don't blame me.

ALEXANDROS MARKO SALLAS. 847 (appears 22). half vampire. librarian. "our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real."

[alexsallas]

mdrakos​:

“Oh, Alex,” Maggie said softly. She was about to overstep but she couldn’t help herself. She tightly wrapped her arms around him. “Do not be sorry for that. Everything that happened… None of it was your fault. I almost died because medicine back then wasn’t developed. Turning into a vampire saved me. And while it didn’t save you, or the relationship we could have had, it gave me more time, and now even though it’s not the best circumstances, I get to see you all grown up.” She left go and looked down. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I promise.”

Alex felt himself stiffen under her touch, but he didn’t pull away. “I’ve looked like this for over 800 years. I don’t think grown up is exactly the word for it.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

Ari closed her eyes for a minute and let the words sink in. They made her feel good but they didn’t help. God, she wished they would help, “And what abuot you?” She asked, opening her eyes, “You’re one of the strongest people I know. Fuck them. Fuck anyone who tried to hurt us. You’re the only family I need,” That was why it hurt her so much to know her last action on this Earth would be to leave him. She wished she could live forever if only for his sake.

Alex shook his head. “I’m not strong,” he replied. “I’m terrified, all the time.” He was told he wasn’t strong enough that he had internalized it. 

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

“I do,” Mariza said. It came naturally to her to read his expressions, know him as well as she kenw herself. She was going to say more when she saw his expression drop. He probably heard something before she did but there was a scream not long after and also moved to her feet. Though he stepped in front of her, she moved forward to grab his hand tightly, “I don’t know…” She said. Her first thought was that there had been another attack or murder. Her instinct was to keep both of them far away from it, “Alex…” She said, fear very obvious in her voice. 

Alex looked around them, watching the reactions of everyone. He noticed just someone he once knew vaguely, centuries ago, that was what caught him onto the fact, these were ghosts. With the bringing back of others, that could mean one other thing, his mind instantly catching it, and it brought panic instantly to his throat. If these were ghosts, that meant that his father could be here. He swallowed hard, trying not to show his panic. His hand linked with Mariza’s tightly, unable to think clearly. “Uh,” he said. He could almost hear his father’s voice in his head. He went rigid at the thought, the panic felt paralyzing, even more so than his conversation with his mother. “I uh, we need to find Ariadne,” he finally got out.

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

“Yes,” Mariza said without hesitation. She’d come up to the surface again with every intention of staying out of his way but it was just wasn’t possible. Nor did she want to do it, “There is nothing you could say that would scare me away, Alex,” She said, “But just in case, I can always tell you when you’re being self-destructive. We could have a code word or something,” You couldn’t wipe the smile off her face if you tried.

“You always knew how to read me, didn’t you?” he said, though it was rhetorical. The smile on his face matched hers, but it was wiped away when he heard commotion outside the doors. He quickly scrambled up, stepping in front of Mariza instinctively, his anxiety making him more alert than normal. “What is going on?”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

Mariza felt him start to relax underneath her touch. If she could do that for him, she would kiss him forever if she were able. When they broke, a genuine, warm smile graced her lips and it was followed by a bubble of laughter, “Don’t you think if you’d overstepped at all, it would haven when you said you loved me a minute ago?” She asked in a slightly teasing tone as she leaned in to kiss him again, “Which was not overstepping by the way. I enjoyed hearing it.”

“So you agree? You want this to be an us again? Minus me self-destructing, which this time I will promise to try my hardest not to.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

“Then don’t,” Mariza said breathlessly just before he kissed her. She melted. She couldn’t help herself. Every time they kissed, it felt like the first time. She remembered it vividly and this kiss only made it more so. He had made his answer pretty clear. He wasn’t just sorry, he wanted there to be an us again. She shifted herself in the spot where she sat so she was on her knees and facing him. Her other hand rested on the side of his neck, fingers playing with small hairs at the nape of his neck. Mariza never wanted this to end.

