nothing but my screams left to give

it/its banner + pfp are mine

[aionpathy]

🌊intro or whatever🌊

This isn’t my first rodeo, alas I don’t believe I still have a possibility of finding my old poetry. I post (original as well as reblogging others’) poetry, songs, short stories, and fanfiction. Here is my ao3 account!

WARNING: My poems may include themes of suicide, self harm, and/or eating disorders. I will trigger warn them in the tags, please block “tw suicide”, “tw self harm”, and/or “tw eating disorder” to avoid seeing those.

Hi! My name is Kit and my main blog is @lavendxrtea. My pronouns are primarily it/its, although they tend to change often.

My url is built from Greek roots to mean eternal suffering. “Aion” means long-lasting/ eternal and “pathy” means suffering/ emotions. My url can be interpreted as any combination as those, but originally the idea was “eternal suffering”.

🌙tagging system🌙

#escaped screams - original poetry

#old poem - poetry from my old blog/ that’s been sitting in my drafts for a while/ that was written a while ago and just not posted

#not a poem - other

#original song - my original songs :] usually rb’d from my main

credits to 🩵 @lunamoth-moons 💛 @strangergraphics for the dividers!

[troutreznor]

text transcribed under readmore

SMALL DOG SYNDROME 

small dog you’re so funny when you snap small dog you’re so funny when you shake small dog you’re so bad when you bark small dog you never learned the rules

small dog lays flat on the floor  and sighs and whines  while it waits for you to come back from wherever you go  all day small dog doesn’t know if you’re coming home small dog hides under the bed to puke does it quiet eats its shame before you ever smell it  small dog’s bark is worse than its bite  small dog you are so funny when you bite  small dog it’s so funny when you’re mad  so by all means pick it up throw it around  lock it in a cage while you laugh small dog you are so funny when you cry

small dog can’t remember being a wolf  can’t remember being big  howling in harpstring harmony  like a plucked and quivering note in a catacomb  sleeping in a warm pile of bodies in a dry place that smells like family  the taste of fresh hot blood and wet bone iron fire honey salt 

small dog run free beneath the moon in your dreams

small dog is so happy you’re home!! small dog loves you!!!

JMGD

[drowning-in-melancholy]

Dotted Lines

You make me

physically sick

you're the firing neurons

in my brain

a touch of eden

and me

heaven's oversight

when I wrote

I don't wanna be saved by you

I lied

but the world keeps going

it feels like I died

somewhere

along the dotted lines

in this gentle wind

in mid springs time

that is my delight

while

thoughts of you torture my mind

i am indeed

just a broken winged butterfly

and there's no angels on my side

so I cry on the cold tile

I can't seem stand up now

and there's no hand

that reaches for me

so I ask

how broken you have to be

to attach yourself

to someone

who only exists in your fractured mind?

you wield the power in god's realm

and his black tongue

speaks in riddles

that i can't hear

but I remain

till my bones turn to ash

and fire scorches the steps I take

still - i will walk through the blaze

for you

but I do not exist

in the world

you move through

and you never even knew

[aionpathy]

[aionpathy]

[aionpathy]

Late Night/ Early Morning Questions and Confessions for an Old Lover

Do you ever think of me Even accidentally At all? When you try to sleep Are you haunted by dreams Of us? Of me?

You’re in all of mine. I wish I were lying, Or making this up for a poem. But I’m not. And you are In every dream I have.

I can’t go an hour Without thinking your name. I can’t look at flowers Without seeing your face.

Do you even remember My favourite colour? It’s been a few months I told you in November Listen, I get If you forgot it. Please just be honest.

I miss you. I want you Back. You hurt me, But you fixed me.

I wish I Was lying. But I’m not. And you are In every dream I have.

[atanarmslength]

Written Fall 2023:

I cut off my flowers

I cut off my flowers.

One by one.

Each stem cleared away

Each sunny, bright May.

And you bring me seeds,

Still, to pay me

For the damage I caused.

But it doesn’t seem fair

For one to crack anew

After all, I did hurt you.

You still brought me a chance,

And perhaps one too many,

To take my deserted garden

And fill it with many.

All our favorite things

Fertilized by short, quick flings

And watered specially

By my own confused tears.

What does it take

For a garden to grow?

I think you know.

I wish I’d known.

[aionpathy]

Would you love me Even if I won’t?

Would you kiss me With salt on my face? Would you sit with me In my smoke-filled place?

