kink fic. for kink. i get off to this.

box - 29 - they/them - minors do not follow or interact - emeto blog @uneasyqueasy - god it better be clear how much this is NOT garden variety h/c

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new pinned post. i will block you if i see you in my notes and:

you don't have your age listed, or

you're under 18, or

you put a minor's post on my dash, or

you are not a kink blog/allow minors to follow you, or

you write about those wizard books, or

you write/reblog untagged RPF, or

you reblog a post i have put completely under a read more cut

a post i have put completely under a read more cut will always look like this:

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[insert personal grumblings here]

"why don't you just use the make unrebloggable feature?" you ask

great question! the answer is that i'm forgetful as shit and the make unrebloggable feature can only be accessed thru the settings menu, which means it's a) even easier to forget, and b) a fucking hassle even when i do remember

so what i'll do instead is put things under readmores and if you reblog a post that was under a readmore i'll engage in my favorite tumblr pastime: simple easy & free - slapping that block button

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yeah okay fuck it. made a new blog @butwhatiftheyweresick

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yeah okay fuck it. made a new blog @butwhatiftheyweresick

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i miss writing :(

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i got wildly overheated this morning bc i let it get to 82f in my apartment and my meds have fucked my heat tolerance, and im also just started bleeding hours, so overall i feel tired and gross as my baseline rn, but also also i growled when i got pissed off earlier, so now my throat also hurts, and now as ever my brain is trying to say im getting sick bc its predictable like that

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mmmmm. been thinking lately

when i was younger, i had a lot of angry outburts, and i'd cry a lot throughout them. and my mom would often tell me that they were crocodile tears. and sometimes she would say that i just wanted people to feel sorry for me, or i just wanted to make people feel sorry for me

and y'know the kicker of it all is at the time i thought she was wrong on both counts, and i still think she was wrong about the crocodile tears, but now i do think she was actually kind of right about the second one. on some level i did want people to feel sorry for me. i wanted sympathy. i wanted understanding. i wanted pity and attention and for someone to try and make me feel better

and she made that sound like something bad. something eyeroll worthy, something shameful. mean and manipulative. something i didn't deserve but was trying to trick people into giving me anyway. even though i didn't need it and shouldn't have it, because i was actually just being a little brat, because i'd been told no

but like...it wasn't. it's very normal to want sympathy, even if you are actually in the wrong. it's even more normal to want sympathy when you're a kid, and you were wrong, and you were told no, and you hate it, and you're mad about it and you're upset about it and you can't stop being mad and you can't stop crying (because you're a kid and your feelings are too big and nobody's ever really taught you how to regulate them properly), and nobody cares about any of that because they just want you to shut up and stop insulting them and stop screaming

but i didn't know that, and nobody was telling me that, so i just absorbed the idea that it was Bad to want people to feel sorry for you and Worse to try and make them. terrible, actually. it made you a liar. it made you mean. it made you not just childish but a brat. it made you selfish, greedy, a fake thing with at-best-exaggerated emotions, attention-seeking boy-who-cried-wolf

because if you were an angry tantruming thing you obviously didn't deserve sympathy. trying to twist it like you did was wrong of you. feeling like you did was wrong of you. it meant you were refusing to acknowledge how awful you were being. and obviously that was something to be ashamed of.

if you wanted people to feel sorry for you, you should be ashamed of that. you should stop. you shouldn't act on that wanting. if you really deserved it you wouldn't have to put on a show. people would just know automatically. if you were good and blameless in your feelings, and you'd get sympathy freely. you wouldn't have to want it in the first place. how embarrassing to want it anyway. how pathetic. don't you know it's not even working? it'll never work. that's not for you.

and i think about this now and it's like... my mom told me that in a very specific, very singular context. but i was a kid, so i generalized

and yknow, it's kinda sad and all that, but also it's very funny, because i mean. i wound up asexual with an illness fetish and now the only thing in the world that i find super hot is the idea of me being in situations where people have a reason to feel sorry for me and take care of me and make me feel better - very specifically an external reason that is completely and utterly beyond my control, and which makes the need for care physical, measurable, and undeniable

like. of course that's my deepest fantasy. of course it is

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am writing. batted man sicked fic

[grosskinkblog]

one moment of silence please for all the sickfics on ao3 that we’re never going to find bc they’re not tagged as sickfic

[perennialsoft]

Here’s how to find sickfics not tagged as sickfic:

In google, type in “site:archiveofourown.org/works”. This will limit all search results to the Ao3 website. The “/works” means only actual fics will pop up, rather than tag pages. 

