“He had a decided propensity for bullying: derived no inconsiderable pleasure from the exercise of petty cruelty; and, consequently, was (it is needless to say) a coward. This is by no means a disparagement to his character; for many official personages, who are held in high respect and admiration, are the victims of similar infirmities. The remark is made, indeed, rather in his favour than otherwise, and with a view of impressing the reader with a just sense of his qualifications for political office.”
The Rum Tum Tugger: Why? Oh, well—I thought you'd be rather an attractive person to marry. That's all. I mean, I sort of took a fancy to you. I can't tell you why. There's no rule about it, you know.
Mistoffelees: I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.
Rum Tum Tugger: In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.
Mistoffelees: Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.
Rumpleteazer: Do you know how to pick a lock?
Victoria: Not in the least, I'm afraid.
Rumpleteazer: I often wonder what we go to school for. We never seem to learn anything really useful.
Macavity:
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation, I shall go at once to Munkustrap and make him an oration,
I shall tell him I've recovered my forgotten moral senses, and I don't care tuppence ha'penny for any consequences.
Munkustrap: Well, it's no good jumping at conclusions.
Alonzo: Jump? You don't even crawl distantly within sight of a conclusion. I believe if you caught Rumpleteazer with her head in the cream-jug you'd say it was conceivable that the jug was empty when she got there.
Grizabella: You hold that I am not beautiful because my face is plain. But you know nothing; you are still unenlightened. Learn, then, that it is not in the face alone that beauty is to be sought. My face is unattractive!
The Rum Tum Tugger: It is.
Grizabella: But I have a left shoulder-blade that is a miracle of loveliness. People come miles to see it. My right elbow has a fascination that few can resist.
The Rum Tum Tugger: Allow me!
Grizabella: It is on view Tuesdays and Fridays, on presentation of visiting card.
Deuteronomy: I forget the punishment for compassing the abduction of the Jellicle Leader.
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Punishment?!
Deuteronomy: Yes. Something lingering, with boiling oil in it, I fancy. Something of that sort. I think boiling oil occurs in it, but I’m not sure. I know it’s something humorous, but lingering, with either boiling oil or melted lead. Come, come, don’t fret – I’m not a bit angry.
Mungojerrie: Sir, if you will accept our assurance, we had no idea –
Rumpleteazer: I knew nothing about it.
Mungojerrie: I wasn’t there!
Deuteronomy: That’s the pathetic part of it. Unfortunately, the fool of an Act says ‘compassing the abduction of the Jellicle Leader.’ There’s not a word about not knowing –
Rumpleteazer: No!
Deuteronomy: Or not being there –
Mungojerrie: No!
Deuteronomy: There should be, of course –
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Yes!
Deuteronomy: But there isn’t.
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Oh.
Deuteronomy: That’s the slovenly way in which these Acts are always drawn. However, cheer up, it’ll be all right. I’ll have it altered next session. Now, let’s see about your execution – will after luncheon suit you? Can you wait till then?
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer: Oh, yes – we can wait till then!
Electra: Well, whatever happens, I shall, of course, be a dutiful wife, but I can never love my husband.
Alonzo: I don’t know. It’s extraordinary what unprepossessing people one can love if one gives one’s mind to it.
Bombalurina: I loved your father.
Alonzo: My love – that remark is a little hard, I think? Rather cruel, perhaps? Somewhat uncalled-for, I venture to believe?
Bombalurina: It was very difficult, my dear; but I said to myself, ‘That cat is a Duke, and I will love him.’ Several of my relations bet me I couldn’t, but I did!
Alonzo: At last we have arrived at our destination. As a Castilian hidalgo, I should have preferred to ride through the streets of Venice; but owing, I presume, to an unusually wet season, the streets are in such a condition that equestrian exercise is impracticable.
“When the other cats find out that you can’t read or even spell, they’ll laugh at you!”
“I’ll do it,” said the Rum Tum Tugger, half angry and half frightened.
“Very well. Let us start right away!” said Mistoffelees, pulling him over to the table. He sat the Rum Tum Tugger down and showed him how to form some letters; but the Rum Tum Tugger was still sulky, and he had great difficulty in remembering them.
So Mistoffelees said, “I’ll tell you a poem, and then you will remember. Listen:
If A, B, C you do not know,
Before the school board you must go.
“I won’t go,” said the Rum Tum Tugger stubbornly.
“Where?”
“Before the court. The judge is a meanie.”
“Hurry up and learn the three letters, then you won’t have to!”
The Rum Tum Tugger, beginning again, repeated the three letters till Mistoffelees said: “Now you know them.”
Having observed the good result of the first rhyme, he continued his poem:
D, E, F you then must read,
Or of misfortune take good heed!
Who over L and M doth stumble,
Must pay a penance and feel humble.
There’s trouble coming; if you knew,
You’d quickly learn N, O, P, Q.
If still you halt on R, S, T,
You’ll suffer for it speedily.
Mistoffelees, stopping, looked at the Rum Tum Tugger, who was so frightened by all these threats and mysterious horrors that he sat as still as a mouse.
Whoever mixes U and V,
Will go where he won’t want to be!
Here, the Rum Tum Tugger showed some signs of rebellion, so Mistoffelees picked up a birch rod and tapped it against his paw.
If W you still ignore,
Look at the rod beside the door.
The Rum Tum Tugger growled at this measure, but nevertheless he kept on learning, and soon had but three letters left.
If you the letter X forget
For you no supper will be set.
If you still hesitate with Y,
For shame you’ll run away and cry.
And he who makes his Z with blots,
Must journey to the Hottentots.
The Rum Tum Tugger sneered: “Nobody even knows where they are!”
“I am sure Deuteronomy does,” Mistoffelees retorted, jumping up. “Just wait one minute and I shall ask him.”
