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@akncharm
18 Signs That He's the (Dominant) Man For You
It’s been a long and dusty road, but it’s finally happened! You’ve met a great guy who - dare I say it out loud? - could possibly be The One™. But how do you know? Compatibility doesn’t exactly come with a banner in the sky, so most of us have to rely on gut instinct; we know the type of man we’re looking for, and we’re confident we’ll know him when we meet him. But it’s hard enough to find a compatible man in general, add to that a D/s or kink twist and things get extra tricky.
So, how do you know if he’s the dominant man for you?
1. You Can Be Yourself
You don’t have to be ‘on’ all the time. He embraces your weirdo habits and quirks, and he understands that sometimes a girl’s just gotta.
With a twist: You know you’re a reflection of him at all times, but part of why he loves you is, well, you! Your personality is not stifled, and though a certain degree of decorum might be called for (time and place, yo), he loves you just the way you are.
2. You Can Tell Him Anything
You don’t have to govern your thoughts or words with him. You can tell him anything that crosses your mind and you don’t feel judged.
With a twist: There might be times when you’re not allowed to speak, and broaching certain subjects could require a degree of reverence or ceremony (e.g., ‘Sir, may I speak to you regarding an issue?’). But the bottom line is he has your best interests in mind and will always want to hear the real you.
3. He Knows You
He knows your favorite color and how you take your coffee, that you hate cilantro and how you got that scar on your lip when you were six. You interest him, and he pays attention to the little things because the little things are what make you you.
With a twist: He’s taken the time to know the vanilla you, so you know you can trust him with your more vulnerable and deviant sides, as well. Even if you’re uncertain where things are headed, you know you can sit back and trust his direction.
4. He Listens
He doesn’t simply wait for his turn to talk, he listens to you. No false starts or interruptions, no glazed-over eyes staring past your head. He’s listening and you know it.
With a twist: The decision might ultimately be his, but you’ve found a man who actually hears you. Regardless of what he decides, you know in your bones that your thoughts and feelings are on the table and he’s taking them seriously.
5. You feel safe
He’s not going to hurt you and you know it all the way to your core.
With a twist: Sometimes he’s actually going to hurt you, but you’ve entered into this part of the relationship willing and wanting. And even though the pain - however that looks in your relationship - could be extreme, you know in your heart he’s not going to damage you.
6. You Don’t Worry About His Feelings For You
You just don’t. ‘Does he like me as much as I like him?’ and ‘He hasn’t texted all day, what does that mean?’ are questions from the ghost of dating past. This guy is as into you as you are him, and you know it. How do you know it? You just do. (Plus, he tells and shows you all the time, so there’s that.)
With a twist: Some dominant men strive to create an air of mystery around their feelings for you (”Gotta keep her on her toes…’), but this guy knows the best relationships - vanilla or kinky - are transparent.
7. You Enjoy Each Other’s Company
You enjoy spending time with him, both exciting times and downtime. Whether parasailing over the Caribbean or fighting for couch space during a Homeland marathon, you just like hanging with the guy.
With a twist: You like the same things and are on the same page when it comes to both your vanilla and D/s-related activities and desires. You have fun together no matter what you’re doing.
8. He Makes Things Happen
He takes care of his business and himself. He has a plan and he follows through to enrich his - and potentially your - life. He doesn’t sit back and wait for life to happen, he goes out and grabs it with both hands.
With a twist: He may simply serve as a consultant, or he might have full domain over your decisions and everyday life. But this is a guy who gets things done, and when you open yourself to his guidance he helps facilitate amazing and positive things.
9. The Sex is Good
Sex is giving, gratifying, and you’re excited to be together. You look forward to learning each other’s bodies and sex is never dull.
With a twist: Your kinks are his kinks (for the most part, anyway), and everything is okay! You know each other’s boundaries and are respectful of limits soft and hard. You know the sexual and power exchange world is vast, and you’re excited by all the territory there is to explore.
(Oh, and he goes down on you. A lot. Because it’s a very dominant thing to do and he knows that.)
10. Your Friends and Family Like Him
This isn’t necessarily a requirement, but these are people who likely know you well. If they’re happy with your pairing, the objective view is you two are a good fit.
With a twist: No one needs to know the details of your power exchange dynamic - or that it even exists. They might see nothing more than a confident respectful man - and a girl who loves and cares for him in a somewhat doting manner.
