Akansha Writes

[akanshawrites]

6 THINGS I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU ALREADY:

i. there's an ocean of silence behind me, i drown in it every night. but there after sometime i see your hand, trying to save me. but i can't hold onto you anymore.

ii. i may not know everything about you, but i'm here to listen you without any arguments.

iii. i force myself to stay silent and not to talk to you much often. i'm not rude, trust me.

iv. i'm scared to get too close to you. i remind myself of times when i'm left all alone.

v. i always thought you would choose me over everyone, i was wrong.

vi. let go of me, please. (stay with me, i adore you more than my solitude.)

[akanshawrites]

sometimes, i dream of receiving a letter from you.

i imagine reading the letter you never wrote me for the 465th time and i am thinking, what if you loved me too?

because i am about to write my last letter to you. you are long-gone and i am just left with the hope of nothingness.

i can’t love you anymore, knowing that you’ve forgotten me.

but, if i am right, and you love me too, then stop me; i won’t go.

until then, i will carry you with me.

(i hope you write me a letter too)

[akanshawrites]

i didn’t force you to be mine, and, perhaps, you never loved me the way i did.

so, i made up my mind– to love you from behind; humble; quiet; selfless.

i dreamt of you,..with every breath of mine made you my person, my reason, my rhyme. i crafted myself, molded in your shadow, as you vanished like whispers swallowed by the black.

[akanshawrites]

aankhein taras gayi tujhe dekhne ke liye,

aur tu hai ki khwaabon mein bhi aane se darta hai.

[akanshawrites]

bahaut roya mere paas aa kar woh, jab usey apni galti ka ehsaas hua

muqammal jawab tha meri khamoshi mein,

afsoos, ke uski maafi meri maut se der se aayi.

[akanshawrites]

laut aana meri deh chootne se pehle,

maine saanson se keh rakha hai ki tujhe aakhiri baar mehsoos karna hai.

[akanshawrites]

i closed the window of my love, long back, through which i once saw you and me, together.

but then, i saw you with her— hand-in-hand, walking past the roads; smiling and grinning, like the happiest man ever! while my heart fell apart.

right at that moment, i wished to be her, to take her place, to feel the happiness i had never felt with you; to be a part of your good days, too.

but, my destiny brings me back to where i belong– to live with a love that was never truly mine.

[akanshawrites]

aaj shayad woh meri qabar aaye hai.

dil ki baat karni nahi aati unhe, bas yunhi kuch lamhe bitane aaye hai.

sawaal puchre hai, mujhse judaa hojane ki wajah puchre hai.

kareeb the jab, tab nazar churate the, aaj dafan hu toh haal puchne aaye hai.

ki kaise batau unhe sabab apni maut ka, ek unhi ki duaa thi, warna aaj hum bhi zinda hote.

[akanshawrites]

hazaar baar hui uss se guftagu, hazaar baar woh ek baat reh gayi.

[akanshawrites]

intezaar hai.

intezaar hai, ki shayad tum, phir miloge.

milenge ek aisi jagah, jahan shayad, tum mere ho. milenge wahan, jahan shayad, sirf tum hi ho.

yun raaste taakna meri aadat si bann gayi hai. harr mod par ek aas rehti hai, ki shayad, tumhare ek jhalak se rubaru ho jaaun.

intezaar karti hu, tumhara.

iss anjaan sheher mein, tumhare ehsaas ki jo kami hai woh kaise mitaau?

[akanshawrites]

after i die, don't burn me in the woods; bury me in the dark.

bury me, in a place where i felt— home.

drop by every month. so i’ll know.. you haven’t forgotten me.

let the leaves rest on me, let them stay.. So i won’t be alone.

don’t pray for my soul. do not lie.

say i was empty, say i was weak, say i was lost.

don’t bring flowers to my grave— write me notes; notes on how you’ve been.

happy or sad?

after i die, leave me to the dark—

the place, i’ve always belonged.

[akanshawrites]

suno, kuch der mere saath baithoge kya?

haan, ussi pahadi pe milungi jahan tum mujhe leke gye the apne saath...taaron ke neeche, bas yunhi, thori der thehroge kya?

kuch baatein nahi hai mere paas.

kehna toh bahaut kuch chahti hu tumse, par kya tum mere unn alfazon ko samjhoge jo maine khud ko aaj tak nahi samjhaye?

meri khamoshi mein chipe, uss dard ko pehchan paoge tum?

thakk haar ke aaungi jab, tumhare kaandhe pe sarr rakhungi. sukoon wahi hoga mera.

mera sukoon banoge na?

mai intezaar karungi, tum aaoge na?

[akanshawrites]

aaj, shayad, woh meri qabar aaye hai.

dil ki baat karni nahi aati unhe, bas yunhi kuch lamhe bitane aaye hai.

sawaal puchre hai, mujhse judaa hojane ki wajah puchre hai.

kareeb the jab, tab nazar churate the, aaj dafan hu toh haal puchne aaye hai.

aaj, shayad, woh meri qabar aaye hai.

.

[akanshawrites]

when i am on my deathbed, i don't want to think about who brought me sunflowers or daisies, or who cried, who was pleased with my absence.

i would think about an evening i spent with someone, where everything just went right.

[akanshawrites]

arso baad, aaj tujhe dekh rahi hu. aaj yunhi dekh lene de mujhe.

nasamjh hu, jo isey khwaab samjh rahi hu. tu baitha hai mere saamne, koi anjaan samjh rahi hu.

aankhon hi aankhon mein, tu konsa khatt likh raha hai? kaise puchu tujhe..kya mera naam likh raha hai..?

arso baad, aaj tujhe dekh rahi hu. aaj yunhi dekh lene de mujhe.

[akanshawrites]

jaare ho? beshaq chale jaao.

magar itna bata do ki jiske liye mujhse door jaare ho, agar woh tumhe tanha chodh jaaye, toh kya karoge?

kya karoge jab tumhe pata chalega ki yeh aakhiri mulaqaat hai uske saath tumhari?

kya rokoge tum usey? jaise mai tumhe rokna chahi thi.

kya tum uske bhi haathon ko aakhiri waqt tak thaame rakhoge? jaise uss din mai thaame rakhi thi.

mai toh naa rok saki tumhe, par kya tum usey ek aakhiri baar pukaaroge?

socho, agar woh kabhi lauti hi nahi..toh? jaise tum...

khair chodo.. ab jaa rahe ho, toh beshaq chale jaao.

mai rokungi nahi.

[akanshawrites]

duaaon mein toh humne bhi maanga tha tumhe,

magar tumne uska hona qubool kiyaa jisey tumse bepanah ishq bhi nahi.