I need an awakening.
A dopamine event that endures the test of time.
I feel forgotten.
Not wanted only needed by a remnant.
Like a ghost.
Or a mechanical being that sits and waits.
I need an awakening.
styofa doing anything

Kiana Khansmith

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

JVL
dirt enthusiast
art blog(derogatory)

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
h

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Discoholic 🪩
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Three Goblin Art
todays bird
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

Andulka
NASA
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Claire Keane

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@alifeunexpected
I need an awakening.
A dopamine event that endures the test of time.
I feel forgotten.
Not wanted only needed by a remnant.
Like a ghost.
Or a mechanical being that sits and waits.
I need an awakening.
Love this reminder this morning.
🎶🎵🎵🎶
Love this!
Today I went to my bedroom to put some chapstick on. When I arrived I was momentarily distracted by the sunshine in the window and instead of grabbing the chapstick as intended, I reached for my reading glasses and attempted to put them on over my glasses before I remembered I was actually there for chapstick (here's where you blink twice and think "SERIOUSLY"!)
Best Christian Worship 2025 | Songs To Bless Your Family
Hi.
I was wondering. Does it ever keep you up at night?
Beating a wispy little girl. Cuz it still keeps me up and in tears sometimes. I know I did my best but I wish I didn’t stay with you after that. I wish I had options then. I find myself wondering, what exactly did you do to her to leave such horrific, purple bruises on her little back. What could she have possibly done to you that warranted such evil. And how could you sit so smugly at that dining room table eating dinner as though nothing happened. And then, knowing what you did, scold her for coming out to see me when I got home from work as though you did nothing. As though she was not allowed to receive comfort from her mother. To welcome me home and say goodnight. I can’t seem to erase that scene from my memories and oh how I’ve tried. And I know I forced you into getting help but I sure wish I could’ve left back then. Things could’ve been so different, better I think. But, I won’t be sending this to you, because Jesus wouldn’t want me to. So, I’ll listen to His Spirit, type this little blog to purge my system, but I don't think I will ever understand, any of it. Everything you put us through. Thirty years have gone by since that night and so much more evil came out of you. Abuse is like that I suppose. And although we left you, eventually, I try, I really do, to do what Jesus says and "cast" it to Him but sometimes it's just so overwhelming. And I know it's the devil himself who condemns and whispers these horrible memories to the forefront , trying to condemn me (because Father’s Word says there is,  therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, Romans 8:1); and the answers to my questions, I will probably not know until I see Jesus. But I had to ask, are you haunted, by anything you've done?
Fall fun. There’s more pics but I haven’t downloaded them. I’m becoming technically challenged as the years fly by lol. https://www.instagram.com/p/CVYD8GEr8y4ATKiWqb0ztWe9jYaKe9Gx0ioFDQ0/?utm_medium=tumblr
Today my daughter word vomited on me again. She is really hurtful and has no clue how she breaks my heart. Over and over with her words and actions. Or lack of relationship. No matter what I do or say it is wrong unless I’m giving her money or when Landon needed a sitter. Of course I was just reminded of how she’d use him as a bargaining chip and withhold visits. I wonder if she’ll use the new baby too.
People are so hurtful. I’m so tired of this life and always feeling broken-hearted 😐
Just getting this off me.
Found this in my Google Drive
Found this in my Google Drive and just had to share it.
December 31st, the last day of the year. For me this has probably been one of the longest days of this year because today, my Dad passed away at 2:10 in the morning. So I had to get my butt out of the cozy, warm bed I had just fallen deeply asleep in - sleep's embrace was slow today even though I was physically spent from three days of watching him suffer - get dressed (in my pjs) and go back out into the bitter cold to say one last goodbye to the man that God, in His providence, chose to be one of the people who helped mold me into the woman I am today. Not the easiest assignment in my life for sure. And of course, there was the paperwork that needed signing too.
Cancer is an ugly disease that steals you away so you're barely recognizable. It beats you up inside (and sometimes outside) and at nearly 88 years old Dad's body just had no way to fight that battle. I think he knew it too. He had steadily lost weight this year until he was only about 120 pounds. But, who can blame him. If he was diagnosed sooner would he have been able to endure the necessary treatment, would he put his wife through the pain of seeing him go through all that only to lose the battle in the end. He lived a good, long and mostly happy life and was blessed with two great loves - the first for 46 years with Mom and the second for 18 years. Many people don't even experience that once in a lifetime.
