Assessing oneself is the most difficult part of the process. Looking back at all that has been done, it can be either up-lifting or daunting. I’m afraid of doing it because I tend to be too self-critical. I possess an enormous talent for over-doubting myself and constantly questioning my decisions- that doesn’t help in any kind of creative-driven process. Since the last trimester in my department didn’t go well for me( I guess for many reasons) ,mainly being hesitant and consequently constraining myself in a cycle of negative thoughts. However I didn’t see it fully as a failure as , at least, I realized what I have to work on. Mainly dare to experiment and loose fear that something might not work. So I think that LAB actually came in the right moment of my life. I believe that one can only learn from made mistakes, otherwise why would I be studying if I did everything perfectly? My problem was and still is ( but a lot less) that I’m afraid and I don’t dare try things I would really want to or have in mind, automatically assuming it will be a failure . However I feel that LAB helped me to overcome this fear in some extent. and to refresh my mind. I decided to work on something I wouldn’t probably do in my department which was a good decision. I decided to jump into a deep end, as I don’t want to limit myself in my interests .
Generally , I am quite happy with my process during Lab but I really feel like there were some points where I could’ve dived into research more, for instance with paper. Perhaps explore more possibilities and not just jump into another thing when something doesn’t go as I initially planned or imagined it would. I noticed I get easily bored , especially when I do one thing for a longer period of time. I think that my motto for this trimester was to “ have no expectations ( for success) “and this was a success itself. As there wasn’t a point where I was disappointed by the results of my work. Somehow the good and motivational energy of LAB influenced me in such a way, that for the first time I didn’t feel the pressure of having done experiments that didn’t work and I believe it really helped me in simply “ acting”. Another aspect was putting the aesthetics of my work a little bit aside, which was quite relieving and made me less insecure. Undeniably I could develop my work more and push myself more, to be more motivated, more hard working and try even more crazy food- related things. I’ve been generally quite busy with my department and, in a way, it might have been an excuse for me not to try harder. So if I could go back in time I would definitely try more things out. There was a moment where I wasn’t sure which direction the experiments should go but I never stopped making samples even when it was just one little thing ( like with the banana peels bio-plastic), as I think the worst thing is to remain passive and clustered in a moment of hesitation.
I am aware of the fact that I need to improve planning out everything I want to do because, at times , I simply get overwhelmed and confused. In the end doing something completely different from what I’ve wanted. I also think I should improve my analytical skills, in a sense, that it would be easier for me to choose a certain direction for my work.
I think that my collaboration with Seok-yheon was very fruitful and we got along very well. There were no tensions or misunderstandings as to what we want to do. Actually I was positively surprised, as it often happens that I have problems when it comes to group communication and cooperation. He pointed out to me that if I have a direction I want to follow, I don’t hesitate and just do it, so I seem to be a pretty resolute person , which was actually quite nice to hear, because it had never crossed my mind. Moreover I learned how to cooperate and not always make the samples together, therefore trust one another to try what we want. Thus it wasn’t like we were telling each other precisely what to do. After we decided to collaborate together and me bringing up the edible containers, I found the middle points between our subjects. I think we were quite a good motivation for each other.
In conclusion, not only did LAB bring me a lot of knowledge about mixing and merging various products/ materials ( which seem to be obvious) in a professional sense, but also helped me personally to put aside the fear of failing , anxiety and a huge amount of doubts I usually have about my work.