I'm Aliyah Renee, a 24-year old Filipina. This is where I pour my thoughts, believing that words are an act of change, wisdom, and knowledge; unifying a person's understanding—in a wider sense of perspective.
on gin, tequila, coffee and other drinks: my summary of 2022
Here I am writing (again, after how many months!) on my hotel balcony in Tagaytay about what I gained, lost and discovered in 2022. Frankly speaking, 2022 was all about academics with a sideline of friend meetups, quick vacay trips and a weird obsession of ordering coffee outside despite my bountiful stash of 3-in-1 coffees in our pantry. I also tried many drinks this year (okay, it was mainly alcohol, but “drinks” might be a better word for it lol). It was liberating, knowing that I am the eldest in the family, and my parents are slowly accepting and adapting that I am finally entering in the semi-adult world–where college students cope up with their frustrations in academics with vodka or tequila on their side (a hero, I would say).
They say that your third year in college is living and surviving in hell–and hell they are right. All of the subjects I’m taking now are all major subjects, which are prerequisites to the subjects that I would be taking in the next terms. Moreover, since we were transitioning into a face to face classes, (thank God!) I was still adapting to the transition because my whole college life were just in front of my laptop. Addition to that is that I need to commute from my house to school! Commuting here in the Philippines is also a living hell.
Steering away from academics, I fell in love with reading once again. It was nice because I really had a hard time reading non-academic books since I started college, but I made a promise that during summer vacation, I will try to read a book once again. And sure I did! I discovered that I enjoyed reading books with fantasy/romance/Eastern genres. (And still planning to read more this 2023! Yay for Asian authors!)
In terms of love, I love my life, my friends, my loved ones and myself. I am still trying to love myself a little more (Cliche, I know, but here we are!). Anyway, romantic love was not part of my 2022 but I don’t know what would my 2023 holds… (Let’s see!)
To end, I made a video containing snippets of my 2022! To everyone who made a part of my 2022, thank you so much! I hope y’all still part of my 2023. 🤍
Malapit na ang eleksyon, at ang eleksyon sa Mayo 9 ang magdidikta sa ating susunod na anim na taon. Kaya minsan napapaisip ako kung bakit ang dahilan ng iba sa pagpili ng kanilang napupusuang kandidato ay “basta”, “respect my opinion”, “trip ko lang”, at iba pa. Kung tutuusin, pag tayo ang tinanong na, “Saan mo makikita ang iyong sarili sa 5 o 10 taon?” Aba, ang dami nating nasasagot dahil may mga plano tayo upang makamit iyon. Ganun rin sa pagpili ng kandidato, hindi lamang puro pangako ang ating titignan sa kanila. Oo, pangako sila nang pangako, may plano ba sila? Sila ba ay may kakayahang upang matupad ang mga planong ito?
Kaya noong Tanglaw Grand Rally sa Laguna, nagsalita si Sharon Cuneta at sinabi niya na ang mga slogang “Gobyernong Tapat, Angat Buhay Lahat” at “Hello Pagkain, Goodbye Gutom” ay hindi simpleng slogan lang–kaakibat nito ang mga planong nakalatag para sa ikabubuti ng ating bansa. At ang platapormang ito ay pinag-isipan at pinag-aralan nang mabuti, realistic at hindi idealistic, hindi bara-bara lang at hinding-hindi puro unity lang ang sabat sa lahat ng problema ng bansa.
Kaya ngayong darating na eleksyon, ako ay pipili ng mga lider na may konkretong plano. Mga may napatunayan at may mapapatunayan pa.
Sa bansa.
Sa mga Filipino.
Sa mga magsasaka at mangingisda.
Sa mga estudyanteng kagaya ko na nilalaban ang aming kinabukasan.
Sa mga pamilyang Filipino.
Sa mga mangagagawa.
Sa mga OFWs.
Sa kalikasan.
Sa mga katutubong Filipino.
Sa mga kabataan.
Sa mga kababaihan.
Sa mga healthcare workers.
Sa ating mga pangarap.