Next, in the work box put the full fandom name, as Ao3 lists it, in parentheses. I say put the full fandom name so that search results won’t include fics where the fandom is offhandedly mentioned.

Finally, try some sick keywords–for example, “sneeze”, “sick”, “cough”, “fever”. You’re gonna get strays from people using these words casually, but this can be mitigated by combining multiple search terms. When I use this method and click into a fic, I control+f the words to see what context they’re in to check if it’s actually a sickfic.

Let’s say I want to search for Witcher sickfics. This is what I would type into google (including the parentheses):

site:archiveofourown.org/works “The Witcher (TV)” “sick” “fever” “cough”

This will search the website Archive of Our Own for all works that have the keywords “The Witcher (TV)” “sick” “fever” “cough”, regardless of how the fic is tagged. Hopefully, this would bring up some fics otherwise unfound :D

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for the life of me i can't decide how to spell out bruce wayne's sneeze. thus far in this fic i'm just not bothering to spell them at all as it's less immersion-ruining than trying and missing the vibe by a mile

really i should be waiting to write this until i've actually read or seen more source material, but like, fuck that. effort

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ugh fuck okay. it's going to bug me if i don't get his opinions right. that's what i get for writing in his own damned pov. if i'd stuck with julian's it would be FINE. i know exactly what julian's complicated feelings about the series are. it's garak's that elude me

......you know, i can totally get around all of this by just having julian & garak be reading either the first or the second book. it's only in the third book that things get super complicated for both of them

although he would still have some complicated feelings about the first one, but mostly i think for general exile reasons and tain reasons, less so for everything else

idk. yelling below

so in the first book, right

outwardly, garak has opinions about:

the nine houses, as a system of government

the emperor, as a government leader

the lyctors, as military leaders

children, as soldiers

gideon's eagerness to join the military - which means leaving the Ninth, as her homeworld, but not the Nine Houses, as the state. he'd laud this, i think, even if he had other criticisms - she wouldn't be harming the overall state by leaving

he might take the position that the Ninth is not truly part of the state, and therefore a waste of resources. if so, gideon trying to leave is doubly commendable - even if her motives are selfish and she's somewhat overstepping her role in society, she's going where she can actually be of some use to the state

but... he also might take the position that the Ninth is part of the Nine Houses, it's there in the name and they're guarding a grave military weakness. if so, the Ninth is a vital part of the state, and gideon trying to leave might actually be bad - she's depriving them of one of their only young soldiers to defend this weakness. also, uh. nonzero chance he brings up gideon's hypothetical womb as an asset she is denying the Ninth, and by extension the state overall. i'm...generally of the opinion that sexism does NOT work the same way on cardassia, just because like [gestures at their gender roles], but theyre authoritarian enough that "provide new civilians to ensure the continuance of the state and species" seems like a thing that might be expected of Good Cardassians. add in the racism and presumed ableism [struggling to remember specific examples of the latter, but. i swear it's there] and it seems even more likely to me

anyway most likely i think he presents arguments for both sides, but ultimately argues the Ninth is important only as a military base. so, less of the second block, more of the first, but he definitely does offer some criticisms of gideon in line with the second

gideon's status as an indentured servant would definitely come up. he'd say he's in favor of that. i wonder if he'd say something crass about foundlings at the same time... unsure. i need to re-watch the episode with the orphans

harrowhark's devotion to the Ninth...i think he lauds her commitment to the state, for sure. but he criticizes her for hiding that the Ninth is dying for so long. the base is going to end up unguarded, and then where will they be?

