Sideblog to be activistic & collect posts to share

pfp credit rouge-the-bat.tumblr header credit not known (plmk) This blog is not topical, it’s personal ramblings and some activist-stances; run by a proshipper and transandrophobia-truther

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

I’m going to rant about platonic relationships, tertiary attraction and found family real quick

I saw a tumblr screenshot outlining types of found families in a strictly fandom context

And a person commented on said screenshot that “found family” devalues friendships because it’s rebranding it and friendships themselves are important and to be valued and they are valid even though their nature differs from familiar relationships – they are different, and different in nature and values, but [friendships] are neither better nor worse than familial relationships

I. Want. To. Scream!

This person was so close to getting it, goodness

Familial affection is on a different level than platonic/“friendship” affection. But you can have familial attraction and affection towards people who are not blood relatives!!

Familial attraction is a tertiary attraction (meaning outside of sexual & romantic which are socially still considered “the attractions(tm)”) and, admittedly, some definitions of those get wonky – some people may group them under platonic, some may group them differently

But come on! Familial attraction. That’s literally “an attraction to have a familial aka. family-like relationship”. And even without knowing of this as a valid and stand-alone form of attraction … it’s not that hard!

A found family is not “just a friend group” (aside from that “just friends” is problematic in itself). A found family is literally “this person is like a brother to me”, “is like an aunt to me”, “I want this person to be like a nephew to me” – how does that translate to friendship?!

I’m sincerely sorry but as someone oriented aroace who has experienced other types of tertiary attractions also… there is a difference – and a huge one – between “this is my best friend” and “this person is my sibling” ; even between “this is my alterous/queerplatonic love” and “this is my relative”

Sure, maybe I am misinterpreting things, maybe I’m misinterpreting how family is supposed to feel… but conflating “found family” with “group of friends” is… 1) wrong 2) pissing me off

As for other tertiary attractions… there are a bunch and most of them are pretty unique and may seem unimportant “they don’t need their own word” but I disagree.

Domestic attraction for example. That goes further than familial attraction but also doesn’t. Domestic attraction expresses I want to live with someone, I want to view this person as a home to return to, I want this someone as part of what is my home. Part of my domesticity.

I’m sincerely happy to have that expression. To know what domestic attraction is.

Also, as someone who doesn’t feel “at home” or “with family” around my parents… I need the concept of chosen family because otherwise I hardly have one. Which isn’t to say none of my blood relatives are part of my chosen family. My biological cousin is absolutely part of my family. But I daresay the familial attraction towards him is more that I view him as a big brother. And I have an aunt I met when I was 13, who I’m still “friends” with a over decade later. And yes, I go to her with things I wouldn’t tell my cousin’s mother.

Chosen family is such a beautiful and powerful concept – something inherent to the queer experience even

And that doesn’t deserve to get devalued down to “you mean friendship” because the blood ties are lacking

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

Adding in a reblog because the original topic of familial attraction is concluded

Domestic attraction.

I, personally, am grateful to know this exists. Why? Lemme explain.

I am 100% aromantic asexual, fully aromantic, fully asexual, but I do want a life partner.

Knowing I can’t “fall in love” I obviously know my relationship to my life partner would never fit a romantic relationship. What I wish for, however, is that they be part of my home. That I have this person and I can say “this is my person because this is the person that comprises my home”. I want this domesticity and the security of having someone who also comes home to me.

I do not feel romantic attraction, I do not feel sexual attraction, my metrics what I want from a relationship have to be different.

And that, the whole field of tertiary attractions, allows me to pinpoint what other people would just call romantic attraction and be done with.

I have felt physical attraction, I have felt drawn in and the urge to kiss a partner. I have pined to do “typical friends” things with people, like spending a day at the mall. More than once I have had a person in my life who I wanted to share a home with, who I wanted to build a home with. Of course I also know aesthetic attraction, to ogle someone and blush because they will misinterpret that I like looking at them. I know the tactile attraction of “I want you to lay on top of me” and “would you sleep next to me?”

I can differentiate all those things because I know all these types of tertiary attraction (there are more, though) – and I like that.

Also, barely 2 of those sentences refer to the same person. All these attractions were to all different kinds and types pf people I had in my life.

Which is also why I use alterous attraction when I try expression what I seek in a life partner. It is a nebulous term and it’s the right one because I can’t pinpoint what I will feel for my life partner if they come into my life and our relationship develops there.

In the most basic sense, yes, I want a queerplatonic life-partnership. But every queerplatonic relationship is different and as individualist as the people in it. So, sure I hope for tactile and domestic and aesthetic attraction. But I can’t say how that concoction will work out. I can’t even imagine yet what it will be life because I haven’t made that connection yet.

I don’t mean soulmates. I mean having made that relationship. I believe that people are compatible in their own ways but a great relationship takes work. Even a good relationship takes work. And mutual effort. Managing needs and wants and expectations. Actively choosing the other, even in the tiniest ways, over and over. Continuously deciding to work together to be together. (Compatibility implicit; don’t stay with toxic relationships!)

