feral

alecto carrow. she was destruction given form and purpose. Hers was an elegant savagery—

[evan-eternally-blog]

It was as though she’d hexed him, or maybe more like she’d taken a nice stab into one of his arteries, swallowing rather quickly Evan looked around slightly. Perhaps he was looking for anyway to escape the situation at hand or looking for someone to save him from well the emotions he was feeling. “I can’t act like that,” he said it rather sharply. “Maybe you can. But I can’t. Because something did happen.”

[alectcs-blog]

This was the last thing she wanted. This, the two of them snapping at one another. She liked it better when they danced very carefully around the subject, when they said friend and meant different things, when they talked with a space between them that had never been there before. Alecto looked at him. “And it was a mess."

[alectcs-blog]

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in the Gryffindor tower, thanks.”

[evan-eternally-blog]

“Right. Boundaries.” Evan couldn’t help but give a dry laugh. The fact that they would need to renegotiate boundaries was mental. She was just saying it because it was what she had to say. Alecto never gave herself away to emotions, other than the slight signs he could pick up on. She wasn’t him. He was dramatic and all emotion, of course she had always been one of the few that understood what all his sighs and eye rolls meant. “So what boundaries do you want?”

[alectcs-blog]

Alecto felt nervous. She never felt nervous. Merlin, she hated him for this, for making her care about him. What boundaries did she want? None. Whatever made these feelings stop. She couldn’t admit that. “I don’t know.” Had she said that? Who was she? “Maybe we should act like nothing ever happened.”

[amycnscarrow-blog]

It was addressed to Amycus Carrow. Not Alecto and Amycus, just him and him alone. He had hastily stuffed the letter in his bag at breakfast, knowing whatever news from home it contained would only turn his stomach. He had carried it around from class to class, let it weigh on his thoughts. Now the day was at a close. Night had fallen and the majority of his house had retired to their beds. He read it by the light from the fireplace and when he was done, he let the letter slip from his fingers to meet the flames. Slumped into the chair by the fire, he felt his anger dissolve into something far less bearable. 

Disappointment. That’s what it was. That they didn’t trust him, that they felt the need to push him, nag him constantly, urging him onward. The letter reeked of accusations of weakness, not being good enough, attractive enough. Where had their parents gotten that power from, the power to make him feel insecurities he never felt when he was simply left be? Amycus didn’t need reminding that finding a suitable match for him would be more challenging than for his sister, that forging connections at Hogwarts was imperative to his future. He already knew Alecto was everything good. That she was beautiful both outwardly and within. Amycus knew. That familiar ache returned to his chest; he yearned to see her. Sitting forward, he rubbed his tired eyes, as if in doing so he could erase all thoughts of the matter as swiftly and completely as the fire had claimed that cursed letter.

@alectcs

[alectcs-blog]

The letter had arrived just as she had sat down beside her brother this morning, and she hadn’t questioned it when he put it in his bag without opening. Letters from home were rare things, and never something to look forward. She had looked away and reached for some fruit as though she hadn’t seen anything at all. Curiosity had plagued her all day. All news from her parents of late had been of betrothals and finding a suitable breeding partner. That was all they wanted after all, for Amycus to carry down the family name, for Alecto to help someone else carry their own. 

A whole day, and she hadn’t asked him if it was what she thought it was. A whole day of giving him space, the last thing she wanted to do right now. Things were changing, faster than she could handle and Amycus was the only one who knew what it was like. It was one thing to be married off. Another to lose half of yourself. Who else could understand what that was? Who else knew a bond so deep as the one they shared? Alecto hadn’t seen him at all after dinner, pulled away by her housemates. She had retired to bed, had lain awake thinking of the letter and finally decided to find him. What if he was there, thinking of the future that awaited him, alone? What if the news was not what she had assumed? She pulled on a robe and headed for the common room and his whereabouts. The common room, first, then his dormitory and then... She had no need to dwell on it; his familiar figure on one of the couches by the fire. 

“You’re still up.”

[aubrey-posenn-deactivated202001]

“When you’re awake and breathing, dear.”

[alectcs-blog]

“I can’t argue with that.”

[beholdingslut]

Though in the dark you looked so human in your skin that I called you human in my head and did not want you then and felt relieved.

Melissa Broder, Mercy Fuxx from “Last Sext” (via mythaelogy)

[defense-mechanisms]

I want to give you more but not everything. You don’t need everything.

Richard Siken, from The Worm King’s Lullaby (via defense-mechanisms)

[alectcs-blog]

“i can’t give up on you, so please don’t give up on yourself.”

Alecto crumpled the letter in her hand. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to marry someone I’ve never met. I thought perhaps...” Perhaps it would be Evan, with whom she would at least have good company and a level of understanding. Or any of the boys she went to school with even, someone she had a face for, an acquaintance with. “I don’t see an alternative.”

[alectcs-blog]

❛ please don’t make me think about my life ❜

“It’s almost Christmas. You don’t think Father won’t have these same questions for you once we get home? Better you’re able to answer them now.” Better than he enrage him because he had no idea what he was going to do next year. She couldn’t stand to think of the future either, of separation and marriage and children. It turned her stomach, but it couldn’t be ignored. Alecto lied enough. She wouldn’t lie to herself, or to Amycus either.

[alectcs-blog]

“i can’t breathe, i can’t –”

Alecto cradled his head carefully, holding still despite the frantic energy running through her. What did she do? What did she do? Where was her wand? Hadn’t she learned some healing magic once? He was bleeding so fast, and gasping and the sounds were worse than anything she had ever heard– Alecto had heard people die before, had taken their last breaths herself but it had never been like this; never so desperate or terrible or wretched as when it was Evan dying in her arms. Evan wasn’t supposed to die, not here, not like this. “You can, please. Please Evan you have to.” Alecto Carrow did not beg, but Evan had been an exception as long as she had known him and she felt, once again, helpless. What else was there to do?