Ilang araw nalang bago mag-eleksyon. May oras pa para tumindig. Hindi kayo nag-iisa. Gusto niyo bang sumama? 🌸🌾
hello everyone! ♡ i posted a ~new~ video that was set in public (bc my previous videos were set in unlisted) anw, i hope you enjoy watching me doing my makeup! lol + please like and subscribe if you haven’t!
funny how my bookmarks change throughout the years... and each of it holds a piece of memory, sometimes memorable, sometimes forgettable.
it starts from a cute bookmark i got from a bookstore. it was deadass expensive. a single bookmark that costs P200? count me in.
then, as i immerse myself in reading books in the following years, there are bookmarks that i used that was made from scratch, a bookmark made by my friend from elementary that says "aliyah" in a cute doodle that my dad laminated (still had it with me). bookmarks given to me by my aunt and bookmarks that i've bought from Papemelroti (a local craft store) and from other places that i've been to as a souvenir.
there was this one bookmark that was in between the pages of Norweigan Wood (by Haruki Murakami) that brought to my attention because it is a piece of intermediate paper that contains A LOT of poems slash prose that i wrote while daydreaming back on a sunny day during my highschool years. looking back, it was cringy AS HELL. all i knew is that it was a theme of first love. and heartbreak. and looking back, i thought my writings are cool. but hell no, it was cringy and generic and thank God i didn't post it on my tumblr.
but to my realization, i was genuinely happy because i got to express myself in terms of writing on what i felt during that time and space. it was nostalgic—to say the least. while reading it, i felt like i was in highschool again. with my friends, doing stupid things, going to each other's houses and just chilling. jamming to OPM songs while waiting for our teacher to arrive. going to SM to eat at a fast food chain when we got our allowance, riding jeepneys while having school related conversations. i felt like i was taylor swift in fearless era, writing love songs (but to my extent, mine was bad and i'm not writing songs, just poems). reliving those memories through a piece of paper with writings of prose and poetry of love made me want to experience those things again. it was raw, it was magical, it was real.
and now, i am proud using bookmarks from receipts from milktea shops and Starbucks, movie tickets, post-it notes, polaroids, torn papers, and my own graduation picture.
they say, everything in this world has its own story. what's yours?
It’s the end of the decade and here I am taking you into a remarkable journey of loss, sadness, heartbreak, happiness, friendship and love--all in one combined in a series of albums that made my heart flutter and crumble into the nothingness of my existence. It’s not that a big deal really, since I’ll be sharing you the albums that stood by my side during my darkness of times, and moments of pure euphoria of course.
In this ode, I’ll be giving “Songs to Listen” which is basically my favorite songs in the whole album and that you guys can also listen too.
It’s a melange of different genres (with no particular order) that shaped who I am today--of course, music has no languages and barriers and it speaks to our soul. It makes us who we are and the music that fills our voids into somewhat that create different meanings that interpret life itself. Basically, music is life in a nutshell.
Prendre plaisir.
1. Beneath the Skin (2015)- Of Monsters and Men
Songs to Listen: Crystal, Hunger, Black Water, We Sink
2. Kids in Love (2015) - The Mowgli’s
Songs to Listen: I’m Good, Sunlight, What’s Going On, Love Me Anyway
3. English Rain (2014) - Gabrielle Aplin
Songs to Listen: Salvation, November, Please Don’t Say You Love Me, Home
4. Melodrama (2017) - Lorde
Songs to Listen: The Louvre, Green Light, Supercut, Perfect Places
5. Pink Tape (2013) - F(x)
Songs to Listen: Airplane, Ending Page, Rum Pum Pum Pum, Snapshot
6. A Head Full of Dreams (2015) - Coldplay
Songs to Listen: Up&up, Everglow, Adventure of a Lifetime, Army of One
7. Crush (2014) - 2NE1
Songs to Listen: Gotta Be You, Come Back Home, Happy, If I Were You
8. Brother Act. (2017) - BTOB
Songs to Listen: Missing You, Nanana, Dreaming, Finale: Our Concert
9. Seoulite (2016) - Lee Hi
Songs to Listen: Breathe, Blues, My Star, Up All Night (Basically the WHOLE ALBUM IS A BOP)
10. Kwon Ji Yong (2017) - G-Dragon (Kwon Ji Yong)
Songs to Listen: Bullshit, Untitled, 2014, Superstar, Middle Fingers Up
11. No Sound Without Silence (2014) - The Script
Songs to Listen: Man on a Wire, Never Seen Anything Quite Like You, Flares, Without those Songs
12. Hamilton: An American Musical (2015) - Lin-Manuel Miranda
Songs to Listen: My Shot, Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down), Satisfied, Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story (JUST LISTEN TO THE WHOLE ALBUM!!)