So yea, I’m baring my soul here but… I can’t pinpoint what alterous attraction is for me and maybe I am idem-alterous and it actually would be just choosing to define it as alterous attraction as opposed to queerplatonic and platonic attraction…

But I do know there is a difference – not a hierarchy – in how I feel about specific people who I have specific connections with. My cousin is my family but I don’t think I want to live with him. My one ex-best friend I had domestic and queerplatonic attraction to. My other ex-best friend I developed tactile attraction to, on top of domestic one. My ex-girlfriend I felt platonic attraction to, maybe queerplatonic. And I have been swept off my feet by daydreams of sharing alterous affection – this deeper-running, or maybe just more complex, connection – with someone who I barely can imagine what they look & sound like.

I do stand with the aplatonic community, you are awesome and I’m happy to know about you, I’m grateful you share your lived experience. But I also know I’m far from aplatonic <3

Potentially idemalterous or idemplatonic.

[safety-pin-punk]

Principles of Sick Punk

I want to start this by saying that I am not the coiner of the term Sick Punk. I'm just a huge supporter of it, and seem to be the one developing the concept (at least on my little corner of the internet that I've seen). I've gotten a few asks along the lines of "Do I qualify for Sick Punk?", so I wanted to put together a guideline/principles post similar to what cpunk has. Because again, we are communities that should work together, not tear each other down. What is Sick Punk?

Sick Punk is about solidarity and is open to all sick, diseased, or chronically ill who do not fall under the cpunk label and resonate with the Sick Punk label.

Sick Punk is not dependent on how unwell you are, if you need aids, or your "functioning level" so long as some aspect of your life is effected by whatever ails you.

Sick Punk exists to provide a space and community for those who face challenges due to their 'sickness' to discuss their struggles and support each other.

Respect those who do not have a formal diagnoses. The healthcare field is a nightmare. Some people lack access to healthcare, others are not taken seriously by their doctors. Remember, we all know how our bodies feel better than anyone else.

Sick Punk recognizes that there is no universal sick, diseased, or chronically ill experience

Whether or not you use the Sick Punk label is up to YOU and you alone. But its open to those who would like to.

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

Do you struggle to make an audible distinction between “caulk” and “cock”?

I say them the same (native English)

I say them the same (non-native English)

I force myself to pronounce the L (native English)

I force myself to pronounce the L (non-native English)

Pronouncing the L comes naturally (native English)

Pronouncing the L comes naturally (non-native English)

“au” and “o” do not sound remotely similar (native English)

“au” and “o” do not sound remotely similar (non-native English)

“au” is distinct but I still emphasise the L (native English)

“au” is distinct but I still emphasise the L (non-native English)

Voting ended onApr 15, 2024

I’m genuinely just curious about this

Also how many times did you pronounce/ sound out both words before you voted? hehehe

It would be nice if you reblog, no pressure tho :)

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

For anyone scandalised: I obviously mean the male chicken, duh ^^

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

Do you struggle to make an audible distinction between “caulk” and “cock”?

I say them the same (native English)

I say them the same (non-native English)

I force myself to pronounce the L (native English)

I force myself to pronounce the L (non-native English)

Pronouncing the L comes naturally (native English)

Pronouncing the L comes naturally (non-native English)

“au” and “o” do not sound remotely similar (native English)

“au” and “o” do not sound remotely similar (non-native English)

“au” is distinct but I still emphasise the L (native English)

“au” is distinct but I still emphasise the L (non-native English)

Voting ended onApr 15, 2024

I’m genuinely just curious about this

Also how many times did you pronounce/ sound out both words before you voted? hehehe

It would be nice if you reblog, no pressure tho :)

[icaruskey]

I'm sorry I'm even asking, but what on Earth does "transandrophobia truther" even mean. Really poking the beehive with that one, but I've been drowning in the "radfem kool-aid" to borrow your very succinct phrasing, so I might as well, fuck it. - Yours sincerely: a very tired and confused trans man who hasn't been on Tumblr for a while. I'd send this off anon, don't give too much of a shit, but Karen has a reach greater than God it seems.

Basically, "transandrophobia truther" was coined by a person who decided a bunch of trans men loosely associated with a dude called Saint (who initially coined the term transandrophobia) were all bad, white, meanie TMEs who hate trans women despite several of the names belonging to POC trans people and many of the blogs explicitly supporting trans women as well as men and nonbinary identities. All because we want to talk about the issues trans masc people face and call a spade a spade when they're being a fucking idiot.

Let's break this down further...

Saint is considered an Awful Person because someone leaked screenshots from his password protected smut blog. He had been engaging in some squicky kinks that the person who leaked the screenshots decided meant he hated trans women and lesbians (despite all interactions being consensual mind you). They also label him a racist because he had been talking about omegaverse shit with the shorthand "abo", which apparently is also a slur against aboriginal tribes. Because you know, acronyms and shorthand can only mean one thing.