He was a good, humble and kind man with a bit of pepper thrown in the mix at times too. And stubborn, you better believe it! But, he was definitely the last of a dying breed. He honored his wives and put his children first before himself (when we were kids). My Mom (who passed 20 years ago this last Thanksgiving) was always his first priority. When she wanted a swimming pool, he got a second job so we could afford it. If she wanted it, he tried to provide it. He worked for 30 years at General Motors AND would come home and work at home - fixing cars, doing home repairs and remodels that Mom wanted, and on some occasions being the "wait til your Dad gets home" Dad (nah just kidding, Mom would say that and nothing would ever happen). After Mom's passing when he met and married his new wife, she became the center of his universe. Cuz Dad was like that. Making his woman happy made him happy, and I'm glad he was happy. He was a hard-working, loyal and honorable man.
I remember when he would come home from work at 3:30 in the afternoon during the summer and kick us out of the pool so he could float in his chair and have an ice cold Stroh's beer. Or, when I was very young he would lay down on the living room floor and say Gigi walk on my back - I loved that. Or, he would take my hands and put my feet on top of his feet and walk around with me on his feet. And in those days, we had dinner at 5:00 pm and everyone had to be home for dinner. He would swirl his buttermilk in his glass and laugh as I wrinkled my nose and told him how nasty that stuff was. Sometimes, because he had dentures, he'd push that bottom plate out to make us laugh. Those are some of my favorite memories.
He was a very handy guy, a jack of all trades really. I remember we had one of those stand alone stereo/ record players kind of like this one (pic didn’t upload but you know what I’m talking about right?).
Mom thought it took up too much room and apparently it was the stylish thing to do - have it installed in the wall. So Dad, being the pleaser he was, cut the holes out in the living room wall, took that dang thing apart and installed that sucker in the wall - speakers, record player, radio and all and it worked great!
As we all get ready to ring in the new year and say so long to Dad, I'm on my couch, exhausted from this particular day, looking back on years gone by. Years that keep going by faster and faster! I mean, did we skip October altogether?! And although I'm not a "New Year's Resolution" kind of gal, this New Year I'm determined to find positives in every day. I will do my damnedest not to whine and I will let go of any millstone attempting to pull me under. So that as I lay my head down in the evening and hopefully, by God's great grace, raise it up again in the morn, I will thank my Maker and praise Him for the blessings, big and small, and all the God-winks He gives me along the way. The sunrises and sunsets, the sweet sound of the birds on a sunny day, the showy dance of the starlings at the dawn and sunset, any glimpse of creation's beauty really or simply the roof over my head and I will sing praises to the One who provides them and lights my path until I go home where He has prepared a place for me on golden streets and I reunite with those who've gone ahead.
Happy New Year (pic didn’t upload, oh well)!
Friday Email
I took a vacation day tomorrow so you’re receiving this early 😃 Yay me. No changes and no special reminders that you don’t already know 😊. I hope you all have a good weekend.
Lately life has been full of strange and new (not always good) experiences and a whole lot of loss and sadness (at least in my sphere of the world). This Covid thing is downright evil and affects people differently and age is not a factor. Of course we all know that pre-existing health conditions can be an issue but for the most part it doesn’t discriminate. And then there have been things happening that are totally unrelated to Covid that on our best days would throw us for a loop. None of this is related to CER processes or reminders and I am rambling because I know that very few of you read this anyway
But having said that…. I just gotta remind myself (and you if you’ve gotten this far) that there is light in each and every day. When we remember to laugh, remember the good things and remember to breath (deep) during all the crazy and all the loss; when we remember happy times, the ones that made us laugh and when we pick up those little nuggets, the small blessings, that the Lord gives us every day and we hold onto our child-like faith – when we focus on these things and search them out with one another, that’s where we’ll find our joy. That’s where we find our purpose, our reason, our peace, and our hope.
So, as I enjoy my day off tomorrow that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna get together with some friends and celebrate each other (a sort of birthday celebration for us all). And then on Saturday, I’ll be attending a life celebration for my friend’s husband – and it will definitely be a celebration (although I know tears will also be shed – good cleansing tears) – and I’m gonna do my best (each and every day) to remember that the time we are given on God’s great earth is fleeting, is a gift and though I may not have tomorrow, knowing the hope I have before me, I press on – we press on.
Press On
Hold On
Love Won't Let Me Down
We Win! And now we do a little dance 😃
Latest creation. Clouds for the first time. https://www.instagram.com/p/CNgf_ilMcMe3z_IJUj-ndi3jCXam8dqEUxjFzY0/?igshid=8q6ny6uihtl6
I may have discovered a tomato free pasta sauce. Now I need to purchase some Italian sausage, simmer a bit and see (here’s where i smirk and nod my head up and down)! I gotta say, I’m pretty excited about this!! https://www.instagram.com/p/CKiGT3Wspr_rpwvw0Q7pM6z7tETg9wbi-cZY1E0/?igshid=1wr52vtw3f9u2