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These are all real details from John’s character biography in the special features of the 3-disc special edition of Hellboy. I am not making any of this up.

The main tags I use to categorize stuff are #likes, #dislikes, and #general info

I also use #<- that’s a headcanon. the post is true tho, for when I make up silly little scenarios in the tags

#honestly there’s stuff in there that I wish I’d made up #I wish I was as funny as guillermo del toro

John enjoys walking around in his socks

#likes

John likes performing mechanical work, and even owns a small workshop (which is currently in storage)

#likes

John likes long walks

#first line of his dating profile.#likes

John likes being useful

#this guy's so traumatized huh #this is one of my favorite details that's actually apparent in the movie itself #I could talk about it for a while #but just the way it influences his interactions with hellboy. and liz. and everyone really but that triad's dynamics are the most fun #john myers #likes

John doesn't like Ben Affleck and J-Lo

#they are separated by a comma in the bio so like. as individuals and not just as a couple #which is just fascinating #dislikes

John can't remember much of his childhood.

#I know that human memory is simply a fallible thing #but this is much more than just 'oh that was so long ago of course he can barely remember it'#this man is repressing memories.#john myers #general info

John was born in Augusta, Kansas, but grew up in Ponca, Oklahoma from age 6 onward

#john myers #general info #I keep forgetting about this blog I’m sowwy #every time I come back to it I stockpile drafts though #I know I could use the queue feature but I don’t wanna it scares me #I’ve been on tumblr for close to a decade and the queue feature still intimidates me. wow

John doesn't like skateboards

#lame and sad #dislikes

John likes coffee

#wonder if he has any Coffee Opinions or if he's just like 'coffee's coffee'#john myers #likes #food and drink

John likes an organized closet

#but does he like the act of organizing the closet?#that is the question.#john myers #likes

John is referred to as "John" only twice in his biography, and as "Johnny" the remaining twenty-three times.

#I just think this is cute #johnny...#john myers #general info #i suppose.

John has five brothers and an unspecified number of sisters. It is also unspecified how many of these siblings are older or younger than John.

#at least two sisters since they're referred to as 'the girls' plural though #that's a minimum of eight kids...#john myers #general info

John hates tv ads and tv itself

#this is my last draft I need to restock #yes I know I could queue stuff but I don’t want to the queue function scares me if I’m completely honest with you #anyway this one is so fun to me. he hates commercials so much that he just Doesn’t Watch TV. legend.#john myers #dislikes

John likes cold pizza

#bprd pizza party because everyone behaved on a mission #and they all think john’s bummed out or something because he’s hardly touching his pizza #so they ask him what’s wrong and he just looks at them confused then says ‘no I’m fine I’m just waiting for my pizza to get cold’#<- that’s a headcanon. the post is true tho #john myers #likes #food and drink

John loves the smell of oil and gasoline

#hes so fucking Normal you guys #he’s also just like me tbh. I do love the smell of oil and gasolinee #john myers #likes

agentjohntmyersfacts

John dislikes big bikes ridden by rich orthodontists from Manhattan

agentjohntmyersfacts

I know that, out of everything, this one is the one that seems the most like I just made it up completely but I swear to you it is real. I wouldn’t lie about this. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

I have no idea what the fuck this means. Is it referencing something? If so, then what is it referencing? Is this a detail in John’s backstory that GDT either forgot to put in or cut from the rest of John’s bio?? I have no FUCKING clue. All I know is that it is here.

#like I said in the original tags:#this detail has vexed and confused me since I first read it months and months ago #I want so desperately to know what it means but I’m never gonna get the answers bc only one man has them #and he’s likely forgotten them in the eighteen years since he wrote this character biography #I’ve kinda come to imagine that this goes hand in hand with another detail in john’s bio #which is that after his high school gf moved away she ended up falling out of love w/ him #I like to think that she fell in love with a rich orthodontist from manhattan who owns a big bike #and john just remained salty about that forever

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