11. You Feel Good About Yourself When You’re Together
You’re happy and confident, and he makes you feel good about yourself. You’ve experienced people - exes and friends alike - who have dragged you down, but he is not that kind of man. He makes you truly believe you’re good.
With a twist: He encourages your confidence and feelings of self-worth. He knows that what you believe about yourself is your reality, what you will become. He wants nothing but the best for your psyche and morale, and his words and actions enhance your well-being.
12. He Includes You in His Life
He has his own hobbies and friends, but he includes you - often. You’re his person and he lets you, and everyone, know this in myriad ways. You’re in this together, and it shows.
With a twist: You’re not kept in a box; your relationship isn’t compartmentalized. You’re not an ornament that’s brought out only for play; you are part of each other’s lives - the pretty and the gritty.
13. He Respects You
You have a job or career, hobbies, and friends of your own. He embraces and encourages your autonomy, the things aside from him that make you who you are.
With a twist: In a D/s dynamic ‘self’ can be lost; he knows you’re an individual who is ultimately responsible for your own life, regardless of what you’ve agreed upon behind closed doors.
14. You Want to Live With Him
You’re a grown-ass woman and your roommate days are long behind you; but you really, really want to live with him. Damp towels on the floor? Oh, but what a small price to pay for waking up next to that man every day! And really, you spend practically every night together anyway, so…
With a twist: He wants to live with you too, and he understands and truly believes that you are an equal partner. While he’s the boss of whatever you agree upon, he knows that this is both your home and you’re building a life together.
15. He Keeps His Word
He says what he means and he means what he says. Promises are never broken because this is a man who would never promise something he can’t deliver. His word is gospel.
With a twist: There is no twist. A dominant man is a man of his word. Full stop.
16. He Fights Fair
Everything can’t always be rosy, but your guy keeps his shit together and knows how to use his words. He might need some alone time to decompress or work out what he wants to say, but he’ll always let you know where things stand and what he needs to move forward in a healthy and respectful manner.
With a twist: This man doesn’t power-trip when you’re having a disagreement. He doesn’t play little boy mind games (e.g., silent treatment, isolation) or pull the ‘I AM YOUR D-TYPE MASTER DADDY, DO AS I SAY’ card simply because he’s angry or upset.
17. He Makes You Laugh Your Face Off
He’s funny as shit (and finds you hilarious)! Life ain’t always a zany affair, but when you laugh together, you laugh hard.
With a twist: Everything isn’t doom and gloom, even during your darkest and most deviant shenanigans. You might be fully encased in black latex with a barbed plug in your ass, but laughing while kneeling or smiling through tears will always have a place in your repertoire.
18. You’re Happy
Life is good! Bottom line? Your world is brighter with him in it.
With a twist: Whether dancing in the light of day or descending the depths of depravity, this man makes you happy. You do not feel you have to endure the darkness to fully enjoy the light; all of it makes you joyful.
Frisky
Her secret desire is to be ravished, lovingly forced open in unbearable pleasure, and taken fully open to love by a man of deep spiritual wisdom, strength, humor, sensitivity and integrity.
Every culture and subculture has unwritten and written rules about roles and structure. We see this in our government on every level… As well as within our workplace, within society itself, even right down to our family households.
The BDSM lifestyle has similar structures in the way that it operates and views the subject of ownership. Within the dynamic there is at least one dominant and at least one submissive in most general cases. With that comes the roles of both parties involved, and something called power exchange.
Power exchange can operate in many different ways but in most cases there is an overwhelming degree of power exchange, if not total power exchange with in the relationship.
The submissive in the relationship of course trades their power and will handing it over to the dominant within the relationship as a means of defining and displaying their roles to each other. This can be a written thing, but most often it is understood in an in written that it is the way things work.
Understand this though, the level of power that the submissive gives to the dominant is completely up to the submissive themselves. Your submission is the gift… It is not anyone’s right or privilege. It is the submissive‘s and theirs alone to give freely to whom ever they feel it should go to.
The most extreme level of the dynamic involves total power exchange… In which the submissive gives up every single choice, right, and action to their dominant as a means to satisfy whatever their needs, wants and desires may be. This is most commonly found in the master/slave dynamic.
And again… However you tailor the amount of power exchange that occurs in your relationship is up to you.
I say all of this to form a preface to the subject of today’s writing which is the beautiful act of collaring.
