—— RYDER NAVARRO | 28 | MALE | BOB MORLEY
“Sometimes we build such high walls for protection that we forget that our greatest enemy can grow from within.”
Birthday: April 15th, 1988
Birthplace: Aiken, South Carolina
Neighbourhood: Boundary Avenue
How long have you been in Aiken, South Carolina? 28 years.
Most people have an amazing story to tell about their childhood; how great it was, how much it taught him, how different it was from everyone else even though it had been just the same. Ryder, however, had nothing extraordinary to tell. With an average income keeping the family afloat, young Ryder was deprived from a lot of things that some of his friends had; gaming consoles and new bikes were never things he got to talk about. His father always told him that those things were unnecessary, that once he outgrew them, they would be nothing but a reminder of how much money was spent on those “material and momentary things” when it could’ve been spent on better things, like repairing broken things at home or actually having some money for leverage at the end of the month. And so, young Ryder lived his childhood watching as other kids had what he wanted, comparing himself to them and to everything they got and he didn’t. It wasn’t an easy childhood to have and whenever Ryder was sad about not having what other kids had, his father would always tell him someone always had it worse. Father of the year, unwillingly teaching his child that his feelings weren’t worth having if someone always had it worse.
Ryder began noticing that his father wasn’t around as much after he got promoted at his job; he had promised that he’d do everything in his power to come home as much as he could but his promises were shown to be hollow when he wouldn’t even come home some nights. Sometimes, the boy couldn’t even fall asleep knowing that his mother was alone on the other side of the wall and Ryder was left on his room, feeling guilty over something that was not his fault – a young mind and a soon to be broken family shaped his thoughts into a bad shape. So, after a few times, his empathetic young mind made him knock on his mother’s door and ask her what was wrong; quickly, she’d wipe away the tears and would open her arms, letting her child fall asleep on her arms. Ryder didn’t know it back then, but that simple action was enough to make her mother smile and think she wasn’t as alone as she was before. From that moment forth, Ryder’s relationship with his mom was salvaged and, when he didn’t find someone to look up to in his father, he found it in his mother.
It was safe to say that as he grew older, his protective nature only grew bigger, especially over his mother; maybe it was biology, maybe it was the fact that Ryder and his mom had basically become each other’s family after his father decided that work was more important than the people waiting for him back at home. In between playdates with the neighbour’s kids and having sleepovers at other’s kids places, Ryder would sometimes just prefer staying at home with his mother, his father stopping by once every blue moon. People at school would talk, even in middle school, kids could be vicious and make fun of someone else’s family, telling Ryder that he didn’t have a father because he liked work more than he liked his wife – and it didn’t help that the boy had inherited his anger issues from his grandfather; that resulted in him getting detention more often than not. And whenever his father would come home, when he did, which was a miracle on its own, it was only to reprimand his child, tell him that he had to be better, behave better. Ryder would never be enough. And, apparently, neither would his mom.
Coming home after walking from school, his mother was stragely quiet. When he knocked on her bedroom door, she dismissed him, telling him that she was just trying to rest up, saying she had a long day at work. And for hours, he believed that, distracting himself with homework and whatever was on TV. However, when night fell and his stomach growled with hunger, he decided to go upstairs again, try and make his mother come out of the bedroom. He kept knocking and trying and his mother, thankfully, had given up trying to keep her own son away; once she opened the door, he noticed the opened bottle of whiskey, the smell within the room and how his mother looked. Ryder knew his mother was drunk, he had seen people look like her in movies – but he didn’t know what to do. He had never seen her like this so, innocently, he asked what was wrong. In her drunkenness, she replied – told him that his father had another woman but that wasn’t what made her sad and asked that he wouldn’t do or say anything. And that’s all she had said before she passed out, lying on the bed that she was supposed to share with a man that loved her and only her.
Years passed, and he tried to forget the image of her mother looking hurt and feeling hurt. He never looked at his father the same way. Maybe it was because he was biased, seeing his mother as his only family, or maybe it was because he realized how much of a bad parent his father was. At thirteen, he finally realized how used to his life he was – he didn’t miss his father when he didn’t come home for weeks at a time, he didn’t complain about anything or explored his feelings (good and bad) because that was what he thought was supposed to be done – that’s what his father had taught him, even if it had been unplanned. So, from a young age, he repressed his feelings, which didn’t help soothe the anger that he had accumulated over the years of his young life; between feeling abandoned by his father and seeing his mother hurt, there was a lot of unexplored feelings that Ryder didn’t want to get in contact with. One day, however, he came back to a bad surprise wrapped in a moment of happiness. He saw his mother, sitting at the dinner table, another glass in her hand and naturally, he went to her as fast as he could.
