this means i am not allowed to draw blood
i will tell the snake beneath my skin not to bite you
i will tell the flames in my hands not to burn you
but they might not listen to me, or rather
i might not listen to myself
you see, once i grew fangs i understood
that i could not go back. never again would i let
a man touch me like that.
next time, i promised myself,
and so began the process of becoming a forest fire
he did not set the fire, i was born with it.
all he did was fan the flame that burned
between my thighs, behind my teeth.
the first time it happened, i burned myself alive.
you see, little girls are taught
that when things like this happen
you are supposed to drown yourself,
   (and so i drowned myself)
you better not tell anyone
   (and so i didnât tell anyone)
   (and so it was my faultâ
   after all, i didnât fight back)
i didnât even think to hate him, oh no,
the hate came much later, after i invited the snakes into my body
next time i would bite; thatâs what i said.
but then next time came and instead i swallowed my tongue.
no one knew until i told his younger brother years later,
heâs my closest friend, you see.
so i told him i didnât hold it against his brother (i do not know
if this is a lie or not yet)
because i had not unlearned the infinite teachings to women:
bleed, donât draw blood
but there was nothing he could do anyways
to this day he is the only one who knows.
since then i have changed: i am a warrior now.
i carry a knife with me everywhere
i have learned how to use my fangs, my fists, my voice
there isnât a docile bone left in my body
the small fire that charred my skin years ago became
the forest fire that protects my skin
i refuse to be consumed. i will burn him
i will burn anyone who tries ever again.
thatâs the funny thing about fire, though.
igniting it is easy, extinguishing it is not.
and so the last time someone got close enough to me
to pass through my flames, i burned right through her skin
right through her kind words, her gentle touch.
my fangs will not receed, my flames will not be suffocated.
the next person to love me will have to love all of my fire and my venom, too.
tangentwithtanner
jacobvanloon
prguitarman
turnnoffyourmind
