AJ @aj-unfortunatelynot-crowley - Tumblr Blog

Who knew my ADHD medication would actually make me into a functional human being

Is this how neurotypical people feel every day????

#adhd #no wonder im abt 50 steps behind in life #like i just get so productive any time I take them #it is actually crazy #look at me #i can do laundry

One thing you gotta know about me is that I need at least one week of mental preparation time before any sort of appointment/event/meet-up and at least one week of recovery afterwards.

I am about as functional as an apple that's been forgotten for a month is edible and I do not know how to fix it, so deal with it.

#mental health #idk if its from the amount of anxiety it brings me or because of another unidentifiable thing I haven't been diagnosed with #or maybe it's depression??? or has something to do with my adhd???

I am currently trying to study for a math exam tomorrow and i just???

If there weren't any numbers I'd rock that shit. Why oh why DO THEY HAVE TO TORTURE ME WITH COMPLICATED NUMBER-ARRANGEMENTS

#math

Just went to my best friend attempting to 'simp' over an actor

She called me out for gender envy and internalised issues of me being aroace.

"look at what you just texted me."

"wdym?"

"you are literally describing him as if he's a painting."

I AM SORRY, ROBIN. I WAS TRYING TO FILL THE VOID IN MY HEART THAT OPENED UP WHEN I REALISED I AM GOING TO DIE ALONE WHILE EVERYONE AROUND ME IS GOING TO SETTLE WITH THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS AT ONE POINT OR THE OTHER

#we love her #this is all jokes #possibly /hj at the end #aroace #internalised shit #i do miss the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and grow old with someone #maybe i still will #in a way #just not romantically #we'll see #aromantic

It is so hard to find other aromantic people to befriend

Where are we? Have we collectively decided to stay separated because we'd be too powerful if we cane too close to eachother and I just missed the memo?

#aromantic

*screams in aromantic*

#aromantic #arospec

this is for me

There's been a weird sense of finality when i figured out I was aromantic.

I have known I was ace for so long but just kept pushing the thought of being aromantic around until I could no longer ignore it.

I ignored it while I was in very toxic relationships, I ignored it while I was in very weird, impersonal relationships, but I could no longer ignore it while I was in a good one.

And i guess that makes sense. In all those other relationships I had, at least I could focus on the negative and tell myself that that was the only reason I was so uncomfortable. In that one good one though? They were wonderful. It wasn't always great but they were wonderful. And just that slow realisation that started creeping up-

It was horrible.

Slowly realising that all the things I played along with against my gut feeling weren't at all what I liked?

Horrible.

Realising I'll never going to feel differently about any of it?

Horrible.

It was like my whole sense of life had been put into a blender and whatever came out of it, needed to be thrown away.

But I admitted it to myself.

And you know what?

That weight of my shoulders that got heavier every time I told my partner I loved them knowing that something just wasn't right?

Lifted.

That knot in my throat every time i made promises i knew i wasn't comfortable with?

No longer there.

I feel lonely, yes. And i don't know what to do with myself just yet.

But it can't get that much worse, can it?

#aroace #aromantic #arospec #aroace stuff #i process stuff by writing it down #didn't wanna bother my friends #so here ya go #hello strangers

reality is reality-ing at the moment

#help #neurodivergent #school struggles

i don't want to leave the comfort of reading fanfiction at night but i need to get up early tomorrow

#fanfiction #night time reading

is it normal to just like, still feel this twinge of hope that maybe, possibly, one day you'll find a person that is right for you to be romantically involved with? people around me keep talking about crushes and since i've realised i can't actually relate to any of that stuff and can't keep pretending that i do i just feel lonely and isolated.

romance sounds so great in theory, but in practice it just makes me uncomfortable and while i know there is no changing that (and i am learning to accept that part of myself) i just wish i could force myself to enjoy it like everyone else around me.

#aroace #aromantic #arospec #aroace struggles #aroace stuff #aroacespec #is this just a me experience?#i wish i knew any aro ppl irl #or at all for that matter

I love being aroace but it's so lonely sometimes PLS

#aroace #aromantic #asexual #ace

We as a society need to start meaning everything literally. I am tired of not being able to read between the lines and people reading in between the lines when I literally did not put any meaning between the lines.

I am tired

#neurodivergent #and tired #very tired

My whole life I was planning to get married and stuff bc i thought that was what I was supposed to do so it must be what I want to do. And honestly, now that I'm starting to realise that I don't actually have to or even want to do that, I'm a bit scared. Like, what do I do now?

#aroace #aromantic #arospec #asexual #neurodivergent #ace #aroace struggles #aroace stuff #aroacespec #acespec #aro #like what am i supposed to do now?#i have this whole life in front of me and it's scary

I broke up with the person I've been dating for over two years today and I am sad because I could potentially lose them from my life forever, but I feel so much better addressing how I feel and going through with it. I feel like a huge weight just lifted off my shoulders and I'm just sorry I didn't realise I was aromantic and uncomfortable for that reason sooner.

#aroace #aromantic #arospec #asexual #ace #aroace stuff #acespec #aroace struggles #aroacespec #i feel like the worst person ever #but also like a weight is liftong of my shoulders #breakup #can i get a wahoo

I don't get cis people--

I am sorry, what on earth do you mean you thought I identified as a girl???? Bro, I've got a trans pin on my bag, cut my hair short, wear stereotypical masculine clothing and go by a traditionally male name. Why can't you connect the dots?

Am i asking for too much here?--

#am i the problem?#is it ignorance?#or are they genuinely stupid?#like if they aren't sure they can just ASK #transgender #trans #i hate being trans #cis people #connect the dots #i am begging #but also I'm too scared to correct people 90% of the time #so i suppose I'm partially at fault here #but really???

Tell me why people feel the need to make fun of other people's laughs--

I am fully aware I sound like a tea kettle, let me be and don't yell my name across the room to put the attention of all people on the floor to it.

#fuck off #i just wanna have a good laugh #let me be #laugh #tea kettle #i hate being acknowledged #pretend i don't exist #like you do 99% of the time #there was no need for that #it wasn't funny the first time #it won't be funny the next 50 times #neurodivergent #i keep getting too comfortable #and forget to mask #masking

"nah, I'm not that oblivious" they say, having taken over 10 years to realise they were actually bullied in elementary school

#kids are mean #neurodivergent #is it sad? maybe #but it is kind of funny as well #at least I'm having a laugh #maybe i should rethink asking my therapist for an autism assessment

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