Anyway, this has kicked off a harassment campaign that's apparently lasted for months, and this blog eventually curated a "block list" with pretty much anyone who might've interacted with Saint or other people that's been victim to the harassment perpetuated and continued by two people.

This block list was apparently only supposed to be used by this person's followers, but it alerted every single person on the list through the @ system and of course was spread around. They also have been accepting additional names from anons and the like without apparently doing much background checking so. Yanno. Sure.

The term transandrophobia was created as an alternative to transmisandry in an effort to allow trans men to discuss the unique challenges that trans men face as trans men. Sort of the opposite side of the same coin from transmisogyny if you will (the coin is transphobia, but the metaphor breaks down when you remember intersex and nonbinary people are included in the umbrella as well. lol rip poetic language).

People protested transmisandry because it connected with misandry, which people (who argue against trans men having language to talk and make block lists because one person decided to force their followers to look at squicky kinks) don't believe exists (my feelings on misandry are far more complicated than what can be got into here without a massive derail). Transandrophobia is a step away from misandry, but since it was coined by Saint, people are using that as an excuse to shoot it down.

It's an excuse because elsewhere you find hints of their true intent: not allowing trans men and masc people the language to speak about their issues at all. First, there's the absolute asinine complaint that it's "basically the same thing as transmisogyny," like... okay, yes. They complain it's ripping off transmisogyny like transmisogyny isn't a ripoff of misogyny so. Whatever on that. Then you have people saying we should just use the word transphobia instead, completely ignoring the fact we're wanting to talk about issues that specifically face trans men and people who identify as trans masc. Shit like that.

Then you have the people who believe that trans women are the most oppressed and thus men should never have a say. This is rooted in radfem rhetoric, as with the advent of second wave feminism, one of the main schools of thought was that a radical (lol) shift away from men... wait let's not go so far back for now. That's another massive derail.

Anyway, there's a strong undercurrent of man hating that's been lurking around in feminism since second wave feminism. It's been evident through ideologies like lesbian separatism (see, gold star lesbians and how lesbians often treat bi women) and the "wombyn" movement that I in particular noticed in 2013 on tumblr -- I still believe TERF ideology against trans women is rooted in this explicit anti-man movement, but it was just under people's radar until trans women came more in the spotlight.

This man hating is even within trans circles, as you will often see trans women and femme people declaring T being a poison, hating their manhood and men in general, etc. It's understandable given their transition that they'd feel this way, but it's done in front of and oftentimes to trans men and masc aligned folks as well (re: the one poor trans boy who was talking to a girl and got told T was a poison in a gen chat. The girl apologized but claimed she was right. So this was both in a gen space but directly to a trans boy).

I also have a pet theory about how men are expected to be quiet in feminist spaces, and a lot of trans men and masc folks have grown up understanding the social struggle of women so it's easier for us to sit down and shut up, etc, etc but I won't get into that here cause that's it for explaining how radfem is everywhere let's move onto

TME/TMA mean Transmisogyny Exempt and Transmisogyny Affected. I won't get into the linguistics or where these terms originate, though I think it's from baeddel discourse --

baeddels being a group of trans women who mistakenly believe baeddel is a slur against trans women (and conveniently push out femme men and intersex people from the discussion) and started to "reclaim" the term, becoming extremely cultlike, narrowminded, and man-hating themselves, ending when the core group defended a rapist who had assaulted another member of the core group though there are people who identify with baeddels today

-- while TME/TMA might have its merits in a very limited context, it's become a way to say "trans women (TMA)" and "everyone else (TME)". This is incredibly stupid as it just creates another binary where trans women are the Most Oppressed but it locks the terms down so that they can't even be used properly (a cis woman getting beat up for using the woman's bathroom is, in that moment TMA. But she's not always TMA so...).

Soooo... because Saint is labelled a "bad man," transandrophobia becomes a really convenient scapegoat to try and push trans men from another word they can use to describe their unique situation in life.

But really, they don't want men to have language to speak about the things that hurt them.

Because in their minds men always have privilege... because they think every man is white, able-bodied, neurotypical, financially well-off and/or stable, passes perfectly, and never ends up in a situation where they must either out themselves and/or be forced off their HRT for some reason.

They think the pushback they are receiving is coming from above them (because we're men, so we're automatically above women), but it's not. It's a lateral push because at the end of the day... the world sees us as they do trans women. They don't see woman or man or person. They see trans.

And it's upsetting honestly that they don't understand that.

