Alessa Amber

digital art | character design

[alessaamber]

「 Whenever I’m burning 」

I return to this calm place.

[alessaamber]

「 Sepia 」

Toshiya’s look in the 落ちた事のある空 PV is gorgerous.

[alessaamber]

「 Impulsive 」

A pretty quick painting I’ve made using my Android tablet while sitting on a train. It’s not quite as satisfying as working with Paint Tool Sai but it’s an acceptable substitution. The painting is based on the colors of my back tattoo that got a touch-up a week ago.

[alessaamber]

「 Recharging 」

Lately, I’ve been coming up with specific scenic ideas for paintings. This up here is one of them. I usually don’t do perspective drawing but I gave it a try. It turned out to be quite fun, even though i still need to learn a lot about using values for creating compositions.

In the past, I’ve told myself that I’m a horrible reader. I easily get distracted and tired so I’ve avoided books for quite some time. However, I started to work on those issues by integrating reading into my daily routine. Things slowly improve and I actually managed to finish several books within a month - which might be no big deal for some people. But it definetely is a tiny achievement for me.

[alessaamber]

「 Catharsis 」

It’s like I’ve found the truth that I’ve been longing for my whole life.

And like in the good old days, I’ll seal it away with a painting.

[alessaamber]

「 FOOTD #1 」

I’d like to start a new project for fictive OOTD. Not necessarily something I’d personally wear but just random fashion-related ideas stuck in my head. Especially this girl with her dog. Apparently, I have a thing for ladies with bubblegum and baseball caps.

[alessaamber]

「 Self-harm」

It’s impressive how big of a scar one single person can leave behind if you enable it.

But the healing has set in.

[alessaamber]

「 momentum 」

My yearly (?) Die dedicated painting. Based on a screenshot I took during the ‘The World You Live In’ concert.

I have no idea what made me pick a reference with such a crazy lighting setting but it turned out better than expected. You need to challenge yourself in order to grow, right?

[alessaamber]

「 Attentive 」

Woke up just i time for the ‘The World You Live In’ stream. Decided to sketch Toshiya while watching it because I’m always impressed by his style.

[alessaamber]

「 Enjoyment 」

What a time to be alive. I’ve heard the term ‘emotional sponge’ before but in the past weeks I’ve experienced what it feels like to its core. Absorbing people’s uncertainity and insecurities really wears down my inner balance.

But there’s also something new. Something promising, yet quite irritating. Recoding your own brain is a difficult task but I’m willing to approach it. In the end, my intuition rarely disappoints me.

[alessaamber]

「 Toys 」

When I was younger, I used to utilize other people as toys. I would strongly manipulate them up to my likening, only to study the results of my influence. Over the years I have come to the conclusion that this kind of experiments is not morally acceptable and have sealed away this part of me.

What remained was the general psychological interest in human behavior. Rather than manipulating, I started to observe other people’s actions and feelings and to analyze them. I even apply the same investigations to myself on a daily basis.

But obviously, some people have more to offer than others. And at a certain point, I’ve gathered enough data to minimize the probability of unexpected results. That’s when the person begins to bore me and that’s when I realize how much of an asshole I can be. I still do objectify others as I did back in the days and sometimes I wonder whether this side of me that I keep locked away is my true self.

But I still treat the people around me the same way regardless of my egoistic research interest. It’s just there is this really brief moment when I’m reminded of my probably most unpleasant traits. Thinking about it, it might as well be a relic of my narcissistic personality.

[alessaamber]

「 I’m tired of this pointless addiction. 」

I’ve developed a certain degree of attraction to men with glasses. I can easily tell why.

[alessaamber]

「 Should I let go?

    Should I persist without expectations?

    Should I cling to wishful thinking? 」 

I’ve learned plenty of details that I’m trying to sort out. There is no easy answer to my questions, there is no obvious way to pursue my goals.

そこに鳴る has given me a new obsession with their cover of Rosier by Luna Sea. Not only have I been listening to the version in an endless loop but I’ve also started learning the song on my bass. And oh boy, my fingers do hurt badly. Looking at those crazy BPM I have to admit I’ll probably never be able to play it decently but even attempting it at half speed is still a lot of fun.

Atfer mentioning the band in the last post I discovered that they are actually coming to Europe soon. Definetely going to see them. Another date to look forward to next year.

[alessaamber]

「 The scent of your skin takes all the weight away.

                     Yet I’m sure you decide to stay ignorant. 」

Playing around with colors is still the most enjoyable thing about painting for me. I’m very happy that I finally managed to collect all the records by そこに鳴る and I’ve been listening to some of the songs non-stop. Today I got stuck in an endless loop of ‘complicated system’ which has a nostalgic and bittersweet sound. The music video is also quite aesthetically pleasing.

そこに鳴る easily became one of my favorite bands for plenty of reasons and I hope I’ll be able to see them live one day. Probably will work on some fanart, too.

[alessaamber]

Bad neighbourhood

A while ago I watched an interview with Chester Bennington where he explained what having depression feels like. He compared his mind with a bad neighbourhood where you don’t want to stay too long. And I think this hits close home. No matter how much you talk and interact with other people at the end of the day you’re alone fighting off negative thoughts that keep crawling into your mind. I’m not saying that help is entirely pointless but I believe the will to overcome mental issues is an important key for doing so.

I’ve been dealing with lots of negative and destructive emotions lately. I try to face them so that acceptance can set in faster but sometimes I wonder if I demand too much of myself. I want to grow, I want to become a better person but it seems this puts an oppressive weight on my shoulders.

[alessaamber]

Reaching

Sometimes I get lost in myself and the memory of your voice is what I cling to in order to escape that hollow place.

Once in a while I come across a song that completely captivates in my mind. I don’t know if it’s the piece setting free unstable or unexpected emotions or just finding a reflection of something that’s already breeding inside. In this case it happened with ‘Alma Gemini’ by Gene Wong which has put me in a quite melancholic mood. Drawing is what works best for me in this kind of situation, therefore the little sketch.

Go and check out Gene on YouTube, he is really down-to-earth and passionate at the same time.

[alessaamber]

The man who created the sky

There is something comforting about not knowing. It creates the illusion of having multiple options. Is it an illusion worth having? I’m not sure.

Little something I’ve sketched while having nasty stomachache that keeps me from sleeping. ‘tragic antinomy’ by sokoninaru has set the right mood.