[alectcs-blog]

❛ i want tattoos and emotional stability ❜

“I’m not fond of tattoos. And emotional stability is overrated anyway.”

[alectcs-blog]

"The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them.."

“I know. It’s a miracle I’ve gotten this far in life without killing anybody.”

[alectcs-blog]

❛ i’ll always have a soft spot for you ❜

“Which is why you’re going to let me have that seat?”

[alectcs-blog]

“you’re my friend, of course i fucking care.”

Alecto didn’t like to rely on anyone but Amycus but sometimes you had to. She looked away from Dahlia. “I just- the future is so. I feel like it’s set in stone. I don’t know what choice I have in the matter and it’s...difficult.”

[alectcs-blog]

❛ apparently ‘spite’ is not an ‘appropriate answer’ to “what motivates you?” ❜

“Spite is the best motivation and Slughorn shouldn’t talk. What has he done with his life?”

[paintingflcwcrsarchive]

popular text posts + ask memes ( part three )

❛ i’m just an asshole with feelings ❜ ❛ if you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, i will do the same thing to your head ❜ ❛ my secret talent is getting tired without doing anything ❜ ❛ i want tattoos and emotional stability ❜ ❛ i would just like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i’m doing ❜ ❛ i love when people shut the fuck up ❜ ❛ hi i’m a hopeless romantic with serious trust issues nice to meet you ❜ ❛ marry someone who looks at you the way you look at dogs ❜ ❛ i want a tattoo of a ufo on my ass to represent how it’s out of this world ❜ ❛ you ever see something and are like ‘ i’m so glad i don’t even know what that means ’ ❜ ❛ lie in my bed. show me your favorite music. kiss my neck. ❜ ❛ my kink is not opening messages and pretending they’re not there ❜ ❛ i hate being tickled. i do not think it is cute, i do not think it is funny. i will kick you in the fucking face. ❜ ❛ i’ll always have a soft spot for you ❜ ❛ don’t talk to me or my 78 insecurities ever again ❜ ❛ mentally crafting incredibly angry speeches that i will never say to all the people i hate is my favorite hobby ❜ ❛ my kink is when people admit i was right ❜ ❛ protecting your own happiness isn’t selfish. you deserve every ounce of happiness. ❜ ❛ i’ve never said one coherent thing in my life ❜ ❛ how can i be ready for the future when i’m not even ready to get up in the morning ❜ ❛ never throw me anything unless you’re okay with dropping it ❜ ❛ please don’t make me think about my life ❜ ❛ have you ever met the human version of a headache ❜ ❛ my personality is 30% of the last movie i watched ❜ ❛ i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober ❜ ❛ today i’m wearing a lovely shade of i slept like shit so don’t piss me off ❜ ❛ why can’t i just plug myself into a charger ❜ ❛ i have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life ❜ ❛ i, personally, would love to calm down, and yet ❜ ❛ i can’t tell if i’m really nice but secretly an asshole or an asshole but secretly really nice ❜ ❛ me? a jealous hoe? absolutely. ❜ ❛ we’re gonna be weird adults ❜ ❛ wait no hug me more ❜ ❛ are we gonna fucking hold hands tonight or what bitch ❜ ❛ does anyone else get friend-jealous really easily? ❜ ❛ apparently ‘spite’ is not an ‘appropriate answer’ to “what motivates you?” ❜ ❛ we, as a community, should go to bed ❜ ❛ white lips, pale face, i hate the entire human race ❜ ❛ no offense but what the fuck am i doing ❜ ❛ there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me – it’s called the throne ❜ ❛ i might be short but you’re still beneath me ❜ ❛ if i have a crush on you, i’m so sorry ❜ ❛ the human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them ❜ ❛ well this social situation isn’t going the way i acted it out in the shower ❜ ❛ i!!!!!!!!!! hate!!!!!!!!!! being!!!!!!!!!! left!!!!!!!!!! out!!!!!!!!!! ❜ ❛ i’m honestly so clingy and detached at the same time ❜ ❛ i think part of growing up is understanding song lyrics ❜ ❛ how can someone (me) be so beautiful (me) but also so underrated (me) ❜ ❛ hi, i’m here to ruin everything ❜ ❛ college is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane ❜ ❛ and then satan said, “here, have feelings” ❜ ❛ it is i, your local asshole ❜ ❛ you’re about as irrelevant as mean girls 2 ❜ ❛ shout out… just in general. i’m just shouting. ❜ ❛ get your heart broken so your art improves ❜ ❛ i’m so tired, but i always find the energy to sin ❜

[evan-eternally-blog]

“You don’t have to agree with what I said you know.” Evan raised his eyebrows, he’d said it in a soft voice but he could always tell when Alecto was merely agreeing to agree. Perhaps she no longer found them to be friends in the way they once were, or perhaps she still wanted something more. The latter was just hope though and Evan quickly dismissed it. Hope had a way of eating you alive.

[alectcs-blog]

“Evan-” If she were not herself, Alecto Carrow with all of the weight of her name. If she were not so poised or controlled, she would have sounded pained. As it was, he knew her well enough to hear the way she cut herself off, the sharp intake of air, the subtle movement of her jaw. She didn’t know what to say to him. She had given too much away already. “We’ll always be friends. We just have to... renegotiate boundaries.” Was that what she wanted to say? No, but her pride would not submit to honesty.