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

People who use a tablet (iPad, Android, Chrome, etc.) regularly, do you–

keep Orientation Lock OFF at all times/ never used

use Orientation Lock very rarely (mostly OFF)

keep Orientation Lock mostly ON (upright locked)

keep Orientation Lock mostly ON (horizontal locked)

Don’t use a tablet but I like clicking buttons >:3

Voting ended onApr 4, 2024

Please reblog for sample size, I’m really curious (no pressure tho)

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

Half an hour in and I didn’t expect this

I mean, I did expect “mostly off” to lead but it looks like my vote was pretty much the only one for “horizontally locked”, although according to the numbers there is one other person with me (right now at 25 votes total)

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

People who use a tablet (iPad, Android, Chrome, etc.) regularly, do you–

keep Orientation Lock OFF at all times/ never used

use Orientation Lock very rarely (mostly OFF)

keep Orientation Lock mostly ON (upright locked)

keep Orientation Lock mostly ON (horizontal locked)

Don’t use a tablet but I like clicking buttons >:3

Voting ended onApr 4, 2024

Please reblog for sample size, I’m really curious (no pressure tho)

[stories-from-the-warp]

Reminder for artists and writers to OPT-OUT of Tumblr giving your posts to companies to train AI programs

Each of your side-blogs has to enable the "Prevent sharing" setting. It's not account-wide

[jamscandraw]

GO TO: Settings > Visibility > toggle the "prevent sharing to 3rd parties" option to ON (and yes annoyingly you have to do it for every side blog you own)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for stopping hanging with my best friend?

I (19f) have a best friend (18f). We have been very close for years. We grew up in a small village, it is not uncommon for people of our age to get married. She got married to one of my family. He just turned 30.

I do think the age gap is weird, but anytime I've said anything against it she's blown up at me. I do understand this is her first relationship as we don't "date", but she doesn't listen. I don't like him but she won't listen. Her parents signed off on the relationship and are happy.

The last time I was with her we cooked a meal together and sat and ate and talked. It was good until her husband came home. I do not like PDA, which he has made fun of me for my whole teen years. In public, they are constantly touching. Well, in their home, they are kissing constantly with tongue. I've witnessed hands going under clothes.

They are "so in love" they don't care. I do understand it is their home, but they do it in my home too. I have politely asked them not to and they refuse to stop.

I feel grossed out and they don't listen. She still wants to hang out at times, but it is less then previous (which I expected with a new marriage). This happens every time I'm with them. I wouldn't mind a kiss or two, but hands going under clothes and stroking areas shouldn't be done in front of another without that person's agreement (which I do not give). WIBTA for not meeting them anymore? I know she is going to be upset and it will cause argument

WIBTA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

Voting ended onFeb 14, 2024

What are these acronyms?

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

Welp, it happened.

I have posted before about how blocking content on tumblr has no stigma attached

You – yes, you, person reading this – are allowed to block whatever tags/ content you want

You don’t need to have a “reason”, you are allowed to block and filter content “just because” or “because I don’t want to see it”

Content does not need to trigger or squick you for you to be allowed to filter it

This post is officially your personal permission to filter out whatever content you would rather not see

And this includes filtering/ blocking “#current events” “#current news” “#global news”

You are allowed to exclude/ block out current world events from your tumblr experience

This does not mean you don’t care!

Yes, you are allowed to filter content “just because” or “because I don’t care”

But filtering exhausting and upsetting content does not imply you do not care!

Compassion fatigue is a real thing!

Especially if you (like me) follow several, multiple, a bunch of activist bloggers

There are global crises everywhere, I just read of 6 genocides happening which is precisely why I decided to finally block/ filter out those “current events” tags

How to filter in the tumblr app:

Go to your own blog >

click the little gear in the top corner >

General Settings >

scroll down >

just above “Color Palette” there it is >

Filtering

Type in whatever tags or words you want to not see in the future

This works for filtering out user-URLs too, if you have specific people you’d like not to see posts by

The “full text” filter will, however, 1) also look at the URL of the prev to who put it on your dash 2) ignores spaces in the post

Example 1: You follow “microplasdick” and you filtered “orange”; if the OP is called “orange-fishburne” your filter will hide that post; if the person microplasdick reblogged is “orange-cucumber” your filter will hide the post. Doesn’t matter if the word “orange” is not within the post itself

Example 2: You have filtered “orange” and a post goes “I also ran getting to my bus” – that post would get filtered because it contains “o ran ge” in that sequence

So “#tumblr is my safe space” and for that to stay true, you’re most definitely allowed to block out current events/ world news

Please take care <2

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

Okay, we all know the cliché of “non-binary people like nouns for names” But how does that apply for people who do NOT speak English as a primary language in their everyday? If you chose a noun and a classic name as your names, please vote ‘noun name’

I’m non-binary, I chose a noun as my name

I am multigender, I chose a noun as my name

I am genderneutral, I chose a noun as my name

I am binary trans, I chose a noun as my name

I am non-binary, I chose a classic/ typical MALE name

I am multigender, I chose a classic/ typical MALE name

I am genderneutral, I chose a classic/ typical MALE name

I am non-binary, I chose a classic/ typical FEMALE name

I am multigender, I chose a classic/ typical FEMALE name

I am genderless, I chose a classic/ typical FEMALE name

I use multiple typical/ classical names with CONTRADICTING genders

I kept my given name after coming out (or added another name to it)

