen to music on my break” You said it was ok. When the song started to play with its enticing violin I got embarrassed. You liked it “Send me the song” I did and I think that night you watched the video. Open Rhye. That is your song

[afterlolove]

100%

Now that I look back I wish I was there 100%. Not love you 100% because that happened automatically. Just being there a hundred percent without worrying about what my sister would think about us being together, without worrying. I wish I was there 100% not 74%

[afterlolove]

There is someone better for you. And also for me. I thank you and I'm letting you go.

[afterlolove]

11 pm confessions

I can’t get over her. it has been 4 months now but sometimes I’ll be smiling and then I cry because I’m thinking I should be laughing with her. some days are better. some nights I’m drowning. I will literally give my heart away so I won’t have to feel. but I don’t know why I miss her so much. I’m the one that broke up with her, I am the one that left because I wasn’t ready. so why do I feel like texting her at 11 pm at night. What if she have moved on. Why doesn’t it hurt but why on this God blessed earth do I miss her. 

Was it because she was my first love, my first everything? I don’t know I’m even trying to get into this online dating thing. It’s like the thought… 

I must have really loved her. To let her touch me as so, to let her get inside of me, where no one has ever been. To have lied for her, when I had a choice to leave. I must have really loved her.

[afterlolove]

Love is much more better when it isn't faked

[afterlolove]

contract

I remember I have given you those sets of rules. Those things you were supposed to do in order for us to be together. 

We sat in your car at the tjmaxx parking lot. and you looked at me and smiled and you signed on that 1$ bill that I would be yours. that you would buy me things every week we spend together. 

You were crazy, we both were. who does that? You must have been mad. So was I.