the monster the world abandoned

I'M AN ANGEL WITH A SHOTGUN.

[alatumvenator]

[text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…

[ text: Levi ] okay first off what the actual hell

[ text: Levi ] but sure, I’ll call you because omg

SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

[text] Are you lost?

[text] NO! That was a typo

[text] Did you buy it?

[text] I think I’m a mermaid

[text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 

[text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead

[text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.

[text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?

[text] It was an accident.

[text] lol fuk da police

[text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)

[text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU

[text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!

[text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.

[text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?

[text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?

[text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?

[text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants

[text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 

[text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?

[text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(

[text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] Do you know where I am?

[text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.

[text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?

[text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?

[text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.

[text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension

[text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD

[text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home

[text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.

[text] My dick just got serenaded.

[text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.

[text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates

[text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle

[text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???

[text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!

[text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you

[text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why

[text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half

[text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!

[text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.

[text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.

[text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!

[text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox

[text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.

[text] I think I got married last night?

[text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.

[text] My mouth tastes like poor choices

[text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?

[text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying

[text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere

[text] You’re my hero

[text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you

[text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?

[text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?

[text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.

[text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.

[text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.

[text] She high fived me out of pity

[text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask

[text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.

[text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…

[text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked

[text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room

[text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?

[text] It may or may not have been your sister…

[text] It may or may not have been your brother…

[text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all

[text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…

[text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS

[text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?

[text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.

[text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.

[text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.

[text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store

[text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox

[text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro

[text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”

[text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.

[text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.

[phx-y]

by むくお

※ Permission to post was granted by the artist. ※ Please don’t repost or remove caption.

[alatumvenator]

I finished the latest season of AOT. Bless Commander Eyebrows.

[alatumvenator]

I need to work on world building! Feel free to send me small prompts for headcanons, or even any questions you may have about Eren’s verse.

[alatumvenator]

my new theme is up! that means I’m reopening my blog! I’m all ready now...maybe.

[alatumvenator]

theme making is literally hell why am i doing this to myself

[alatumvenator]

I’m almost finished with the new season of AOT and holy shit is it great. I also caught up on my favorite AOT fic, and now I’m considering coming back. Dear lord, will I ever learn my lesson?

[alatumvenator]

me, after being gone for 845 years: where all my homies at

[archivedbyheaven]

Dear People I have Threads with;

[arielshepard]

Just because I start another thread with someone playing the same character as you, doesn’t mean that I hate you, I’m getting annoyed by you, or I’m bored with you; I’m most likely in a different scene, and nothing I send you both will be the same.

Just because I take a while to reply to you, but not others, doesn’t mean I’m ignoring you; My muse is picky, and I can only write what I’m drawn to. I want my replies to be well written and fun, not forced and horrible

Just because I shorten a reply doesn’t mean I’m bored with the thread; I’m probably tired, thinking of something else to continue with, or giving you the chance to set up our next situation.

Just because I drop a thread doesn’t mean I will never come back to start another; When I drop threads, I’m usually overwhelmed, without a muse for that particular piece, or bored with it, and I’ll ask to start another.

Don’t assume because I’m picky/tired/museless, I’m not happy with you. 

[ascowlacrossdimensions-blog]

[ text ] Erwin asked me to tell you “please don’t leave me alone with these children”

[ text ] Hanji is put off by that. She said “i’m obviously at the rebellious teenager stage, don’t lump me in with a man child”

[ text ] …Am I a man child?

[alatumvenator]

[ text: Levi // sent ] it’s okay dad, I won’t leave you alone

[ text: Levi // sent ] Hanji’s definitely at the rebellious teenage stage way too late in her life

[ text: Levi // sent ] yes you are. and I’m obviously the precious baby of the bunch who does no wrong.

SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

[text] Are you lost?

[text] NO! That was a typo

[text] Did you buy it?

[text] I think I’m a mermaid

[text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 

[text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead

[text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.

[text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?

[text] It was an accident.

[text] lol fuk da police

[text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)

[text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU

[text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!

[text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.

[text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?

[text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?

[text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?

[text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants

[text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 

[text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?

[text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(

[text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] Do you know where I am?

[text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.

[text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?

[text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?

[text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.

[text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension

[text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD

[text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home

[text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.

[text] My dick just got serenaded.

[text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.

[text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates

[text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle

[text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???

[text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!

[text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you

[text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why

[text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half

[text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!

[text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.

[text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.

[text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!

[text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox

[text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.

[text] I think I got married last night?

[text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.

[text] My mouth tastes like poor choices

[text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?

[text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying

[text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere

[text] You’re my hero

[text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you

[text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?

[text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?

[text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.

[text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.

[text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.

[text] She high fived me out of pity

[text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask

[text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.

[text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…

[text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked

[text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room

[text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?

[text] It may or may not have been your sister…

[text] It may or may not have been your brother…

[text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all

[text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…

[text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS

[text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?

[text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.

[text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.

[text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.

[text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store

[text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox

[text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro

[text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”

[text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.

[text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.

[alatumvenator]

@ascowlacrossdimensions from here:

[ text ] Hey, it’s not every Tuesday!

[ text ] I retract that statement, I just checked my calender. It’s always Tuesday.

[ text: Levi // sent ] I don’t know what’s wrong with you people

[ text: Levi // sent ] but I’m seriously reconsidering my choice in friends

[alatumvenator]

[ text ] hanji is probably gonna get strangled so if you have any last minute things you need to tell her do it now

[ text: Levi // sent ] I don’t come into the shop for one day and already there’s murder

[ text: Levi // sent ] why is EVERY tuesday like this???

[alatumvenator]

@virtusferocia liked for a starter

       “You’re a damn sinner if there ever was one.”

[alatumvenator]

@ascowlacrossdimensions​ from here:

[ text ] Need I remind you, you have a key?

[ text: Levi // sent ] is this your way of inviting me over?

[ascowlacrossdimensions-blog]

[ text ] Let me put it to you this way. I’m pantsless, lonely, and Fucking hell Eren, yes come over already.

[alatumvenator]

[ text: Levi // sent ] Why did you have to do this the night before my exam? smh, I’ll be over in a sec

[alatumvenator]

@ascowlacrossdimensions​ from here:

[ text ] Need I remind you, you have a key?

[ text: Levi // sent ] is this your way of inviting me over?