13. Reputation (2017) - Taylor Swift
Songs to Listen: Getaway Car, I Did Something Bad, King of my Heart, Dress (THIS ALBUM DID NOT DISAPPOINT)
14. All My Demons Greeting Me as a Friend (2016) - Aurora
Songs to Listen: Half the World Away, Running with the Wolves, Runaway, Conqueror
15. Badlands (2015) - Halsey
Songs to Listen: Colors, New Americana, Roman Holiday, Gasoline
16. Save Rock and Roll (2013) - Fall Out Boy
Songs to Listen: Alone Together, Miss Missing You, Where Did the Party Go, Just One Yesterday
17. MADE (2016) - Big Bang
Songs to Listen: Last Dance, Loser, Bae Bae, Sober (WHOLE ALBUM IS WORTH IT)
18. Freudian (2017) - Daniel Caesar
Songs to Listen: Japanese Denim, Best Part, Blessed, We Found Love
19. CLAPCLAPCLAP! (2019) - IV of Spades
Songs to Listen: My Juliana, Dulo ng Hangganan, Come Inside of My Heart, Bawat Kaluluwa
20. Move (2017) - Taemin
Songs to Listen: Love, Move, Flame of Love, Rise (THE WHOLE ALBUM IS A MUST LISTEN GRR)
21. Play (2014) - Akdong Musician
Songs to Listen: Give Love, Melted, On the Subway, Don’t Hate Me
22. Red (2012) - Taylor Swift
Songs to Listen: All Too Well, The Lucky One, Starlight, I Almost Do
23. Four (2014) - One Direction
Songs to Listen: 18, Fool’s Gold, Fireproof, Girl Almighty
24. ÷ (2017) - Ed Sheeran
Songs to Listen: Dive, How Do I Feel, Hearts Don’t Break Around Here, Nancy Mulligan
25. Overexposed (2012) - Maroon 5
Songs to Listen: Payphone, Daylight, Beautiful Goodbye, Sad
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To be honest, this post is long overdue (lol). I think I made this post way past December 2019, an ode to the 2010′s and enter 2020 with the bang. But I guess, 7 months into quarantine, I think it was the other way around. Despite that, I hope y’all guys are safe in this difficult time. Wear a mask. Do preventive measures.
Text messages and phone calls left straight into voicemail.
At this rate, you know that you are at the endgame.
A game where nobody wins, because you let it go on the open.
One day you'll understand, why you did such foolish act.
Babe, it is not your fault. You are a gem, a one of a kind.
You deserve someone—not just a soulmate, someone who will make you feel that you are worthy of such love despite of your flaws because honestly, you are worth such a risk.
I hope you find that love, dear.
For now, learn to love yourself. When you do, the universe would open up and give you such grace and blessings because who knows? Love is always right around the corner.
Or maybe love has already found you; the one true vessel that changes everything you know about and makes you wonder how life isn't predictable and that makes it more interesting.
Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: A Eulogy
We were all told that each and every one of us has an afterlife. Or so I thought. After our last breath, we are all stuck at this point—a point where no one knows for sure unless we’ve been through one. A black hole, perhaps. After all that we have done in this temporal world, is this all we’ve left for us? An ambiguity, a big question mark that would definitely tell us on what kind of person we were on the time we are still alive.
Our lives aren’t long; we are counted by the days that we lived in. I, for a fact, now know that awful truth. We are just being numbered. But I know for sure that although we are being numbered, we must not forget our mission and passion that we must put on this world, and no matter pain hinders us down, we must make our lives worth it, and this is that story.
Leaning towards the memory lane, I saw that life was really that devastating. It is unfair. There are a lot to remember, along with the little victories and shortcomings, spontaneous adventures and misadventures, and yet, they all feel insufficient. Time, is never enough. They say that we only regret things that we should have done in the end. And you know what? They are right. I suppose that a lifetime is not enough to compensate all of our desires yearning in our hearts and souls.
To be honest, these regrets will end up burning into oblivion once we vanquished. And these regrets are often long forgotten by the person, such as I, but will always resurface in our afterlife. I often regret all those wasted moments in my life where I was stuck in my own comfort zone, knowing that I would be just fine once I get out of the box. I regret for not standing up for my own beliefs that would not just benefit others, but for myself too. I regret not choosing the choices—the ones I’m really passionate about, but instead I let other dictate for it instead. I regret not telling more “I love yous” and “sorrys” to my parents and loved ones because they deserved it more than anything in the world. I regret that I ran away to the responsibilities given to me, instead of just pursuing them. In short, life was full of regrets and risks and those are the instances that we must strive for the better.
Living, is probably a brave and daring act when we come to think of it, because some people don’t live, they just survive. Although for me, even though life gives us lemons, we have the power to make it lemonades. Fulfillment is a part of one’s journey to life, and we must be credited for that. I have a fair share of fulfillment and regrets, although I’m still waiting for those fulfillment because let’s face it: future’s not bright anymore for me. One thing’s for sure that I’m really fulfilled is that my family never abandoned me, even through my lowest times. I’m not the type of person who easily opens up to my family whenever I’m having a crisis, but their presence alone make them disappear. It was only during this past year that I realized that there is more to life than studying and making friends in general. We were told that when we are too busy growing up, we forget that our parents grows old as well. So, we must take our part in growing with them through the years.