It was only when she flinched a bit when she gave his son a hug that Ryder noticed the bruises in her arm and a story to come with it. It wasn’t hard to imagine what happened, especially since he saw his father’s briefcase at the door and his father nowhere to be seen. However, what Ryder could never guess what his mother was about to tell him: he had a half-sister, half an hour away from them. Tears strolled down her face, guilt ridden as she explained to her son that she had gotten involved with a man when Ryder was but a child and it resulted in her getting pregnant. It added up to a few things; how his mother would spent more time at her sister’s house when Ryder was a young boy, more often at the end before she came back like nothing had happened, like she hadn’t almost disappeared for almost five months. Ryder was shocked, angry that his mother hadn’t told him the truth, that she had hid it from him – he should be mad that she lied, that she did to his father what his father did to her only years before that moment. But Ryder couldn’t. Not after what his father had made their life like, what he had done to his wife after she had already been living with the guilt – that’s how Ryder saw it.
His mother told him everything; that his half-sister lived with his aunt, that they were only thirty minutes away, what her father had done, how guilty she felt for decades, that she had been fired long ago and was using her work time to be with her other daughter. That only fueled emotions within Ryder that he would never deal with: after all, her mother had it worse, his feelings felt invalid compared to hers. So, he swallowed and let it build inside of him, ignoring what he wanted to say and do and feel. When his father came home, he spared no words when addressing Ryder’s mother, calling her names, throwing all of her stuff around and not trying to not hit him or his mother while he was at it. Putting his arms around his mother, he took her out of harm’s way and locked both of them inside of his own room, waiting for his father to calm down. In the middle of the night, he heard the door slam shut and woke up, realizing that his father had left. That was the last time he ever heard or saw his father. Not giving him enough time to deal with what happened, his mother introduced him to his half-sister the next day.
She was his mother’s copy, which only prompted a sense of protectiveness over the younger girl; whether it was because he was supposed to be the big brother, supposed to take on the protective role no matter what or because he saw in the sister he had just met a younger version of his mom, he didn’t know. Moving her into the house, it was only the three of them now, in a house that had known what was going on only a day before. It was a big change; his father left, his mother was dealing with her own things and now he had an half-sister to take care of – but before he gave himself the time to deal with everything, he took on the role of the man of the house. Protective and wanting nothing but the best for his mother and, consequently, his new sister, Ryder matured faster than most boys of his age. No games, no playing around, no nothing. He had to look after himself and take care of his sister so his mother wouldn’t have more on her hands than work, which she had to endure to keep them afloat. When he was old enough, he’d take part time jobs here and there, all throughout high school and college; and after he graduated, he enrolled in the police academy.
Working his ass off, he graduated top of his class and it wasn’t long before he started working on the field, being paired up with an old, experienced cop seeing as his partner had retired due to an injury. Years passed by and Ryder built a reputation for himself; tough but fair, easy to anger but protective. His mother and sister were happy and things were going well for him; however, that didn’t last long. His partner got shot and it wasn’t long until he bled out right in front of him. And there was nothing Ryder could’ve done to save him but still, he blames himself for not being able to protect someone that he swore he’d always watch his back just like his partner had always watched his. It was the situation with his mother over and over again, a fear of his becoming real: not being able to protect someone he cared for. Although he had gotten shot too, it wasn’t something he couldn’t deal with – after all, his partner was dying and all he got was a bullet wound on his side. After he recovered and after his partner’s funeral, he went back to work but it wasn’t the same. The guilt consumed him and it was as if everyone blamed him too. And, from some comments he got, they did.
It was safe to say that everything had take its toll on him and, for the first time in years, he actually got down time enough to let his emotions get the best of him, quickly getting angered at the precinct. His boss called him over right after and told him to take some time off to fully recover and to cool off. Instead, Ryder, still angry, put his badge and gun on the table and left. A few months after, he got a job as a bartender just to keep his family afloat. His wound isn’t completely healed yet but the pain was nothing he didn’t think he deserved so he deals with it. For the last few months, he’s been working at the local bar, doing late nights and barely sleeping when he gets home, just trying to get by and protect his family.
Due to the fact that he was raised to believe that his feelings weren’t important, Ryder rarely deals with his emotions the way they should be dealt with. Although he’s very loyal, protective and kind at its core, he has a hard time showing the latter due to the fact that he’s very distrusting of people. At the end of the day, he has a few self-loathing tendencies and has no trouble getting into fights and getting himself hurt if his patience is tested. Used to the physical pain and believing he can handle it, Ryder has little to no regard for his own personal safety anymore. One of Ryder’s most prominent trait is his sarcasm, falling under the cliché of using it as a defense mechanism. He has a hard time letting people get close to him but when he does trust them, and unless they break that trust, Ryder will always have their back and is a very loyal friend to have. It’s a contrast he has towards his own well being, seeing as he never puts himself first. That’s not to say he lets himself get pushed around but when it comes to people and their hateful words and actions towards him, he will either get very angry or let himself take the beating for he thinks he deserves it.
