Can I say fuck a few more times?

"Make a rabbit hole joke and I'll gore you." [Indie OC Roleplay account.] [Under construction.]

[septiic-deactivated20220304]

Now it was his turn to be taken off guard, his eyes widening, an overall look of shock on his face. “Now, you see, those are things that are just weird. Who the fuck comes out with that? Except for you!” Alright, it really wasn’t that shocking, or surprising but it was certainly unexpected.

“Well, we don’t use that term here, it sounds silly. I’m gonna start calling Mark that, he will love it.” That thought alone made him smile, or at least gave him some ideas. “Of course I am, you think I pretend that I care about each subscriber?” Jack’s lips fell into a frown. “But now you’re stuck with me, good fuckin’ luck to ya!”

[alicegotjokes-blog]

Alice nearly snorted. “Like I said, get used to it. Mother always said I was born without a filter... or couth, for that matter.” She was a comedian after all, shock value came with the territory. Getting to use these skills on someone like Jack was something she had only dreamed of previously. Despite her words and actions, she respected the guy, not that she’d actually come out and admit to that.

“Oh, Markiplier! Be still my heart!” She spoke dramatically as her hand flung up to her chest and she batted her eyes. “Boss has dreamy friends.” She stated before allowing her hand to fall and giggle to escape her painted pink lips. “No one else in Ireland I’d rather be stuck with.” She hooked her arm around his. “Now show me the ways of your people.”

[septiic-deactivated20220304]

“You do not know the first thing about Ireland then. We don’t just have sex with animals or whatever else you’ve been told, that’s disgusting.” Jack snapped back, a pout taking place on his lips, childish as usual. This wasn’t what he had planned for his day but it was one of his fans, what could go wrong?

“What does buddyman even mean? I thought we used weird words but that’s just takin’ the piss.” His eyebrow raised, a look of confusion replacing his more childish expression. “I honestly appreciate each of my fans, no, not fans. You guys are all my friends. I just didn’t expect you to come out with that.”

[alicegotjokes-blog]

Alice raised a hand to cover her mouth in a failed attempt at muffling her snickering. She knew full well that the Irish were, at least, relatively normal. This was simply her way of gauging just how much a person could take. “Right, right, sorry. I’ll make a mental note that the Irish are completely normal in the bedroom. Might come in handy while I’m here.” Her grin was childish enough to rival even Jack.

“And a buddyman, is a man who is a buddy, no piss being taken here.” The words sounded obviously foreign coming from her. Though his next comment took her a bit off guard. “So, you really are just like how you act in your videos?” She questioned, a bit more serious now. “Then, while I’m here, we’ll be best friends.” Alice spoke brightly. “Get used to those kinds of comments though, it’ll save you a lot of anguish.”

[septiic-deactivated20220304]

Jack too retreated his hand, letting it hang at his side once more, it was obvious she wasn’t from here, having an American accent and all that. “Good because I am not fuckin’ dealing with that shit.” He replied, looking less than impressed. Not that his mood would change with the next thing she had said. 

“The fuck is wrong with you? We don’t fuck sheep, where did you even hear about that?” His eyes rolled, letting out a sigh. “Oh, you’re a fan? Then it’s a good thing that I appreciate all of my fans.”

[alicegotjokes-blog]

“Here, there, everywhere. Coming in everyone warned me about the sheep and potatoes. I hear you guys get very close.” Alice could sense the tension and was nearly feeding off of it. She bit her bottom lip in attempt to hide just how much this conversation was pleasing her. This was Jack, after all, she absolutely had to get a rise out of him. It was like a tourist attraction.

“Hey, now! Watch your tone, buddyman.” A finger of forewarning would extend in his direction. “I’m absolutely lovely, and probably your best fan.” Alice sounded a bit more sincere than she had expected, but it worked in her favor. “You should be thanking me.”

[rpmememaker]

SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

originally from frommemetoyou

[rpmememaker]

[text] Are you lost?

[text] NO! That was a typo

[text] Did you buy it?

[text] I think I’m a mermaid

[text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 

[text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead

[text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.

[text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?

[text] It was an accident.

[text] lol fuk da police

[text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)

[text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU

[text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!

[text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.

[text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?

[text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?

[text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?

[text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants

[text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 

[text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?

[text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(

[text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] Do you know where I am?

[text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.

[text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?

[text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?

[text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.

[text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension

[text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD

[text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home

[text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.

[text] My dick just got serenaded.

[text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.

[text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates

[text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle

[text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???

[text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!

[text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you

[text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why

[text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half

[text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!

[text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.

[text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.

[text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!

[text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox

[text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.

[text] I think I got married last night?

[text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.

[text] My mouth tastes like poor choices

[text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?

[text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying

[text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere

[text] You’re my hero

[text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you

[text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?

[text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?

[text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.

[text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.

[text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.

[text] She high fived me out of pity

[text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask

[text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.

[text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…

[text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked

[text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room

[text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?

[text] It may or may not have been your sister…

[text] It may or may not have been your brother…

[text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all

[text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…

[text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS

[text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?

[text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.

[text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.

[text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.

[text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store

[text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox

[text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro

[text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”

[text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.

[text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.