Voting ended onJan 7, 2024

[drchucktingle]

i have copied this comment without name because i think it is very kind and respectful and i do not want buckaroos interpreting it the wrong way. PLEASE UNDERSTAND this buckaroo is very sincere and has important points and please respect their way. i am going to answer in a way that is counter to their point and i do not want buds to go after them IN ANY WAY. THEY ARE PROVING LOVE AND THEY HAVE GOOD POINTS

okay here is what i have to say:

i have not transitioned and in this lifetime i do not expect to. i think you have a good point of 'how can you know?' and honestly i cannot know that is just how timelines and reality and perception work

HOWEVER i must caution against this train of thought slightly because what works for one buckaroos MAY NOT WORK for another. every time i talk about my non-dysphoric way there are plenty of well meaning buds, particularly fellow trans buds, who show up with posts in the tone of 'its only matter of time.' like i just do not understand yet.

this reminds me of bisexual buckaroos who are told 'you just do not know you are gay yet'. as difficult as it is to step out of our own dang minds, i implore buckaroos to accept that there VERY JOYFUL AND FULFILLED NON-DYSPHORIC TRANS BUCKAROOS who do not need to transition and never will and are healthy and happy without that. just like there are bisexual buckaroos who are not just on their way to being gay

a good way to look at it is like this: I LOVE MY MALE BODY. i think i am a very handsome buckaroo. i have masculine features in my muscle and height and frame. as far as how fate could have placed me on this timeline I WON MY OWN PERSONAL FOOTRACE. i am up on the podium and i am standing here with a medal around my neck. GOOD JOB CHUCK

HOWEVER when i look down i see that medal is silver. i am not going to lie and say it is gold. it is silver.

YES my gold medal is a female body. that is an objective truth to my trot. i believe my gender way is that of a women, but there is no part of me that is upset about where i have placed.

I GOT SILVER. i am not upset. there is no tragedy. in fact i am OVERWHLEMED WITH JOY not just to be on the podium but to be in this race in the first place. HECK YEAH I DID IT AND I GOT A MEDAL

of course this is not to dismiss the difficult journey of others. many do not feel the way i do and their trot is VALID. a dysphoric way matters and is important and these voices are important. they should be elevated and supported. i understand some do not share this podium imagery, and they feel PAINED by trappings of their body.

i feel so much for this. i understand and care for my dysphoric buds, but the simple truth is that is not my story. i cant just lie and say that it is.

it will never be my story. i cannot say this enough: i love my body. however i STILL believe my truest way is that of a ladybuck. if it was a simple button push to change me, then i would push it without hesitation.

but it is not a simple button push.

talk to almost any buckaroo who has transitioned and they will say 'transitioning is hard'. it takes time and work and money and emotional support. i am in awe of the bravery of buckaroos who trot this path, but all of that is not worth it for something that i already feel good about. SCRATCH THAT, i feel GREAT ABOUT. i feel overwhelmed with joy every day over just existing in this male body that i have been blessed with. YES buckaroo, i feel joy existing in a male body that i know is ladybuck on the inside. it feels interesting a cool and exciting.

but my truest way is STILL a ladybuck trot

i guess i am just trying to say that i love second place. im happy to celebrate it. i think my male body is really dang cool. it is not a 'perfect me' but it is really dang awesome, and i never really bothered with trying to be perfect

[polyamorouspunk]

Good morning faggots, dykes, and transsexuals

[polyamorouspunk]

Good afternoon faggots, dykes, and transsexuals

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

Good evening back at you

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

In a shocking revelation, turns out I apparently have wavy hair (presumably 2A or 2B)

Funnily enough, I only noticed I have wavy hair because my friend who helped bleach it said it curled up into ringlets at the back of my head;

that was a few weeks ago and now I’m trying to experiment and maybe give myself loose curls for Christmas

Aside from the jokes that not even my hair is straight, uh, do you folks have some tips?

I read up on the Curly Girl Method and its variation the Wavy Girl Method; I want to experiment with that and with enhancing my natural waves, if possible to the point of loose curls

What I’m particularly interested in is: if I twist my hair up or put in curlers, how do I make sure I don’t accidentally wrap/ twist against the natural waves? I would like to use curlers/ rollers to support/ protect and enhance the waves in my hair

Some facts about me, since I don’t know who this post will reach:

I’m a white European,

chin-length haircut,

my hair is currently bleached & dyed green,

I use they/them,

I’m not in a habit of washing my hair more than twice a week,

I generally struggle to build habits in the first place and too many steps to a process isn’t my jam

I work on building a proper hair care routine again though (I used to use conditioner and hair masks (deep condition) twice-thrice per week but I dropped that routine a while ago)

So, if I twist my hair up or put in curlers, how do I make sure I don’t accidentally wrap/ twist against the natural waves?

