word garbage
what is this that i am trying to say
to you
who?
all of this passion just builds right behind my ribs
a warm burning sensation like a small creature
sitting inside my chest cavity
breathing in
breathing out
calm when it sleeps
but when it wakes
it stretches out as far as it can
it reaches for the muscles and tendons
surrounding it
it latches onto them
and pulls them in toward it
causing a tightness in my chest
an empty pit in my stomach
a message sent to brain
telling me to work
to push
to create
to do something
but what?
CREATE
SOMETHING
ANYTHING
but where to begin?
what is the starting point?
the motivation?
even making something abstract needs a starting point
the first stroke
then a second
what does it mean
where to go next
the warm, fuzzy little beast in my chest cavity kicks his foot at my ribcage
reminding me
telling me
scolding me
>>>> create
i know <<<< i say
but what? <<<<
he stays silent
patiently waiting for me to follow his suggestion
every so often pulling the tendons and muscles a bit closer
like tugging on the blankets
my body is his bed
my insides are his duvet
and my lack of ideas are sitting on his bed, holding the covers captive
he tugs on them to keep warm
to keep the creative fire inside me burning
tug
tug
tug
tugging
reminding me that its time to DO
not to think about what to do
JUST
DO
so i sit at my desk
i think
paint?
pastel?
what?
where?
>> STOP
he tugs assertively
right.
stop thinking
j
u
s
t
d
o
i try to turn of my mind and just let it melt out of me
i pick up a brush
dabble it in a color
and i draw that
first
stroke
and then another
the brush hits another color
and then the paper
i feel the reigns inside of me loosen
he must be slowly falling back asleep
he's done his job
i am
(finally)
c r e a t i n g