When he kissed Mariza, it was like all of his anxiety started to float away. She was his safety. The only one who could manage to help him, even when he seemed he was beyond saving. When they broke. “I’m sorry,” he said, “if I overstepped.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

Mariza inhaled sharply. The words she’d longed to hear and now she was stunned to silence. At least momentarily. The motion of her thumb stopped but her hand didn’t move, “What do you want, Alex?” She asked, “Tell me,” She didn’t want any of it to be unclear. She would not get her hopes up again, “Because I spent two years trying everything to get over you and it didn’t work but if you dangle hope in front of my face and snatch it away again, I won’t be able to take it,” She admitted in a whisper, lowering her gaze from his once more.

“I don’t want to self-destruct this, I don’t want to self-destruct us again,” he said. He was so close to her. Without thinking much of it, Alex leaned in kissing her. That was his answer.

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

Mariza waited for him to respond to her bold statement. To hear him say that she was the love of his life. She hated herself for getting her hopes up when he didn’t. She tried not to show it though, even in front of the man who could probably see every microexpression in her face, “Yeah, that was a dumbass move,” She said, her laugh half-hearted as she tried to make a joke. She reached out to touch his face again, carressing his cheek and tracing her thumb along the bone in a rhythm she was used to. She was once again slipping back into hold habits, “But what happened with your mom? That’s not on you. I wish I could take that weight off your shoulders,” He was clearly not very good at sharing burdens. Was that really why he’d ended things? She sighed, “For the record, you’re forgiven. Am I hurt? Yes. Is it going to be impossible to get over you? For sure. But I forgive you because hating you is just as impossible as getting over you.”

Alec sighed, he wished he wasn’t forgiven. It would make it easier if she hated him. “What if I don’t want you to get over me? Because damn, it’s impossible to even try to get over you. I never did. All my heart still loves you, and it hurts to know that I hurt you. Because you’re right, it was a dumbass move.”

[alexsallas]

mdrakos​:

“I don’t think she does,” she chuckled coldly. “She wants me dead if I keep talking to either of you. I’m on thin ice. She wants even less to do with me than you do, and she doesn’t strike me as the type to make threats lightly,” she added. Maggie picked at the skin by her nails nervously. “Take all the time you need. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“It’s my fault you’re a vampire,” he said, “I think I have plenty to be sorry for.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

“No,” Ariadne said, “I don’t know if it’s because you’re half human or because you’re my brother but never with you,” She said quietly. She shook her head, “I do that for you,” She pointed out, “I don’t kill because I don’t want you to see me as that person. I want to be the sister that you deserve, not the killer I’m designed to be. That my father and brother made me to be. You wouldn’t have liked me then,” It had obviously been a very rough time in her life and she couldn’t take it back - she woudn’t take it back. But the idea of Alex seeing her standing over her brother’s body or her father’s and the look in her eyes then. She never wanted him to see her like that. She didn’t think he’d ever look at her the same again.

“You are who you are, despite your father and brother,” he replied. “You are kind, and loyal, and strong. They didn’t make you a killer, they made you strong. You made you strong. Fuck them, they don’t matter.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

He had noticed. Mariza saw in his face that he’d noticed her slip up but he didn’t say anything about it, instead he just replied to what she’d said. She wanted to yell and scream and tell him he was wrong but he was struggling and didn’t need that. She ended up looking sad instead and the hand on his face dropped but she kept hold of his hand in hers, “That’s not ruining us. That’s self-destructive. You can’t compare that to what happened with your parents. You broke up with me because of what happened to your parents,” She said, her voice uncharacteristically quieter than before as she didn’t fail to notice he made the same mistake she had with the tenses, not once but twice. She sighed and glanced down as she admitted what she did next, “You ar- were… No, screw it. You are the love of my life. You are the only person who gets me so to me , you are not baggage. You don’t get to say that, you don’t get to make that choice for me no matter how much you want to.”

Alex was shocked to say the least, and he sat there staring at Mariza for a minute. Alex didn’t fully believe the other, most of his life he spent alone, or self-destructed any relationship because he felt unworthy of loved. Mariza was the only one who did more to try and break that. That’s why he loved her so much. “I already did though,” he said. “I hurt you, and I will forever be sorry about that.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

Mariza flinched at his question. She didn’t know the answer. Only he knew that. She had just hoped it was worth it for him. His next words made her doubt that and they caught her off guard, “If I was so important to you, why did you break up with me?” She asked, “Because I love y- loved you,” She didn’t think she was quick enough to fix the tense. He was a vampire, he would notice, “Nobody forced you to do it. Everything else that’s happened to you, that wasn’t in your control but ‘ruining us’” She put air quotes around the word, “You chose to do that.”