But when you’re gone, who remembers your name? Who keeps your flame? Who tells your story? That is a line from the musical Hamilton, and this is the point where the character tells to the audience that when we die, who are the people that will keep our legacy? Who will keep our flame? Who will tell our narratives?
For starters, I am Aliyah and I am proud to say that I have a bright personality, to the extent that my friends would shut me up because of my noisiness, but I don’t blame them because I do. I like critically acclaimed films, but period dramas would always have an ache to my heart. I like Chemistry and Biology more than Physics but I try my best to cope up with that subject. My calling in life would be is to become a doctor, especially to the poor. My dream place is Paris and my goals in life is to be there physically someday. Here’s a secret: if given the chance, I would like to pursue in studying film and to become one of the people who work behind the camera.
And if I would ask on how should I be remembered, I tell you this: she is the girl who would easily grab your attention because she’s laughing so hard in a light joke. She’s the girl who would sing every word you spat out because she’s just having it. She’s the one who would make you laugh as well because of her carelessness. Basically, it’s the little things in life that we all should be remembered for. It’s the ones that would sting our hearts, make us bittersweet and nostalgic, and feel that we’re humans with a highly developed feelings and rational thinking, somehow. A temporal human making an imprint and touching one’s heart and soul to our loved ones.
“How will I ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?” –John Green, Looking for Alaska
We all struggle to set free of the chains, labyrinths and perpetual cycle of endlessness of everything. We are all prisoners of our human mind, just as Greek philosophers said. We try to cope up and take a leap forward into freedom, but as always, there has been hindrances that we encounter thus ended up not doing so. As humans, I firmly believe that we are not really free, but we can escape through it. Although we have our specific purpose in life, one of which is genuine freedom, we have to have steps in order to attain it. Our whole existence is constructed on the burden of society, where all of it is for the survival of the fittest. We have wings to spread it so wide across the horizon, but the society would always want to cut it in every way as possible.
We are not really free. We think we are, but we don’t, but what makes us unique to other species is that we can think—rationally and emotionally. When we think the art of being free, it is very subjective because it is a case-to-case definition. Some may feel they are free, simply because of their grandiose of material things, while some feel the opposite. Some may say that they are contended, and others feel empty that they would seek more what life has to offer. So, it varies often. Because of society, we are trapped in the abyss of constriction, we are not accepted until one has to step up and fight for their rights. We feel the same struggles throughout the history of mankind, but only now where we felt change in small steps.
The thing is, in one way of another, we can get out the labyrinth of suffering. In Looking for Alaska, the protagonist chose the ‘straight and fast’ way, but one I would agree to is the other protagonist meaning of the labyrinth is to forgive. “Our choices are free only if our thought is free, and our thought is free only if it is properly informed.” We are free to the extent that we are knowingly and intentionally able to make choices. Although we are influenced by internal and external factors, which are both inevitable, we can reflect and attempt to compensate our limitations to achieve genuine freedom, once and for all.
In the morning, you would always find the scent and the aroma of fresh brewing coffee somewhere outside your apartment. Men in suits as well as women, lining up in the nearby coffee house. You observe, on how much busy their lives are, and wonder what would it be if you are in their feet. You simply wake up, drink a glass of water and head to the bathroom. There are so many things in your mind right now, thinking your best possibility in your job or in school. You think about your unrequited love, in all those years chasing but ultimately, knowing that he isn't the one for you. You freshen up, take a quick shower and headed to the linen where you will pick your outfit of the day. It's an endless cycle, you say. About your daily life and imagine what would it be if it weren't. You finally got your clothes. It's the one you wore the other week, your mind stated. But, you wouldn't mind because people wouldn't mind either. So you just shake it off. You did your make-up, the usual one that is just simple and presentable. You feel good about yourself. You will do good today, your heart reminded. Then, when you look at the clock, it's almost 7:00 am. You are running late for your 8:00 am work and you need some caffeine before you start the day. You contemplate whether what kind of shoes you are wearing, so you decided to go on with the flats. You get your essential things such as keys and your mobile phone and headed outside.