[lipat]

[strangerinland]

[angstmemes]

Accidental insult starters

“Heels really make a difference. I had no idea you were this short.” “Wow, I expected you’d be well hung– Shit, sorry.” “I hate that shirt! Please tell me you didn’t order it already…” “Those glasses look so stupid on you, hahaha! Oh wait… they’re not fake?” “How stuffed is your bra, because they looked way bigger befo– Damn, did I say that out loud?” “I see your little sister shares your Spotify account, that’s so sweet!” “You have to be so stupid to not know that! I can’t believe he didn’t have the answer. I mean, you knew that one, right?” “Haha, why are you wearing that in your hair?! Take it off, you’re making me feel embarrassed.” “I’ve got plasters against blisters. Seeing you walk like that in those shoes is making me cringe.” “I can’t believe people who’re into bondage. I mean, what’s wrong with them?” “I can’t believe people who’re only into plain vanilla sex. How boring do you have to be for that?” “Who made these cookies? They’re awful!” “Why aren’t you ready yet, we have to leave! …Or are you going like that?” “What do I keep smelling? Someone forgot to wear deodorant today.” “Is it really raining that hard? Your make-up is all over the place.”

[septiic-deactivated20220304]

A raised eyebrow was all he had to offer, what way was that to greet someone? He’d heard worse though, so he simply brushed it off, taking a light grip on her hand. It would’ve been rude not to. 

“Well hello to you to then… Alice. I really fuckin’ hope you don’t actually stalk me, that would be really weird.” 

[alicegotjokes-blog]

Her eyes would roll before she shook his hand, some would call, a bit vigorously. “Like I’ve got time to stalk you,” She said as though it would most likely happen had she not been on a tight schedule since landing, “I’m in Ireland for the first time and I want to know if the rumors are true about the care they give their sheep here.” She mouthed the words “sheep fuckers” before retracting her hand. “I am a fan though, so this is going straight in my journal.”

[mariokarthd-follow-deactivated2]

“I swear it feels like I’ve been asleep for years now. What the fuck.”

[alicegotjokes-blog]

“What have you got to complain about? I feel like I’ve been awake for ages. I win this round, pip.”

[alicegotjokes-blog]

sxptic

“Heard the voice, saw the hat, fanned myself off, and decided to confront you!” The petite blond’s jersey accent rang out in an astounding way, especially in the middle of Ireland. “I’m Alice and I’ll be your stalker this evening.” She announced as she shoved her hand into Jack’s personal space.

[rpmememaker]

SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

originally from frommemetoyou

[rpmememaker]

[text] Are you lost?

[text] NO! That was a typo

[text] Did you buy it?

[text] I think I’m a mermaid

[text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 

[text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead

[text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.

[text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?

[text] It was an accident.

[text] lol fuk da police

[text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)

[text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU

[text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!

[text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.

[text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?

[text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?

[text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?

[text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants

[text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 

[text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?

[text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(

[text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] Do you know where I am?

[text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.

[text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?

[text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?

[text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.

[text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension

[text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD

[text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home

[text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.

[text] My dick just got serenaded.

[text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.

[text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates

[text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle

[text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???

[text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!

[text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you

[text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why

[text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half

[text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!

[text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.

[text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.

[text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!

[text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox

[text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.

[text] I think I got married last night?

[text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.

[text] My mouth tastes like poor choices

[text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?

[text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying

[text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere

[text] You’re my hero

[text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you

[text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?

[text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?

[text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.

[text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.

[text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.

[text] She high fived me out of pity

[text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask

[text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.

[text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…

[text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked

[text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room

[text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?

[text] It may or may not have been your sister…

[text] It may or may not have been your brother…

[text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all

[text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…

[text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS

[text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?

[text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.

[text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.

[text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.

[text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store

[text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox

[text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro

[text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”

[text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.

[text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.

[mrmarkimoo-blog]

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.

[Tᴇxᴛ] Sᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏsᴛ ᴛʜᴇɴ? Wᴇʟʟ ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪs, ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴜᴘ, I ᴘʀᴏᴍɪsᴇ ᴀ ғʀᴇᴇ ᴘɪɢɢʏʙᴀᴄᴋ ʀɪᴅᴇ.

[mrmarkimoo-blog]

[Tᴇxᴛ] Pғᴛ I ᴛᴏᴛᴀʟʟʏ ᴋɴᴇᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ. 100% ᴋɴᴇᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ. Bᴜᴛ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ, ᴍʏ ᴏғғᴇʀ sᴛɪʟʟ ᴅᴏᴇs sᴛᴀɴᴅ.

[alicegotjokes-blog]

[text]: Oh, you did, did you? Clever man. How can I pass that up? I promise not to break your back though. That would just be bad manners.

[mrmarkimoo-blog]

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.

[Tᴇxᴛ] Sᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏsᴛ ᴛʜᴇɴ? Wᴇʟʟ ʜᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪs, ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴜᴘ, I ᴘʀᴏᴍɪsᴇ ᴀ ғʀᴇᴇ ᴘɪɢɢʏʙᴀᴄᴋ ʀɪᴅᴇ.

[alicegotjokes-blog]

[text]: I meant broken as in I fee like I broke my back carrying her around. That's sweet of you though. A man after my heart.

[alicegotjokes-blog]

typicalross

"Hey, you're the Steam Train guy. Gotta hand it to you for surviving Australia as long as you did, that place is a death trap."

[alicegotjokes-blog]

jxckieburkhart

"Was that an angel that just passed me by?"

[alicegotjokes-blog]

"No, I mean I like you very much. Just as you are."

Alice talked a big game. Always making jokes, acting like nothing was really meant to be taken seriously. This, of course, was a defense mechanism. Her sense of humor was how she kept herself from getting hurt. It was her shield. Her friends saw her as “the funny one” and she accepted that role happily because it cut her loose from having to be emotionally available. Very few people actually saw her as she truly was. Mark’s comment had definitely taken her off guard.

“Thank you, Mark.” Was all she could manage to saw. No joke, no deflection, just gratitude.

[virginkepner]

[text] Are you trying to bribe me with sex?

[Text] Yeah, I am. Sorry for being a bad Christian.

[alicegotjokes-blog]

[text]: Challenge accepted though.