agonizing asymmetry

it's taboo to talk about your asymmetry

[a-bright-ray-of-sunshine]

"Breathe, darling. This is just a chapter. It's not your whole story."

—S.C Lourie

[a-bright-ray-of-sunshine]

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."

—Helen Keller

[agonizing-asymmetry]

uneven uncertainty

After many hours of scrolling through “solutions” on how to “fix” my chest, I turned to praying to my dead grandmother. No joke. If anyone could do it, she could.

Each night, I would pray and pray that one day, I would wake up and be normal. 

Every morning, I would take off my pajamas, hoping to find beautiful symmetry. 

I lost hope in her after a few weeks. 

Sometimes, I would try again, because, maybe she didn’t hear me? Unlikely. 

Little did I know, that someday, I would be waking transformed, but never “fixed.”

[undercoversixthgradeteacher]

“Do not try to be pretty. You weren’t meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don’t let anyone ever simplify you to just “pretty.””

— Things I Wish My Mother Had Taught Me | d.a.s  (via solacity)

[agonizing-asymmetry]

me, myself, and the internet

I’m not that old, but I am old enough to remember when the internet was different. Smaller, even. My first memory with my asymmetrical chest begins in the seventh grade. I remember ferociously Googling ‘asymmetrical breasts.”  Fuck, even now when you Google it, you’ll see the following:

1. Snake oil bullshit that will “magically make you even”

2. Plastic surgery advertisements

3. Scary and overwhelming medical definitions, describing your horror in cold detail

Is this helpful? No. Did I read well past the first page of websites listed? Absolutely. 

I searched, and searched, and SEARCHED, looking for the answer to my obnoxious fucking problem: The A and C breasts hanging on my chest that tormented my adolescence. 

Reflection: Your identity is called into question when the most glaring part of womanhood (as a 11 year old) is broken during puberty. If you’re not a woman, then who are you?

[perfectly-imperfect-xo-xo]

[mindful-minds]

Everything you’re going through is happening for a reason: to make you a stronger. No matter how hard things may seem right now just know that you’re stronger than anything else that comes your way.

[quotebook-in]

[smartspo]

[staystrongandalwaysloveyourself]

[poemswords]

[mayticks-art]

An Ode to the flesh that houses me!

[agonizing-asymmetry]

breaking silence

I was standing in Barnes & Noble, glossing over the Young Adult spines, waiting for one to break free.

Suddenly, I realized the story I so desperately wanted to hear was my own. I wanted to, for the first time in my life, feel validated on the emotional trauma that I have been through. That story, I have found, does. not. exist.

So here I write, my hands reaching into the void, waiting for my past self to grab on. Hands reaching, waiting for her to hear the words I am shouting as she hides under sweatshirts and dried tears. Grab my hand. I know the way.