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

I posted this same thing anonymously in a Facebook group and the first comment I got was longer than my post, ignored most of what I said, barely acknowledged I asked anything, and felt a whole damn lot like some sales pitch

It actually made me briefly cry from frustration

I now remember that being neurospicy doesn’t mix with Beauty Bloggers™️

I’m someone, I only ask for help after I tried and tried again to find resources/ figure stuff out by myself; I read about 6 different websites re: Wavy Girl Method and how to use curlers on curly/ wavy hair but no dice, hence I resigned to asking

But to clarify here as well: I do not intend to use heat on my hair; I don’t even own a hair dryer and I refuse to buy one – I am also not looking for a general “how to”, I am figuring things out, thank you very much.

Further clarification: twice-thrice a week is because I used to shower (and only then wash my hair) about 2 times per week

That Facebook reply really made me remember why I don’t interact with Beauty Blogs™️ (aside from that being antithetical to why I’m on tumblr)

I think it’s also my demand avoidance kicking in, when I have to follow step-by-step instructions, it always feels condescending

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

My auntie was helpful, she knows me for 10+ years (not related, never even met) and she knows how much I struggle when I feel instructions are condescending or too micromanaging

I’m about to leave that FB group before the edit of my post is even approved 😅

I know my AuDHD likes steps I can follow but I absolutely meltdown over micromanaging and being forced (e.g. by a website) to click my way through parts of an explanation one at a time

I worry this sounds mean but this reminded me why I don’t interact with beauty bloggers or anyone else who makes things feel like some pitch for healthier/ better lifestyle;

I have gotten too much ‘well-meaning’ “just do this and this, follow these steps and your life will be better” to last me a lifetime and I’m barely in my mid-20’s

I don’t think it’s PDA or ODD but I definitely struggle with some form of demand avoidance or oppositional defiance-something-something as part of being mentally ill and neurodivergent

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

In a shocking revelation, turns out I apparently have wavy hair (presumably 2A or 2B)

Funnily enough, I only noticed I have wavy hair because my friend who helped bleach it said it curled up into ringlets at the back of my head;

that was a few weeks ago and now I’m trying to experiment and maybe give myself loose curls for Christmas

Aside from the jokes that not even my hair is straight, uh, do you folks have some tips?

I read up on the Curly Girl Method and its variation the Wavy Girl Method; I want to experiment with that and with enhancing my natural waves, if possible to the point of loose curls

What I’m particularly interested in is: if I twist my hair up or put in curlers, how do I make sure I don’t accidentally wrap/ twist against the natural waves? I would like to use curlers/ rollers to support/ protect and enhance the waves in my hair

Some facts about me, since I don’t know who this post will reach:

I’m a white European,

chin-length haircut,

my hair is currently bleached & dyed green,

I use they/them,

I’m not in a habit of washing my hair more than twice a week,

I generally struggle to build habits in the first place and too many steps to a process isn’t my jam

I work on building a proper hair care routine again though (I used to use conditioner and hair masks (deep condition) twice-thrice per week but I dropped that routine a while ago)

So, if I twist my hair up or put in curlers, how do I make sure I don’t accidentally wrap/ twist against the natural waves?

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

I posted this same thing anonymously in a Facebook group and the first comment I got was longer than my post, ignored most of what I said, barely acknowledged I asked anything, and felt a whole damn lot like some sales pitch

It actually made me briefly cry from frustration

I now remember that being neurospicy doesn’t mix with Beauty Bloggers™️

I’m someone, I only ask for help after I tried and tried again to find resources/ figure stuff out by myself; I read about 6 different websites re: Wavy Girl Method and how to use curlers on curly/ wavy hair but no dice, hence I resigned to asking

But to clarify here as well: I do not intend to use heat on my hair; I don’t even own a hair dryer and I refuse to buy one – I am also not looking for a general “how to”, I am figuring things out, thank you very much.

Further clarification: twice-thrice a week is because I used to shower (and only then wash my hair) about 2 times per week

That Facebook reply really made me remember why I don’t interact with Beauty Blogs™️ (aside from that being antithetical to why I’m on tumblr)

I think it’s also my demand avoidance kicking in, when I have to follow step-by-step instructions, it always feels condescending

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

In a shocking revelation, turns out I apparently have wavy hair (presumably 2A or 2B)

Funnily enough, I only noticed I have wavy hair because my friend who helped bleach it said it curled up into ringlets at the back of my head;

that was a few weeks ago and now I’m trying to experiment and maybe give myself loose curls for Christmas

Aside from the jokes that not even my hair is straight, uh, do you folks have some tips?