the lyctoral process, as a metaphor for...something. i don't know what he'd think it's a metaphor for....

he has so many opinions about how the ninth is straight up just ignored, as like, military policy. on the one hand, great way to make people overlook it. on the other. boy if a CHILD could get inside there you're doing a godawful job with your security. there had better be some undercover agents here, or else what the ACTUAL fuck

dunno what the hell he thinks of cytherea. maybe he reserves judgement til he reads more

gideon and harrowhark are of course in love with each other. you didn't honestly miss it, did you, doctor?

inwardly, garak has opinions about:

gideon and harrowhark are the greatest example of a cardassian romance that garak has seen in earth literature since bashir introduced him to jane austen. he does NOT say this when teasing bashir for not noticing.

harrow's parents bringing her into the fold at so young an age, making her complicit - valuing her more as a weapon than a person - intending & expecting her to act in kind when she comes of age

gideon clinging to scraps of affection from a militant figure who was never really parental but occasionally, in sideways glancing blows, almost affectionate

harrow going to such extremes to protect her homeworld, at her own expense - yet only after she has fundamentally betrayed it, when it is already too late. harrow doing this half for devotion and half as penance

harrow's parents loving their duty at the expense of their world and of all the people in it, including her

gideon's sacrifice for harrow. outwardly, he commends it as a practical, if tragic, decision. inwardly, it unsettles him. he can't help but think of julian, and it irks him, because julian hasn't ever actually died for anyone. it's just that he's risked it. it's just that he would

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test

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yeah no if i dont have an actual fever rn ill eat my hat

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so i wasnt sick before when i thought i was getting to be, though possibly(?) slightly allergic to something, bc i kept getting tiny symptoms after being near the a/c, which mysteriously cleared up every time after i spent like half an hour away from it

anyway. im still pretty sure im not getting sick now but i keep THINKING im getting sick and it’s...frustrating, to say the least

my throat isnt sore, ive just talked a lot today and im dehydrated. im not feverish, i just feel cold bc im stressed about work. that isnt malaise, its the fact i haven't eaten yet today. my heart isnt racing bc ive a fever coming on, its the combination of meds-coffee-work-being-busier-than-fuck and my idiot body always overreacting to even the TINIEST stressor

and yet. my brain keeps going yes yes i know but.. teehee... what if theseall were Both 🫣🤭🫣

and im like shut the fuck up do you want us to be stressed AND horny AND mad we cant get conveniently sick rn freeing us from the mass of upcoming responsibilities????

and my brains like 😇🥰😇🥰😇🥰

and im like [MUFFLED SOUNDS OF VIOLENCE]

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the spiky sore throat went away after a couple glasses of water. i am.. cautiously optimistic? maybe it was just the a/c. im sitting back in front of it again now and i can feel it slowly returning, so it's entirely possible

a bit skeptical though. ive been sneezing more than usual today, and the one earlier when my throat was distinctly sore was weirdly intense in that way they always are when im getting sick. could have been a one-off coincidence? cant tell. ive stifled all the others since

id be more willing to brush it off if i hadnt spent the last 4 days around sick people

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ughhh. im almost definitely getting sick but UNfortunately i am also at home with family. luckily im not particularly worried i brought them plague bc theyd all been/some were still sick when i got here so its almost certainly the other way around (and my mom SAID everyone tested twice and they were all negative but tbh im not sure i believe they tested at all, much less twice. but i digress.)

anyway. my real gripe is that if i end up stuck here bc im sick and have to quarantine for 10 days im going to commit a crime. bc i was supposed to go home for a week and come back th next week to stay for another 6 days. so id basically have to be here for 3 weeks solid and uhhhh. i think id lose my mind

my secondary gripe is that just once i would love to get sick when i am at my own place and cannot be observed. hate relatives knowing im sick

ah well. so it goes

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rude opinion that i SHOULD just keep in my hat, but

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what about for if.. batman...... sick. SKIP crimefighting hour??? inconceivable. sickdays are for brucies. NOT for batmans. batmen...? horrific. i'll pluralize with the s thanks