Alex’s eyes widened slightly before she fixed what she was saying. He caught it, but didn’t say anything. “Like I said, I ruin things, and in the end I would’ve ruined them too. I would do anything to stop that before I did that to you, even if I regretted—regret— it. I lov—loved—you too much to ever ruin you.” It was his turn to mess up, and even though his mind was stuck on he mess up, he unintentionally did the same thing. “No one should have to bear the baggage that I am.”

[alexsallas]

mdrakos​:

“Believe me, I know that no amount of apologizing can make anything better. It can’t change what happened, and what you went through, and I know that.” Maggie wanted to shut it off. She wanted to stop feeling. “You have every right and every reason to feel all of those things. You’re right, I want to try and mend some of what I broke, because I know I can’t fix it all. But I won’t force you to do anything. If you’re not ready, that’s okay. It sucks, but I get it.” Seeing him was hard for her, same with his sister. She had a lot of bad things from that time too. Her eyes were wet with tears, but she was fighting them falling. “I won’t push. Your sister wants me dead and I know she won’t hesitate if she sees me even talking to you now. So I can keep my distance, but if you’re ever ready, or want to talk about it more, I’ll be around.”

“She won’t kill you,” Alex replied. “She knows deep down, you’re not a bad person. Bad mom? Maybe, no offense, but Ariadne knows her instincts. If she really wanted you dead, I’m pretty positive you’d already be dead.” Alex rubbed the back of his neck. “I just, I need time, I don’t know how much, but I need time. I do—did—I don’t know, like you. Now, I just, I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

“I don’t know,” Mariza said, “I don’t know why it happened to you. You don’t deserve it, you never did,” She could say over and over that she hated him but it wasn’t true. She was hurt and upset but she could never hate him. He was a good person. She knew he was. Maybe tomorrow, she’d go back to being distant to protect herself but he didn’t need that right now, “No,” She insisted, her voice shaky and pleading, “You’re a good person, Alex. You are. You don’t ruin people. Please don’t say that.”

Alex sighed, shaking his head. “What about us then?” he said. “I was the one who ruined us, I broke up with you. I ruined the thing that was one of the most important to me. You can’t say I don’t ruin people when I did that to us.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

Another twinge. Erik had to force his face to stay blank in case any of the other Erik came out. He was battling against him. Even with his emotions off, he knew what this would mean for Alex. But emotionless Erik was winning and his only reaction was a few blinks, “What about Natalie? Or your sister? They seem like… appropriate options,” He wasn’t trying to be helpful - at least that’s how he played it.

“God, Erik, when are you ever going to stop acting like you’re expendable. That’s surely hasn’t changed without your emotions. I have, that doesn’t mean that I don’t need to talk to you.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

“Alex…” Mariza said again, some protest in her voice as he began to speak but he continued. She shook her head too and kept saying his name. His crying brought tears to her eyes. She didn’t know why he was trusting her with this but she couldn’t bear it, “No,” She said firmly, “Alex, no,” Without thinking, she brought his hand to her lips and pressed them against his knuckles. It was an action she had done so many times when they were together and it was so easy to fall back into it. She shook her head as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She lifted the hand on his knee to his face to brush some tears with her thumb, “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything. She left you, he hurt you. Those are things they did, not you. You’re not the reason.”

“Why did it happen to me then? Why me? One person makes sense maybe, but two? That becomes a pattern. I’m the constant in that situation,” Alex asked. “All I do is carry bad shit around with me, and in the end, I’m broken. That’s all I got from Maggie being back, is that even after 800 years, it still haunts me. I’m unrepairable, and eventually if I stay around long enough I just ruin those around me. Just like I would’ve ruined you.”

[alexsallas]

immcrtalsx​:

There was something in him that changed when he heard Alex. A twinge. Only for a second. Something of the Erik buried in his mind. He quickly pushed it down, “What could you possibly need to talk to me about?”

"My mother is alive, and I could really use my best friend’s humanity right now,” Alex said. He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, you don’t care, not when you’re like this. I know.”