Lilac - 26

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lilac

26

5’1

cw - 141.8

gw - 135

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had 250 cals today but rounding up to 1500 just to be safe

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i don’t have cravings anymore i don’t snack anymore i rarely binge anymore i hate food i hate eating and yet im still not seeing any progress what the hell is wrong with me

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i really need to lean into a liquid diet

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and i bet i will have gained weight when i step on the scale tomorrow

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i would give anything to get rid of my hunger forever to never feel hungry at all please

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i am such a gross fat hog the more i starve the more bloated i get the fatter i am i am tired of this

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how do i get rid of the feeling of hunger genuinely how do i make it stop its so absurd that to this day my body has not gotten the hint that i will not be eating and that no amount of hunger will change that so just stop

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should I binge I want to so bad today there really is no point in trying I am so miserable

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I feel so dirty I can’t help it I hate the feeling of all this fat on my body

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I am both too much and never enough I am so annoying and ugly and awful to be around I am always canceling plans and bailing on people because I am too gross to go outside and everyone always ends up hating me eventually and they’re all lucky because they can leave me but I can’t I have to stay

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everyone is meeting their goals and I am starving and struggling for nothing

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no one listens to me when I talk because I am fat and ugly and no one gives a fuck about me

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I can’t even talk to anyone because if I say I have an ed they’ll just look me up and down and laugh

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I am 5’1 and 146 am I fat be honest

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I am such a failure why can’t I just do this right

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I always weigh with clothes on because if I have to take my clothes off then I didn’t really get to that weight but today I was so desperate to see a lower number I took the scale to my room and weighed myself without clothes on and I weighed 2 more pounds than this morning and then I put my clothes on and it was the same and then I moved the scale back to its usual spot and stepped on it again and I weighed 5 pounds more than this morning so I need to kill myself