addicted parent(s) @alcoholicparent - Tumblr Blog

my dads been an alcoholic ever since i was a baby, i'm 15 now. he's been to rehab he's had medicine we've taken him to AA, nothing's worked. 1 week he's drunk 1 week he's not it's on & off & its exhausting. my brother had college in a few months so we are leaving it for now. but what happens when my brother leaves & i need to focus on my junior/senior year? i have depression & anxiety, my mom is depressed & can't take anymore, my dad doesn't even have a job. we're out of options:/

I hope your mom is considering leaving your dad or divorcing him. It’s not fair for you to have to constantly live with this. You can’t always deal with your dad’s problems. There’s only so much begging a family can do to get someone sober. Eventually you need to cut ties and let them figure it out themselves.

After about 3 weeks of being sober, my mother started drinking AGAIN last night. Me and her got in a pretty heated fight. And like always made herself the victim. She made my cry because my grandfather has cancer and he's very old. Her brother died a few years back, so she's using all this to make everyone feel bad for her. She's figured out that I hate her with my entire being, so she's trying to make it seem like my dad is someone terrible. How do I get back my old family?

You can’t get your old family back. I’m sorry but you can’t. This is what I struggled with for the longest time and cause so much unhappiness in my life. Once I accepted that I would never have my ‘old’ family back, it was like a weight was lifted. You need to accept your mom for how she is, alcoholic and all. You also can’t allow her to get you upset. My dad ALWAYS plays the victim. To this day blames his drinking on lack of family support. Yeah, he doesn’t have much family support but that’s what 15 years of constant on-off drinking will do to a family. For 10 years, my family was there each and every time he wanted to get sober and even when he wasn’t ready we were there begging him to get sober. But sometimes you can only do so much. I’ve accepted my dad for who he is but until he reaches out to me for help, I can’t care.

Both of my parents are alcoholics. I'm terrified every day because of March 27th last year when that one fight got physical. I'm scared I'll never be able to get away, that I'll still have anxiety attacks nightly because when the sun is gone that's when it all starts. I have major symptoms of ptsd and I can't do anything about it because my parents would laugh and say 'from what?!' I'm scared that I'll never be able to leave. That I'll never know what normal is.

You will be able to live a ‘normal’ life one day. For now, talk to someone. Whether that be a school guidance counselor, teacher, friend, psychologist. You need to be able to talk to someone about what you’re going through outside of your family.

im scared to have kids because even tho i won't ever drink im worried i'll fuck up in some way and fuck them up in some way.

My dad being an alcoholic makes me that much more excited to get married and have kids. I can’t wait to bring them up in a healthy environment. Even though I absolutely love my mom and everything she’s done for me, while my dad’s been absent, and I honestly wouldn’t change my childhood. But, I can’t wait to have my own kids and just love them and raise them in a different way I was raised.

I don't know who to turn to. My mother believes people with depression are lying and just want attention. My 'best friend' never really seems to listen when I tell her my father was alcoholic. I'd like to mention I told many times before he became sober and she always ignored it. She only talks about boys and how they broke her heart. I'm ALWAYS there for her. Her shoulder and support but she never lets me talk. I just want someone to know and understand I'm not always happy. Any advice?

It’s hard when friends don’t really understand alcoholism. They’re kind of lucky. They don’t understand it because they never actually had to live with someone who is one. My best friend really tried to understand but thought once my dad went to rehab he would just be ‘better.’ When being an alcoholic is a DAILY struggle even if you’ve been sober for 30 years. You have to choose everyday to be sober. You can’t just find news friends. I think it’s just best to accept your friends for how they are. They don’t understand because their lives haven’t been touched by an alcoholic. Know there are people who understand what you’re going through, like me and people who follow this blog. That’s why I created it, because my friends weren’t understanding what I was going through.

2/2 she says she's trying to quit but i only kind of believe her. also, ive been drinking semi-regularly for a couple years. it's fun and helps me feel better, but im terrified of becoming an addict like my mom. shes pathetic and disgusting and i dont ever want to be like that. (dont get me wrong, i love her, we're usually friendly..) i just. idk. any tips for me? - r

Don’t turn to alcohol to make you feel better. I drink but it’s social, I don’t drink to just have fun or make me feel better. If you feel like you’re drinking to make yourself feel better about your life/relationship with your mom then trying reaching out to an AA/NA group or even a psychologist to talk about how you’re feeling and why you’re turning to alcohol.

My mother is an alcoholic and it's been hard for the past 6 months (harder than usual) because I'm planning my wedding and my fiancee is in the military so he's living 800 miles away. It's so frustrating that I can't do anything except try to support her in her recovery, but right now she doesn't care. She doesn't want to get better because when she did get better about a year ago, she still wasn't happy. It's just really overwhelming because it seems like I'm never going to get her back.

When she got sober a year ago, did she talk to doctors or psychologist? I think she has an underlying issue that’s causing her to drink. ie, bipolar, depression, etc.

my mom only stopped drinking when she got fat. it hurts to think that would affect her more than all the times i begged her to stop

IMO alcoholics are very selfish. They only care about themselves and what makes them feel good. That’s how I learn to stop begging my dad to get sober. He will get sober only when HE and only HE wants to get sober.

