.

[elizabeths-banks-deactivated201]

Carrie Fisher’s home, from Bright Lights (2016).

[newtgeiszler]

i have dreams about carrie’s bathroom

[jennysparksandtheauthority]

I’ll love her forever

[ahhtigers]

Everything is just too difficult at all times. I mean literally every single thing I encounter in my day is damaging and distressing atm.

Therapy ended but I've just ignored it. Probably isn't helping.

But nothing is helping. Nothing is good or even okay. It's all actively bad and causing further harm. And I just do not know what to do.

[ahhtigers]

Measuring myself against others again and I know I shouldn't. But I feel incredibly upset sometimes about not being able to do more, like others. Like those I see being successful because they CAN do more. Draw and produce more. I resent it. And I don't want to. It doesn't help me, or anyone else. And it's just not who and how I want to be.

But it's really shit to feel so incapable. And to receive comparatively very little response to things that are so incredibly difficult for me to do. I hate that it's so disproportionate, it makes it all feel so worthless.

[ahhtigers]

I've been really good at avoiding the severe pains for a while. Tonight not so much. I definitely did a lot wrong the last few days. A lot. Including resting in the wrong way which is why this hurts like this.

But I find it kinda funny that I'm in my most severe pain at the same time as my Facebook memory from three years ago pops up. Of possibly the first time ever that walking has felt *GOOD* to me. Not just not really painful but actively fucking good. There was still pain, it was just so different. It was unbelievable.

Anyway, I need one of those massages again. More desperately right now than I'd like to admit. Proper vomit inducing sharp pains all the way through me. Toes to head. Loving it.

[anxietyproblem]

[memeuplift]

[the-strawman]

Relationship goals

[theycantalk]

silver lining

[nervouspearl]

[x]

[ahhtigers]

FOURTEEN YEARS LATER AND I’M STILL TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH HER

[ahhtigers]

17 years now and I'm 99% sure she's the main reason I have a thing for Scottish women 👀

[anxietyproblem]

[eelhips]

when that someone is having difficulties expressing and solving the issue, the desire to be present during their difficult time can be the perfect amount of support

[books-n-quotes]

“Which of my feelings are real? Which of the me’s is me?”

— Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness (via books-n-quotes)

[ahhtigers]

Oh my god it is getting worse with every email I receive

I HATE not having the choice of my team least of all because I now have to give my phone number to two men who've already proven they don't understand boundaries and will repeatedly be inappropriate and invasive with me. And I can't say anything about it because they've already been invited in.

Might have to go for an angry anxiety walk and deal with the consequences later because currently I can't do the work I need to do for this anyway.

[studentlifeproblems]

[books-n-quotes]

“We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.” — John W. Gardner

[ahhtigers]

Nearly managed to end it today. Decided I probably still shouldn't in the middle of a pandemic because absolutely nothing is normal and I probably can't trust my thoughts or feelings in all this.

I know logically that is the sensible thing to do, to wait, but also... Eh.

I also really thought I was going to kill myself today so I suspect that might have been part of the drive to end it 🙃

[ahhtigers]

Got very drunk and took a load of pills and the only reason I didn't take more was because I fully passed out from it and that's the second time this has happened in about three weeks and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to stop doing this constantly and while I want to die I also feel weirdly afraid of the damage it will do to me to keep surviving these

[webcomicname]