So itās been a while since I have posted an update as I have just been so busy with uni and trying to get on with things, and it really is a lot harder than I thought.
So uni work load is so big, and I have even had a few exams that count towards this module - one with went quite well, and the other which I am still waiting to hear back from although I donāt think it went quite well. I also have a Chemistry and Maths exam coming up, which is not great because there are stuff from A2 Chemistry and Maths, and seeing as I havenāt done either since GCSE and have taken a gap year, it is safe to say that I am struggling on that side.Ā
I am however really enjoying going into the dissection room, and have even asked if there is a summer placement going there at all because I really do love it. I donāt however like these lab reports that we have to do!Ā
The most recent exams, I still feel like I am a bit behind, seeing as I decided to change the way I did my notes last minute, so I am still trying to catch up on those again. The work load is definitely a lot more than I thought.
As for the whole thing with men.... So I ended it with Josh as I wasnāt coping with him being away and waiting for an email up to 12hrs when I am having a bad day, and consequently I also developed feelings for someone that lives in the same block as me - James. Weāve had a pretty rocky start to our relationship, and it hasnāt been ideal, but we are still working on it and hopefully it will fall into place eventually.
As for my eating habits... They have not been great, especially as I went home for the first time after 7 weeks and I had lost 5-6 pounds, which wasnāt great. Itās also been just hard keeping my eating up, especially as I keep feeling so low - due depression and reasons associated with Josh, James, my flat, stress, etc etc. I donāt really want to share it all, because some of it is still quite raw and hurts quite a lot - although I know bottling it up isnāt ideal. I just feel sad a lot of the time at the moment, and I just donāt feel like I am worth anything right now. It just sucks at the moment really. I hadnāt SH since April, but since being at uni I have relapsed twice, due to my low mood, stress and really low self-esteem at the moment.Ā
I started off making meals and keeping to them quite a while, but then I got lazy and didnāt want to cook in such a disgusting kitchen (flat mates are horrifically messy), so have ended up having peanut butter on toast for most meals... Not meeting calorie requirements and my diet is just not at all balance - definitely not getting enough protein either.Ā
As for my course though, despite the difficulty and work load, I do really enjoy it, and I am hoping to transfer onto the year in industry, hence why I am aiming to be on track for a 2:1 - 1st, which probably explains the extra pressure I am putting on myself.Ā
Overall, things have been better, and I have gone down quite a bit since moving to uni, but hopefully things will get better again..... Hopefully.Ā
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