Between Happiness and Letting Go
I’m trying to live like a monk recently.
And no, I’m not shaving my head nor being a vegan. No.
I’m just trying to be positive. Like, letting myself be one with the universe. Being still, but moving. Being compassionate, but brave. You know, like being balanced. Isn’t that what monk trying to do with all of their time-consuming meditation? To embrace contradiction.
It’s hard, but I’ll survive. My brother called me a hippie, but I couldn’t care less. I mean, to me, life is short. Come what may, nothing more tranquil for me than happiness.
And I’m trying to be less-judging. My mother once told me to never judge a goodness of a person is lesser than your goodness. What Bill Gates gives to Africa may not be better than what a piece of bread does to a homeless person at the corner of the street. She also told me not to degrade someone’s value. I mean, if someone strives for wealth and success, doesn’t mean his value lesser than someone who strives for happiness like a monk. The same goes for the opposite.
But then I asked myself, what is happiness?
Is it a bunch of unicorns and rainbows in a jar that’s sold at supermarket in my area?
For me, happiness is simply living my life. My own life, not some kind of someone else’s idea. I remember someone said to me once, “You can live your life, but your life must be a good life. And as I know, a good life never bites other people’s life. I’m not saying that a good life never bend. It could be bent, but it should be able to be mended. A good life would never hurt others and yourself.“
So can I say that to those who thinks they could find happiness in “chaotic” decision, they should re-evaluate their perspectives?
…damn, I failed myself to be less-judging… *sigh* it’s so hard.
Let me rephrase myself. In my opinion, true happiness is not gonna destroy anyone, including yourself. Please mind the “in my opinion” part. I’m talking about my value and it has nothing to do with anyone else’s. And no, I’m not being sarcastic, I’m just being… well, me. I promise myself to not degrade anyone else’s value, but I still can state my opinion about myvalue without making anyone feels offended, can’t I?
And one more time, in my opinion, the act of letting go may have something to do with myversion of happiness.
Some may say letting go is the act of losing hope, the others say it is the act of forgiving. The stronger you attach yourself to this mere-world, the harder you find a way back to the way we supposed to be. The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.
If there’s one thing we all have in common it’s that we want to feel happy; and on the other side of that coin, we want to avoid hurting. Yet we consistently put ourselves in situations that set us up for pain.
We pin our happiness to people, circumstances, and things and hold onto them for dear life. We stress about the possibility of losing them when something seems amiss. Then we melt into grief when something changes; a lay off, a break up, a transfer.
We attach to feelings as if they define us, and ironically, not just positive ones. If you’ve wallowed in regret or disappointment for years, it can seem safe and even comforting to suffer.
In trying to hold on to what’s familiar, we limit our ability to experience joy in the present. A moment can’t possibly radiate fully when you’re suffocating it in fear.
When you stop trying to grasp, own, and control the world around you, you give it the freedom to fulfill you without the power to destroy you. That’s why letting go is so important: letting go is letting happiness in.
It’s no simple undertaking to let go of attachment, not a one-time decision, like pulling off a band-aid. Instead, it’s a day-to-day, moment-to-moment commitment that involves changing the way you experience and interact with everything you instinctively want to grasp.