I read up on the Curly Girl Method and its variation the Wavy Girl Method; I want to experiment with that and with enhancing my natural waves, if possible to the point of loose curls

What I’m particularly interested in is: if I twist my hair up or put in curlers, how do I make sure I don’t accidentally wrap/ twist against the natural waves? I would like to use curlers/ rollers to support/ protect and enhance the waves in my hair

Some facts about me, since I don’t know who this post will reach:

I’m a white European,

chin-length haircut,

my hair is currently bleached & dyed green,

I use they/them,

I’m not in a habit of washing my hair more than twice a week,

I generally struggle to build habits in the first place and too many steps to a process isn’t my jam

I work on building a proper hair care routine again though (I used to use conditioner and hair masks (deep condition) twice-thrice per week but I dropped that routine a while ago)

So, if I twist my hair up or put in curlers, how do I make sure I don’t accidentally wrap/ twist against the natural waves?

EDIT to clarify here as well: I do not intend to use heat on my hair; I don’t even own a hair dryer and I refuse to buy one – I am also not looking for a general “how to”, I am figuring things out, thank you very much.

[nothorses]

It is deeply, deeply beneficial to TERFs if the only characteristic of TERF ideology you will recognize as wrong, harmful, or problematic is "they hate trans women".

TERF ideology is an expansive network of extremely toxic ideas, and the more of them we accept and normalize, the easier it becomes for them to fly under the radar and recruit new TERFs. The closer they get to turning the tide against all trans people, trans women included.

Case in point: In 2014-2015, I fell headlong into radical feminism. I did not know it was called radical feminism at the time, but I also didn't know what was wrong with radical feminism in the first place. I didn't see a problem with it.

I was a year deep into this shit when people I had been following, listening to, and looking up to finally said they didn't think trans women were women. It was only then that I unfollowed those people, specifically; but I continued to follow other TERFs-who-didn't-say-they-were-TERFs. I continued ingesting and spreading their ideas- for years after.

If TERFs "only target trans women" and "only want trans women gone", if that's the one and only problem with their ideology and if that's the only way we'll define them, we will inevitably miss a vast majority of the quiet beliefs that support their much louder hatred of trans women.

As another example: the trans community stood relatively united when TERFs and conservatives targeted our right to use the correct restroom, citing the "dangers" of trans women sharing space with cis women. But when they began targeting Lost Little Girls and Confused Lesbians and trotting detransitioners out to raise a panic about trans men, virtually the only people speaking up about it were other transmascs. Now we see a rash of anti-trans healthcare bills being passed in the US, and they're hurting every single one of us.

When you refuse to call a TERF a TERF just because they didn't specifically say they hate trans women, when you refuse to think critically about a TERF belief just because it's not directly related to trans women, you are actively helping TERFs spread their influence and build credibility.

[rickiflannel-deactivated2021081]

what is some TERF ideology we should be on the look out for?

[nothorses]

This isn't comprehensive, but I'll do my best.

TERFs are, first and foremost, radical feminists. Radical feminism is essentially second-wave feminism without the intersectionality brought in by third-wave feminism. It believes that patriarchy is at fault for the oppression of women, but sees this in a very strict, binary way: women are the oppressed, and men are the oppressors.

TERFs use this to justify their specific brand of transphobia. This idea, among others, is essential in supporting that transphobia.

I'll try to outline some of those ideas, and some of the logical thruoughlines they use:

Women are uniquely oppressed, and always in danger. Womanhood- or the experience of being a woman- is defined by oppression, misogyny, and Being In Danger.

Women are particularly in danger in the presence of, and in relationships with, men. Spaces that exclude men are essential to preserving the safety of women.

Socialization: men are raised to support patriarchy, while women are raised to be subjugated by it. Men have no motive to unlearn these lessons, so all men are inherently more corrupted by these lessons than women.

Relationships with men are therefore inherently (more likely to be) abusive, and relationships with women are inherently safe(er).

Sex, in particular, is more often exploitative than not. Only some kinds of sex are not exploitative. Many kinds of sex that we think are consensual, or that people say are consensual, are either rape or proto-rape.

Exchanging money for sex is inherently rape/exploitation/non-consensual in some way.

As women who deny men access to them, lesbians are The Most Oppressed and also The Most Endangered. They must be protected at all costs.

Because so many women have been raped by men with penises, both men and penises are inherently traumatic to A Lot Of Women.

Many lesbians will naturally have an aversion to relationships with trans women because of this. Trans women who argue against this "genital preference" are potential rapists trying to infiltrate lesbian spaces to hurt and take advantage of women.

Men will always try to invade "women's spaces" to take advantage of women, endanger them, and strip away their resources both for personal gain/pleasure, and in service of upholding the patriarchy.

If we allow men to say they are women, they will invade those spaces and hurt "real" women. Men who say they are women are dangerous, and must be excluded and punished.

Men may try to obfuscate labels and terminology to "define women out of existence" or otherwise cause confusion, which they can manipulate to further their infiltration.