In the BDSM world the act of collaring is kind of like the vanilla worlds version of a wedding ring or promise ring. It is the item that signifies that the submissive has given complete ownership of themselves over to their dominant and has in the most crude way of saying… Decided that they are their dominants property.
But beyond the archaic outer layer of how it’s displayed… The collar signifies the utmost of intimacy and commitment that one can take in their relationship, both for the dominant and for the submissive.
That’s why collaring becomes such a serious action and one that should in no way shape or form be taken lightly to any degree. It is a special act that signifies what should and hopefully will be a permanent or semipermanent serious step in the relationship taking it well above just having someone that you have a relationship with… And turning them into someone that you could consider spending the rest of your life with, or at the least signify that you care about them and love them so much that you would put your seal or brand or however you would like to view it on them.
So who is collaring for?
Simply put, much like a promise ring or wedding ring… It is for those who have decided to implement a serious commitment in their relationship. By the time that you get to this step, you should have been together a good while and have established a solid backbone to the relationship itself. It is not for those who have gotten together quickly, who don’t really know each other, or who cannot see themselves to be together for at least a considerable amount of time.
How should it be done? What should I use? I don’t want my submissive to look like a dog.
This is where a lot of misconception comes in to play because of the way that our lifestyle is portrayed in media, pornography, and literature. Putting a collar on your submissive does not have to be some archaic old thing where you buy a big dog collar and have her be embarrassed… Remember, we always play safely and stick on the side of caution. This is something that she wants to display with pride and honor… And will need to do so in front of friends and family.
What you choose can be anything of your liking. In the past I have used a charm with my subs initial on it to go around her neck. I have used anklets, I have used a number of things that are inconspicuous and to the regular vanilla person would go unnoticed or even admired. And of course these days I have been known to use special keys. Whatever you choose… Make it personal to the both of you and make sure that there is meaning and worth far beyond any kind of monetary value.
A nontraditional object can be a conversation starter and often remind your submissive of your ownership over her.
So what you choose is really up to you and should be tailored to both your submissive‘s pride in the object, along with your personal satisfaction as well.
The day collar and the night collar.
It is perfectly acceptable to have two different versions. The one that you wear outwardly in public, at work and so on… And the one that you wear behind closed doors or when you’re in private situations.
How to collar your submissive
Some traditionalists in our lifestyle go as far as to write up contracts and bills of ownership. These are things which lay out the stipulations of expectation, entitlement as property, and other things that go along with forming a special contract.
You can also liken the action to proposing or getting engaged. As stated previously the collar is like the lifestyles version of a wedding ring or promise ring… So how you choose to do it whether it be over a candle light dinner, a walk in the park, or whatever… Is strictly up to you. I have a sneaking suspicion that your submissive is not really going to be concerned with the way you do it rather that you are doing it.
And as a sidenote… In the past I have made sure that my submissive’s properly care for their collar, namely by taking very good care of it not to get damaged or wet and so on.
One former submissive of mine even had a special pillow that was only reserved for her collar when she would do things like take a shower or go swimming. So those stipulations are up to you, and if you enforce them and make sure they are in place it puts even more added value in the object of your choosing.
With all of this in mind you should now be set on a path of being able to properly collar your submissive and take that incredible step forward in your relationship.
Thank you for enjoying and reading. Be sure to re-blog for others who may benefit from this piece.
Mister - Mistersbeard.tumblr.com
Decadent Dark Chocolate
😋👄👅
Take care of strong people. Strong people are much more helpless than the weak. During a hurricane, flexible reeds bend and rustle, and pine just breaks and dies forever - the Chinese say, and the Chinese know what they say. Strong people are not responsible for themselves. And not even for their loved ones. They are responsible for the whole world that fell into their orbit. Because the force attracts to itself - so say the physicists, and they also know what they are saying. Strong people are not at all healthier and not stronger than others. They just know that they do not have the right to pass out and die, while someone still depends on them. During a massive heart attack, they are able to jump into the water, swim to the sinking child, pull him ashore, make sure that he is not in danger anymore - and only then disconnect. So say the doctors - and the doctors have seen in their lifetime much more miracles than the physicists and the Chinese combined. And strong people are very lonely. And not at all because no one is tolerated next to him. Just … are they strong? It does not occur to anyone that it can hurt them, scary, lonely, simply depressingly. Strong, silent people walk the earth. It is not always easy with them, not always pleasant, not always comfortable - but reliable. This is the very cavalry that always comes to the rescue at the last moment. Take care of strong people.
Fact!