• Love and Chaos • @ahymmnoofapeaarl - Tumblr Blog

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You can have your seasons upon seasons of rage... that's okay, I've been holding rage and pain for what feels like a lifetime. But I'm not the vessel to project that all onto;

I'm not the container for your blame.

You can deflect and project onto me but that doesn't change your state of being and it doesn't change external circumstances because you're not actually being honest.

#aardee #important #🩸beating my chest rn actually genuinely

#Youtube

🥹💝

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#aardee #important

20 likes, 5 comments - joseffinspiration on July 3, 2026: "Everyone’s right, but not everyone’s honest about it.".

#aardee #important

CELEBRATE PEOPLE AND LIFE; NOT POWER.

Bitch, I need you🫵, to love yourself enough to create love, safety and justice within yourself. I need you to fight the good fight with me.

Collapse The System Entirely. No More Violence No More Conditional Love.

And the truth is it's deeper than giving them ourselves because we think they deserve it and we don't want them to feel bad about not having something... no no, it's because we would feel guilty and we would feel unworthy... if we don't give them access we think that means we aren't worthy of being chosen or that we are villains for having boundaries. no more enmeshment, we are our own sources of safey, undeniable and unlimited value.

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Maybe it's worth questioning what love is without accountability; because I don't think true love can exist in it's freedom and authenticity without it.

More to come on punishment and it's function as a tool for abuse and persecution by recognizing it and dispelling confusion around it. Let's be honest about Punishment and how (I) we use it.

#aardee

Think I just visited a familiar place in my dreams after two years or three (I wasn't keeping track honestly). It's incredible how the brain low-key remembers and adds to the story (not sure if it's a bit disjointed because brain logic and I can't really remember the first time). I've gone to that place multiple times. Also it's getting the SCP treatment now by people in it's story.

(I was treating it more like "let's go see the scary thing in the woods")

It's this beautiful abandoned house that likes to beckon you by opening one of it's doors.

It did so last time I stood before it. I always (run) walk away.

It's (assumed) a place that'll give you whatever you want in hopes that you'll stay. It's breathtaking in the dim light, the old stone engravings. Not a colonial/North American building.

I was too scared to go in.

I can't remember if last time it had the same symbols as this time. I made a comment about how I don't wanna make the "house" jealous (the whole area is controlled by someone or something(s)) It was kinda giving Kingdom of Marionettes (but i haven't seen more than the intro)... except all I've seen is the walls move and stand eeriely in their decaying glory. I assumed that the moment I went in there it would consume me by reading my desires and recreating a zombie version of whoever or whatever... within the grounds of the property of course (walled in).

I kept singing "A Dangerous Thing" and possibly other AURORA songs to it. First song was a folky one about freedom and love but I can't remember the lyrics and it was fast.

"There's no end to the fall,

you keep on getting better

I keep forgetting

there no love in the end."

Holy shit the term for it is "weaponized differentiation"... 💔🥀❤️‍🩹 fuck took way too long to find that out.

I am Bear, and then I felt like Nikki. No one makes me act any way; I am responsible for how I act but it was a trauma bond. I was abusive and didn't respect their autonomy from the beginning; being coercive for the outcome that I wanted. And yet I still feel scapegoated and like what I went through won't be believed (by those who don't have the maturity to see it all).

#aardee #important

If you ever wanna know what I have to say...

Yes yes, a million times over and over; yes.

#aardee #important

#aardee

even if the meaning we assign to things stems from things like trauma and conditioning... or just some instance where we've adopted a belief... it's aggravating when your entire experience of a person gets labeled as "just projecting past abusers onto them" like no it's both, stop taking the nuance out of it so you can control the narrative!

When I crash out about my ex for things where they aren't doing anything to me... basically feelings I'm projecting onto them as if they're causing the reaction in my brain... and then I realize that I'm doing the same thing they've done where they blame me for their crashout... and realize that I'm now doing what I made fun of them for... because I still felt (feel) hurt by the hurtful things they did and the projections they throw at me... and then I realize that they also feel hurt about the hurtful things I've done to them.... 🫪🙄

When the only one who's keeping me trapped in my trauma and suffering is me.

part 3 💋