My dad is an alcoholic he lives with his mother (81) as has no money and due to chronic liver cirrhosis no job or life. I view alcoholism as a disease and am constantly conflicted as I hate but love my dad and pity him. He has asked me for money and I know it's for alcohol. My worry is he will steal or borrow from horrible people (like in past) if I don't. we are waiting for him to get bed in rehab programme but if he doesn't drink his body shuts down (been to A&E many times) what should I do?

You can only do what you feel is right. I personally would not be giving my dad money, no matter how bad he is struggling. If my dad is drinking I will not offer any help other than if he needs help getting sober. You’re really just enabling him. I too see alcoholism as a disease, but however, there’s only so many times a person can drink and get sober. I think when they are in the swing of being drunk constantly they can’t think right. My problem comes when they are sober and go and decide to have a drink - that’s why it’s sometimes hard for me to call this a disease. It’s not fair to people who are battling real diseases like cancer. I think alcoholism is a mental disorder.

My dads been an alcoholic my whole life, I'm 22 now and it's effecting me more than ever he constantly comes home absolutely abliterated and comes in to my room shouting abuse at me calling me a bitch and im selfish and I don't help him. This year I sacrificed christmas with my mum to stay with him because I didn't want him to be alone and he left me all day to be drunk. I'm sorry for rambling on I just needed someone who understood

I understand! The thing I have to tell you is move on. For so long, I kept hoping my dad would do this or that and I kept getting very disappointed. Almost to the point I was in a very dark, depressive place in my life. I had to l let go of him and realize his choices are his own. It’s not easy but I’m no longer in that games of him.

Idk if he has schizophrenia, paranoia, or both. But take that & put it in a pot of addict & alcohol you get a body with no soul. He lives in this house but hes not really here. maybe to him its the other way around. Ill never ask hell never tell.

dear friends: I don't drink because my parents do and im scared that if I start to drink I will never stop. after all, the only examples I have are a 52 yr old who cant go a day without finishing a few bottles of whine and a litre of whiskey, im sorry to be a party stopper but i want to be a parent for my children and not an adult child for them to look after and worry about

That’s not true. I was scared of drinking for the longest time because of my dad. I waited until I was 21, I’m fine. I’m feel very responsible and in control even when I’m drinking. There’s not to say that there’s been a few times where I maybe drank more than I should have, but I’ve been okay.

Even though it basically destroyed my family I no longer think of it as something so evil. I’ve realized that being responsible it can be fun. I come from a family of alcoholics and I’ve been just fine with drinking and not becoming one myself.

I personally believe there is a choice to pick up a drink or not. I believe it’s the willpower you have and letting yourself become addicted to it in the first place. This is just my opinion.

(In response to your filling the void of the alcoholic parent with love thing) I've always done that too... While my father has had his alcohol issues, I've always become attatched greatly to my mom's husbands, basically treating them as my dad.

I’ve actually been the opposite with my mom. It’s hard for me to see her with other people. I think because when everything was happening with my dad, I tried to be strong for my siblings and her, and we got super close because of it. It also upsets me because she can just move on with her life, find someone new, and be happy-- but I can’t do that. No one can really replace an actual biological father.

(This is the girl with an alcoholic parent). I think some people don't understand that it happens to mothers too, not just fathers and just because it's my mother, it doesn't seem as bad but in actual fact, it's worse.

I attent Alteen meeting weekly, I know everything you could possibly tell me but I still wonder what it would be like to mean more to my father than alcohol does.

I don’t have the answer to this.

My dad is sober, but even in his sober life I still don’t feel very important at all. When he was drinking for some 10 years I always pictures him getting sober and us having a great relationship, but that could not be further from the truth. Him not drinking didn’t really bring us closer, it actually brought us further apart, because when he was sober he made really no effort to repair our already broken relationship.

Hi Chelsea! I'm currently working on something for school regarding the effect of having an alcoholic parent on children and I was hoping to get some insight from a few people on tumblr, among other sources. Please respond back if you'd like more details or are willing to help! It would mean a lot to me because I want this to be more meaningful than just a school assignment. Have a great day! Can't wait to hear back from you - Sophie xx

Hello! I am certainly willing to help. Not sure how longer ago you posted this. Just moved to a new state for a new job so I’ve been caught up with that, but I hope to be checking this more frequently now. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help :)

I can't do it anymore my dad makes me so unhappy.he doesn't hit me or get angry at me but he has never been there and when my grandad died it hit me harder than I thought it would because he was like my dad. And now I feel so alone. I walk downstairs every morning to see him drinking he's either angry because he wants a drink or drunk and so pissed that he doesn't think about what he's saying and is just a twat there's never an inbetween and I want to die i can't live like this anymore

YOU CAN LIVE. I felt the same exact way. In my head I always wanted that perfect father daughter relationship--even 10 years after my dad was on-and-off sober, I thought our relationship could still be great. Reality is it couldn’t be. There was so much lost time, and hurt feelings. I don’t have hate in my heart no longer for my dad, but I can welcome him with open arms into my life.

I think it’s a hard road, but self-realization that you can move on and live your life without your dad is what was best for me, though it may not be best for everyone. It was hard, I was in a really dark place in my life, hating myself, cutting, starving but once I accepted him and let that hate and pain in my heart go I was content again.

I hope this was helpful for you, please know I am always here.

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addicted parent(s)