Women are all miserable with their bodies, cursed with the pressure to reproduce and have sex with men.

Women are all miserable with their genders, forced as they are to ensure the overwhelming and constant suffering that is patriarchy.

Women will attempt to escape this misery and pressure by "becoming men". This is cowardly, but understandable; a tragic but inevitable result of patriarchy. These women must be saved.

Some women who try to escape patriarchy are doing it out of self-interest; they are betraying women by becoming men, and contributing to their oppression. These women must be punished.

Bio-essentialism: women are oppressed specifically because of their bodies and ability to reproduce. This is an inherent and defining part of womanhood. Nobody can claim womanhood without this experience, everyone who has had this experience is a woman.

Women's bodies are all beautiful and perfect because they are women's bodies. If the womanliness of them is tampered with, they become less valuable. Men's bodies are gross and undesirable symbols of patriarchy.

Testosterone makes people violent, aggressive, irrational, and angry. Estrogen makes people calm, kind, and happy.

Men can never understand women's bodies as well as other women do.

People can be attracted to other people on the basis of "sex" alone. This is inherent, immutable, and unquestionable.

Men are sexual animals who inherently and unavoidably find lots of bad things sexually arousing. Because "youth" is attractive, many men find young girls and children attractive, and will try to take advantage of them. Misogynistic control/power over women, hurting women, and even rape are also inherently sexually appealing to men.

"Gender" is meaningless; it's founded in misogynistic stereotypes about men and women, and when you remove the stereotypes, there's nothing left at all. Only binary "sex" is real, because that's what patriarchy (and biology) is based on.

Manhood is itself a toxic, oppressive, inherently corrupting concept. Anyone who participates in manhood is corrupt and immoral; who would choose to be the oppressor?

Masculinity is defined only by hating women, having power, and being aggressive, violent, and controlling (etc.)

Patriarchy doesn't just target women, but femininity as a whole, for its association with women.

Patriarchy doesn't just reward men, but masculinity, as it rejects femininity. People who reject femininity and embrace masculinity are rewarded by the patriarchy.

Some of these ideas are contradictory, but they lead to the same conclusions. Some of them lead to similar conclusions, many of which take very little further nudging to push into more dogmatic ideas.

This is exactly why we need to understand all of these paths into TERF ideology- and more.

In fact, the vast majority of the points on this list- particularly the beginnings of their logic- can be very easily swallowed while still holding that trans women are women, and trans men are men.

That's what TIRFs (trans-inclusive radical feminists) are, and they're still incredibly dangerous. TIRF ideology normalizes these points, making it far easier for TERFs to recruit; even if TIRFs themselves try to be aggressively anti-TERF.

Again, this isn't comprehensive, and it would take a long time and a lot of words to cover every flaw and danger in every line of reasoning here.

But remember how these things work; even if some of them begin with a grain of truth, even if some of them are true- especially if you define the words they contain differently- be wary of them.

[nothorses]

Bringing this back for a little refresher course on how these ideas all tie together, lead into each other, and form a pipeline. For no reason at all 🙃

[blackcandlesinwinter]

Feminism that is primarily focused on hostility, distrust, and exclusion of men will inevitably result in transmisogyny and bigotry towards transfeminine people. 100% of the time. Even if a radical feminist claims that trans women are women and they support them the facade falls apart, especially when facing:

Closeted trans women and trans-feminine people

AMAB non-binary people who aren't "feminine" enough

Trans-feminine folks who transitioned late in life and therefore are too "male socialized" to be accepted

Trans women who have not medically transitioned

Butch trans women

The only way feminism can truly be trans-inclusive is if we recognize that people of all genders and gender experiences are impacted by patriarchy and must have a voice in opposing it. If you have a bar where folks must be X% female in order to have a seat at the table, you are trans-exclusionary, even if you claim that you are not and even if you want to be inclusive. Radical feminism simply cannot be inclusive of trans women because it requires that we draw a hard line to separate gender oppressors from gender oppressed. And that line places ALL transfeminine people under constant suspicion of being too associated with "the enemy" to be trusted, included, heard, or prioritized.

I get that it can feel threatening to open up one's feminism since it might feel like diluting it or letting men "take over" or something. It was hard for me to adjust. But I promise, your feminism can actually get so much stronger and more powerful when you are open to understanding how the patriarchy is experienced and impacts all sorts of people, how it cross-pollinates with white supremacy, xenophobia, ableism, etc, how it influences, damages, and dominates cis women, cis men, trans, nonbinary, intersex and perisex people of all sorts. And understanding this wider web of the patriarchy doesn't water down your activisim; it actually makes you more effective, because you can build larger coalitions and target the deeper roots of sexist oppression. This is so much more effective than restricting yourself to increasingly isolated and suspicious separatist groups obsessed with policing the boundaries of identity and ferreting out who are the spies and the traitors among them vs. who is a Real Woman permitted to speak on Womanhood.