Then, you did stop by in your nearby coffee house. By entering, you smell the welcoming scent and aroma of the coffee beans, lining up just like men and women in suits and ordered your usual drink, and start your day just like everyone else.
i am not really much okay these days. i’ve been experiencing panic attacks and palpitations that’s really messing my mind. i try to reciprocate these things, but it doesn’t help. and that’s the time i much know that there might be days that you are in your lowest, that even these simple things bother you the most, are impeccably, normal. i hope that you will see light in amidst of the darkness, the diamond in the rough and the rainbow in the rain. well, i am still learning a lot in myself, and there has been many things i will discover about myself as time went on, but i assure you: i am fine. i am just experiencing things that are foreign and new to me, but i will be okay. i know that God must be putting me in this kind of position to know that His’ love is strong and mighty, and all that we can do is to have trust and faith in Him. i’m having a rough week despite of positive outcomes, but, oh well! these hormones are messing my body, but, who to blame?
that is a question that is often asked by people who wants to understand our deeper knowledge of reality, and how we use it to find what we truly are; even if it doesn’t exist in our world. we often find answers to this kind of question in the deepest and darkest part of our minds, like a labyrinth, there are complicated mazes in able to get the answers. it reaches in your soul—it opens another dimension that you thought you don’t have; but in the first place, it was always there. it eases you, it gives you a peace of mind and it makes you feel like you are alright.
writing is like a cup of coffee that you sip in amidst of the rain, it is the crooked smile of a stranger while you are walking towards your destination. it is the smell of hamburgers of a nearby restaurant that you like to eat most of the time, it is the dim light in your house—the kind of light wherein you would dance in slow jazz music. it is the eye contact of your lover that makes you feel that you are their own universe. it is the chatter of people in the middle of the street; their hellos and goodbyes makes it so significant to you.
it’s on the littlest of things that makes people write wholeheartedly; no masks, no uncertainty, just words of sincerity and purity of hearts—even though flawed, but that makes it so special. it’s your own story.
This post is kind of new to my blog because most of my entries are essays and poems. But it’s okay—because new writings = better content in my blog.
I’ve been MIA this couple of months because school already started and I’m in FEU Alabang! I really really miss my former classmates in Paranaque Science High School, but I guess I need some new air and get out of my comfort zone. Speaking of which, our Personal Development teacher, Ms. Grace Nezortado, asked us to take care of our chosen plant for the whole school year. Well, this plant of mine is already been taken cared off by my grandfather, but I guess taking good care of Peace Lily is now one of my responsibilities.
Spathiphyllum is a genus of about 40 species of monocotyledonous flowering plants in the family Araceae, native to tropical regions of the Americas and southeastern Asia. They are most common by the name of “Peace Lily.” Now I already get why it was called Peace Lily because it’s attraction to the viewer. Its pure and immaculate form makes it beautiful. That is why you can see beauty everywhere even in the simplest of things.
I am looking forward to this assignment as the weeks go by. I hope I can do my responsibility in taking good care of my plant. As for now, here is the status of the Peace Lily for this week.
Here is my “Life Lately” update:
• My Parsci friends and I went to watch Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral last weekend and it’s my second time watching it; first with my family, but the feels are still there. Better cinematography + better screenwriting + acting = beautiful movie.
• Also, we watched Crazy Rich Asians and I’m sobering for good! I love how they represent Asians in the Hollywood scene because let’s face it: Asians doesn’t get much credit in the movie industry.
• I am super addicted to the rendition of Yellow by Katherine Ho, which was used in the latter part of the CRA. Even though I don’t know what the lyrics mean, it speaks to the heart and soul.
• First week of school is great! We also had the Kick-Off Party which was held on Sept. 18, 2018 which featured the appearances of SUD, Hale and Mayonnaise. #SupportOPM
• I met my classmates and I’m super happy! I can’t wait for the future endeavors that we would cherish as senior high school students!
Think about it: we don’t really know what happiness is. Each and every one of us has a variety of versions of it. Some may say it is their family, their fortune, a place, a special someone and much more. But here is my version of happiness: it is you.
Happiness doesn’t show up right away–it has to be cultivated, grow, discover and create. It’s a decision of one’s mind: the decision to be happy. Happiness was never about other people’s rights about you. It is within you. You have to own your thoughts and make it as your own. You’ll realize that you do not need someone to be dependent on searching your own happiness because at the start of your journey you are actually discovering your path to happiness. You’ll understand that happiness is not about material things—but rather, they are the ones that matter you the most that are not measurable by money or fame.
There will come a time that you will know that happiness is always the hope in the amidst of adversity, it is the flame that rekindles your frozen soul, it is the countless stars in the galaxy that you never thought that they would twinkle again. It is following the beats of your heart. It is searching for somewhere unknown. It is finding something new and letting go of the brutal past.
I say to you, happiness is always being kinder to yourself. It is embracing the person you are becoming and never be afraid of it. It is showing the world that you care for yourself and to others as well.
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