Would you listen If I started to cry? Would you hold me If I wanted to die?

Would you still say “hello” Now that you know where it goes? Would you stay with me?

Now that you know: I’m broken, I’m rotting, I’m no one, And I’m nothing. Do you love me Even though I don’t?

[aionpathy]

I’ve got an open wound. You’ve got a jar of salt. I cry to the moon, You try to try To want me.

I’m no fool. I’m not your first, Nor second, Nor thirteenth choice.

You hold me, but never too tight. The lights stay off, Your eyes stay closed. We won’t tell a soul!

I’m with you, But I’m always alone. I stare at the screen Hoping, praying You’ll reply.

It’s a lost cause, But I try, And try, And try. I promise I try.

Once you find someone better (Which can’t be hard), You’ll leave.

The wound might close, The scars could fade. But the pain Never will.

Did you know scars can reopen?

One more kiss! One more touch! We’re back at the start.

My eyes are wide open I want to feel it all: Your lips, your hands, your heart, You.

This’ll never work, But I try, And try, And try. I promise I try.

The salt will always sting. The wound will reopen again. Again. Again. “Can we try Again?”

I want to keep you, You just can’t throw me out.

I’ll stop crying to the moon, I won’t make a sound. I’ll be your’s, Never officially (You don’t do labels I learned that early on), But you’ll never be mine.

It’s fine! I’m fine! Fine! Fine! You’re so fine.

I don’t feel human next to you, Or maybe I do? You’re like a god. You’re like my god. The god of indecision. God, that sounds like you.

I worship you relentlessly, You pretend I don’t exist. I wait by the altar, You drink till you’re sick.

I love you, You love that I love you. Love, Love, Love. I’ll never have your’s. I’ll never have you. But, at least you’ve given me salt. Poured it straight into the wound.

Inspired by this post.

[aionpathy]

[9ja9me9s]

i once knew a girl

who had her life taken from her

she wasnt killed

she was stripped of her dignity and pushed to her limits

i knew a boy who had his life taken from him

again he wasnt killed

he had his innocence and childhood taken

most lives are over before they get the chance to start

and nobody really cares because

we live in a world where only the exploiters

only the thieves

only they are benefited

[aionpathy]

[aionpathy]

Visit Original Link

inspired by this post

[cieraheart]

60 second breakup

How can you talk to a screen and it talk back?

How can it make you laugh?

How does it become your world and everything you want to love,

hold,

and cherish.

I know she could be an ass on the other side,

but to me she’s the most wonderful person.

Every conversation we had 

every song she sang 

Every game we played 

God, I loved that girl

And I don't think she wanted me the same way.

How does a screen convince you that there is safety?

Why would I believe there was an alternative to a life without a love

GOD, why?

I scroll past her videos on youtube and I hear her voice and I think…

I think…

I think I hate her but I know that can't be true. 

I try to cut off toxic people from my life cause’ thats what a 60 second video tells me to do 

And damn… why do I always cut off the only people I love.

I run.

I want you so bad

I hate you so much

Why does a screen hold so much power to make me feel?

“That is the question”

That is the pain.

[aionpathy]

Not a Poet

I am not a poet. I just listen to your song.

I breathed in your lyrics, I kissed your chimes, I held your harmonies, I tasted your rhymes, I felt your rhythm, Beautiful and sublime.

I am no bard, I just love you, It’s not hard.

[aionpathy]

[aionpathy]

I thought I was his, Even though I knew he wasn’t mine. But, now I wonder if he even wanted me. Maybe I was never his to begin with, Maybe I projected my love for him And mistook his as reciprocated.

I said I knew it was a ‘dumb teenage fling’ But, here’s the thing: Once I was aware that that’s what it was, It wasn’t like what I thought.

I had tried to prepare, Made sure I was aware Goodbye doesn’t have to mean the end. It can be a new beginning. But, when it happened, It felt like death.

Not the nice kind, like heaven. Not quite as bad as hell, But some sort of purgatory-like state. I was alone, so alone, And it was entirely my fault.

I could stare at him from a distance, But nothing more. I found myself thinking more about him Than I had ever thought before.

I found myself memorizing his schedule, Mapping how to see him in the halls, Moving my seat to stare at him in class, And so much more all to be within his vision Making sure he was in mine.

We can still talk over the phone, But waiting by the door before class begins Is the closest I will be near him For quite some time.

I would like to picture myself as his, Like how I (thought I) was before. Even if he isn’t (and never was) mine.