-I am often told I am very sweet and kind (i cant explain too much about my personality, cause i dont know who i am even if it seems i do)
-I recognize in myself I tend to talk a lot, I send paragraphs to people often. I don't like to type in simple short sentences. Its not me being annoying its more so a reaction to feeling safe but also I have this uncontrollable urge to share things even if they r mundane or don't matter.
-i love death note!!!
-i love twd(the walking dead) and twdg's (the walking dead games), I like last of us 2 and life is strange 2
-I really love learning and discovering new analog horror or arg's, I love analysis of media like video games too, i like dark media regarding analog horror because a lot of themes ive seen are based on trauma and i find that interesting.
-I love love love fight club. I have read the book and watched the movie! I also have 3 favorite movies: Archies Final Project, Manic, Mysterious Skin.
-I have a nirvana hyperfixation same goes for dahmer and pearl jam
-I really love tomadachi life and the sims, i dont play sims as much anymore.
-I plan to become a nuerosurgeon!!!
-I have bpd, asd, and mdd (i mention these cause they all play a major role in who I am). i also have memory problems, i am not trying to forget things on purpose. i cannot control that. Furthermore, I saw someone add in their intro they don't want to get better. I sort of identify with that.
-favorite bands are Why Don't We, Pearl Jam, Slowdive, The Blood Brothers, Death in June, Carnifex, Taking Back Sunday, Orgy, Bleech 9:3, Kitty Craft, Meg & Dia, Underoath, Butthole Surfers, Acumen Nation, Chemlab
-For artists i rlly rlly like ethel cain and jefferson buckles (jeff buckley)
-Im online a lot of the time even if im not posting.
-fav prps: pekka, academy maniacs, and eric and dylan. I also do like Dahmer and ed gein
WHAT I'LL POST
-I will post my thoughts throughout the day and use tumblr as an emotional log
- 9 times out of 10 i will reblog 🍵🌊🌊 stuff
-🍵🌊🌊 art not often anymore
-I will post deep thoughts especially regarding my special interests.
-I often will post lovey dovey posts for aiden because i love him very much
-I will post music
-i plan to post abt my sh not photos but talking abt that and similarly for my fastings if you r sensitive just block dont report
edited it once more. i critiqued the display name again and i changed the background to cyan cause aiden expressed he liked cyan before.
idk its hard to not do stuff like that when im experiencing anticipated grief.
its never me trying to be obsessive its really me just trying to show my love for him.
furthermore
-I need to sleep for iop tomorrow. im scared to go. for a multitude of reasons but its mainly that one guy being weird and also my favorite social worker i think is going on vacation and who subs in is this other social worker who i dont really like too much. i dread that place a lot cause i dont feel welcomed
im trying to read me and aidens old messages and i cant help but go back to tumblr over and over again. its been too much for me to read old messages but idk what else to do when i feel lonely and miss him.
its very embarrasing at group during check ins when we have this suicide form to fill out and its to know where we are at mentally each day, and we have to share our answers aloud. two of the questions regard self harm and i plan to not fill in those boxes anymore just cause i feel this guilt for everytime i fill in yes to urges and yes to engaging. but also idk if thats their business idk idk maybe. and filling in other boxes makes it complicated to share out my answers to the form.
furthermorrrre i feel icky and ive been stressed all day. this is a sign i need to sleep or maybe its a reaction from fasting idk maybe. im gonna figure out this feeling of self punishment.
I just want to keep posting. i dont know what to do with myself. the thing is if i get any form of social interaction i just want to keep going and going and i feel like i have more to share.
but i did want to express thanks for all the engagement, everyones super duper cool. its very nice
i do want to mention im afraid of going to sleep i hate it every time and im unwilling to go to sleep unless im terribly exhausted and im not right now.
edited it once more. i critiqued the display name again and i changed the background to cyan cause aiden expressed he liked cyan before.
idk its hard to not do stuff like that when im experiencing anticipated grief.
its never me trying to be obsessive its really me just trying to show my love for him.
furthermore
-I need to sleep for iop tomorrow. im scared to go. for a multitude of reasons but its mainly that one guy being weird and also my favorite social worker i think is going on vacation and who subs in is this other social worker who i dont really like too much. i dread that place a lot cause i dont feel welcomed
im trying to read me and aidens old messages and i cant help but go back to tumblr over and over again. its been too much for me to read old messages but idk what else to do when i feel lonely and miss him.
